I've been battling this since my almost 5 year old was born. My mil and fil along with my sils and husband are always so determined to get together that regardless of illness they get together. The hardest part for me to understand is how I can take my kids to the library, children's center, or store and not get sick but EVERY family get together results in illness. Even in the summer! We get stomach bugs, RSV, nasty colds, I even had hand foot and mouth go through my 3 kids at the time. This weekend brings about another get together.....I want to keep my kids home off the pure fact that we still have coughs from 4 weeks ago when my sil and mil failed to inform us that our nephew had a fever and cough before we drove 2.5 hours to visit (it's been slowly working through our family of 6.). Last night I found out another nephew has a nasty cold that will be attending. My husbands sister is visiting from far away so he's insistent. What do I do!? I'm so tired of this battle and being left at home with the sick kids upon our return ( onset of a few days to be specific.)
I should add, we have four kiddos and are expecting our fifth. I've offered to let my spouse go alone and he got very upset. While this particular sil does live quite far away currently do to her husbands job, she come homes home a few times every year with her kids.
Like I said, we are never sick when at home. The cousins are always sick. It seems perpetual! Maybe that's why the sils do see a problem with it. We've had to start planning get togethers with my family beforehand now due to transfer of sickness before we even know.
My personal line in the sand with this stuff: I stay home when it's a stomach bug or fever, but I go if it's a cold. If I kept my kids home anytime we are going somewhere that someone might have a cold, we'd never leave the house.
how weird. i mean, dragging along kids with fevers, diarrhea and vomiting would be wrong, but i can't imagine putting the kabosh on ALL family get-togethers because of it. what on earth is going on in the family that is causing such violent illnesses?
i mean, if you want to deprive your kids of the opportunity to spend time with family, by all means keep them home, but it's very hard to fathom that your in-laws are so grody that your kids are being bombarded with bugs they don't encounter at school and during the regular rounds of life.
rather than sequestering i'd certainly look at boosting my family's collective immune system.
khairete
S.
Ok, so my family is like your "sick family". I've always got a snotty kid (cold, allergies) or whatever. And my hubby's family is spread far out so ANY get together is a big deal. So our family rule is if there is a fever, puking or diarrhea...stay home. All else is fair game. Colds are always going to be around and kids are going to be exposed to lots of different germs/bacteria. That's just life. Just last month I had to stay home with our 2 y/o because he had hand, foot and mouth (fever rule applied here). Did I hate missing out? You bet. And he didn't get to play with his cousins who he hardly ever sees.
I hate having sick kids, but if it's just a cold...go! Don't let them miss out on family time.
Do you know that most illnesses are in your body before symptoms present? So it's not likely that if they get sick immediately after coming home from an event with family that that's where they got it. Unless of course it's food poisoning or something.
And what is up with the germs? Do you all have weak immune systems? Does his family not take care of themselves? I just can't imagine that everyone doesn't get sick from them everywhere they go if this is the case.
If you all have had coughs for 4 weeks now, you should be seeing a doctor. And it really seems like everyone needs to get on the same page. Sick people stay away, healthy people enjoy.
we always end up with sickness after the holiday gatherings. we have missed christmas with dh's g-ma 2 years in a row because of it (that gathering is the last of 4 and usually by then 3 out of 4 of us are fevered or vomiting.) we are considering only going to that last gathering this year...
its not wrong to keep your kids home. but if its only a cold going around i would go. BUT with you being pregnant and not having many options to help yourself thru the cold you may get i would err on the side of cautious and definitely stay home
Colds are just never ending around these parts - snot, coughs and that kind of thing are just the norm. My kids could spend a few days at home with me getting them well, only for me to send them to school when healthy and the kid sitting next to them will look normal but already have next bug going around. It's really a never losing battle so I gave up.
Mine required puffers and antibiotics (asthmatic and ear infections) so I hear you. But colds .. are a losing battle. If it's going around, mine will get it - and they are healthy otherwise. Mine are in sports and activities as well as school - they'd basically have to be sealed in a bubble to not catch something.
Fevers and serious illnesses - I would abstain and I think that would be acceptable. Colds, I think you'll have to suck it up. For the sake of your husband. Me and my friends cancel dates if our kids are sick but that's us. We can see each the following week though. An out of town family member .. not so easy.
Your kids never get sick from the library, children's center or stores? They just get sick at your inlaw's family events? Believe me when your 5 yr old goes to school he'll/she'll be bringing home stuff all the time.
Go and let the kids play. Wash their hands from time to time during the day and again when you get home. Its a cold not the plague.
My aunt and uncle would do this. Bring my snotty nosed cousin when she was sick to all the parties and my mom and I would end up out of work for a week after. We finally, literally, yelled at them and said that if they were sick to stay home and we would all reschedule. That worked for us but we all lived close by each other.
Your husband isn't being reasonable. If your SIL comes home several times a year then it isn't like years and years goes by without seeing her and her kids. So I think you need to just talk to him. It's not like you are making it up so he should understand. Good luck.
Nope - you're not wrong at all.
Actually I'd not be driving anywhere for 2.5 hrs (and then back again) more than once or twice per year - like 4th of July - and it's too much during the school year.
Time to make your own traditions at home, have the kids get more busy with their own friends/activities and quit it so much with the family visits.
I hate family living on each others door steps.
What do you do?
Have Hubby sit with the sick kids and tell him visits with his sisters family isn't worth trashing his OWN KIDS health.
If Hubby wants to visit his sister - he can go himself and leave everyone one else out of it.
In the mean time - have your kids wash their hands A LOT - and try having them not be in the same room as the sick nephew.
Boost your immune systems, eat healthy and take some Airborne before going to visit (or having them over).
I realize that kids get sick a lot since they are building their immune systems, but to catch every bug out their seems like you are the ones that are unhealthy.
I am sure they get exposed in school and every other public place they go to.
If we're hosting and one of us is sick, we cancel. If we hear that someone else is sick but plans to come, we ask them to stay home. If the other hosting household is sick or we know of sick attendees, we don't go.
My sister and I recently had to speak to our much younger brother and SIL for not being mindful of illnesses. They invited our mother over for dinner, which would typically be unremarkable, except they didn't think anything about their little one having an awful congestive cold at the time.
Our mother is medically fragile. The last time she caught a common cold that most people would consider merely annoying, she ended up in the hospital for two weeks and almost died. We had to tell them DO NOT bring a sick child around an immune compromised person. It never occurred to them, but they were more defensive than anything, which means I need to specifically ask about their health each time before we gather. This will include holidays. Yes, it may suck, but no gathering is worth getting sick over. Everyone can enjoy their own nuclear family at home instead.
And so - my advice to you is to keep inquiring about other's health and DO NOT ATTEND this weekend or others when people are sick.
No, you're not wrong but these are NOT just your kids. He has a right to take them anywhere he wants. You don't have to go but if he wants to take them he has every right to tell them to go get in the vehicle and leave and go with or without you.
If he really wants to go see his sister and take the kids then there isn't much you can do except ask him to consider your point of view. If he decides it's not one he agrees with then he can go with the kids and you accept that on this matter you guys don't agree.
Sounds like too much travel and family visiting with lots of little kids for my taste illnesses or not. Strike a balance. You don't HAVE to go just because he gets very upset. Honestly he should be able to go see his family by himself once in a blue moon. And if you do go, you don't have to go to the next thing. Say no to the things where people are sick. Agree to a reasonable amount of things. You guys have set the pace now of showing up to every gathering hell or high water so it will be hard to switch it up, but unless you want to do this forever, start weaning the visits down to a manageable amount.
On one hand, this is the time in a child's life where they are repeatedly exposed to germs / bugs / viruses at school and play and church and social gatherings. Family included. This is the period of their lives where the immune system is learning to battle off all that and they do NEED exposure.
I can't wholeheartedly blame just the in-laws side of the family for all your health woes and exposure.
Like Suz below, start looking at ways to boost your immunity, with good hot healthy soups and lots of fresh fruits/veggies. Make sure they wash their hands thoroughly before eating and before leaving. And by all means, if someone is violently ill you have every right to request they should not be included, or you could leave the social gathering to protect yourselves. But most people do and can withstand exposure to mild colds/coughs.
No it is not wrong for wanting to keep your kids home so that they stay well. But you also have other family that they need to know and enjoy.
Do you have a "sterile" environment at home? One that you keep clean so that you can eat of the floors? If so you are probably killing off many of the germs that your children need to grow a healthy immune system. An over clean house can be as bad as a very dirty house in providing a means to create an immune system. Do find a way to build up everyone's system so that you can tolerate and go places. Get a good doctors physical and speak with him about your issues. Use real soap not the anti-bacterial stuff and wash with it for bathing.
Meet with hubby and compromise on visits to the family. You don't have to go to every occasion but you do need to go to some of them. Make a list of which ones are more important and then skip the others. They are his children, too.
Have a good holiday season and a safe and speedy delivery of your new addition.
the other S.
