Advice on How to Get My Two Month 3 Week Old Baby to Sleep

it sounds like you are doing everything you can. I have a 5 month old that STILL does not like to lay down in her crib or pack n play for a daytime nap but will sleep on her own at night...if you find something that works let me know the secret too!!!

Hang in there!!! it will get better :)

Hi M.!

I know how frustrating it can be when your babe won't nap...it will get better! If seemed for us that naps started getting a lot better at around 3.5-4 months, and really got consistent at 6 months (AM/PM naps for 1.5-2 hours and a cat nap in the early evening until about 7.5 months). They stayed pretty consistent until around a year, once we transitioned to one nap, she slept a little longer at night and her one nap is 2-3 hours (although she DEFINITELY has her off days!! ;)). So this may be a little long, but this is what we did:

From very early on, we followed the pattern of Eat, Awake, Sleep. The awake and sleep times both varied A LOT at the beginning, but we did that pattern always. We did NOT do that for bedtime/middle of the night feedings - if she fell asleep then, that was fine. We "swayed" her to sleep until she was just over 5 months old. By then, it was taking MUCH longer to get her to sleep (up to 1.5 hours often at night), and it wasn't working for us as a family anymore. We did a modified CIO (more like the Ferber thing, checking on her at intervals), and bedtime crying only lasted 2 nights. Naps were tougher...sometimes a "nap" would just be fussing and no sleeping! But, when we got her up, I'd nurse, make sure she stayed awake (easier said than done!) and we'd do things to keep her awake until the next nap period (no long car rides or time in the swing). It was a tough week or so, but so worth it in the end. She ultimately became MUCH more rested, and LOVES going to sleep in her bed now! She will often tell us, "nigh-night!"...even when we are rocking and reading! We did swaddle tightly (aden-anais makes a terrific swaddle blanket that is HUGE!) until about 6 months, ad then she started rollin' around. We still wrap her loosely and she snuggles with another one. She LOVES her nigh-night blankets!

About the pacifier: we used a paci until about 8 months, and then DD pulled it out of her mouth (quite demonstratively!) and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Oh well! Anyway, until then, we used a "binky buddy" - now, there's one that a woman created that essentially ties the binky to the face...NOT THAT ONE!! www.binkybuddyusa.com is the good one. It is a soft fabric holder for the paci that you can tuck into a swaddle or the carseat straps. They can still lose the paci, but probably less likely when they are really little. I think there was a demo video. Again, just make sure you aren't looking at the strap one - it looks SUPER dangerous!

Books we read: Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child and Babywise (Babywise is super controversial, but we found some good tips in there - mainly the pattern of things that we followed). I don't regret rocking her to sleep while we did, and feel good about her knowledge of our love for her. She is a happy well-adjusted toddler...well, as much as can be expected!! LOL!

Take care,
R.

It's been my experience that it is perfectly normal for babies to need assistance in going to sleep. All 3 of my kids were that way. After my first, I thought I would do something to change that for subsequent children, but I read something (can't remember what) that assured me that it was best to nurse my babies to sleep. I wish I could provide more help or advice! <3

Hey M.,
May I suggest the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD? It's about an hour long and is very easy to implement and brings great results.

I have a 2-yr-old AND a newborn. The new baby is bottle/formula fed (wanted 2 nurse, didn't happen...long story about my labor/delivery, bottom line, new baby was a NICU baby, so they HAD to bottle feed her. I couldn't pump/nurse until almost 2 days later), so that is a HUGE help. My husband, mom, mother-in-law, brother, and other friends have helped with feedings. It's a Godsend to be able to bottle feed, seriously.

Maybe you could pump/nurse so you can bottle feed the new baby, or so that someone else can do a feeding? Also, when it comes to your older child not sleeping/napping right now, it could just be 'cuz the baby's taking over his turf. Have patience, be consistent, and hands down, sometimes U just have to let them get upset. They HAVE to learn that they can't get their way, and they'll waste energy trying SO hard to get YOU to bend anyway, so just let them wear themselves out. Also, there are times when the BEST THING you can do is NOTHING!

Your newborn could also be going thru a growth spurt (3 weeks, 8 weeks, 3 mos., 6 mos., etc.), so that could also be the reason why he's being difficult right now. There were a few times when my newborn would wake up crying, then after a few minutes, she'd just nod herself back to sleep. Go figure :)

Do you have any family/close friends who can just come over and play/babysit your older child so that you can focus on you and your newborn? If not, start looking into Mommy and Me groups (church, community center, library, local Barnes/Noble, etc.), and before U know it, you'll have total strangers as your closest friends. Do NOT be afraid to ask for help when you're overwhelmed, everyone adjusts to the transition differently. Don't second-guess yourself; YOU are your kids' Mother, and you're doing a WONDERFUL job no matter what gets or doesn't get done every day. Lack of sleep sucks, I know. Even when you're tired, try getting out for a walk around your block, or go to the park and just hang out. For one thing, it'll tire out your older kid as he works off pent-up energy, and your newborn will get fresh air that will make HIM sleep more, too. Just keep putting your newborn down while he's even half-asleep so that he learns to calmly go to sleep on his own. I always make sure that MY new baby is dry, has burped, and is drowsy enough for us to put her down.

The adjustment from 1-to-2 kids is STILL and adjustment for me, and I tell myself that at the end of the day, I'm exhausted, but ultimately, my kids are safe, healthy, and under MY roof with me.

I hope I was helpful, sorry if I came off judgmental or critical, just being honest. Before U know it, the baby will be 6 months old and will be going through OTHER ups/downs w/ growth/development. Just tell yourself that "this too shall pass" and just roll with it. What OTHER choice is there but to roll with it? You're doing a wonderful job just by loving them and being worried :)

He's about to hit a growth-spurt. 3 Months is a growth spurt time. It can arrive earlier sometimes. With a growth-spurt a baby gets hungrier.

He may be just hungry. My kids were like that as babies when they were: Hungry, hitting a growth-spurt, and teething and hitting developmental changes or hitting milestones. These ALL tweak sleep ability and length of sleeping.

Are you producing enough milk? Is he latching on properly? If not, he will still be hungry, thus not able to sleep.

At growth spurt periods, they also often "cluster feed" meaning they feed MORE and MORE often.
Are you feeding him on demand?

Each baby is different with different needs. But one thing is, and what I found with my friends babies... was that if they were not getting enough intake, they never slept well nor happily. During growth-spurts, a baby needs more intake to keep up with their growing body. More quantity in other words, and more often. Let him nurse as long as he needs to and will... you can also try nursing him on BOTH breasts, at each feeding. That is what I did... my kids had HUGE appetites.

Not all babies or kids sleep perfectly. You are not a "bad" Mom. Just find out what your baby needs... and provide that. He is too young to be sleep "trained." He needs either feedings or comfort.

I know its hard with 2 kids. I went through that... but what helps is to have a ROUTINE with BOTH kids... each one with their own "schedule" as to when they nap and go to bed. AND, have your husband help! He can help with the eldest child. That is imperative. You need to tend to the baby after all.

All the best,
Susan

Go to www.3daysleep.com and get Davis' video. She teaches 'you' how to teach your baby to sleep without ANY sleep crutches (no swings, rocking, driving in the car, etc...). I put my baby in her crib and walk out of her room and she puts herself to sleep - AND she is the happiest baby!!! She is amazing and it will be the BEST $$ you ever spend!
Good luck :)

All babies like to feel their mommy is near, it's normal. Kids who fall asleep on their own are forced to cry it out and eventually give up. Remember that this is a stage and soon enough your child will sleep fine on his own. I would suggest wearing your baby in a sling to nap and cosleeping at night.

I nursed all four of mine to sleep and they have no bad sleep habits now. They are all secure, independent, happy, can lay down to go to sleep on their own. If you'd like to nurse your baby to sleep, go for it! It's some of our favorite memories. If you really do not want to nurse him to sleep, you can wear him in the sling until he falls asleep. Thinking of it from the child's perspective, what can be more blissful than to drift to sleep in mom's arms? But each baby is different, and to sleep train him because his older brother is a "terrible sleeper/napper" might not necessarily be best. You've already noticed that this one is more laid back.

Each one of mine had a rough patch right around three months, when the digestive system is maturing, they're reaching some growth milestones, and becoming significantly more alert. "Nighttime Parenting" and/or "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears have great information.

All of mine are two years apart and it can feel so challenging. What worked well for us is to create a good household rhythm (not schedule) and work in a natural calming/quiet time in the period approaching their nap. (Also remember their nap times shift as they get older, it's a fluid thing.) Plan for some good active time (expansion) and then a calming, centering time (contraction) building up to naptime. Perhaps leave older brother with some coloring, modeling beeswax or play doh, paper to tear into little bits. Give yourself a little break by not necessarily trying to get them both to nap at the same time, let older brother have some special big brother time, a little extra time just for him to play, while you put younger brother to bed.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your kids. Biologically, babies are designed to wake easily and frequently. They would not have survived long in ancestral times if they slept soundly through approaching danger. Also, their little bodies are changing and growing at enormously huge speeds, much of which happens at night while the body's energies are not being expended in mental and physical activities. In 13 years of parenting, and having been on dozens of lists with thousands of moms, I'd estimate that less than 2% had babies they could just lay down and they'd go to sleep. Not without some form of sleep training, which is not really in line with our ancestral development. So rest assured your kids are in the vast (normal) majority of babies/kids.

Take care
S.