Advice on Going Gray Gracefully

why not try highlights? I did it as I was going gray, and there really is little maintainence...every 2-3 months touch up. don't know where you live, but if in Bellmore, there is a great beauty shop Krazee Kuts. on merrick road opposite the dunkin donuts....see CASEY she is the best!

Hi, C.:

There's a book called "Going Gray" by Anne Kreamer that might be helpful.

Do what feels right for YOU.

Good for you. I thought I was the only woman who doesn't color her hair! No suggestions from me, but I'll be interested to see what people tell you. Have you asked your hair stylist?

In the mean time use a dye that washes out in a few washes
or a pencil to fill in the grays.

C.

Try highlights - I will be 50 soon and I do not see my self every 6 weeks in for touchups or do I have the time - the highlights blend in with the gray (I am a brunette)so it seems softer - in the summer the highlighs are blonders now they are much softer and closer to me color - but find someone good. It is not cheap but it last for me about 3/4 months.

Good Luck

I have found that some natural highlights help to camoflage the grays. I have used the cap method versus foiling so you only get a few, small highlights on top. Talk to your hairdresser about it. And of course a good cut does wonders.

Hi C.,

Good for you for taking charge of how you appear!

First, I recommend you decide what is the most important things in first impressions that you want to make, write it down so you keep it clear to yourself, and then how much time and money you will budget to get that. Hair can have surprise costs in both time adn money if you don't make some choices about it up front.

Here's what I did, if it helps, great. If it doesn't, then never mind.

I was frustrated when I was young, I was in a man's technical world (military) went gray at 26, and was grateful since I was in a technical job, low credibilty because I was young and female, and looked like I was 16 otherwise. So I left it go gray naturally, cut it to be professional and go well with the graying process. that was a brilliant decision and it paid in promotions and credibilty with first impressions.

At 32, I moved to consulting, and for the interviews and through that part of my career, I rinsed my hair strawberry blond (the gray came through as a lighter color, very nice), cut it in a short, professional cut, and I got much more crediblity that way at that age because I no longer looked 16, and the first impressions of hair appearance as energetic, simple and neat, were critical as a consultant.

My sister had similar fate in the technical world, but because she was blond and pretty, she suffered from people talking in single sylables and simple sentances. So when she went gray, it was MUCH better. Now she gets professioally done highlights in her hair and it's a browner color with some gray.

I don't color my hair anymore, just keep it mid-length and simple and professional, I am 53, get it styled and cut once every 6 weeks or so, use great quality shampoo and conditioners, and the natural differences in color plus good care, make my hair exactly how I like it; simple and framing my face without distractions so people see me, not my hair. I have some white in it now, and the cut is critical to show it off well and elegantly.

Best to you, and if you have detailed questions on what cuts I got, shapes, how the hair highlights itself depending on how you fix it, feel free to email me.

You'll do great! Just keep that list of goals in front of you and it will be easy to focus in and get those effects.

M.

Hi C.,

I had the same situation, but with a switch. When I had my daugther at 26yrs the day after I came out of the hospital I had a white patch of grey hair in the front by my temple. I had intended to go grey natural, but when my husband saw me holding our baby with the gray patch he began laughing. We married out of college and now I was a wife and mother - he said I looked like a little girl playing house. My mother greyed early in her twenties as well. Than my husband began making more money and than I went back to work and began making money. Permenant hair color seems to thin your hair as you get older or helps with the thining process that is already happening.
Anyway that was the last of my growing grey naturally.
I use a rinse every two months - its more gently.

Hi C.
Congrats to hubby for his new position!!! That is great!
Since I was in your shoes for a while I understand completely. It is a very personal thing. I never thought I would dye my hair. We had twins at age 40 and when everyone thought "grandma" was out with the babies, and I began to get more and more depressed I decided to dye my hair. There were certainly more than 12 gray hairs, but it did help my self esteem, and the girls were not hearing I was grandma all the time.
I continue to dye my hair because gray hair is terribly course and is not easy to style. Now people think that I am 40 and I laugh, of course, they are people that don't really know about the older kids.
I started with the kind that will wash out. Figured if I hated it, I could wash it, albeit 7 times and it would be gone. I still dye my hair although I use permanent dye, I only do it about 3 times a year, so that works for me, and never right before a function.
God bless you as you make a decision
K. SAHM married 38 years adult children === 37 coach, 32 lawyer, and 18 yo twins who are in college after years of homeschooling. One majoring in fine arts and the other in journalism.

Put in blonde highlights so that the grey blends in a bit easier...
I hate going gray - but it's up to you what you want to do with your hair...I would also wait and see what other ladies are doing with their hair as well...maybe they're in the same boat as you... ;)

C.,

Go gray naturally sounds wonderful, but it's been my observation that very few women can do this.

You may want to try a temporary color that washes out after a few shampoos; that way you'll only have to color a few times a year for those special events.

I would also suggest a new hair style, especially if you hair is long.

C.,
Let me tell you that dyes don't cover the stupid gray, trust me I am proof and my kids count the grays on my head to bust my chops which they are very good at these days. LOL You can try going to Sally's Beauty store, maybe you will have good luck.
Anyway I am with you I don't wear make up, but over the years I have bleached and dyed my hair. I wanted to be a blonde for a very long time and I was. Two years ago I went back to my natural color, dark brown, but the gray shows up much more and like I said it doesn't cover easily unless you go to a salon which is expensive and time consuming. Let me know what you find out, I would appreciate it. Happy Holidays.
Hugs,
T.

I believe you need to do what makes you feel happy. If you change your hair for your husband or anyone else, you may feel unneeded pressures & stress. Do it for yourself, if it will make you more confident, & happier. The only exception that may force a decision would be if it would have an affect on your job (or maybe even your husbands job).
Getting gray is a natural part of growing older. People should just learn to accept it, & be happy with the way God made them.
Good luck!

Hi C.,
i too am quite a "natural person", intended to go grey gracefully, and yet found myself looking for answers when they became too much to pluck. i agree with the previous posters - i started going gray in my mid 20's, and no matter what i tried the gray was always noticeable. it wouldn't hold dye as well or as long (either home dye or in a salon). And no matter what they/you try, it's very hard to really really match your color, so you end up on the hamster treadmill of going to the salon/drug store every 4-8 weeks (depending on how fast your roots come back in). The worst are when the new greys first come in and they stick straight up from your head (I have straight-as-an-arrow hair, so it was realllllly noticeable!). i would recommend:
1. you tell your husband to get over it. you'll figure out makeup/clothes/etc to be a good socialite, but grey hair is what you have, end of story.
2. if new greys are coming in straight up from your head, trim off the wiry end pieces. (it sounds like you only have a few, so this might help them lie flat and blend in better. i'm beyond that stage, but it helped me in the beginning).
3. experiment with different hairstyles that may hide your greys. though i have grey sprinkled all over, i have 2 clumps/strands of grey near my temples. with some creative styling i can either reveal or hide the most obvious sections.
4. as you know, grey hair - even just a few - can hint at a level of maturity that may actually leave a positive impression on people we meet. i know most of us strive for youth, but on several occasions my greys have helped people feel like i'm older and they can relate to me/trust me. it works for men and yes, it works for women too.
good luck!

I've been seeing gray hairs for a few years now, and so far, it's been pretty easy to pluck them out with eyebrow tweezers. My kids have fun helping out in the back (and yes, ribbing me a bit). They're 12 and 14, though--yours are probably a bit young for that! But maybe your husband would do the back. I agree with a previous poster that a few gray hairs can be attractive. I'm 47, and I'm noticing that a lot of folks I meet through work have a few. Maybe there's a slight trend away from dying? In any case, good luck with it!

M.

Hi C.,

I was wrestling with this same issue, except I am the one in a high-profile sr. management job rather than my husband. I developed grey very early thanks to the DNA from my Dad, so I was coloring it in my early 30s, starting with semi-permanent then to permanent. But once I was in my early 40s I was really questioning the benefit, the cost and the time. But everyone was saying I was too young to go grey and I couldn't figure how how to do it gracefully either. Then, in one of the many blessings of having breast cancer in my mid 40s (last year), I lost it all and was able to make the transition quickly! While I don't recommend this method :), I can tell you I am so happy it is done. I have never had so many compliments on my hair than I have had since it was grey. They have so many products now that help tame the wildness of grey hair. I have naturally curly hair though, so I was used to hair with a mind of its own. It has made my skin and face look brighter than any of the other colors I ever dyed it. I guess if I had not lost it and got to start again I would have gradually gone grey by having it highlighted little by little at the salon until my own grey could just take over and then there would be no need to get it done again. Since I waited so long, though I was about 50% grey. You seem wise and you've gotten some good advice. I know you will figure it out. I just wanted to encourage you that I suspect you will not regret it one bit.

Hi C.,

I am breathing a sigh of relief knowing that I'm not the only one concerned about the greys. Mine are on the hairline, and as one mother said, I just got tired of kids thinking "grandma" is here to pick them up from school. I, too, am a SAHM with a husband who is working hard to bring home the bacon. He's an executive, and there are company functions that I attend as well. Frankly, I feel better about myself when the grey is covered. I'm just not ready to face it, although I think it's absolutely beautiful to see a fully grey-haired woman wearing it well. It's the transition that concerns me. I used a semi permanent color, but I'm not totally satisfied with that either. I have to use it about every three weeks. That can't be a healthy practice. I digress. All this to say, if you want to do it, do it for yourself, not for anyone else, even if it's hubby. The bottom line is that you have to feel good about your decision, or it'll be something else that's "not quite right". Another thing, if you're against the coloring/hiding of the greys, be adventurous and try a nice new cut that will effectively hide them.

Good luck, don't sweat it, and enjoy the holidays!