Advice for a 1St Time Mom on Several Issues Concerning a 3 Yr Old Boy??

I would suggest taking some parenting classes. Usually your social services department or a large church can suggest some classes that are being offered in your area.

Also, just focusing on 1 or 2 issues at a time can be a big help. For example, start with the bed time/sleeping in his own bed issue and when you are making progress on that, then start working on the potty issue. Too much at once it overwhelming for a little guy and mom too!!

God Bless,
A.

In regards to potty training...my DS had a tough time with learning to use the potty. He was very sensitive to any power struggle, hated taking any suggestions from me aas to when to sit on the potty, etc. Add to that his sensory processing disorder that made him unable to tell when he had to go to the bathroom and we had a very frustrating time of potty learning. Here is what finally worked...At the age of just over 3.5 we switched to a treat reward system. At first, he would get a treat (single piece of candy like a Rolo or similar) if he chose to try the potty when I asked him. Then as he became more willing to try and had some limited success I started only offering the treat when he actually produced something on the potty. Once he was consistently peeing we started using the treats just for going #2. Once everything was going well for him he simply started forgetting to ask for the treat more often until 1 day he never thought to ask again. The thing I liked about this sysstem was that I never felt I needed to prssure him to go potty. I would ssimply say, "Time to try the potty before we go out." And if he said "No" then I would just say, "OK, I guess you don't want your treat, that's your choice." And pretty soon he would be running off to the potty.

I would encourage you to seek some advice regarding his lack of speech. My brother didn't say anything until he was 3 and then spoke full sentences suddenly one day, but my parents still put him into some speech therapy after that point because of some continued difficulties. The sooner you seek some intervention, if needed, the better off he will be. We did occupational therapy with our DS at that age because of the sensory processing disorder (it was really getting in the way of activities he wanted to participate in) and the therapists worked wonders. I don't really have any advice regarding the sleeping except to say that some kids just need more closeness, especially if their lives have been disrupted a lot by change.

Added thoughts: Does your school district offer any free screening? In MN, we can get free screening anytime from age 3-5 and are required to do it at some point before the child starts school. That way if the child does have delays, he/she may qualify for some free programs through the school district before they are even school age.

It sounds like you have a lot of different things going on.
He doesn't know his name (and these other things) or he won't parrot words back to you when he asks? He should be speaking in sentences and if he's not, I would speak to the pediatrician about a speech evaluation. If he qualifies, he can get speech therapy.
You're confused about why he is sleeping with you? It's because you are letting him. I don't understand how you don't know how it happened. You allowed it. Kids don't do things that you don't allow. Put him in his room, tell him the rule is he stays there and if he doesn't, you can baby gate him in or punish him as you would for other rule breaking. At 3, he is old enough for rules and punishment
Some kids are most resistent to the potty or toilet than others. I'd suggest ditching those pullups. Get cloth training pants, the multi layer thick ones. Some come with a built in waterproof outside, others you need to buy plastic pants (like for cloth diapering) for. Pullups don't feel wet when they go in them. Cloth will teach him what happens when you pee, you get very, very wet. It's good motivation. It's how I trained my son years ago, when he was just turning 3.
Good luck

that's a lot of questions! so here's my two cents. first, if he is peeing in his pullup as soon as you put it on, quit putting them on. pullups are expensive and to me just another diaper. either put underpants on him or let him go commando for a while and see if that changes his mind. sounds to me like he has the system figured out and is working it. when he has an accident on the floor, cheerfully just say, "woops, we had an accident. here's a paper towel, let's clean it up." get him to help you. he should know that peepee goes in the potty, and there are natural consequences when you don't put it where it belongs.

S., if you want him to sleep in his own bed you will have to enforce it. period. no "trying" and then when he starts crying (because he will) giving in. you can choose to put your foot down or you can choose to cave, it just depends on how badly you really want him out of your bed. if you are consistent and enforce new rules, he will adjust. the more you have "tried" and then caved, in the past, the longer it will take for him to adjust. so just be prepared.

as for the talking/developmental stuff, you just have to work with him. talk to him all the time, have conversations with him, ask his opinions. have you actually tried teaching him his colors, abc's? they don't just pick them up magically. sing the abc song to him. ask him while you're driving, "honey what color is that stop sign?" ask him, "can you go get me the BLUE shirt?" incorporate learning into your everyday routine and soon he'll pick up on it. every moment is an opportunity to teach.

As for the speech development- at this age and level of speaking, I think I would get him evaluated for a delay. At the very least, make an appointment with his pediatrician. Before the appointment, make a list of all the words he says. ALL of them. Find out what your doctor thinks, they have guidelines they go by, and if you take in a list of his words, it will help give the doc a good idea of what is going on. In the meantime, just practice with him. Talk to him about every little thing, limit television time, and don't use baby talk.

Now for the sleeping I have a suggestion. He probably is confused or having some separation anxiety from the changes. I don't know when the temporary move was, but that can cause big upsets to a toddler's schedule. Consistency at bedtime is very important. No matter where you are, make his routine the same every single night. Make sure he is getting to bed early enough, and don't let him watch tv in the hour before bed. The flickering lights do something to get them hyper. My son also was having issues with bedtime. He is 27 mos. He used to put himself to sleep from about 15 mos- 21 mos, but then stopped when my husband's job took him out of town. For about 6 months we battled with sleep. I tried getting him his own bed, but that didn't help anything. I had to lay down with him til he fell asleep for nap and bedtime (for up to an hour!) and then every single night he'd end up coming in my room. Finally I tried this:

I would do our nighttime routine of brush teeth, read a book, etc, then I would turn out the light, give him some kisses, and then I told him I was going to go in the other room, but that I would set the timer on microwave for 5 minutes and I would come back to check on him and give him more kisses. I just told him he needed to stay tucked in and I'd be right back and to listen for the beep. I make sure I go back in AS SOON as it beeps and give him kisses, then I tell him the same thing over about coming back. I praise him for staying in bed and just keep reassuring him that I will be right back. I actually set the time for longer than 5 minutes if he seems fairly calm and sleepy when I go back the first time, so that after that I am usually setting it for 7 or 8 minutes. If he calls out for any reason that is real, I go back in before my 5 minutes is up- like if he needs a tissue (he has a cold). If he gets up (which he has only done a couple times) I just put him back in bed, tell him the little speech, kiss and restart the timer. He falls asleep pretty quickly on his own now instead of the half hour or more that it used to take, and he seems to sleep through the night in his own bed if he falls asleep on his own. It has worked every single time, with very little fuss.

I would talk to your son ahead of time and be very excited about how he gets his own bed now. Make it sound like it is exciting for him, not like you are kicking him out of your bed. Get him new sheets that he picks out, or even just a stuffed animal- something to celebrate the big boy bed. Then at bedtime, explain what you are going to do, and stick to it. My son used to panic if I left the room, but now that he knows I am coming back he is fine with it. Good luck!

Parents as Teachers is a wonderful program offered through your school district. Call your local school districts district office and ask who to contact to make an appointment. They come to your house to evaluate your son's development, including his speech. They can give you suggestions on how to deal with the other issues you mentioned. If it is determined he needs extra help with speech, they would let you know how to get the process started.

Parents as Teachers is a FREE resource!

Good luck!