Hi Mamas,
My DH just switched to an overnight work schedule and the adjustment has been tough. He works 3 or 4 12-hour shifts and then has 3 or 4 days off. Initially, I had thought it might not be too bad because I could just pretend he was at work during the day while he's sleeping, but it's tough to tiptoe around the house and try to keep our 8-month-old quiet (and, to some extent, our first-grader when she gets home from school and on weekends, but DH has been getting up around the time she gets home). Meanwhile, the computer is in our bedroom for now until we move to a bigger house in May, so it's tough to get things done on that and it's hard to even get dressed because the bedroom is dark! Then to top it all off, this morning he got home and I was still in bed and the baby started crying to get up, and he just ignored her and climbed into bed. Grrr -- couldn't he at least have changed her diaper while I was getting up?! (That last part is mostly just me venting, as he is a great and very involved dad most of the time). So you other mamas who have hubbies working nights and little ones at home, how do you do it?
Is this permanent or temp? I deal with that rotating Quad schedule, too and actually hate him when he is on nights. It becomes all about them (even more so than usual) Ear plugs and a noise machine for him could help. Hope it gets better when you move to larger living quartes :)
My husband wears ear plugs while he sleeps to help block out the noise. He understands that with 2 kids he has to be the one to create his own silence. :) as for the morning diaper, if it happens again maybe mention it, but I am guessing he was just really tired and not thinking, it is hard to adjust to nights and can take some time before his clock fully resets.
It's quite an adjustment to having a hubby switch to nights. My hubby works 8 days on 6 days off. For a long time there were arguements because I felt like he wasn't helping out around here. I resented him working the late shift because I felt like I was a single parent.
After a while we got into a pattern. I knew to have my stuff out I needed for the day in the living room. I am not going to stop living my life out in the livng room and in the rest of the house.. My kids make noise. I let him sleep most of the day. The trade off is that he gets up and has dinner with us every night. He wears ear plugs and runs a fan if he doesn't want to hear the noise. He also has a dark shade over the window to help him sleep. My hubby was never one to help me out with the kids over night but I knew that. I am always the one who takes care of them when they are sick too but I let him know it's not ok to just jump into bed without helping at all.
Tell your hubby your frustration and tell him you won't put up with it. There has to be some compromise. You need to tell him he has to contribute. Just becasue he is tired doesn't mean he can't help out. You are tired too!
He's going on his 3rd year of 3rd shift. It has made it difficult for me to work but I have since found a job where I can take my children if need be.
It gets better over time but as in all things you have to work at it.
when i read this i was like wow, sounds like my situation to the T! my bf was working 5 days a week during the day, and had the nights and weekends to ourselves. well, my bf just recently got supervisor position at his job, Which i am very pleased about! however, this requires him to take on the night shift which is on weekends. he goes to work at 6:00 PM and arrives back at home at 6:00 AM the following morning. due to this new schedule, just as the women said above, my bf sleeps during the day and usually wakes up around 4:00 pm to do it all over again. which leaves me to care for our 1 month old who is not quiet by any means unless he's sleeping. lol it is hard to adjust to my bf not being here 1. bc i miss him and 2. making sure he spends enough time with our son while he is home. he is a GREAT dad and cares about his family very much! if anyone has any advise on how me and other women can deal with the stresses of this type of change, im all ears!?
my hubby is on the late shift home at 5am bed by 6am and baby up by 8am. we usually leave the house to run errands and home just before she is due for her am nap. he too wears ear plugs and a sleep mask. good luck
my husband works evenings also. he works from 12:45 to 10:45 at night so it is just me, my 2 1/2 year old son and 3 week old daughter. i still dont have a routine down yet but im trying. it is tough at times but you will get used to it. I pick out my cloths the night before and put them in the bathroom, that way i dont have to go into the room for anything while he is sleeping. As far as keeping the kids quiet that is just not possible. We sleep with a noise maker so that helps a bit, but i just tell my husband if its to loud he will have to sleep with ear plugs in or something. I go back to work in 4 weeks so they will be at daycare then and i still send my son now but on fridays and the weekends i try to tell him to talk quieter but it just doesnt work. kids are loud and babies cry and you husband my just have to deal with that. My husband is a great dad also but im still the one who is up in the night with the baby and up in the morning with the kids, etc and thats just the way it is. Im kinda used to it so for the most part i dont mind to much. You will get there. You just need to figure out a routine that works for you and the kids.
Well I am the one who works nights in our house, 7pm to 730am. It is so hard and exhausting, esp when it is 3 nights in a row. I hate it, I feel I miss out on my kids. I do love though that my hubby brings our 6 mo old to me to feed during the day. He does try to keep the kids quiet for me and he comes in to get dressed for work or in the am a lot. I use ear plugs, have a towel over the curtains (darker), and a blanket/pillow over my head. Some days go well, some days stink like when baby poops out her diaper and I have to help change her/give her a bath. Usually I am so tired I don't hear a ton but I stay in bed from 9 till 4 and only get about 5-6 hrs of sleep. I agree w/ preparing clothes and such ahead of time, maybe find quiet things to do or go out to run errands, go for a walk etc. It is esp hard for me cause we are trying to sleep train the baby a bit, when she was little she would just sleep w/ me after I fed her, but now she it too wiggly. Oh and I get home around 8, get the kids dressed if they are awake, make the 3 yr old his breakfast, feed the baby, eat breakfast and then sleep. I try to have their stuff picked out the day before so I can just throw it on.
Story of my life! My husband works the same exact schedule... drives me nuts still, but we do what we have to do right?! I work during the day Monday - Friday, and he works at the hospital midnight to 8am three days on then three days off. Saves us money with childcare, but takes a toll on us when either one of us is sleep deprived. We have an 11 month old and I'm pregnant with our second... uuugh!
I never feel like I can get anything done around the house, because it feels like everything I wanna do is in our room lol. It takes communicating to a new level and you need lots of it. I couldn't sleep at night when he moved to that shift because I wasn't use to having him there next to me, but thankfully, and sadly at the same time, that dies off. Another contribution to my sleep deprevation was having a newborn at the time. He did his fatherly duties as well, but when he saw me sleeping or just getting up and baby was awake... he felt it was his turn to sleep since I have already gotten mine (little did he know). It's those type of things that you need to discuss because he won't understand unless pointed out.
It's a huge adjustment that at first I did not take kindly to, but it's working out for the most part now. Before he gets home or before he goes to sleep take out of the room what you want to get done. Quickly go over what you plan on doing while he's asleep so he's not so alarmed if he hears some noises. Unfortunately you can't teach an 8 month old to be quiet because daddy's sleeping. Once he gets use to his schedule, he will be able to sleep through almost anything. Computer problem will be fixed in May so you just need to have some patience. Try putting a set of clothes in your other bathroom so you don't have to change in the dark. If you don't have another bathroom then you can put the clothes in your daughter's room.
I feel for you because I was there not too long ago myself. It'll get easier... just takes some getting use to. Best of Luck!!!!
I haven't gone through what you are, but I highly recommend getting Marpac Sleepmate sound machine. It is amazing at blocking out noise. Your husband won't even know you're home! It is one of the best purchases I have ever made!!!
My hubby works 2 night shifts and 3 day shifts during the week...and we have three little ones (ages 4 and under) at home with us 24/7!
I have to second, third, forth (lol) the idea of using a noise machine (we use one with white noise on it) and/or a loud fan in the bedroom. I would have your clothes laid out the night before in the living room - maybe even some pj's out there for your dh when he comes home - if you are still sleeping. You will both have to work to find a common respect for the situation. For example; he will have to respect the fact that kids are kids and they are LOUD (ha) and at the same time you will have to respect the fact that he does need to get some sleep when he gets home from work. Its SO frustrating for everyone I know! Plus if your little ones know daddy is at home, they won't want him to be sleeping they will want him to be awake to play ;0) so that adds to the frustration!
Do you have a spare room that he could sleep in? Maybe a room thats away from the main living space? Is there any way you could move the computer to another room - even the living room so that you are not 'cut off' from it while he is sleeping? Make any and all changes (no matter how weird or silly they may seem) to help you all cope with the situation better.
When I was pregnant with our now 4 month old my dh would give our older two a bath before he went to work at night - this meant they might have a bath by 2pm!!! but it also meant I wouldn't have to be bending over the tub with my huge pregger belly! lol So it worked for us...others might have thought we were nuts, but oh well right!?!
I would definitely sit down and talk with your dh about things to make the whole transition easier - maybe ask him to just change the baby before he crawls into bed..and in turn there might be things he wants you to do for him before he goes to bed...the best thing is to communicate, otherwise you will be feel so frustrated. And he will eventually get tired enough that he won't even hear you and the kiddos during the day ;0)
Good luck! Let us know what 'works' for you - who knows it might be a great idea for us too :0)
1) move the computer out of the bedroom so you can access it when you need to.
2) Hubby wears ear plugs (he will get used to it if it isn't that comfortable at first), and turn off the ringer on the phone.
3) Blackout shades and/or eye mask.
4) Leave the TV or radio on very low for white noise to help muffle any odd sounds from the other parts of the house.
5) Leave a fan running (same reason as above).
6) Set out your clothes the night before in a different room. You can even leave them folded neatly on the dining room table.
7) Try to save the noisy stuff for the time when your daughter gets home and he wakes up... seriously.. vacuum then.
8) Try to do some outside things at least once a day so your little one can get some noise making done outside away from the bedroom walls... Go for a stroller walk. Put out a blanket on the grass and let your little one crawl around on it outside with blocks and other "bang-y" type toys. Just put them in a plastic bin so you can carry them outside easily and bring them in easily.
My husband works the occasional mid-shift.. and our kids aren't babies anymore, so I am always super cautious about making noise with running water or banging dishes in the kitchen... banging the dryer door shut, the kids getting wound up, the dog barking at the neighbor kid ringing the doorbell, etc... hubby really has learned to tune out a lot... but white noise, darkness, and earplugs make a HUGE difference. He sleeps right through most things...
Of course, you aren't going to be able to keep 2 children quiet. It's just not possible. So like another poster said, your husband, with your help, is going to have to create his own silence. I definitely second the use ear plugs. I'd also use a fan, tv w/volume on really low, white noise machine, a soft CD, anything else that can help to muffle any sounds coming from outside the room. If the space under your bedroom door is wide, I'd also consider getting one of those draft blockers, or roll up a bath towel and place it along the bottom of the door to block sound from going under the door.
You can't spend everyday trying to keep kids quiet, and they can't be expected to keep quiet for extended periods of time, but your husband does need his sleep. I'd try to get creative about how to help him create his silence!
My husband works 2nd shift - 3-1130 pm so he's not home at nights when we are, but on the weekends, he sleeps until around 1130am. That being said, I make sure to shut the bedroom door and we sleep with a fan on (not just overhead) so there is noise that blocks out the sound of the two kids in the morning when we are all up.
As far as me getting ready, I try to have a few outfits ready in our closet and then if both kids are asleep, I'll either shut the closet door and get ready or take the clothes out into the living room and get ready. If our 2.5 year old daughter is on our bed, I have her kiss daddy goodbye before we leave the room. Otherwise we go in before we leave and tell him goodbye.
As far as him getting into bed when you were getting up, he could have gotten your daughter and brought her to you. I would vent about that too. My husband and I have recently come to an agreement because there are times my 7.5 month old will wake up and stay up in the middle of the night - there is no reason I should have to get up and stay up when my husband is up anyways! Your husband probably didn't even think twice about it - he knew you were getting up and he was headed to bed. I would say something to him about the next time she wakes up if he's still awake and you aren't, could he get her for you, change her diaper, etc. Maybe even have him keep her for 1/2 hour - 1 hour so you can sleep longer or take a shower.
It does take an adjustment with the new schedule - luckily my husband moved to seconds before our first child was born so it's always been this way. I envision one day I'll have him back during the week, in the evenings and in the mornings....but who knows?
Good luck!
if he is tired enough--he will sleep thr anything--i get my best naps watching tv--be glad that he has a job !!
When I met my husband 10 yrs ago he had a demanding job he had to do their hrs and get work done anyway after we moved in together he switched jobs which was worse with hrs at work 6 am not home till sometimes as late as 1 or 2 in the morning he worked there for 7 yrs he missed a good 2 yrs of his 1st childs life then he wanted to be out of work for a while we had the $$ so he did that was rough on me becasue I was so used to having the home to myself well found another job not enough hrs was laid off found another pt job didn't it didn't start till 12 am home around 6 now he has a ft time job and the hrs are so screwy we can't plan anything I just tell him when something is coming up and hope he can be there if not screw it.I feel that i'm rasing our kids as a single parent while he works.He works so hard and has long days/hrs so for I can be able to do the things I want/need and to take care of our family sometimes it does bother me that he works all day but thats life(yes we have the paychecks to prove it)so I doubt he is with someone else just had to throw that in there I might get a response back.As i'm writing this waiting for my son to get home off the bus he still isn't home left at 1 this morning.I worry if something were to ever happen to him all the time he is a semi truch driver not over the road but he travels from Ks to Nebraska,Colorado and many other places and has to stay off the road if he exceeds his driving time.It is hard to keep kids quiet but I don't they will play be kids it'll make it worse trying to hush them so we go outside shopping on somedays as for the weekend he doesn't sleep he works here at home he is always doing something to keep busy right now he is remodeling our bathroom.If you've never had a crazy work schedule and then thrown into it it's hard will it ever get easy for me it is but for some not as easy.*Happy Parenting*
My husband works 12 hour night shifts to. It takes alot of getting use to. I spend alot of time in our basement where we have a play room to keep the kids quiet or we go outside. The other thing is that even if we are on the main level where my hubby sleeps and the kids get a little loud he sleeps threw it cause he is tired. It is also an adjustment for him and he will probably sleep threw alot of noise surprisingly. I set my close in the bathroom the night before so I don't end up wearing two different socks. Hang in there it will take sometime but everyone will eventually adjust. good luck
