? About Husband's Attitude. Would Love Your Opinion on This.

I think he may have been hoping it would open up the lines of comunication and you and the friend will start talking again. And you are upset because you miss the friendship you once had with her.

You aren't crazy, I would feel the same. It's not that I would expect my husband to be rude to a friend I was on the outs with. But I would prefer he keep it polite and brief. Like "hey what's up suzie! i'm running late, but I'll tell my wife i ran into you" and keep on walking. A sunny smile and tone wouldn't bother me one bit. The lengthy conversation would. Don't hold it against him too much, though. Freezing someone out is something girls do. Guys don't get it.

Seems like eye for an eye scenario! Take a step back and think about how you want people to treat you, hopefully with RESPECT, in order to get respect you have to give RESPECT.

I don't think your husband did anything wrong. I cannot believe that you expect him to be rude to someone on your behalf. That is just strange. Even when you saw your former friend, you weren't rude - you smiled and waved - you didn't give her the finger. And I'm almost certain that if you were forced to make small talk with the ex friend, you would be pleasant and not rude.

Let it go.

Your husband should not be expected to be RUDE to someone, just because you have an issue with them. Should she be a jerk to your husband? Wouldn't that have made you even more mad? He didn't watch her do ANYTHING to you. He small talked with a person he once used to talked to, and moved on. I think this is really silly. He did not condone PAST behavior, by not being rude in a store. Really? This is so silly. Let it go, he did nothing wrong. I really think you are making something out of absolutely nothing.

You're upset because he made small talk in a public place with a person he knows socially, though not well? That's what people do. That's what everyone does. You're upset because he wasn't rude to her. That's ridiculous. Yes, it does sound like you're in 6th grade.
You feel like he isn't on your side if he doesn't react the way you think he should in public situations, and that's not right. You need to understand that most people will maintain public politeness no matter what they are feeling, especially if it's over a fallout that wasn't theirs and was 3 months ago. It wasn't his fight, and granted I have no idea what it was about, but it's conceivable he rightly believes it has nothing to do with him. Why wouldn't he make polite chitchat?
You're getting way more upset than is warranted. If you want to feel that he's in your corner, tell him so, but don't yell at him for being socially acceptable.

I don't know if I would expect anyone, husband or not, to be aloof and distant to someone on my account. I mean it does depend. I doubt very much that anyone would be nice to someone that actually punched their wife in the face. But since I take it she didn't actually do that, it's possible your husband simply doesn't have it in himself to be that mean, or maybe he doesn't realize you haven't gotten past this? Sometimes we do let things go on far too long.

I haven't read your previous posts.

I completely understand your feelings. I'm sure I'd have similar feelings if I was in that situation. Feelings are some thing that happends that you have no control over. Are your feelings valid? Absolutley. Are they a LITTLE unrealistic? Yes.

When our feeling are hurt, or we're frustrated or angry, our ability to see things rationally and clearly becomes clouded. Try to remove yourself from the situation. How would you have reacted if hubby and your situation were reversed? Is it possible that hubby may actually be trying to help?

Yes you are crazy, he is a guy. They don't think like us. Just as you think his behavior doesn't make sense your reaction doesn't make sense to him. Guys don't have falling outs. Even if they disagree on something they have a beer a few weeks later and all is good.

What she may be thinking in irrelevant, your husband was just being polite, being a guy. Get over it.

Who knows maybe he thought you guys would have a beer and be happy again.

Don't get mad at your husband. I've been through this same exact thing and felt the same way with my husband, but I had to correct myself. It isn't his battle and he isn't showing you any disrespect by having a conversation with someone that you are in a disagreement with. If anything, it can make your friendship eventually heal in the future. Would you rather he snubbed her, told her off? That would have made things much worse.

Guys just don't make emotional connections with things like women do. Unless you have specifically said to him, "This chick has wronged me in such a fashion that if you see her on the street, anything less than spitting in her face is an insult to me and our marriage," then he's going to opt for socially expected levels of politeness. Of course he's going to come home and tell you all about the conversation. You wouldn't want to find something out later, mention it to him, and him say, "Oh, I already knew that." That would also make you feel betrayed.

I don't know the specifics of what transpired between you and this ex-friend, but your husband obviously doesn't understand how hurt you are. If you tell him you would prefer he show a united front with you and not engage with her at all then at least you are both clear about what your expectations are. Let him off the hook for this one.

men don't get it.

yes, you sound like you're in 6th grade & the fact that you recognize this ...hopefully means you'll behave better from this point on. (& I'm glad you said it, not me!!)

doesn't matter what she did....forgive, forget, or become a raging irrational witch when confronted with issues such as this. From your post, it is clear you feel justified....but if your child was behaving like this, wouldn't you counsel your child to behave better?

& as for trying to get your husband to act like you want him....he's an adult. We are all responsible for our own actions. Perhaps if you & the evil one could be responsible for yourselves, then he wouldn't be stuck in the middle....nor would we! I know this all sounds harsh....but thruout your entire post, you are questioning your own actions/responses....sounds like you're on the right track! I truly do wish you Peace!

No, you're not crazy. I understand how you feel because I'm sure that is how I would feel in the same situation, but men just don't see things the same way we do because they're wired differently. Their friendships don't have the same kinds of drama and/ or emotions as ours do- they also tend to not carry grudges the way we do. He may just not have understood that you are still angry and hurt by your friend. I'm not saying that men's friendships are better or worse, just different. Try not to feel betrayed by your husband- he meant no harm.
Best wishes!! =o)

Of course I don't know the issue between you and your friend but I had a falling out with a formerly very close friend a little while back. She was a mutual friend to my hubby and we were all good friends for several years. If he saw her, I am sure that he would chat and trade pleasantries with her, I mean he didn't have the fight with her, so why shouldn't he? I don't think I would find it upsetting simply bc she and I are on the outs and she was pretty horrible to me honestly. I mean I am not perfect but wow, she ripped me pretty hard, so I know how crappy that is to be treated that way. At the same time you know, I would be glad to know her daughter is doing well etc. I did hide her on my face book home page bc I didn't want to see her business all the time, but to hear now and again that she is well would be Ok. So maybe you are just still really fresh in this hurt, or maybe it is time to forgive her and move one. Holding onto the hurt intensely will only negatively affect you in the end. I have laid in bed several nights replaying the things she did and just saying in my brain 'why?', so what I started to do when those thoughts were coming in I would just start forgiving her for all that. And now a few months later I can honestly say I am over it but still not pursuing a friendship with her, but not hurt anymore. So maybe use this as something that made you aware of how deeply hurt you still feel and look at what you need to do to address this so you can move on. I truly don't think your husband was in the wrong. Hang in there, if you forgive, you will heal! Doesn't mean she has to be your best bud again but you will be free to wish her well and move on! :D

I don't know what your other posts were.

Anyway:
Men don't think.
Men can be clueless.
Men, are not women and they don't think the same way we do about friends.
They have no idea, about the "drama" of it all.

He was NOT thinking or saying "its okay if you are mean to my Wife, it doesn't matter to me..." That is YOU.... displacing your feelings onto, him.
That is not, the reality.

Men do NOT think like women.
Men OFTEN forget, all the dramas and back-stories of each and every little thing... that we may talk about. Big or small.
They have, short memories, especially when it deals, with women stuff.

Oh just forget about it.
Why make him suffer or punish him over it?
It is not his fault.
Just move on.

You are still hurt.... by your friend.
Perhaps, you can go to counseling.
Do you still want to be hurt by it... or heal from it... or stay in that same realm of it from now on... or just move on?

Are you crazy? No..I don't think so. But yes it does sound a little 6th grade.

Men do not get all involved in the emotions of our fallouts. They usually yell then move on and go get a drink together. Us womenfolk hold on to grudges and hard feelings foreverrrrrr.

I think your husband didn't want to be rude in the store. He is not a mind reader and does not think emotionally like a woman...so he did not react how you would have wanted him to. He saw the woman in the store then relayed info. to you. I think you would have been even more pissed if he talked to her then didn't tell you and you found out after. THe poor guy was in a tough position and was just cordial and then let you know of the conversation. I understand you wished he had said, "Go to hell..you hurt my wife." But...he is trying to act grown up...and did the best he could.

I would let it go. Apologize to him for being upset that he didn't handle it exactly how you wanted it to go down. Find some new friends and let this go. I seriously can not remember anything happening like this in my life since High School. Find new ladies to pal around with.

He ran in to her at a store. He made polite small talk. That is not a big deal. He didn't invite her over to your house for dinner. He didn't go out and have a drink or have coffee with her or anything. He didn't go out and intentionally seek her out. It was a brief, chance bumping into her meeting. It is in his nature to stop and chit chat. He stopped and chit chatted. He would have felt uncomfortable snubbing her on your behalf. That is really 6th grade, sorry. When he mentions the conversation to you, just say, "uh-huh" walk out of the room or change the subject and move on. If he acts like you should be excited or interested in her goings on, just gently remind him your not interested in hearing about it. End of story.

Forget your husband, if your friend?? died tomorrow how would you feel? Life's too short to battle anyone - let alone friends. Was the fight really worth the friendship? Are you really mad at your husband or are you jealous he interacted with your friend and you can't. True story - I had a huge fight with my best friend who really hurt my feelings. The result was that we didn't speak for years. One day I woke up and said to myself ... really what are you thinking? I called her up and we worked it out. It took a few months to get back to normal but we did. Eight years later it was this friend that introduced me to my husband - the love of my life. Three years after that my son was born - the greatest thing that ever happened to me. If I didn't swallow my pride and forgive my friend who hurt me that one time than I wouldn't have such a wonderful life now. Your husband was probably trying to extend an olive branch and open communication to bring you guys back together - don't be mad that he was being a good guy and engaging your friend.

His actions show disunity. I can see why this hurts your feelings. Men, don't always see the connections... all too often. Not totally his fault, it's not the way they are designed to think, although if one took just a moment to try to understand one would see it clearly.

I'd feel the same way as you. Exactly the same way. I'd share with him on how you feel.

I would feel the same way as you. Even tho it isn't his problem with her, he should still have your back. I think you are justified in being a bit peeved. Guys are dense sometimes.

Sometimes men are dolts. They don't think in the same terms we do. I, like you, would want my husband to jump to 'defend my honor' and snub anyone that had wronged me. And honestly, I don't know if he would or not because we have never been in this situation. I hope he would. I don't think you sound like you are in 6th grade, I totally get where you are coming from. Don't be too upset with him. I think he just didn't realize. His man brain simply thought 'oh, here is someone I know. I'll chat with them for a minute'. Now that he know how all this made you feel, if he does it again, then be mad.

Good luck. I hope you are able to move past this.

I would feel just like you. He should have been civil, then moved on without engaging. I find behaviour like this in a marriage disloyal. I don't believe you expect him to be rude, but simply not engage like nothing ever happened.

I understand you feel betrayed by your husband by not taking your part in it. Not, necessarily going to battle, but at least being loyal to his wife.

That being said, my husband probably would have done the same thing. Its less about being disloyal to them as it is they are cowards. They don't like scenes and don't want to ever appear the bad guy, even if it means being cordial with someone that you had a falling out with.

I don't have a simple solution to this but just in a calm manner try to explain that you take it as disrepectful and disloyal that in the future a bit of a cold shoulder or a little more quickness in the conversation would have been appreciated. Men do disappoint but I think they do not like to get involved in any conflicts. They are like that even when they are involved with someone disrespecting them, they forget easily and up cordial to eachother later on. Crazy but its men for you.

Did you explain to him what you expected him to do when he eventually ran into her? Because it doesn't sound as if him running into her is out of the ordinary.. if you didn't then to get upset is ridiculous. If you want him to behave a certain way towards her then you need to sit him down, explain why you freaked and say that next time you'd appreciate it if he just said hello and moved on. Simpleasthat.

It depends on the friend's transgression. If it was an all out betrayal, I would expect loyalty from my husband and would be disappointed that he engaged. If it was a falling out without a lot of hard feelings, I probably wouldn't give it more than an eye roll. But I know men do operate differently so try to let it go.

I just went through this .. My husband's brother and his wife were writing really mean stuff to me and just being jerks. When I brought this to my husbands attention he called his brother that night, and told him that unless I get an apology he doesn't want to talk to them. I would have felt like I was in 6th grade and being immature if I made a big deal over it. It may seem weird but I think most guys are like this, you need to sit them down and explain stuff like this to them because they don't think like women do.... We are two different species...

Did you really want the man you married to be rude to a person because you had a silly falling out with a friend?? You were not even rude to her when you saw her. I read your previous post to gain some background and it really does sound silly. Neither of you owe each other a lifelong, exclusive friendship. Find some new friends and move on. Good luck!