9 Year Old Fourth Grader Acting up in Class

I think it's not the school but the situation. Have you discussed with the teacher that he's dealing with changing schools, changing homes, and his mom's divorce?

You might also want to take him to counseling so he knows the divorce and move isn't his fault. I bet he's acting out because he doesn't know how else to deal with it. Or ask the guidance office to be involved.

I also think you need to spend some quality time with him, talk about the transitions he's facing and help him remember to do the things he needs to do - like not act up in class. He may be trying to be the class clown for attention and something we reminded the sks was "time and place". There is a time and a place to be a goofball and a time and place to listen.

Oh, and where's Mom? Did the move means he sees very little of her? Is he missing Mom, too?

Well, obviously he is TERRIBLY UNHAPPY and his life is in shambles. Yes, for a 9yr old Mom's 2nd divorce, moving in with Dad and changing schools in the middle of the year equals LIFE IN SHAMBLES.

Best thing for you to do is be involved, talk to the teacher, have a sit down include the school couselor (if they have one), get him into therepy - he needs a safe adult who understands how to talk and guide him thru this. Sorry, you are not the safe adult right now - you are part of the problem in his eyes, so is Mom - the new teacher, the new school, new kids, new house, new rules, new EVERYTHING is the issue. Chances are he hates the world and this is how he is showing it.

I say this as a kindergardener who was pissed that her parents were divorcing so she broke into her friend/neighbor's house thru her window while they were at church to steal her Barbies. My Mom realized what the divorce was doing to me and got me the help I needed. No, I am not being over dramatic.

I can understand his acting out... His life has just turned upside down AGAIN. He has no stability. Hopefully you can provide the stability for him.

Be there for him, listen to him, do things with him and help him adjust to this change. Let him know that you love him unconditionally.

A lot of children also have weekly meetings with the guidance counselor, especially when there is a lot of change going on in their lives. This can be very productive for the child.

Be proactive and work with the teachers and staff. Once he settles in to the new environment and makes some friends, he will probably settle down.. He is just adjusting to this new change in his life. Please be patient with him.

It sounds like you are doing all you can and I applaud you for reaching out to help him. Best wishes.

I just noticed you are in Plano as well. I substitute teach and have over 10 yrs at 1 specific elementary school. I do know that teachers in Plano truly care about their students.

Poor kid is having a hard time. That's a lot of change in a short period of time. You already have some good advice below on how to help him through that, but also I'd like to point out that 4th grade is kind of when boys become spazzes. It just is. My girls are in 3rd and 5th, and 3rd grade boys are still sweet and nice. By the time they get to 5th, they are all about fart noises and teasing the girls 24/7. The transition happens in 4th! So some of this is probably perfectly normal from a developmental standpoint. It may be that his new teacher is a bit more strict than his old teacher, and he's having to adjust to that, too, of course. Being that he is getting good grades, all is not lost. I think he is doing pretty well, all things considered. :)

Fourth grade can be a tough transitional year for many kids anyway -- they really aren't the little kids anymore at their schools, but they are not yet truly "upper elementary" like fifth and sixth graders. Mix that with a move (stressful even if it were entirely under great circumstances) and a divorce (stress, stress, stress) and he is hurting. You know that. But please don't try to handle this all alone because he may not know how he really feels about you -- yes, you love him, but "why can't I live with mom, why did I have to leave my old school, was it because of something I did wrong, is mom divorcing because I was bad...." or alternatively: "I hate mom, I hate her husband, I hate C., I hate me...." Kids this age start to internalize what's going on at home and if what's going on is stressful and upsetting, they act out.

A couple of things:

Please enlist his teachers and the school counselor today. Don't wait another day. Have you been in to meet with his main teacher and the counselor, together, to lay out the home situation? Or do they only know he's a new student who moved because of a divorce? You do not have to get all personal with them but they do need to know if he is also showing signs of stress, acting out and disobedience at home. You only mention school here -- I would almost wager that he is also acting out at home in some way, OR is being super-super-good because he fears he will somehow cause more problems or be made to move again.

So...please really look hard at his behaviors OUTSIDE school and see if maybe there is more going on with him that just this one behavior in this one place.

See if the counselor will talk with him regularly. Sometimes school counselors will set up lunchtime groups where a handful of kids come and have lunch in the counselor's office and they all talk. It's done that way so that kids don't feel singled out and so they and peers can talk in a relaxed environment. Or the counselor may feel that your son needs some one-on-one talks regularly -- that's fine too. Ask if you should consider counseling outside school for your son as well. He may need to talk to an adult who isn't part of his family, especially if he fears on some level that he's guilty of something (kids often have guilty feelings during divorces and moves because they think maybe they somehow cause it). If that's not his case, and he is more angry than guilty, he needs to work on that too.

Regarding the immediate behavior issue at school, losing recess is obviously not working. Tell the teacher you very much want to work with her or him on finding a discipline that does work. What does he really like or value at school so much that losing it would hurt? If it's not recess--what is it? Does the teacher say he's otherwise fine or are there other behaviors that you haven't heard about but they didn't rise to the level of your getting called? If he's otherwise fine -- the teacher needs to do more than keep taking away recess and calling you.

If your son is a caring boy, see if he would respond well to being given more responsiblities at school -- being "teacher's aide" for a week or whatever works. Some children really love having a teacher's trust and that might be the thing that lets the teacher say, "Billy, I know you can do this job really well! But I need you not to make those noises so I know you're paying attention. This job truly requires your attention. If you can keep the noises away, this job is yours for now. Can you do that for me?"

....And please, get him some help. He sounds like a good kid who is just hurting and doesn't know how else to get attention or vent.

Poor kid.
Going through a lot if changes.
Review the rules and spend a LOT of time with him doing stuff together.
This is such a critical age for boys & dads!
Good luck!

He's going through a terrible time. He needs counseling. He needs help. You're going to HAVE to get it for him.

Dawn

Have you talked to him about this and why he's doing the behavior? Does he have control over the behavior? That's a big one. If he feels he can't control it, then something is likely going on medically (for instance, anxiety-induced tics). If he's doing it just to fit in, another story.

Might be worth taking him to a behavioral therapist to get to the bottom of the problem before he faces suspension. He may also just need to air out his feelings about all of the changes recently.

Sounds like a lot of change for him, maybe some rejections from his mom, and feeling angry. He is acting out for attention, he may need to talk to a professional. I am sure you are doing nothing wrong but a professional, a perfect stranger may give him the freedom he needs to get his feelings and emotions out. I don't think he is going to tell you how he is feeling because he may not want to hurt your feelings. I am sure you are a wonderful dad, but being sent away from your mom (no matter what the situation) has to hurt, children have no other way of getting things out but to act out. He knows he is doing wrong, but is trying to get someones attention to help him with his pain. PLEASE make an appointment with a counselor, or have the school psychologist speak with him. I am sorry he and you are going through this. Best of luck!!

Where's Dad?

I feel like I'm selling this book...but seriously, please read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. And get his dad involved in helping him to understand what is expected of him, and to help him deal with this major transition.

Hey -
My son is also 9 and in 4th grade and he is also bright. We are not having divorce issues, so I am not sure that anything I say can address that. But, my son was also having problems with talking too much, blurting out answers. I sat down with him and I had a big talk about how when he talks so much, the other students can't learn or listen. We also did a little bit of role playing so that he could understand how hard it was for others to listen and learn when he was talking so much. However, that didn't "solve" the problem. At first, I tried to ground my son, but grounding did nothing to him. Did not phase him one little bit. So, the next time he acted out, I made him write 50 sentences about his behavior. He actually HATED that and was better for maybe a week and then he did something again and I made him write 50 sentences again. For some reason, the sentence writing seems pretty effective with him. But again, my son is not having emotional/stability issues. I suggest you really start by having a heart to heart discussion with him - acknowledge that he is upset and that his mother going through a 2nd divorce is difficult. And, you might want to ask him what he NEEDS to help his life/school. Maybe he can identify something?

Good luck,
L.