My son is 9 years old and has a friend at school who has been telling him about sexual acts in great detail. My son has then come home and told our 5 year old daughter what his friend told him. He has been friends with this kid since they were 5. We let him stay the night with this friend on occasion up until about 3 months ago. About a year ago we saw this friend at a store with his parents and sisters. The 3 of them were punching each other in the genital area while the parents sat there and said nothing. I don't know what else to do about this. We stopped him from staying the night there because everytime he comes home from there he learns something inappropriate or other things happen. Last time he stayed the night they fed them cake for breakfast that ants had been crawling on "but it was okay because they ate the half that had no ants." Then he was hungry when I picked him up at 3 in the afternoon because he had no lunch. I would have been glad to take them food if they needed it!!! I e-mailed the teacher (they are in the same class) and talked to my son about it but what else can I do to help curb the inappropriate talk?
Well, we talked to our son and told him that he needs to first go to an adult when he hears these things. He and his sister are buddies so we believe he was just talking to her as a friend. I e-mailed his teacher and she said she is going to talk to all the boys. He plays baseball and we attend church and he is in youth group. The only time he plays with this "friend" is at recess. We will not allow him to go over to their house at all anymore. We have done everything we can to show him we don't approve of inappropriate talk and how important of a job he as a big brother has as far as protecting his sister. Hopefully with summer coming, and no contact with this friend, we can get things under control. Thank you for all your responses. :)
It sounds like someone needs to intercede on behalf of these children. 9 year olds should not know about sexual acts in great detail. Nor should children be forced to eat food that has bugs crawling all over it. Can you call some sort of child services anonymously so that someone can check out how these kids are living? Or if they're being abused sexually?
1) this would be a red-flag
2) WHY on earth is he telling his FIVE year old, sister this?
3) Did you talk to your Son, about this and how this is not, right and INappropriate?
4) A kid your son's age, should know, this is not appropriate.... and you need to plainly, teach him this.
5) Yes, I would not, let him stay at this friend's house. You are the parent.
He is learning, inappropriate things there.
6) The parenting at that house, is HIGHLY questionable. So, do not let your kid go there.
7) YES... TELL THE TEACHER about this other kid. And what that kid has been saying... in great detail. And DOCUMENT what has been going on.
You need to have a blunt talk with your son. Don't let it just happen and him not getting any guidance on it. He NEEDS to learn, that this is inappropriate... and that, HE can get into trouble too. And teach him, about HOW to DISCERN other kids' behaviors.
There will be LOTS of kids, doing wrong things or inappropriate things as they get older. So HE has to learn... about things like this, now.
IF that were my kid, I don't care what the situation is of the other kid at home... I would NOT allow my kid to go over there anymore. Because, I do not "trust" that home nor the parents. AND Your kid, IS DISPLAYING, what he is 'learning' at that house.
You either CHOOSE, to let it continue or not.
And you have to educate YOUR child, on matters like this. He is 9.
You did the right thing talking to the teacher. If the school handles this appropriately, then the teacher will get the principal involved with the school social worker and they'll interview the children involved. The school staff are all mandated reporters so if they see or hear even one thing that's out of place they'll be required by law to call Child Protective Services.
Your children are great kids for listening and being friends, but then telling you about the inappropriate behaviors. Now that the school has it in their hands I would advise your children to maintain some distance but to be polite and friendly. I wouldn't do playdates in their home for a while.
unfortunately, i just think its another part of life. kids are growing up way to fast. the only thing i can really suggest is to be firm that NO kind of that talk is allowed in your house, and maybe look into enrolling him in a team sport or youth group where he will have other positive influence instead of this child. I would also make it clear that if you continue to hear profanities, than you will have a talk with the other childs parents and make is clear they are no longer allowed to socialize.
as far as telling your daughter, i think it is just a case of him being young and just not thinking. he has heard something he thinks is shocking and he wants to share it. i had a sister 8 years older than me growing up and when i was 5 or so they thought it was hilarious to tell me about things like blow jobs just to see my reaction to it all. was it wrong? absolutely. but they just dont think about that aspect of it when they are young.
It would seem that your son is old enough now to comprehend the idea of "privacy". You can tell him that listening to someone's descriptions of sex or intimate behavior is not appropriate because it's private. And relating that info to someone else also violates privacy. Tell him that if he has questions, or wants to know about something related to sex, that he should only speak to his parents or a doctor or nurse. Role play with him. You be the friend and start to say something like "wanna know what I saw?" Help your son come up with a planned statement like "no, that's private. Keep it to yourself". Teach him not to get upset, but to simply deflect the story with a simple non-excited statement and then walk away. Showing interest or horror or any emotion at all will only encourage the stories. Showing complete lack of interest will discourage them.
I say this because your son's issue here seems more about privacy, in my opinion, and appropriateness of boundaries, than anything else. You have done a good thing limiting his exposure to this home, because it doesn't seem like privacy or boundaries are respected there.
My son is 8 and I am just on the verge of the "talk". He already knows the correct body terminology, where a baby grows, how it gets out etc. All that's missing is the "nuts and bolts"part. I would assume your son is at that same stage. I'm sure he can understand that this is a subject that his little sister is NOT mature enough for....
Good idea to have the teacher keep an eye out too.
Homeschool?
Short of having this friend removed from the home so he has actual discipline... nothing can be done.
