8 Year Old and Showers

He's doing it because it is convenient for him.
As you know.

My son is 4. My daughter is 8. (she is not developing yet), but they take showers/baths together and sometimes not.
But my daughter does not mind. Yet.
When they do take separate baths, it is not a big deal. For the kids.

Your Ex, should get the book "The Care & Keeping Of You" by the American Girl book series.
Or you get it for him.
It would be good for you too.
It is written for the child.. .to read and with the parent.
It is for this age girls.
I have one already, for my Daughter.

The American Girl series, has great books for girls in this age spectrum.
Just look online, about the reviews etc. Such as on Amazon.

From here on out, from 8 years old... a girl goes through many changes physically and emotionally.
It would behoove him to read books like this.

From 9-12 years old, this is the "Tween" ages. ie: Pre-Teen.

There is a huge difference, between a 4 year old and an 8 year old.
He best learn about this.

Also- Teach your girl, to speak up. From here on out, girls need 'boundaries' per their bodies/emotions, due to their age development.
Your Ex, should KNOW this.

all the best,
Susan

I'm surprised no one has picked up on baby sister wanting big sister in the shower with her because maybe she feels safer having big sister there with her. Part of it would also be little sisters wanting to be just like big sisters, and that's normal.

I also suspect Dad is stressed with the situation because he feels in over his head with two daughters that he probably really doesn't know very well and has combative relationships with already. He's not handling things well and is making things worse, so the little one is going to dig her heals in more.

What does you daughter think? If it doesn't bother her, let it go. She may like 'babying' the half sister; it might give her a sense of being grown up. You won't know until you ask her. If it bothers her and she wants her own privacy, she needs to tell that to dad and you need to back her up on it. If he won't respect her privacy, time to go back to court my friend.

I'm with Rachel on this one. If it doesn't bother your daughter, let it go. If it does bother her, encourage your daughter to say something at bathtime!

If it is just a matter of convenience for him and now he's just being stubborn, I would have your daughter wear a bathing suit while showering, and tell her dad (or you tell him) that this is a great compromise and this is what makes her comfortable. If he is not ok with this or you think it is a creepier issue, then tell him you must consider going back to court or something. Please don't let your daughter endure this, it is quite damaging for her. For her to feel vulnerable like that and no one takes action would be awful. But hopefully he's just being stubborn and the swimsuit will solve this.

Family showers are ok, as long as there's enough room in the tub or shower stall.

If your daughter is okay with the 4 year old showering with her, then there's nothing wrong with it.

If she's uncomfortable with it, I don't know what to tell you. Her father yelling at her is a big problem. Your daughter shouldn't be forced to take a shower with someone else if she doesn't want to.

If you are the one who has a problem with it, and not your daughter, then I suggest you stay out of it, and stop making your daughter think there is something wrong with nudity.

Can't the 4 year old do what the 8 year old is doing but not at the same time? And 4 years old is old enough to stop getting spoiled. I agree with all the other posts, that it all depends on how your daughter feels about it. I think my oldest started covering herself in front of dad at about age 11, but our youngest is 11 and happily dances naked from her bedroom to the bathroom. If he cannot respect her privacy, then maybe she should not be going to see him alone.

Have her take a swimsuit to shower in. My hubby sometimes has to help our 7 year old grand daughter shower due to me not being there and her having an accident or something. He tries to protect her modesty but if there is pooh that she is missing he has to help her get it off. She hasn't had an accident unless it's been a stomach virus or something so it's not even one or twice a year thing. I think if she really is uncomfortable that she needs to approach dad. That way it's out of your court and in his with her.

Can your daughter suggest to her dad that she will give the 4 yr old a bath? she can leave the door open so he can watch over them? The 4 yr old just might enjoy her sister giving her a bath....
Just a thought hope it helps!

He doesn't sound like someone who listens to reason, but can you ask him to please consider his daughter over his own convenience? No matter the poor behavior of his other daughter, he should be considerate of how is 8 year old daughter feels about it.

Have you asked your daughter what she prefers? I am assuming that you have. Would she be comfortable telling her dad that she doesn't want to shower with her younger sister?

Edit* After reading your "so what happened" I have come to the conclusion that your ex is a dumb a** fool. I would NEVER normally suggest this, but I would be tempted to have your daughter throw an epic tantrum, just like her little sister, if she can't shower by herself.
I can't abide adults that refuse to respect a child's personal privacy or personal space. Gah!

Could you suggest that your daughter can help the 4 yo so that he doesn't have to be in the room with them. You don't say he's in the shower with them. But if he is, I would agree that since she doesn't live with him more of the time it's reasonable that he not shower with them unless she's used to showering with her step-dad.

I totally agree with you.

Hmmmmm, I see at least 3 problems here: 1) It IS his house, 2) your daughter SHOULD have her privacy, and 3) your ex should not be allowing his 4 year old to get her way through having tantrums at the expense of your daughter.

You could acknowledge that, yes, it is his house, but that if he gives no alternative to your daughter regarding the co-showers she may grow to resent him, and possibly develop an aversion to or phobia of taking showers anywhere. At 8, and particularly that she has begun to develop, he should be teaching her about commanding privacy, not invading hers. He should respect her request once she expresses embarrassment or has issues of privacy.
http://www.parents.com/advice/big-kids/hygiene/when-can-k...
http://fwnextweb1.fortwayne.com/adv/special/2011/parentin...
If he does not relent I would consider talking to a child psychologist on behalf of your daughter for expert advice.

Normally I would say that if he allows his 4 year old to have tantrums and gives in to them just step back, she's his daughter. However, since this is the reason for your daughter having to take a shower with her and him in the room I say you have a right to say something. He more than likely won't listen, but you can try to point out that his lack of discipline with the 4 year old is causing an unfair consequence for your common daughter, and that there are many things an 8 year old can do that a 4 year old can't and that's just the way life is.