7 Year Old Emotional Issues

If this has been going on for awhile I would take her to a child therapist. My sister showed signs of OCD from am early age which was ignored by my parents and now she's nonfunctional and on social security disability bc her OCD is so bad. I heard when you recognize symptoms early and treat early the results are usually very favorable. I always wonder what if my parents had been more proactive... Your daughter may not need it but it's better safe than sorry I think. You can also ask your pediatricians opinion of whether this is normal behavior or cause for worry.

I think you should tell her what you think she wants to hear. You don't have to worry that when she is an adult and you eventually die she will think you lied to her. She will understand by then.

I always give the advice of mirroring kids' emotions, which is a proven technique -- I didn't make it up -- and I rarely get flowers for that advice so I guess no one believes it.

But when you, as an adult, have an emotion, do you want people to acknowledge and understand it, or do you want them to try to tell you all the reasons why you shouldn't feel that way? If you are a normal person, it's the former.

Some kids are more fearful and anxious. I know you won't do this, 'cause no one ever follows this very good advice, but you SHOULD tell her all the things you think she wants to hear, to reassure her.

Mirror her emotions, it works. There, I found this:

http://parenting.families.com/blog/emotional-mirroring

This is actually very normal. When my eldest daughter hit 6 or 7 years old, her anxiety levels seemed to increase and things that didn't worry her before suddenly did. My now-7 year old has had this same anxiety now for about a year and I've talked to our pediatric neurologist (that we have for my other two daughters) and our pediatrician and both say that it's completely developmentally normal.

The difference is that when they hit 6 or 7 years old, their world suddenly becomes a little bit bigger. They realize that other people really do have feelings too. They realize that other people's feelings are important. They notice that the world isn't all rainbows and unicorns and not everything is not only not in their control, but not in Mommy and Daddy's control. And that some of those things are Bad Things.

I take a very different tact than you do. I DO reassure my daughters. They NEED that reassurance. I have the discussions and follow through with them because they ask, "Well what if you're wrong?" and we discuss that too. My response is, "Of course the bad thing you're worried about COULD happen but it's much more likely that the good stuff will keep happening. Here's how I know that: EXAMPLES/REASONS"

It's also fine for my kids to see me cry. They need to know that Mommy isn't always happy and joyful, and they need to be able to see me work through emotions. It helps teach them to work through THEIR emotions too. If your daughter sees you cry, and sees your crying as therapeutic rather than something horrible that twists up her stomach as anxiety inducing, it would be much better for her. Then when SHE cries, she'll see that crying can be a positive thing and she'll be able to work through HER anxiety better.

So far, my eldest's anxiety is very much intertwined with her ADHD and it always has been. She's ODD and argumentative, and she talks, talks, talks and is a huge ball of nervous energy. She's moves around nonstop. That's now she works out her anxiety.

My youngest is the worst with the anxiety, but she talks to me. She helps me with chores. She draws. We work it through.

My middle daughter... well... her anxieties are all tangled up in her special needs and bubble out at different times. That's for another post.

I remember being in second grade, so age 7, and having these thoughts and fears. It was usually triggered by having a dream in which my mother died. I'd wake up with a soaking wet pillow from crying in my sleep and then I'd still be crying while I was awake for another hour. Sometimes I would worry about dying myself, but it usually related to my mother. So, there are kids that worry about it.

it sounds like she is a bit more of a worrier than most but I'm not sure if that fist any clinical diagnosis. I think reassuring her is good but not to the point of lying or making empty promises. Assure her it is very unlikely that anything will happen to her rather than promising her. Also when I was a kid I worried occasionally what would happen to me if my parents weren't around. Somewhere along the line I realized that my grandmother or one of my other relatives would probably end up raising us and I stopped worrying. It might help your daughter to know that another relative or friend would take care of her if anything happened to you.

Get her a journal and let her start writing / drawing these things down. I know for me, if I lay in bed worrying about something, I can't sleep and it just gets worse. If I get up and write it down, it somehow lessens the worry and allows my brain to turn off. This could be her "confessional" and then she can share it with you, if she's comfortable. Additionally, if you do end up taking her for therapy, the therapist will have a written record, so to speak, that can help focus the therapy.

Also, concur with mirroring the emotions suggested below. Don't tell her she's ok, 'cause she's not. Tell her it's ok to be upset, and give her some suggestions for coping (like the journaling).

Best wishes.

I had anxiety as a child. I was not diagnosed with it, in fact later on (late middle school / early highschool) I was misdiagnosed with other things (a.d.d./ mild depression) that I now believe was anxiety, or issues that arose from having a undiagnosed anxiety disorder.

I remember crying and crying at night. My poor parents couldn't figure out why. My dad sang me to sleep for years. Almost all my memories of childhood contain a fear. I was afraid when we drove thru the mountains in colorado on vacation (we would fall off the edge). I hated the cartoon 'duck tales' because the damn ducks always got themselves in trouble and I would worry worry worry until it was over. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to finish the timed math worksheets in time so I would just sit there and cry. I wouldn't ski in the lake because the fish might bite at my toes if I fell in. I could go on and on....

I also believe having this undiagnosed/treated anxiety left me with low self esteem and led me to some bad decision making (high school years).

OCD and anxiety go hand in hand, she may have a touch of both.

It sounds like she (and you) could benefit from some professional assistance and guidance, I know that sounds scary, but it doesn't always have to be "oh the kids needs to be put on meds" it can be "lets teach her some ways to cope with her anxious feelings" and to even help her ACKNOWLEDGE that this is not something wrong with her, this is the anxiety speaking(!) really might help. don't wait to see if it gets worse, start searching for a professional that specializes in anxiety disorders in children, not just a random dr. If you don't want to bring her to see someone yet, maybe YOU could go see one to get advice about the situation. The sooner the better, this may be shaping who she is as a person.

Good luck to you both! PM me if you want.