7 Year Old Can't Make up His Mind

well, first I have to agree with B on taking the school bus if it's an option. Eliminates the battle (or at least keeps it at home).

2ndly, I would not have re-entered the drop line. He made his choice & ended up disappointing his cousins....because you allowed him to. From an accountability standpoint, I think he needs to apologize to you....to his uncle/cousins....& to the police officer....for throwing a fit & not behaving.

This may sound hardcore to you....but I feel strongly about apologies & accountability when it comes to fits & tantrums. Nobody should have to witness it! & as for time limits....absolutely! I use 1-2-3....not 2 minutes. I am in control...not the child. :)

First off, I promise that YOU felt bad far longer than he did. Kids can and do bounce back from meltdowns very quickly, meanwhile we parents are often left torn up and doubtful for hours afterward.
Second, yes I do think you're over thinking this. If he has a hard time making choices or decisions just make them for him. It's likely a maturity issue, or maybe it's a part of his personality. When we were remodeling our house for example, I had the HARDEST time making decisions, especially when there were many options. You would think that picking out tile or paint colors would be fun and even easy but I was often overwhelmed. Luckily I had a contractor who really understood my style and taste so I would frequently defer to him. I was like Don, you know what I like, YOU pick out the crown molding!

*What Sue H above said.

Poor mama. Yes, we've all been there! I've sent my son to school without breakfast because he couldn't decide what he wanted or just wouldn't eat what I fixed him that morning. And then the guilt hits me as soon as he walks into school and then when he comes home I feed him a king's feast and he can't even remember why I'm acting like that!

I would just explain to him that sometimes your word is law and he won't get to chose anything, for safety and rules sake, like for you guys this morning. Let him know you will always let him chose when the time is right. All other times, he just needs to listen to you. I say this only because during a time of emergency, he is going to need to listen without argument and question.

First, G., yep, we've all had mornings when we said goodbye and felt both relief (that we were exiting the drama) and guilt (that we couldn't make our kids morning better).

If it were me, I'd just take that other choice off the table for a while. (The choice to go with cousins). If he asks, I'd just say "do you remember the last time you chose to go, and then changed your mind? That morning was really hard for you, and both your teacher and I need you to walk into school calm and ready to learn.

When my son gets in a stage like this, I limit his choices to things that he has control over, like "your choices for dinner are already on your plate... you can choose from what's been given" (no 'from the cupboard' choices, like "I want mac-n-cheese--- no, I really wanted the pizza"). I think this is something a lot of kids struggle with. Ask my son if he wants the red toothbrush or the blue one and wow... you might be waiting a while. I also present choices in a limited way: I might set out socks, underwear and pants and two shirts, so he can practice choosing but not have to choose everything.

In regard to 'can he understand this..." well, tough one. I think kids go through phases where they do well, then get challenged again. That said, this is developmental.... I did a bit of Googling for you and found this statement in regard to aspects of social/emotional development:

"Wants all of everything and finds it difficult to make choices. " (which I think is likely the root of what you are seeing)

from: http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/fosterparents/training/cdevguid...

The article is worth a look, as they offer parental advice for each 'challenge' parents come across at this age. Really one of the better presentations of age development that I've seen.

Are you sure you're not writing about me? Sometimes I have that sort of trouble deciding, too!

You're concerned about your overthinking the issue. Have you thought that maybe your son is overthinking the issue? Some kids have to learn about this, and it seems to me you're already on the right track. "Michael, either way will be fine. You can't do both, but that's all right - tomorrow is another day, another decision. But when it's time to make a choice, you *must* make it when I say. If you don't make it then, someone else will make it for you. And that's all right once in a while, too. We'll try it again tomorrow."

If he balks tomorrow (or whenever), it could be a little bit of a power game, in which case you'll have to enforce the decision YOU make for him.

It could be that he'll feel happier in general when he doesn't have to worry about his decisions so much. Is he that way about other things, too? Does he have a hard time deciding between chocolate and vanilla?

He's fine. Yes, you're overthinking it. This stuff happens. No, there's nothing you can say to him to help him understand. He's 7, and 7 year old brains aren't always rational.

You don't always have to make him stick to his first choice -- though that's probably the best plan. A little flexibility on occasion is appropriate. Everything you did this morning made sense. But he's fine.

Life lessons are the best teacher vs. mom's rationalization, and your son just had one of those. And sometimes it's nice to have a cop handy to force kid out of the car. ;)

Oh sure we've all been there.

And one morning of my daughters Kindergarten years I dropped her off after having just a terrible morning with her. By the time I got to work I started thinking about how just terrible our morning had been and feeling guilty that we both started our day like that. I could not wait to see her after...and when I did she had all smiles and lots of hugs to give. I still apologized in my case as I lost my patience that morning.

For your son I think after school is the time you could mention that you don't like starting your mornings and his mornings out that way. I'd also mention how normally, when things like that happen, he's able to have time to calm down but unfortunately sometimes he won't get that time. Then I'd also mention that maybe from now on, lets just plan you walk in the normal way and only do the drop off with his uncle if the normal way isn't possible.

I have been working on my DD that there is a window of opportunity. Once it's closed, you get what you get. My DD is 5 and can mostly understand that there are timeframes for things. If she doesn't ask for a show before it comes on, she doesn't get to see all of it. If she doesn't get a move on in her bath, she doesn't get a bedtime book. Etc. I think you are beating yourself up and don't need to. Kids are indecisive often. If he can't make up his mind, then choose for him (I tell my DD if she really cares, she'll make a choice or I will and sometimes she says, "YOu go ahead and choose."). I also don't give DD open choices. It's one of two or maybe three things. That's it. And if there's really not time to hem and haw, I just do it. Like pick her shoes or pack her lunch without her input. Sometimes you just gotta get going.

FWIW, my DD needs to choose her drop off when we get in the car, and then we stick with it. If I walk her in, I need to look for parking outside the lot sometimes so I need to be ready.

It's kind of like the scene in Labyrinth. "She chose down!" Pick a direction and deal with it.

This is actually too much baloney going on here with a 7 year old. At this age, we need to be making forward motion into the land of growing up and taking control of decisions and choices....not throwing fits, screaming about a choice, and then flippity-flopping on what we want to do and holding up the car line at drop-off. This little boy is lucky because in my house I would have simply put the car in park, gotten him out and told him to have a nice day looking ridiculous in the drop-off line for throwing a fit. One day of that I I bet you he won't do it again. I don't want this to come off harsh and please don't feel like I am tearing you up....I am not a mean and nasty person so I hope none of this comes off as such. However, I do feel like you may have coddled your son more than necessary and have now contributed to his habitual inability to roll with decisions and simple choices. It takes all but three days to make a habit and no less that 30 days to break it!

Tough love, mom. Tell him that there will be no more drama in the drop-off line but that if there is, he owns it and he's getting out of the car on the spot and in whatever mood he is presently in. Stop babying him and stop guilt-tripping yourself for putting the foot to the floor. Have great conversation in the car on the way to school but when you arrive, say your good-byes, let him out, and be gone. At age 7....it's time to act like a big boy now.

Hon, Mama, I think you are being wayyyy toooo clinical about this. Just stop. Put yourself in his little shoes. Yes, seeing Uncle and cousins was a one time fun thing, but you are his main squeeze right now. And when he realized that by walking in with them, he didn't get his mommy farewell, it just paralyzed him.

And then when he did get his mommy hug and kiss, he wanted more and more. Sounds totally normal, emotionally and developmentally. Be happy that he loves you this much that he chose you over your brother and cousins. Very sweet.

The deal is he is a normal little boy with all sorts of ideas many of them last minute, but you are the mom and sometimes, you need to remind him, "that sounds like a fun idea, but we need to plan stuff like that, so we will plan your good idea for tomorrow. Love you, have fun at school. "

He needs you to be the strong one the one with the rules and the one that knows what is best for him..

He is testing and does not even realize it. So you need to have some rules about these things.

Last minute on the way to school or in the drop off line, does not really work.. So planning the night before needs to be the rule. Remember your brother may be dealing with their own dramas, so you do not want to pile on, just in case.

This afternoon mention this new rule to him. Turn him into a planner, rather than a last minute kid.

Let him know you do not mind discussing these things when you all have time.

The reason he continues to have trouble planning and making up his mind is because you have not set up some rules about it,.

I love last minute, and new ideas or new ways to do things, but our daughter learned that sometimes, we just cannot. It goes smoother to plan and think it out so that we do not feel so stressed and rushed. Also we need to think about the others and how it could affect them.

Compliment him when he makes a suggestion, but also ask him what is the plan and then you guide him to realize this is going to work, or this may not work this time., and that is ok, because we are going to remember and try it his way very soon, Ask him to remind you so you do not forget. He will appreciate that he is going to have control over reminding you.

Do not feel bad about this morning. The world is bigger than us, other people were also trying to get their children into the school and get on their way too. Your son needs to learn he is not always going to be able to do what he wants at that moment and that he will survive and have a good day.

Can your 7 yr old ride a bus to school?

First of all, yes, all kids will test their control over you in many different ways...sometimes you have to be the authority figure, YOU make the decision, and he should be expected to cooperate. But you have a tough one now, because he expects to be in control of everything....stop. Be the parent, and when you decide to do something, do it with the dispassionate gaze of a velociraptor. When you want to let him make a choice, go ahead, but when it is not convenient, DON'T.

If it were me, when we pulled out of the driveway at home, I would tell him he has until you reach the driveway at school to make a choice. If he hasn't decided, then I would just pull into the drop-off line and that's where he'd be let out.