So we have a 4 year old son who will be 5 in July. He has always liked school...he's in preshcool now. I have a couple of situations...1. Lately he befriended another kid in class who seems to get into trouble alot. He's been copying this kid and now is also getting into trouble. How can I handle this? what's a good way to bring it up to the teachers?
2. In addition to that, he's been saying lately that he hates school, hates his teachers, friends, etc. He's pretty smart I think...he seems to be very mechanically smart, can take stuff apart and put it back together, etc. but he hates to sit and write his name and letters/numbers, etc. i don't think it helps either that he told me if he's in a time out he has to sit and write letters & numbers. I'm not into child psychology, but it seems this would make writing seem negative to the kids. We decided to not send him to kindergarten and wait until next year because of this (i talked to his ped and she agreed too) but now i'm wondering if he is just bored in this class. It's a pre-kindergarten class with 4 & 5 year olds in it. how can i determine if he really is bored or if he's just not ready for kindergarten yet?
children often mimic their "friends" it may mean they allow themselves to be led-and it may be a lapse in judgement-but it doesn't mean that they are incapable of learning. Keep him apart from the bad influence-at five you can do this-at sixteen-not so easy-so do it now.
Wow! Some real red flags here! Children should not be asked to sit in time out and write as a punishment! Preschool writing should be a fun and engaging activity...not a punishment. I would be looking for another preschool! But before you do that...remember that it is a four year old that is providing you with this information. He might be seeing things a little differently than the adults do. I am not saying that he is lying to you...I just know as a teacher myself, sometimes kids do not convey information as it really happened. Their reality can be different than what the real reality of the situation is.
I would go in and just say you are concerned about his behavior...don't mention the other student. Ask them why they think this is happening, what seems to trigger the disruptive behavior, and see where the conversation goes from there. They might be seeing something that you are unaware of or missing. I would also ask the teachers what their recommendation is for next year.
If your child is not interested in the more "academic" side of things, it will probably do well to wait a year for kindergarten. As a kindergarten teacher I can tell you that kindergartens, at least the majority of ones I am familiar with, are very academic these days. A child who is not ready to sit for at least 15 minutes and attend to a story or task will suffer in kindergarten. It can be very stressful for children who are not ready to attend in class. He is telling you he is not ready by acting out, saying he hates school, and getting the negative attention that the other boy is getting. If he is showing these signs now it will probably continue into kindergarten, and then you are starting him off on the wrong foot. It will be hard to change his attitude towards school if it starts out bad.
I would find another fun, hands-on, engaging preschool that encourages children to learn through play.
The preschool your son is in sounds crappy. My 2 daughters are in preschool one is 3 and the other is 4 will be 5 in July. They don't do time outs per se for negative behavior but if there is an issue they will have them stop doing whatever the activity is that they were doing when they misbehaved. My girls have not had any issues in school however. But it sounds punitive to me! I think you should look into a Montessori school for your son. He sounds very smart and you don't want him getting into trouble for no good reason other than a poor start to school. As far as his troublesome friend why don't you try and find some other friends for him?
I think you should ask the school itself for an evaluation, they will look at all of these things and run some tests, you are there for the process in my experience and will help give you and the teacher etc tools to help.
I would have some real questions about this preschool. Writing is not a punishment. That is setting up lifelong issues. If his ped. agrees with the redshirting, I'd go with that. I know way more parents of boys who wish they had waited than the other way around. I'd look into a better preschool.
I went through the same thoughts this year and ultimately decided kindergarten. A few months ago we took a tour of our neighborhood school and saw the curriculum for kindergarten. Turns out that, in spite of his refusal to sit still, he is beyond prepared academically. I think if we hold him back we will have problems due to being bored. So checking with the school where you intend to send him for kindergarten and finding out what they will be teaching is a good place to start.
For the troublesome friend- Just ask every day how the day went, if he got into trouble, who DID get into trouble (my 4 year loves telling on his classmates to me-lol), what did he eat (did he make a "happy plate"), who did he play with, did he have to sit in time out, etc. This is our conversation every day on the way home, and if I miss a question, he reminds me. Make sure to do it every day! This way he know you are on top of things. You can tell when they are fibbing too. I tell him I will ask his teacher I suspect it, and he usually gives up the info. lol My son's teachers are very open when I ask if he has been a good boy. I ask every day.
As for the writing- sit down and do it with him. Get an activity book and do the exercises with him. You will learn a lot about his readiness, and if he is just bored or is having trouble.
Hope this helps!
Could be this other kid. Obviousl he is picking up the negative behaviors.
Summer will be a good break for him. You might see a big difference in
him. Go with your gut. If you think he would benefit from another year
of pre-k then keep him there. Mom knows best.
I would spend some time in the classroom and see exactly what the teachers are doing, what the curriculum is--perhaps there is too much sitting down being quiet time-- As far as your son being ready for kindergarten, there is criteria for kindergarten readiness, basic stuff really. I am not in favor of holding kids back, usually that just delays what ever issues there might be. It really is a matter of finding the right fit, be that school, teacher, curriculum.
I agree that making kids write as a discipline in time out is very unwise and makes the children see writing letters and numbers as negative. I'm extremely surprised the teacher is doing this and glad that it's nearly the end of the school year if she (or he) employs this type of method.
It sounds like your son may be a more "kinetic" learner -- the kind of child who learns by doing things with his hands rather than by listening with his ears; the kind who has to see and do rather than listen and absorb that way. Do some research and talk to some teachers (but probably not this particular teacher) about children's different learning styles to find out more about how best to reach your son and keep him engaged and interested. I don't know all the details but have read that finding a child's individual learning style can make a big difference between a bored kid and a kid who's thrilled to be at school. (For instance some "kinetic learner" kids really do need to stand up and move around while they are absorbing things, whereas some teachers just say, "He's too wiggly and isn't listening." Other kids need peace and quiet and stillness to learn, etc.)
As for the friend, I would bring it up to the teachers just as you have here. He seems to be copying, especialy if he was not in trouble before now suddenly is in trouble consistently. You can ask the teachers to find ways to separate them a bit, maybe putting them at different tables if the teachers assign tables for activities, etc. But the school year is nearly over, and summer will help separate them. By next fall the other boy could be a perfect gentleman -- it does happen at this age that they change a lot and last spring's wild man can be the next winter's mature guy.
