4 Year Old Pushing It

Updated on May 12, 2011
J.B. asks from Garfield, WA
7 answers

my 4 year old daughter is really trying my patients. she acts out badly. she will do things she isnt supposed to do and when i ask her not to do it she will do i more. i have resulted to making her nap. anything seems to set her off. one night i told her it was time to brush her teeth and she yelled and screamed at me for 10 mins saying she wants all her teeth to fall out. she carried on and screamed for an hour. everyone in my house (husband, fil, and mil) think im being horrible to my kid when i not even yelling or swatting her. because all they can hear is her screaming like she is being beat i have no idea if she is tired or what. she goes to bed between 8-9p and wakes between 6-8a. the only reason she wakes before is when my mil is being too loud when getting ready for work.

any helpful advice would be great.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Well, my 4 year old son is going through that too at times.
4 years old is NOT an easy age.
Went through that with my daughter too, at that age.

Girls, are more emotional.
They are also, hormonal.
At certain ages, their hormones do fluctuate. Even in kids.

Does she do chores?
Give her a sense of responsibility.
Of 'caring' for her home etc.

I also tell my son, we are ALL a part of a "TEAM." He likes that.
Give her a time span for finishing something, before you have her end it and do something else.
Use a timer.
Give her verbal head's up first, of something coming up. Kids, do not like to be SUDDENLY told something, then SUDDENLY have to stop, abruptly, if they were in the middle of something.
"Transition" her to, the next thing you need her to do.
Incorporate her INTO it.

And sure, if over-tired they get worse.

Sometimes, I even tell my son or daughter, MOMMY is going away. MOMMY will NOT help you... if you cannot cooperate. If they ask me for something, I say No. BECAUSE they were so indignant, right before.

The book "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Leman, is also good. Easy read. Not derogatory. Good tips.

Or at the worse of times, I simply tell my son NO. You can yell/scream and it will NOT work. That I KNOW he is doing that to make me do what he wants. But, it will NOT work. So, he can scream all he wants. Too bad. But tell me when you are done. Or go in your room and scream there. THEN tell me when you are done. Nicely. Then, Mommy is right there.

Again, 4 years old is hard.

I stand my ground.
My son, WILL later, come to me... and apologize. Sincerely.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

It sounds like behavior from the lack of discipline, not punishment discipline. J.

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K.H.

answers from Dallas on

I recommend you look into a technique called love and logic...it makes the child responsible for their actions. Another suggestion is to make sure you use transitions when switching from one thing to the next. For example, your child is playing and its almost bed time you say "are you ready to get brush your teeth or do you need one more minute"? other than that try to follow the same nightly routine and be consistent in your discipline.

Good luck and hang in there..oh and don't worry about what other people think kids are kids and there will be days things are hairy!

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A.C.

answers from Springfield on

OMG, we must be in the same boat because my 4 year old son is the same way!!!!!! I have to deal with daily tantrums over silly things, eating dinner, taking a bath, getting dressed and everything else! We are constantly taking his toys away, tv priviledges, and putting him in the naughty corner as we like to refer to it. We also try to be very consistent with discipline. I've heard that they get better as they turn 5!!! I hope it's true! Good luck! Just know that we are all suffering just like you! :)

2 moms found this helpful

B.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

Sounds like belated terrible twos. She seems to be testing you. I would let her stay in her room until she is done acting like that. When she is ready to act like a good girl, she can come out. Maybe Julie is right- maybe she needs to be disciplined. Have a spot in your house where she can go and sit when she has been bad. We used the staircase. They had to go sit on the stairs until they were ready to stop yelling and to be good. Doesn't matter if it was during dinner or what- had to go sit on the stairs! Whatever you choose, you HAVE to stick with it. She is testing you so you have to be strong.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

I was going to say the same as spidermonkey... I have a four year old girl and she is the boldest and most defiant little thing right now. She used to be so outstandingly well behaved and mature. LOL. I personally just keep up with our original rules and give her a time out, take things or privledges away, etc., and keep my cool. I'm consistent, calm and clear. She has these "authority challenges" several times a day, usually.

I've had some practice, LOL: I also have a 7 and 6 year old girl (as well as a 2 year old girl). this is totally normal for her age and this stage WILL PASS!!! :) :) Just hang in there, don't let her get the best of you. She's just testing her power and limits and such.

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H.G.

answers from Dallas on

Do we have the same 4 yr old?? Mine is a crazy lady sometimes! I ignore her. Pisses her off but when she doesn't get a rise out of me, its not fun anymore. Working out so far!

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