4 Year Old Not Listening - Chicago,IL

You are not alone. My DD is going to be 4 this summer and a lot of friends are reporting the same behavior.

Something a friend said was to keep punishments swift and reward her for being good. So if she wants to negotiate her consequence, don't. Just lay it out, be done, move on. Then later when she's being good, praise her, spend time with her, etc.

My DH is similarly fed up with DD's behavior but I can't get him to stop negotiating with her and basically giving her his undivided attention for being bad. However, if my DH hit our child with a spoon (not something that worked on me as a kid BTW) and I strongly disagreed with it (which I do), I would make it stop. That wouldn't be something I could sit by on.

If she leaves a mess on the floor, get her and make her stop WHATEVER she is doing to clean it up. If she balked, I would say I didn't want to hear it. This is what happens when she doesn't do the right thing in the first place.

I've heard that 4 can be a tough age. Hang in there. I'm right there with you!

My DD wil be 6 in July and we are still dealing with some similar things! When they are babies the problems are small, but when they get older the problems just get more tough!!! ;) That being said, rewarding the positive behavior is the best way to get through this. Don't ingnore the bad, simply don't give in to the temptation to give her the attention she is trying to get.
Try to redirect before it blows up and try to implement a sticker chart for when she does something positive. We have one for the month and fwith each day of the week. Pick a few things you want her to work on....e.g listen & follow directions; chores; playing well with brother, etc. Then pick how many stickers will give what prizes. We have, get 10 stickers-pick a movie to watch (we don't get to watch a movie very often); get 20- pick a prize out of basket (we keep small dollar store toys, coloring books in it, etc) then get 40 stickers- pick a special place to go (Jump zone, museum, Chuck E Cheese, etc) This really seems to help my DD by rewarding the positive behavior! Good luck with it all! Just remember no one is perfect and sometimes we all do things we regret, but we learn from them and find what works best for our own families!

Our son, 4.5, is similar in the negotiating as well. When we were talking with his doctor about some of our challenges last year, one thing he mentioned is that while we may find it admirable to have some of these traits now....that as he gets older, others in society may not. (ie. when he gets pulled over for speeding, a police officer may not appreciate him trying to talk and negotiate) :) It is hard b/c we don't want to stop him from negotiating...but we don't want an obnoxious kid either. :)

Our Dr. also recommended timeouts for any behavior that we want to discourage...hitting, etc. He suggested a visual timeclock to use that they can watch during the timeout. We have this one...
http://www.amazon.com/TIMER-INCH-MODEL-AUDIBLE-OPTION/dp/...

and to focus on 3 things maximum each week to improve....and having a board to display it. we got this one...
http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Deluxe-Magnetic-Respon...

He also suggested ensuring that there is a schedule for what the day will entail so that he knows what to expect. We have a calendar on the wall that we talk about the month/day/weather for the day at breakfast and then a schedule pocket chart on the wall as to what we are doing for the day and at what time.
http://www.leapsandbounds.com/catalog/product.jsp?product...
and
http://www.amazon.com/Scholastic-Teachers-Friend-TF5102-S...

It also might be that she has too much freedom and needs more rules, schedule consistency or structure. We have been experiencing similar behavior as a result of this combined with too much change. :(

BTW...he also recommended this book...we haven't made our way thru it all but the other suggestions he gave above helped us.
http://www.amazon.com/SOS-Help-Parents-Third-Edition/dp/0...

Good luck...sounds perfectly normal regardless of parenting style. :)