4 Year Old Having Accidents

I have a 9 year old stepdaughter and she had a problem with wetting the bed untilshe was 7 and had a similar situation as you were she would come see her Dad (my husband) every other week then with her Mom the rest of time so it maybe the transistion, we've been together since she was 5.

Awwww!! I am so sorry that you and your girls are in this situation. I am sure that the stress is hard on all of you. I have heard that any traumatic or major changes that happen in a child's life can cause this to happen.

I'm sure you are giving her a ton of love and support, but I think you still need to tell her that if she can not make it to the bathroom, she will have to wear diapers. She does need to be motivated and that usually does it, especially at her age. I know that most preschools and daycares do not take them at that age if they are not potty trained. It will become another hardship for you if you can't find a place to take her.

I feel so bad for her...my heart just aches. It is so hard when divorce happens and the children are just put right in the middle of it. They didn't choose it and they definitely don't understand it.

I wish the best for you and your little family!!! Good luck and have a very Merry Christmas! Be grateful that you have each other. It could always be worse. :)

Take Care!

Hi L.,

It's highly possible that she is reacting to your divorce. Kids tend to regress to old behaviors when they are feeling stressed or in need of attention.

I would guess that it probably has a lot to do with the living situation changing. It's hard for children to express a lot of their feelings and when they feel they have lost control of a situation they often react by having accidents. i think it may be becaue it is something that they feel they can control, not that they would realize it enough to explain it when we ask them why they peed in their pants without even saying that they needed to go.

When my work hours changed a couple months back my daughter 3 1/2 started to have accidents right after I got home. It lasted about 2 weeks until either she just stopped or got used to my longer work hours. I'm not sure which, but atleast it seems to be over with!

I guess I would just try reassuring your child that you love her but don't like it when she does that. I told my daughter that it made me sad that she was having accidents again when I knew that she was a big girl and knew how to go potty on the toilet. After I had her changed I would give her a big hug and ask her if she felt better now that she was in clean dry clothes, and remind her that it's uncomfortable to be in yucky wet clothes. Like I said, it still took a while, but it did work for us...thankfully the work hours are going back to normal soon!

I would start with asking a doctor. Sometimes it can be a sign of juvenile diabetes, not to say that is what it is. Then I would maybe seek counseling on it. Hopefully it is just a minor set back that can be easily corrected by asking her frequently if she needs to use the restroom.

I also have a 4 1/2 year old who has been fully potty trained for 2 years, no recent changes and she started having accidents, but only at home. She usually has no problems at pre-kindergarden. Seperation, birth of new baby, any stress could definately trigger accidents for your daughter. I would like to know what is going on with mine. I have even had medical tests done, and no answers. I hope you find yours, and please share if you find something that may work for my daughter.

It sounds like she doesn't do well with change and stress. My daughter did this when my son was born. Doctor said it was normal. I just pretended it was no big deal and just casually changed her clothes. She soon stopped when she realized she wasn't getting any attention for it. Since she has no indication she has to go when she has these accidents I would have the doctor make sure there isn't a medical reason for the accidents. I hope this helps.

The seperation is certianly one reason that this may be happening as it is very common with children to revert back to more childlike behavior. It seems to be an unconcious regression that gets them more attention when they aren't sure themselves what is bothering them. I would talk to a doc for further info. While I say this I feel compelled to remind you that you are a goood mom. Just because the problem is there doesn't mean you are the root of all evil. Please remember that this hurt can be helped with love and after all who better to give the cure than mommy. Remember to lay the guilty feelings to rest so you all can move on. Sincerly B.

I completely agree with the other women! But, I would like to mention medical issues. Some UA's do not present typical symptoms. I would talk with you ped!

Yes that is why. children don't know how to deal with there emottions so I'm guessing that it's going on in her head all day and there is no room for "do I have to go pee?" I suggest child therapy. I don't know where you work but some company's offer free therapy thru a plan called EAP=Employee Assistance Program. Find out of your employer offer's is. if not find a therapist for her. they are great. i remember when my mom and dad split I was almost 5 and my brother was just turned 3. my mom brought us there and we sat in a playroom with the lady and playd with toys while she asked us questions. I don't remember anything but playing with the toys. But it really helped my mom becuase we were always talking about daddy and wanting him and he never wanted us really you know. I'm sure it will help even if its 1 or 2 sessions. that way the therapist can help you deal with her accidents and find a way around them. There good at that stuff but make sure this person specilizes in children or familys.

Hmmmm. I am not a medical or phsycoligical expert.. Only MOM here... My children are nearly grown... I dont remember any episodes other than night time bed wetting with my youngest son til he was in upper elementary school.. this was because he was a deep sleeper and did not feel the signs/urges... I have a grandaughter that is almost 4... she was late in potty training (mainly because momma and other care givers were not consistant with her)... Though, I have noticed this... there have been many times,since, during waking hours where she would suddenly need to "go".. I think she just waits till the last second... sometimes cause she is busy and sometimes i think she doesnt realize the urgency til it is too late... In your case... I do believe that family uproar can attribute to her situation...but also cause she is just "busy"... i wouldnt be too concerned unless the situation lasts for several month or more... then I would take her to a medical professional.. and see what they think... Who knows... wish i could offer you a better answer