4 Year Old Hates to Practice Anything Academic

Don't worry. Last year my daughter was five and in kindergarten. She HATED doing any work outside of school. Constantly put her head on the table and cried every time I tried to help her do some homework. We contemplated not sending her to first grade (she also has a late birthday) But, we ended up sending her, and out of nowhere she is "eating up" all that is academic. She can even read "Goose Bumps" books! So, my opinion is that they'll do it when they're ready.

Don't teach him. Just play games. You want him to enjoy learning new things. For numbers, I have my children count out how many m&ms they get or tell me how many peas they want and we count them together as I put them on the plate. Count how many jumping jacks he can do with you. Count how many steps to the swingset, etc. He doesn't have to say it, but you can and he'll eventually join in if you make silly voices while you do it. When we go to the mall, we find letters together - start with A and go down the alphabet. My daughter (now almost 7) loved to learn and was reading full books in Kindergarten. My middle boy (4.5) could care less and even told me he'd learn it in Kindergarten. :) Little smarty pants. I also invited him to trace the letters we find (that are low enough) with his finger so that he gets familiar with the shape. He's actually doing really well and I think he'll be plenty prepared for Kindergarten. Now we play the "what letter starts the word XXX" so that he starts relating letters to sounds. We use simple words like cat, dog, fish, etc. We always give positive reinforcement when he gets it. If he doesn't want to participate, we just move on. He'll eventually get it.

Good luck!

Hi S.,

Have you thought about taking your son to a speech therapist?

Getting professional help could help you learn about your son's speech problem and give you ways to help your child learn.

Good luck. D.

My 5 year-old twins LOVE the Leap Frog DVD's: Letter Factory and Talking Words Factory are great for learning letter sounds and it's fun with lots of catchy tunes. Otherwise, take it easy! Boys, in general, tend to be interested in "academic" stuff a little later than girls. He's only 4!! Besides, I bet he does some serious design and engineering work with his train tracks, race tracks, tinkertoys or legos, doesn't he! His speech will correct. I really don't think you need a speech therapist, yet! These are just my opinions! My boys did the same things "We don't want to write letters anymore!" "Mommy, stop counting now." Then all of a sudden, they started doing it on their own and really advanced quickly.

At 4yo, when he's done, he's done! Make it fun! but remember a 4yo attention span isn't very long! If you are correcting him...as in: no no, it's pronouced this way, it may make him feel 'not good enough'. Keep it light and fun!

Hi, S.-

As the mom of four boys (now college-age and above), I strongly encourage you not to worry just yet. Counting and sounds can all be practiced in the context of doing fun things, rather than a strictly academic way. For example, he could help with dinner by measuring and counting ingredients to hand to you, or count the number of wheels on the big trucks you pass while driving. Our boys got very good at counting when we gave them something to divide evenly among themselves. The whole crew got in on the act!

But please be patient and don't feel that anything is wrong with him, and definitely don't focus on mistakes he makes. That would make me want to "not do this anymore" either! He's only four, and life and learning can and should be fun.

Good luck!

I agree with the folks below -- make it a game involving everyday activities and don't stress out because it likely will all "click" soon. He's only four. But two other points:

1. Is he in a preschool program of any kind? Even a half-day program two or three days a week? That might help. Some kids simply respond better to learning from adults who aren't their parents. Doesn't mean the kids don't love us; it just means they might learn better from a third party who isn't as close to them all day, every day. Sometimes they like to "perform" for adults who aren't their parents but whom they like and want to please.

2. Consider having him evaluated by a speech therapist who specializes in young children. My daughter, who at 4 was extremely verbal, good vocabulary, etc. had one speech issue--she said "f" or "v" for "th." Muvver, favver, bruffer. Her preschool had a good speech therapist who worked with all the kids weekly, and that therapist identified the problem and she felt that this particular issue doesn't necessarily go away on its own. My daughter had about three months of weekly speech therapy and it was gone. The therapy was pure fun for her -- she thought of it as very special private time with an adult who was playing games with just her! She still talks about how she misses it! You might get a different opinion and decide against any therapy, of course, but it might be worthwhile just to find out if the f-for-th problem needs work for him or not. Good luck!

Hi S.,
As the mother of a 5 year old and owner of a tutoring company I can completely understand where you're coming from.
Although it may seem early to be thinking about academics, now is the time when your son is gaining pre-reading, pre-writing, and pre-math skills. His low frustration tolerance is most likely indicative of an underlying problem. When he says 'this is hard, I don't want to' - it may be related to something else that is impeding his ability. Though I've dealt with this exact issue with my youngest son, I also deal with it regularly on a professional level. The skills that your son is gaining now are the foundation for success in kindergarten and beyond. You may want to consider having your son assessed with the DABERON, KRT, or Woodcock Johnson Tests of Achievement to see where he's at. These are nationally normed assessments that will give you a good sense of his underlying strengths and weaknesses, as well as plan for the future. Even though we might not be in the same area, feel free to check out our website and give us a call if you have any questions on testing. Good luck!
A. Dolin, M.Ed.
www.ectutoring.com
www.anndolin.com

My son is 4 as well and he used to say the same thing until we introduced the "cars" racing game to him. He plays for about 30-45 minutes a day but the good thing (if there is one) is that he has to "keep trying" and not give up to get to be the winner and to go on to other races. It was a struggle at first but we kept telling him to keep trying over and over and my husband would help show him the way and now we incorporate that keep trying attitude into him with learning how to read and anything else. It works for us.
Good luck :)

Hi S.! I am B. Deck and I live in Strasburg Va. I am a mother of 5 children. Three boys ages 14, 10, and 8. Two girls age 4 and 2. My 2nd and 3rd sons sound a lot like your 4yr. old when they were that age. It turned out that Sammy is ADD. He hated anything that had to do with academics. He ended up repeating 2 years of Kindergarten before we realized that there was a real problem. He is now 10 and he is on a medication called Vyvanse. It made the world of difference academically. Michael has a speech problem. He could not pronounce any words starting or ending with th. He is 8 now, but has been taking speech therapy since he was 4. Have you taken him to a pediatrician? It possibly could still be his age. I would not fret over it until he starts school. But if you feel he is not ready to go to kindergarten, you can always keep him home one more year. I did that with Michael and it did help him a lot. He just wasn't ready to go that first year. If you would like to keep in touch and chat feel free to email me at any time.

B. Deck
____@____.com

I just thought I might mention that my daughter was slightly similar. When she was 3 and 4, I tried working on her letters, and sounds, counting...and she just refused. She loved books, so I tried to inspire her by telling her she could eventually learn to read books on her own...said she already could. (Which of course she couldn't). So I really had no idea what she knew/didn't know. Once she started school, she really got into it all and now (in kindergarten) has surprised me by all the reading she can now do! I was worried she would be more difficult about learning the stuff in school. A small suggestion, since my daughter loved reading so much, I got (from ebay, cheaply) one of those scholastic alphabet books, one book for every letter...and started reading those. She did really like them, and was in a way squeezing in a bit of learning through something she enjoyed.
K.

S.,

My daughter was very bright but was not interested in academics. She was extremely interested in learning all she could about hair, cooking, sewing and other things. I decided that, since she was so bright, she could learn the academics in a matter of weeks. Therefore, I would let her learn what she was interested in learning to make sure she learned to LOVE LEARNING! Sure enough, just when I was about to force her to learn the academics, she came to me and said, "Mommy, would you teach me my ABC's." Less than one year later, she could read at the second grade level. She is now in the second grade and reads at the 5th grade level. She scored 100% on nearly all of her test this year. Her principal says she is one of her smarted students.

She is also good with hair, sewing, cooking, debating and lots of other things. She is very well rounded and I think it is because I let her learn to love learning by learning all the good things that her heart desired when she was actually interested in them.

Granted, each child is different. I should know, I have four of them and they are all extremely different. Therefore, this may or may not apply to your son. But I hope it helps.

T.

Hi S.,
I agree with Lisa's post. The best way is through every day things. Putting juice boxes in the fridge, singing songs, coloring, playing with legos How many green ones? how many blue ones? how many all together?
M.

As a mother of a 4 year old who is probably getting ready to read I'll just say with a smile and sigh, "cool out". My daughter looks at letters and numbers a lot but doesn't really want to get "into it" either. What I figured out is for me, let her direct how much she wants to learn at what time. I figure, when she gets to school and sees all the other kids reading and doing appropriate math, she'll do it to since she is very prepared for it. She even said "a is for apple and a is for ant" very proudly. She probably got it at day care and that's great. It sounds like you have given your son a great start so he will be able to handle any academics that are thrown at him. My daughter also substituted an f for th's as well and being a professional vocalist this is uniquely distressing for me. However, I'm going to wait and see since kids commonly make these kind of mistakes at this age and it can be changed in a bit if you still see it happening in Kindergarden or 1st grade.

You are doing great!!! Have some food or dessert that you like and congratulate yourself that your son is doing great too.
A.

Hi S.,

I'm a Mom of 2 boys...12 and 8.
First of all, good for you for practicing with him. Now, try to turn it into a game. Ask him to make up a goofy name for a teacher, then "dress up" as that teacher. Be really silly about it. It'll make it so much more fun for both of you. I would encourage you to set a definite time limit on these study sessions. Your child is geared for play at this age and not for sitting down and studying.
But I had great success with dressing up and pretending to be different made up teachers. I would get other neighborhood kids involved, too, if they came over for a playdate. It was fun. You get to use different accents and voices. It made things go much smoother and was a great bonding time.
Hope this helps!
J. W.

Boys are generally kinesthetic. Movement, music and a happy face! When he's ready, he's ready. Teach without him knowing he's being taught. Right now, just move your finger across the page from left to right when you're having a reading snuggle, teach the letter sound associations rather than singing the alphabet, teach safety rules, how to tie shoes, zip, etc. If he's not developmetally ready, he won't retain a lot anyway. Teach him how to master coloring, painting and cutting. Science is fun at this age.

My girl is the same way. When she is not in the mood to be challenged, I make sure I break things down so she can accomplish them and see that she can do it. I agree with many others that I doubt is too early to worry about it. Many of the children in my girl's pre-K class have problems with the "th" sound. I know because her name has "th" in it!

just let him be. He will get it when he is ready. Just make sure when you say 13 you say it right and eventually he will get it. There is no need to "correct" him each and every time. He will realize it on his own just like he has learned other aspects of language just by observing. As far as was to get him to practice counting and stuff just do things in everyday life. We count when things go into the fridge to cool off. Sometimes the 4 yo chimes in sometimes not. The 2 yo will try to count with me, sometimes not. Also there are lots of fun computer games they can play. starfall.com is a great one for letters. The word whammer by leapfrog for the frige is great fun too. Just let him learn through life. He is still young and will suck up knowledge like a sponge without you even realizing all the times he is learning.

S.,

My daughter has that problem and what I do with her is use sign language. My son loves it too. Another thing I had to do was listen to how I say different words or letters and train myself to articulate with more detail so she can hear the letter properly. My daughter hears quite well, the problem is getting from what she hears through her brain to her mouth. Somewhere in the process, her letter gets jumbled up and doesn't come out quite right. Also, try getting video games that help him say his letters and numbers and such. My daughter learned plenty of things from just playing a computer game. Hope this helps.