39 Month- Not Potty Trained - Will at School but Refuses to Go at Home???

I need clarification on something. So he goes by himself at school, but not at home. Does that mean that he wears big kid underpants to school, but when he's home he wears a diaper?

The only way to make him go consistently is to be consistent. Throw out the daytime diapers. ONLY use a night time pull up for bed time. As soon as he wakes up the pullup comes off and big boy pants go on.

My son was 3 1/2 when he trained. My brother was close to 4y. If he has shown that he can go and stay dry at school, then it is being lazy.

Talk to the teacher, find out what routine they do at school. Use a similar routine.

BTW, my daughter LOVED the Potty Power DVD.

My middle son turned 3 in June and had NO interest in potty training, but I knew he could do it because he was dry most nights. For about 2 weeks I just started taking him to the toilet every 30 minutes (the 1st week), and every hour (the 2nd week.) Each time he peed or pooped on the potty I gave him 1 goldfish candy, and let him put a sticker on his chart.

The key to getting him to use it was in scheduling it, until he started telling ME when he needed to go. He's been accident and diaper free for about 2 months now, and he's so excited because now he gets to take swimming lessons, like his big, potty trained older brother does ;-)

I would ask your ped for ideas. Also my kids loved the DVD Potty Power, it really worked. Also a yummy treat he loves for everytime he does pee and poop like a mini m&m or something. I think if he goes at school then he is probably ready to do it at home.

One last point, this is just a pet peeve of mine, take it or leave it - he is a 3 year old, not a 39 month old. Sorry if this seems picky.

Good luck with this, I know it is frustrating!

i can't really figure out what you're doing now. you mention backing away (best idea) but then charts, treats, punishment, games.......everything but the kitchen sink, apparently.
he's not stubborn or lazy. he's 3, and confused. he doesn't understand the process in the adult way you expect him to, and every day the rules change.
back off. if he does it at school, he's more comfortable there. take away the anxiety for the poor little guy at home.
he's only 3.
khairete
S.

My youngest is about 3 1/2 and still not quite there, so please know you are not alone. He is currently in pull-ups, because I just got so sick of doing laundry. I try really hard to praise him when he does go and to encourage him. My husband is a little better about getting him to go. He reminds him more often.

My oldest was just a few months shy of his 4th birthday when we potty trained. The first couple of days were tough, but then he picked it up just like that and was potty trained in just a few days.

Pull-ups are a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they safe laundry. On the other, they do not motivate.

Not sure what he's wearing, but if you want to make this happen right now, I would suggest underwear except for naps and bed. If you want to back off for a couple of months, I might consider pull-ups just to save your sanity.

Good luck! You are not alone!!!!!

First, your son is over 3 years old. Not a baby. Second, he is making the choice to use the bathroom at school and not at home. Seems to me it is a behavioral issue and not potty training. As for stressing him? Its time for him to understand consequences. Put him in undies and if he pees in the underroos, he cleans it up.

He does it at school becuase there's peer pressure and he wants to be a big kid just like the others. he doesn't do it at home beucase he knows he's got your unconditional love and no matter what you'll love him. (that's not a bad thing) and now he's probably sticking to his guns at home becuase it's the one thing he has control over. I followed Dr. Phil's method when my son was 3 and it worked like a charme. Basic advice - praise the postivie, ignore the negative. Set up expectations: "I know you're becoming a big boy. You can use the toilet at school all the time and now it's time to use the toilet at home. I expect that you'll use the toilet all the time. When we can go three days without any wet underwear, we're going to have a party. Who should we invite? grandma? cousin Susie? Best friend Michael?" When he wets his pants change them without comment about the potty. "well these are wet, time to change your clothes" no other comment - very matter-of-fact. Ignore it - who cares kind of attitude. But when he uses the toilet - "woohoo! - awseome, I knew you could do it!" and provide a small reward - a few m&m's a special cookie, a hug, a kiss on the cheek, etc. At the end of the first dry day have a special treat - his favorite desert, a trip to his favorite park. At the end of the second dry day have a "famous person" he adores call him on the phone to congratulate him. (My son loved Billy Blazes the rescue hero, so my husband called him from the nieghbor's house to tell him "Wow! I heard you have used the toilet all day long! I heard you were growing up that is awesome!" etc.)
Encourage him, we've made it through one full day, and most of this day. Can't wait to have the party tomorrow afternoon bacuse I know you'll use the toilet the rest of today and tomorrow." Have him help you make cupcakes for the party. Have him pick out what kind of soda, chips, etc. Have him help you call special people to invite. Help him to realize that it's more rewarding to be a big boy than to be a baby.

Good luck mama. It doesn't get easier as they get older - jsut different kinds of sh-t to worry about! ;o)

Never ask him if he has to go. At school they have "bathroom time, everyone go....." (they may have moved past that now if he is with all three yr olds but I'm sure they did it in the two yr old class) My kids NEVER had an accident at school. just at home. so be like a school:
Dont ask, Just tell him it's time to go, take him to the bathroom and make him sit for five minutes, be matter of fact. It's just bathroom time, not a punishment. If he doesnt go, "Ok great job sitting," set the timer for 15 minutes, and go back, if he goes, Great job peeing in the toilet, (kinda same response!) and set the timer for 90 minutes or two hours. Dont make it too big a deal, but he gets no choice whether its time to go. If you have two bathroom give him that choice.

You said it yourself, he's stubborn. Since he goes at school, at home it's either a game to him, since you make it one, or he isn't taking you seriously. I say this because he IS trained, but choosing to not be at home. You ask him if he has to go, tell him it's time to go. Take him out of diapers, have him help clean up when he has an "accident." You can't pressure or stress him out, he KNOWS what to do. Take control away from him, (children can control three things in their life, eating, sleeping and pooping) and make it his responsibility to go and help clean up and look at this site aimed at training stubborn children who refuse to use the potty. It helped me to fully train my guy @ 26 months, no pressure or stress for either of us :

http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

Dang it, I have to do math?

39
24
~~
15

Ok, so your 3 year old IS toilet trained. He has YOU trained. He does it at school because he knows he has to and the teachers have no problems "pressuring" him. No treats, no charts, just straight up keep him in underwear and start having him clean his own accidents. Don't make this work for him any more.

No more choices, no more asking, no more bribes.

Now that you KNOW that he KNOWS what he's supposed to do and he can do it quite well, it's time for punishment. He's got you trained. Time to let him know you are in charge.

No more babying him about this. Matter-of-factly let him know that this is a new day and the old ways WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

Put him in underwear only - if you have any diapers or pull-ups in the house, throw them away! He wears underwear and if he potties in them, he cleans himself up, the floor, and he washes his underwear by hand in the sink. Then he goes and sits on his bed for 20 minutes. No toys; no interaction; just twiddling his thumbs. He needs to learn that it is going to cost him much more to potty his pants than it is to take a minute and use the bathroom.