3 Year Olds Attitudes

This has become a battle of wills..is that how you want to live your life and is it the kind of message you want to send to your daughter? She is becoming old enough to start feeling a little independence from you and a sense of "entitlement"...dont' stifle that!!! How would you deal with an adult who didn't want to go to the bathroom?? Would you force him to go and sit in the bathroom anyway? ASK her if she needs to go potty....discuss how much nicer it is to have a dry bottom and how easy it is to go in and sit on the potty. Try reading a book to her while she is in the bathroom...or have her tell you a story ( great for expanding her imagination and vocal skills)...sing songs together while she is in there. Make it enjoyable.
What does time out teach a child? Do you TRULY think that a three year old is sitting in that bedroom, all alone, thinking "wow, I really disappointed Mom and Dad when I refused to pick up my toys, but I am going to do better next time". No...she is upset and angry...and probably wondering why you shoved her off by herself when she has all of these emotions that she doesn't know how to deal with boiling up inside of her!! Try going to her instead of asking her to come to you...give her choices...empower her...teach her about decision making(which shirt would you like to wear with your shorts...the red or the blue?) teach her about respecting others by showing her respect ( "Honey I know you are really enjoying playing with your toys but remember that in about 10 minutes we need to think about taking a bath")....and most of all make sure she knows that you love her and value her as a person...and that you are taking your job seriously...to be her support system...to always be there for her and to help teach her how to be the very best person she can possibly be!!

personally i feel it's all about balance. we can't stifle every independant thought a three year old has, and we certainly can't allow them to make every choice either. time outs are effective if they are used consistently and firmly. expecting a three year old to do as she's told every time, just for the joy of doing what mommy wants, is a fantasy. it's a nice one, not realistic. when you are telling her to do something, get on her level, ask her if she heard you, even ask her to repeat what she was just told if you need to. inform her that she has been told to do something, she needs to do it now please, and if she doesn't she will be put in time out. do NOT ask her three times. if she doesn't do it, time out. every time. if she is ignoring you when you talk to her, get her attention, ask, do you hear me, make sure she is focused on you, then make sure she knows she is expected to respect you when you speak to her. if she ignores you, inform her that if she doesn't turn and talk to you when she's spoken to, she will get a time out. it doesn't have to be a war every time. either she does it correctly, or she gets a time out. trying all these methods you have mentioned means none of them were consistent. it also might be worth thinking about whether she has had any changes in her routine. new sibling, new childcare, different people living in the home...anything can cause these backslidings. or even mom and dad just getting in a rut. sometimes you have to go back to basics on discipline. i just recently had to go back to square 1 on potty training - my son was totally pt in march, even at night. i had stopped buying pullups all together. then we moved, and the last few months i have kept waiting for him to "snap out of it" and go back to being fully potty trained. well he hasn't, he has multiple accidents during the day, and never wakes up dry. so we started a sticker chart, when he fills a row of stickers he gets a small piece fo candy, and he's doing MUCH better. sometimes they just get in sloppy habits. you have to teach her, that's your job. hang in there, you'll get it. and so will she.

wow-I feel like I almost wrote that post. My daughter is very similar, especially with the part of ignoring me and the repetative asking her to do things. And she is especially demanding of my time, constantly. I rarely can even talk on the phone anymore (which I hardly do) without being yelled at or pulled at. My daughter can be mean too and I don't have a clue where it is coming from other than growing and gaining independence. I have always treated my daughter with respect and calmness.

I know a lot of it is independence, and it gets so frustrating. I feel like somedays I spend the whole day in frustration and don't appreciate what I have. I am trying really hard to move to her level, etc, but somedays I almost feel like I rather go back to work than be a SAHP.

You are not alone on this and I am very interested to see the responses you get.

Mostly, breathe.

Try turning the tables a little bit. Ignore her when she talks to you and see how she tries to get your attention. Sit down and talk to her about how it feels to be ignored.

Set up some fun things for her to do each week and hopefully, something she looks forward to each day. Give her some things she needs to do first. When she cooperates, follow through with the fun. If she doesn't, you both sit at home and do nothing.

You can't transform her overnight. Sometimes the battle of the wills MUST go on for awhile. Your will needs to be stronger than hers. It's better to establish this now than later when she's a teenager!

Sounds like you have a typically frustrated little girl. It's a very hard age to be a kid. Read a terrific book by Faber and Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, to learn sensible, effective techniques to help your daughter communicate her feelings and needs, which will help lower her frustration level. Learn how you can establish boundaries in a firm and gentle way that usually sidesteps any need for punishment. This approach is so much more effective than yelling, shaming, deprivation, threats or other punitive treatment.

Another very good resource for communicating calmly with your child is Dr. Harvey Karp's book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Watch a video (or several) of the doctor interacting with little children to get a sense of how effective his techniques are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&f...

There is a book called 1, 2, 3 Magic...if you are consistent it will help. Consistency...works.