3 Year Old Acting Out

Thanks for being in the Navy, and my heart goes out to you during this time!! My two cents is that he is looking for limits, as he knows adults who love him will set limits and help him feel safe. I think being lenient may not be what he's looking for. So don't be unreasonable, but do give him consequences. My son doesn't sit still for time outs, just keeps pushing, so I tell him I do not want to be around him when he's not nice and I leave the room. He HATES it and changes his behavior. So when your son is being good, cuddle him and love him and let him know you care. Maybe a special outing for the two of you would be nice? My son turned three in May, and I can talk to him about being pleasant today, and making good choices. So if he's unhappy I will ask him, would he like to end the day on a good note, and often times he and I both change our attitude for the better. Good luck!! D.

C.:

Thank you to you and your husband for your service and sacrifices to our country - much appreciated!

I'm truly sorry you have suffered a miscarriage! I have had 3 - one at 20 weeks and the others at 12 weeks. I do understand what you are going through.

Your son is reacting to you and your reaction to your loss and since he doesn't understand the grief you are going through - the only way he can express his grief is by acting out.

While I understand your grief, keeping your 3 year old on a schedule and routine will be the best thing you can do for him and your self.

Be honest with him and let him know that "mommy is sad" and that you will be fine. It's just going to take some time - explain that you LOVE him and it's NOT HIM.

Explain to him that you understand he's upset too because mommy has been acting differently - but he needs to use his words and not his hands to express how he feels. Using his hands to hit someone else is NOT acceptable neither is biting or throwing food. From the beginning we taught our children "if you don't want it done to you - DO NOT do it to someone else." It's simple and easy - they understand that.

Take care of yourself. That's the other thing you can do for him. You can show him that things happen to people, they get thrown off but they get back up.

I hope this information helps! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope you recover soon from your loss - I do understand that sometimes, time will take the pain away but not the memory of your loss.

Thank you again for your service to our country.

God Bless.

Cheryl

Hi C.. I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had one two summers ago, and it's such a terrible thing. (We conceived again a couple of months later and now our little girl will be 1 next week.) I hope you're feeling better soon. It takes time to heal in every way, and I think once you're feeling more like yourself, your little boy will pick up on that and start acting more like himself, too. You all just need some time. Good luck!

The same thing happened to us, as soon as I was feeling better, that night, we didn't do anything after work, we actually even ordered dinner out, all we did was to play with my son, whatever he wanted. The next night, my husband made dinner, I played with him, within 2-3 days of quality attention, where I was playing with him, the problems went away almost completely. Really, they act out because they don't understand and they're scared and they don't know how to communicate that. Once you play with them, to them it seems like everything is okay. Hopefully that will be enough, especially if you're feeling better because we figured taking away privileges would only frustrate them more and mostly likely not productive. We did still use timeout for hitting, biting, etc, because that hurts others and can't be done.

We did a chart with my son. I went to a teacher supply store and bought stickers and reward charts. Everytime he did something kind or obedient, I gave him a sticker. Then he got something when it was full-a $10 toy, ice cream, a movie, a new hat or shirt-something he could work towards. After a couple weeks we made the rule that he couldn't ask for a star. A few weeks later we said he wouldn't get one every time, but that when we saw something, we might give him one and might not. Soon we'll be stepping down to one star for a good morning and one star for a good afternoon. Sometimes the treats can be skipping naptime to play with mommy, or staying up a little later at night. They don't have to cost anything. It doesn't work for every child, but my son is doing a lot better! We plan to continue this daily until he has his chore list, and then he'll get weekly rewards for that, so stopping it isn't a concern for us (though I know for some it is). My condolences on your loss, and I hope this helps!

Oh honey...I know this is so h*** o* you. I am sorry for your loss. In my opinion your lil angel is mirroring your actions. I know when the stress level rises in me I see a change in my beautiful daughter. Take a deep breath and give both of you time. be consistent...it will help both of you. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help you

I can't say for sure since I have never been in your situation before, but...are you familiar with "1,2,3 Magic"? It sounds a little hoky, but it is a behavior management system and I have seen it work with children of all ages and issues. You can find the book with that name on Amazon for about $10. The system is very simple and it is recommended for ages 2-12, so once you get it started, it has long term benefits for you and your child. Good Luck...

Hi C.,
I just had a D&C a few weeks ago myself. My son just turned 3 and he started acting up around the same time that I had my D&C. However, it now seems my son was acting out because he was getting bored with his class at daycare. They moved him to the next class up before his birthday, which was 07/01 and he's been doing fine ever since. I don't know if this may be the same thing happening, but you may want to see if he's getting bored or maybe having an issue with a new student, teacher, etc? It was very hard dealing with a miscarriage and these issues at the same time. You're in my prayers.