3 1/2 Yr Old Son Won't Poop in the Potty

Hi M.,
I've been told boys take longer than girls, my 5yr old boy finally poops in the potty whereas my 3yr old girl never had problems. I tried bribing, stickers, toys...etc everything I could to get him to use the potty for poop. Finally I told him that the toilet was hungry and could only eat poop, strange enough it worked for him. He's now so pleased when he poops in the potty b/c he's feeding the toilet. Strange... I know. I did read that some children are afraid that they will fall inside the toilet when they poop.

try making it fun, bribing with fruit popsicles, and don't put the diaper on! A mess or a poop in the yard isn't bad, and he will get the people use the potty. Hes a big boy now, not a baby.

I agree with S H on this one. I have one girl who is 9.5, she just trained her self in one weekend at the age of two. My first son was 3.5 and he did the same thing, no issues with either child or with pee or pooping on the potty ~ they just did it =} But last son would not poop on the potty! He is 3.5 now and he peed in the potty for about 2-3 months before he pooped in there. He just started this wonderful task about two weeks ago! Again he just let him make the choice. We would have him sit on the potty and read just so he would relax, but it still took him months to decide that he was comfortable enough to poop there.
Does your son stand or sit to pee? I ask because this was our one issue with the youngest son, when he taught himself how to pee on the potty he did it standing. Same way daddy and big brother pee =} So the first month he would not SIT on the potty at all, but after much talkin to he finally SAT down. So if your son is standing try to get him to sit and remind him that he still needs to aim INTO the water when sitting. Good luck ~ your son will get this, dont put too much pressure on him that seems to backfire. God bless.

It's normal. Believe me. Almost ALL kids do this... but, they will begin to poop in a toilet when they are ready.
Pooping in a toilet is often the "last" thing they do, per toilet training.

THEN, there is 'night time' control. Night time control sans accidents and sans diaper, is a WHOLE different & separate thing. Just a head's up.

Just don't pressure him. There are methods like rewards, giving star stickers, treats, offering things to entice them... which you can try. It works for some kids and not for others. For my daughter, those things never worked. She just had her own timing for it. No rush, no punishment needed. It's their body... thus, I don't believe punishments/scolding/pressure methods are appropriate for this.

But no worries! For my friend, even though her son, who is the same age as your son, is going to a Daycare in which they train the kids.... her son STILL will not poop in a toilet. The school does not treat it like a big deal... nor the parent. Also, they say that boys attain this later, than say girls do.

Just let him poop...in a diaper. Otherwise, they can get hung up on it and then develop constipation, which is worse and will cause pain. YOu can encourage him gently...but if push comes to shove, just let him have the diaper.
My daughter got constipation at this 'stage' and we even had to go to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist ... it was causing her so much pain. So, even though we did not "pressure' my girl about it.. .she got a bit anxious about the 'thought' of having to go in a toilet. The Doctor said that he sees LOTS of kids with this problem.... at toilet training time per their pooping ability or not & it can be an 'emotional' thing too. So, his advice, was just to let it go... and give the child some space an their own time to go to the toilet.

All the best, sorry for rambling,
Susan

HI there, I sooo went through this with my daughter who is now 15 and does poop on the potty. Don't rush it just give it some more time. They will eventually go on the potty. It is a scary thing for them but eventually he will do it and find it is OK. The other thing I did was give her V8 splash juices because it keeps them from being able to hold their poop. Then when she sat to pee the poop started coming and it was a very natural transition. Good Luck! Now I'm teaching driving which I would rather be potty training!

Oh my gosh, M., my 4 year old son has the same problem. He's totally potty trained even at night but as soon as he needs to go poop, on comes the diaper. In my case, I think it has something to do with him having to stand up while doing the deed. When he gets in a sitting position he doesn't quite know how to get it out. So, my fix is to just leave him alone and he'll come around. It's not like he's going to be 13 and pooping in a diaper. So, try not to pull out all your hair and go with the flow. That's my advice. Good luck.

I have a 3 1/3 yr old son as well. He started this problem too at the beginning of potty training. Of course all kids aren't the same but what we did was we noticed when he needed to poop he would go into a room by himself usually to look out the back door and then go poop in the diaper. What we did was move the potty out of the bathroom at first and get him to sit on it where he wanted it. Then I gave him a book to look at and he sat on it for a longer period of time. He finally did it at that point. The other thing was he didn't really want to do it on the little portable potty so I bought the little toilet seat to put on the "big" potty and then he felt like mommy and daddy on the toilet. Good luck to you!!

Dear M.,
I love all the advice given on this already - and especially S H, too - If you DO decide to use a rewards chart - you can print up the one free here:
www.gomommygo.com
Hope that helps!
Best,
R.

It is scary for them. Be consistent. Never give him a diaper. To help my son sit still long enough -he reads books while he sits on the potty. He's seen his daddy do that too- lol. It helps him to stay on the potty long enough to poop though. I've also scratched his back for him to help him relax and sung songs to him. Good luck!

M. B.

I know the frustration you feel, my daughter would do the same thing. She would pee in the potty, then poop in her pants. LOL I was told then not to worry about it, but I was also told to give her something to do while she is on the potty---like read a book or hold on to her favorite toy while she sat on the potty. This is how I broke my daughter from pooping in her pants. I don't remember her age, but I used this method with her and her little brother, it was also a good thing to take her to the bathroom when I went and she would sit until I was finished. You might try to sit with him in the bathroom so he knows that it is safe for him to be in there. Good Luck, you have reminded me of some great memories. Those are some memories that you will never forget. Thanks for the memories.

My son is almost three and we have finally broken the "no poop" on potty phase. Although he still doesn't poop on the potty everytime, he is doing it off and on. Anyway...the way I got him to do it the first time was to NOT give him a diaper. It took maybe two hours after he said he had to poop to get over the fear of the potty and falling in. I took away the potty chair completly and he eventually went. He got a reward and realized it wasn't all that scary. Now he poops in his diaper when he first wakes up so I can't even get him to the potty, but during the day he usually uses the potty. I agree...DON'T give him the diaper.

OMG!!!! I thought me and my 3 year old boy were the only ones experiencing this! He too asks for a pull up when it comes time for poop. I have tried everything and nothing works! I even consulted with a psychologist, and he said this is all normal, and not to put so much enfasis on it. He said that boys have a harder time with this than girls (I also have an 18 month old girl). He siad he should be coming along before he turns 4. My girlfriend who also had this problem with her 3 year old boy said that when her son started pre-school, it seemed to help when he saw the other boys pooping in the potty (I guess the peer preasure got to him). If you find out the secret, please share it with us!

Hi. When I was potty training my son right before he turned 3 years old he did the same thing. I sort of went cold turkey and when we were out of diapers I told him it was one month before his 3rd birthday and 3 year olds don't wear diapers anymore. We went straight to big boy underwear and no more diapers anytime. We stayed home for 3 days, had some accidents and in 3 days he was potty trained. He would not poop on the potty though and therefore became constipated. After 3 days of not going poop, when he went it would barely come out. He called me crying from the potty and I had to pull the baseball size and hardness of the poop out of him. I went to my pediatrician and she said to just give him a diaper when he wants to poop otherwise I am going to create bigger problems and he is going to be constipated a lot. So, I went back to the diaper only when he said he had to poop for 2 weeks. So, he wore his big boy underpants all the time and when he asked for a diaper so he could poop I would only give him one then. On his own, he started going poop on the potty. By the time he was 3 years old he was fully potty trained even at night. We do not wear any diapers or pull ups in our house. Also, my pediatrician was against pull ups. She says it only confuses them. So, we never used them. Good Luck!

Hi M.,

My daighter was about the same age when she too had a fear of going poo on the potty. She did it once and I of course prased her and told her what a big girl she was etc... but then she wouldn't do it again and would poo in her pants. ( I never put the diaper back on just for poo) She was obviously scared and I could never figure out exactly why. But we got her to poo in the potty with a prize box. I told her she could poo in the potty whenever she wanted - but if she did then she could pick something out of the box. It was an over night cure. She saw the prizes and was completely motivated to go in the potty. The first week I had cheep dollar store prizes but after that when we were out and she asked for any toy the answer was - OK lets buy it for your prize box. I kid you not there were times she would race home from the shopping trip and go sit on the potty and try - just to get the prize. So anyway - it worked for her. It took the focus off being scared and onto the prizes. After one month I stopped offering prizes and she stopped asking.
It's just an idea.

Hi M.,
My son was the same. In undies 24-7 until he needed to have a BM. Long story short, it seemed like the potty insert and stool for his feet (designed to help him) were actually hindering him. He would squat in a diaper and sitting on the toilet was awkward. So, when he asked for a diaper I would have him sit on the toilet while I go get a diaper and I always took my time so he would be sitting for a few minutes. When we were on vacation we didn't have the stool or the insert so he was forced to hold himself up. This resulted in his bottom being lowered into the toilet. Well, gravity did it's job and he was able to go!! So, my suggestion is to put him on the toilet (your toilet, not a child's potty chair) and have him "wait while you get a diaper" and see if nature takes its course. That said, remember he is only 3 and boys take much longer than girls and he WILL go when he is ready...
Good luck!
J.

Hi,

This is so normal. He'll do it eventually. Be patient and encouraging. If you make too big a deal out of it, he'll become constipated which will really set him back.

Remember that potty training is new for them and a bit scary at times. It does not happen overnight for most kids. It's all a process. Don't stress! :-)

It will all be fine!
:-) D.
P.S. I have known moms with this problem who just allowed their kid to poop in the diaper or pull-up. My son would wait to poop until "quiet time" when he was wearing his pull-up. (Giving them the diaper or pull-up is not a big deal--they won't ask for it forever--I promise!!!) One day he had to poop in the morning--we encouraged the heck out of him to just go. He held it that day--and another day--but not the third time. Prizes did not work for my son--but trips to the frozen yogurt store did.

I had the same problem with my daughter until she was almost 5. We finally asked her doctor and he she inquired about our homelife. She said if there is a problem or tension in the home that she feels out of control and her body is the only thing she can control--which she does by not pooping on the potty. Hearing that broke my heart. I'm not saying that's the problem at your home--God I hope not. I just thought I'd share what I went through. Hang in there-he may do it when you least expect it. In my case, it happened at my best friends house and we had no pull-ups. Good Luck.
L.

My son was terrified that he would "fall in." I taught him to squat on the potty. Face the wall, stand on the seat, squat down and I held him under the armpits. I think squatting is a more natural/easier postition for it to come out too. It also made it much easier for me to clean him up after...with wipes only. I also danced around and hooooraaayyyed quite a bit with him when he was cleaned up and done.

He was still squatting through 1st grade till he felt comfortable going the "regular" way.

Did you try asking him why? I asked my son why and he said, "because it would splash" re: pooping on the big toilet. If he will tell you a reason maybe you can adjust something. I also used to try having them sit on the potty for the duration of a little song (could even be a "potty song"). With my boy, who was five and has a disability, we had to teach him to "relax on the potty" We used to listen to these relaxation tapes, there are music ones and verbal visualizing ones. Write to me if you want more specifics. The ones I used may not be around anymore. When I gave birth to this child using the Bradley method, there was a little verbal relazation paragraph that I had somebody read to me during every contraction. Something like that (adjusted to the situation, of course) could work with not relaxing enough to poop, too. B.

I have 2 boys 11 and 5. I find that boys take longer to potty train. You will notice this when it's you daughters turn. I found that having more boys around that use the potty, influences them to join the group. You know "peer pressure." So find some uncles and friends with boys and have a sleep over. Don't make the potty a big deal at that time, but make sure he gets the idea that boom-boom in the pamper is for babies and he's a big boy, you know?