15 Year Old Daughter Doesnt Talk to Step-dad

Hey E.,
My name is R.. I have three children, 16, 7 and 4. My husband and I have been married for eleven years also. Like you my husband is a stepdad to my 16 year old. We started dating when my daughter was 2 years old. We had the same problem, but it happened before we got married and for about 2 years after we were married. I think what helped my husband and daughter, was that we were alone just the three of us for about four years before my seven year old daughter was born. It's been kind of hard now that she's been a teenager. But it's just been the attitude she has that has caused the two of them to argue or for her to get upset with him. They are the best of friends and she thinks the world of him, I think that sometimes she forgets that he's dad and not a friend. It gets hard sometimes now during the teenage years, but I think we'll get through it. I think that you and your husband just need to have a little bit of patience and you'll get through.

Hi E.
My girls did that too, and their dad was not their step dad. Although I agree with all that has been said so far, I want to add that it does go away. All her parent needs are seemingly being met by you, in her mind. But stepdad should not give up. He should still try and at least make small talk with her, and not get discouraged. If they were close before...they will resume the relationship when she is through with thinking he is sooo uncool and an old geek.

I would talk with your daughter to make sure there isn't a problem, that you are not aware of. It may be just a teenage thing, but there may also be an issue going on. Make sure she know that she can tell you anything. So many times, children think that their parent will choose the spouse over them. I'm not saying there is a choice to be made, but she needs to know that you will always be there for her, no matter what.

Sounds like a teenage thing. Perhaps asking her about what she's interested in would help. But overall (and I haven't been through it yet with my kids, but I remember what I was like as a teenager) it may be a phase. Definitely refrain from arguments about things that don't matter. Just try to be understanding and let her define the relationship. Don't force it. I found forcing a relationship on parents' terms will just alienate.