11 Year Old Bipolar Daughter - How to Discipline

Updated on October 15, 2010
L.B. asks from Kansas City, MO
7 answers

Having a bipolar child has been a challenge. My husband and I have learned her "triggers". This is usually telling her "no". I know it sounds like a normal child but my daughter flies off the handle and appears to no longer be home. Most of her aggression turns on me. I get told that I am a bad mom, it is all my fault, I don't love her, she hates me, I don't care about her and on a few occassions I have been hit by her. So when my husband and I finally talk her down she eventually gets better and is laughing and smiling again. Her words gut me. After it is said I spend my time wanting to cry and the rest of my day is depressing. Counseling doesn't help. I am a good mom...I make sure I do anything and everything for my kids, which gets me in trouble somethings of being too giving to them. My problem is she has no respect for me at all. She is scared of my husband (step dad) and her real dad. But me, she is doesn't listen to. How do I discipline her so it gets through to her that she can't do this? If I take things away she loses control. Any suggestions?

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G.T.

answers from Modesto on

I also have a close bipolar family member. It took several years to get him on the correct dose of medication to eliminate the violent mood swings. She shouldnt be acting out like that if her meds are right. If you have spoiled her you need to undo that. What techniques do her dads use? You might need to take on some of their dicipline methods. Don't let her run the home, it will only get worse as she gets older and learns how to "play" her disability in her favor.
There are bipolar chat boards, it might behoove you to read and post at some of them for some answers and suggestions. You and dad shouldnt be walking on eggshells, she needs much more stability, routine, and boundaries set for her because her condition does not allow her to foresee consequence on her own. Place them, and discipline her immediately when she over steps.... if she's on proper meds you need to not treat her like she's different, it will blow up in your face.

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K.R.

answers from Dallas on

I have a 19 year old daughter with similar issues. I'm remarried as well, and the daughter/stepdad relationship is not where I want it to be. Added to that, her Dad (also bi-poloar) took his own life a year ago. Just recently, her Dad's Mom and I went to speak with a therapist how to deal with her. That is something I would HIGHLY recommend. Remember: She lashes out at you because you are her safest venue to do so. You are still her rock. She needs your firm, tough love ...and consistently.

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C.A.

answers from St. Louis on

All these are great suggestions. I have a bi polar daughter. Just getting her diagnosed was a problem. she was almost 17 when we did. She would start taking meds and then stop after 2 weeks. We could not keep her on meds no matter how much we tried. She refused to follow rules and eventually we had to make tough decisions with her. One psychiatrist told us: She can make the choice to be better or not. She chose not to be better. We did everything we could to help her unfortunately we finally had to let go. I was her punching bag and it was because I was that weak link she knew how to get to me so I know how you feel. Counseling does help. It just reinforces what you know and lets you get out your frustration at the situation. I will tell you even if they are on medication there are still good and bad days. But you must always be firm and keep to a schedule. If anything is "off" I know that would set my daughter off along with the no's. Do not enable them to act in wrong ways. For example giving them a break when there is bad behavior. There is so much I learned from my daughter and a lot of heartbreak even now. But you will find your way and it will make you stronger and a lot wiser as you go on. Take care and good luck

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I think it would be a good idea to give counseling another try. Maybe you two can go together and the therapist can help with the conflicts you both have been having.

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

I know exactly how you feel, I get that from my 8 year old who has Autism and my oldest who is 9, my oldest has bad anxiety problems and we are still working on her diagnosis. I will be starting counseling soon and I recommend you do also. It's really hard and a lot of people think you give in but I can tell you how hard it is to keep my oldest calm. Some people will say you are a bad mom, don't start do that to yourself! Take care of you daughter and make sure you take care of you too. Plus I think your daughter is blurting things out in a rage and she probably doesn't mean it.

I have Bi Polar disorder too so I can tell you to make sure she takes her meds regularly. As for discipline what does her therapists say? Get advice from them, she know your daughter and things that can help. Good luck!!

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

If her misbehavior is to you and not others, I wouldn't connect it to her bipolar issue. How has her relationship with you and discipline been through her life until this point? I do have a close relative with this situation, and I can tell you the discipline style that was effective-he's now a wonderful 19 year old, but I need a little more information on what your parenting style with her has been up until now. Message me~

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L.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would check into taalliance.org and rdiconnect.com

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