Word Usage and Choices When Speaking

Updated on April 21, 2015
M.G. asks from Fairfield, CA
14 answers

I met a mom today of my daughter's friend who happens to work at the school the children attend. We had her daughter over and upon pickup I was speaking with the mom. I used the phrase "beating it into her" figuratively of course in regards to something the children are learning in school. Upon them leaving my husband told me that I shouldn't have said that and really need to be careful because people aren't always going to understand I meant it figuratively instead of literally. He told me that she can very well take that to CPS as a mandated reporter because she works for the school. Needless to say I feel sad for not using better tact and foolish that I spoke in a causal way when perhaps I shouldn't have. As a side note I did clarify in my sentence with the mentioned phrase 'of course not literally' whilst in conversation but my husband says it was really not smart of me to say it at all. Whoops.

Should I just let this go as a whoops thing or should I be concerned that this is something that will become an issue with the parent? Also, was I "wrong" or can this just be an ut-oh type of moment. Sorry, I'm overly emotional right now(unrelated to this inquiry)so I know I'm not thinking/responding clearly.

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J.K.

answers from Wausau on

I wouldn't worry about it unless the person you were talking to has a history of drama and over-reactive craziness.

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I doubt she gave that a second thought.
Seriously.

7 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

She understands what you meant, unless of course she has autism and doesn't understand figurative language.

4 moms found this helpful
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Z.B.

answers from Toledo on

Are you kidding me? How is it even remotely possible for someone to mistake your meaning. It's a common expression.

I'm sorry, but I would seriously be furious if I thought people were wasting the time of overworked, underpaid CPS employees with complaints of a parent using that expression.

4 moms found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

Unless the person is dense, she will know what you meant... I come from an abusive living situation and if someone said that to me, actually I wouldn't think of beating as in hitting but rather to me, it's one of those sayings that are out of the 70s.... I'll beat it out of you or it's always fun until someone loses an eye.... OR ... (when we didn't shut the door) what, were you born in a barn?? ah the list goes on of sayings... including... beat it into you.... or drum it into you...
another one, when I would ask for money... What do you think I am a walking mint... ?? of course, as a kid I thought the person was referring to candy and I didn't know what that had to do with wanting money.. bottomline, most people know what you meant..

4 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

It's a whoops moment. It's an old phrase that a lot of people use figuratively, but it's phasing out, I think, because it harkens back to a day when corporal punishment was the norm. I think you won't use it again because you realize it makes people uncomfortable. Don't stop because you think you'll be reported (which is doubtful) but because you realize it's passé for a reason.

Even if you were reported, it's a baseless accusation without any other foundation or evidence.

I suppose we could (and should) examine our speech for a whole bunch of things that should go into extinction, like "retarded" and "gyp" and calling women "girls" and so on. That's not a criticism of what you said so much as a recognition that certain language is no longer sufficient to convey what we mean to convey. Once it doesn't communicate clearly, we all need to find words that do. That's very different from being afraid of being reported - it's just an evolution of language which is, and has always been, a changing thing.

3 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

Really? If someone said that to me I would know what they meant. I think your husband is being over sensitive. Any reason why?

I wouldn't think twice about it. Nor would I have around with people who took things so seriously if that were to be reported.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Don't worry about it. You're not beating your daughter. I used that exact same phrase once about a kid I was working with when talking to a social worker, of all things, and I'm a mandated reporter myself.

I clarified my statement. It was fine.

2 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Did the parent say anything or just your DH? If just your DH, I'd let it go. Does he have other reason to be nervous about this family?

2 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Oh I do this all the time.

And then I think "oh no ... do you think ..." and I've learned to just let it go. Because if you second guess yourself, you'll drive yourself crazy.

You know what? People know what you mean by your intention - what you meant by what you said. I am POSITIVE this women did not take it to mean that you are beating your child into learning.

If she thought that, you would have noticed her reaction immediately.

So just let it go.

Yes, we are all paranoid using lingo we shouldn't .. because it can offend, or be taken the wrong way .. but honestly, it was just a blip. We all have them.

I would let it go. you already clarified too right?

Reverse the situation - if you were chatting with this lady and she said it to you, in the same context, would you have thought anything of it? I'm guessing no.

I know we worry about this stuff when we're stressed over something else (I am same). Honestly, I think it's fine. If that helps :)

It's just a figure of speech. I said "Oh God no" in front of a minister the other day and felt sick afterwards.

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G.D.

answers from Detroit on

Sounds like a whoops moment to me.
My mom chastised me for referring to my kids (playfully) as little boogers. This coming from a woman who used different sized spoons,depending on the severity of the offense, for spanking (the metal spoon with holes was the worst!).

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D..

answers from Miami on

Your husband is right, but of course, you already know that. At this point, I think that you need to just go forward with being mindful from here on, and try not to stress over this. As far as this woman is concerned, leave it alone and don't muddy the waters any more than you already have.

Some people have trouble knowing when it's okay to talk and when it's time to be quiet. You might think about that where you're concerned. It really sounds like that's what happened in this conversation (especially with the "of course not literally" when you were backpedaling...) If you can control that, it will help you overall. And as your husband is helping you realize, be more careful with how you put things.

1 mom found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i guess there are situations and audiences where this sort of thing might be taken as more than what it clearly was, casual hyperbole in a casual conversation.
i myself would not give it a second thought.
i think both you and your husband are overreacting a little.
khairete
S.

1 mom found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

Seriously? Your husband is dictating how you speak? Uhm, you clarified that you weren't being literal. That was enough. He needs to hush up and quit overreacting.

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