Should I Call CPS? Follow up to Previous Question.

KNOW...right off the bat... that CPS will probably do nothing. They need SEVERAL "flags" (aka calls from *different* people) before they send someone. If you feel the children are in immediate danger make a "Child Check" call to the police. They will send officers right then, and that boots them to the front of the line with CPS, often a CPS worker goes with, but not always. If you call CPS and someone is at their house today or tomorrow... know you're the 4th or 5th caller
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My mum's had CPS called on her multiple times... because I'm an athlete and a clutz. I was head to toe bruises half my childhood, and we moved every 2 years.

In the half dozen or more time CPS has come only ONCE was traumatic... and that was because (looking back) I was a teenager giving lip. Every other time it was just nice people. My mum was horrified and outranged the first time, then got used to it. C'mon in!

My SIL has had CPS called... not for when her toddler was getting out of the apartment in the middle of the night... but when she put a lock on his bedroom door (outside of it) to keep him from doing it! It was a million degrees the day they came, the apartment was thrashed (we don't have air conditioning here in Seattle), the kids were dirty from the park. CPS had her remove the lock, but aside from that... everything was great.

It's HARD to call CPS the first time. I've done it a couple times as an adult ... once on dear friends.

It's a parent's biggest fear: losing their kids.

CPS can actually help parents NOT lose their kids. They set up families in desperate need with a "line cut" to social services, parenting classes, daycare help, medical services, counseling... and families who don't have desperate need... they usually just check in in 3mo and give them a pass. CPS tries to keep families together, often LONG past when they should no longer be.

Are there horror stories? Of course. There's horror stories with doctors, schools, babysitters, driving, playing in their bedroom, playing at the park. But that doesn't mean that we don't take our kid to the doctor, educate them, leave them with others, take them with us, let them play in their room, take them to the park.

The devil you know (in this case their crazy chaotic lives) is always more confortable than the devil you don't.

Call.

It's scary... but it's worth it.

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Call CPS immediately and stay away from this woman.

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You're in a position to look out for the welfare of these children by placing that call to CPS. Making the call could save the kids' lives. Do it.

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CPS or a coroner, when one of those kids becomes a victim. Call the police and let them sort it out.

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I am one of those kinda people that reports everything ESPECIALLY when it comes to children, why? because they need me to, I AM their voice. I could not sleep at night knowing that I could have maybe prevented something really bad to happen to a child and didn't do anything about it. Jane is oviously taking advantage of you to the fullest, she is now not only asking for favors but demanding them. I think that you need to take a deep breath, and call CPS and just let it ALLLLLLLLLLLLL out! Don't hold back. You may lose Jane as a "friend" if she finds out it was you, although you CAN remain annonymous, but deep DEEP down I know you will feel better knowing that you did something to try and help these babies. It breaks my heart, i have a 5 y/o daughter myself and im sick to my stomach thinking about that little girl. I don't know how involved cps will get or what they'll do, but atleast YOU did something to try and help these babies. they can't do it for themselves, so please do it for them. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

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Like others have stated, you need to just call CPS right now if you haven't done so already, it's about these poor children's lives. And please go into the school tomorrow and explain to the principal/classroom teacher/guidance counselor what is going on with this poor little girl, they need to know...she must be out of sorts at school and they can help her.

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Please call CPS and the little girl's school. Ask to speak with the principal directly. Inform him/her that you live next door and what you know. You can even say that you have called CPS by this point. Advocate for this little girl. She needs someone at school to be in her corner. The school may not be able to DO anything, but at least they will know why this poor baby is suffering.

I'm also thinking that the foster care system has to be better than this situation. Thank you for looking out for this family, even if it means calling CPS.

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You NEED to call CPS. NOW. Right now. Not tomorrow morning. But NOW.

YES! You want CPS to get involved. Jane needs help that you cannot give her. She has already started to depend upon you for things and it's only been 24 hours - maybe 36.

Call your church clergy. Find out if they have a line to help her...

No, Jane will NOT find out who called. It is against the law for them to divulge that information. She may figure it out. However, if Mark was arrested - she can ASSUME the State called. They SHOULD have.

If the school is aware of the situation - they are required by law to report. If they have not - they have failed in their duty to protect the child. If you were to call the school - by law - they are not allowed to divulge to you if they called CPS either.

Take the initiative and call. Give them EVERYTHING you have given us. Names, dates, what you were told and have them get on this.

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I'm sorry and I know I am going to sound like a horrible person here. I have read your other post also. I was you a few years back. I'm betting most of what she says is a lie to make you feel sorry for her. She has learned that the worse she makes her situation seem to be the more she will get out of it. Really, who is going to ignore someone who says their 5 year old was raped? If my 5 year old daughter was raped, I would take all my kids and live in a shelter until I was able to get on my feet. There are many, many resources out there to help her. I would keep her far from your family.

It is all about her--that is why she was so inconsiderate about your car situation.

I truly believe in helping people and you have, You have given her all the numbers she needs to get help if she really wants or needs it. Now is the time to slowly back away. I would make sure the school knows what she has said and ask them if they can call CPS for you. She will find out who called (which is very sad that people can't call when they know something is going on due to being concerned about retaliation). Once when I left my former stepmother's house she had been beating her kids so bad that I cried for days. I cried at school and I was sent to the counselor. I told her what happened and she called CPS but they gave my former stepmother enough information that she knew it was me causing it.

You do not want her around your family! I think someone posted on the other post to be careful because next she will be saying your husband molested her daughter and I truly believe that will happen.

When someone calls CPS then you have done all you can. Can a friend or relative call for you?

She takes the 10 miles because she knows she can. I think she is a con- artist but even giving her the benefit of the doubt, you have given her all the information she needs to get help.

I'm sorry if I come off as being a butt, I really don't mean to. I have been around too many people like her. Good luck.

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These kids are living in hell, even if 1/4 of what she says is true. How could them being removed from that situation be a bad thing, at this point? Would you be able to live with yourself is something really bad happened & you chose not to be the voice for these helpless kids?

If you have to ask, then you know you should call. Do the right thing.

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Yes, please call social services. This is too much for you to handle! Just seeing the look of terror on that little girl's face should be enough to absolve you from guilt for placing the call.

Please, just do this. The children need some stability without the drugs. So sorry.

D.

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I would call CPS with every factual basis for my concern. I might even call the police to see if they can do anything. Again, I would keep it factual (make notes if I have to).

I would stop interacting with her completely, even if I have to be rude and confrontational to do it.

"I'm sorry - I'm not available to help you or be friends with you." When she tries to argue or engage with me, I just shrug my shoulders and walk away. I've never been successful out-manipulating manipulative people. If I'm scared for my own safety, my children's safety, or my property - I would mention that to the police and give them factual reasons why and ask them if can they assist.

I would not tolerate this drama in my (or my family's life) any further. Obviously engaging with her has made the situation worse. The kids are not safer (which is why professionals are needed). Draw a tight boundary and chances are she's more bark than bite (with you at least). But again, if you're scared you need to involve the police.

Good luck.

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Call CPS. You will never be able to live with yourself if you dont call and something terrible happens. Either all of these terrible things are happening and that little girl needs help or she is a liar and the girl needs help either way.

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I would call CPS like right now. I've done it before on my own relative, you know what, they came out, gave the family support, removed them from the bad situation but kept them with the mother, and the family is doing very well now.

I would also call the children's school and tell them everything the kids are going through, since you don't really know how much the school actually does know.

And, they can't 'legally' tell the family who called, but they do. The only way to prevent it is to give a fake name, b/c they will very likely tell the family the name of the reporter. I know b/c it happened to me when I called. It also happened to my mom who called on another family. BOTH families were told the names of the callers. Call CPS every time something new comes up, so you can build a case against them.

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You can call them. It's anonymous if your not a mandated reporter, as long as you don't expect to have a follow-up of what happened, otherwise you have to tell them who you are. They technically aren't supposed to tell them who reported, but some investigators are better at this then others. CPS should already be involved given the situation that happened with the little girl, but they may need to be made aware of some of the other dangerous activities (i.e. young kids playing with knives, drug use, etc.). Also, CPS could potentially provide some of the resources and supports that she seems to be turning to you for. It is difficult to set appropriate boundaries when you see so much need for help, but it's important that you do it. You need to hold strong on stating that you cannot help when you genuinely cannot. I think you have done more then enough as a friend. There is a point where she will need to help herself. My suggestion, call them, and then let the family go. It will be hard at first because she will probably make you feel guilty and at this point probably expect your help and assistance, but eventually, you will start to feel relieved for not taking on another family's burden. It sounds like you've done enough as a friend.

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This post has upset me, so I can only imagine how you must feel. :( I believe CPS should only be called in extreme cases and this sure sounds like it to me. Sending you (and their kids) comforting vibes.

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You got a whole lot on your plate.

My gut instinct is yes, to call CPS. Why? Not only because of the little girl incident which is terrible enough in itself, but Jane here sounds unstable, and you said has a temper even if towards property (bad enough, especially around kids) can be directed toward her children. What if it already has and you dont know about it? I would hate for something to happen to those children and then to know that you could have called CPS earlier but didnt.
It would be a shame.

Her boyfriend and her sound like they have a long mess of problems which arent healthy to themselves let alone precious children.

Yes, CPS may traumatize the kids but isnt their health, happiness and well being over all matter so much more?

It's only a matter of time before things go from bad to much much worse, and it seems now is the time to let CPS step in and do what they can to help these kids. They deserve better then what their parents are giving them right now.

Just because they are clothed and fed doesnt mean they arent being abused or neglected. My heart goes out to them.

You can call CPS autonomously so that Jane wont know.

But if it were me, i'd make the call, as soon as you can.

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I'm sorry, but calling CPS will not further traumatize these children...it's the best thing you can do.

The sad thing is (from my own experience with calling them) is that rarely is anything ever done. But YOU need to do the right thing. And your call will be anonymous...they take your information, but it isn't shared.

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You are an adult with a reasonable suspicion of harm. That makes you a mandatory reporter. That means that yes, you should call CPS. It's their job to investigate and find proof of harm; that responsibility doesn't lie on you. Your job is to report if you suspect a problem.

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Hello Just Me,
This is one more vote that yes, you need to call CPS. Also, take seriously what the previous responder said about using your local police to do wellness checks on the kids if you suspect anything is going on where the kids are in immediate danger. I would use this resource even if one kid attacks the other, as you stated one got a hold of a knife and the other had to get butterfly stitches. How do you know it was the child that caused that harm on his/her sibling, and not a parent or other adult? I can't even imagine a situation so dysfunctional that one child would harm another with a knife.
Most importantly though, I would advise you to begin protecdting yourself and your own family. I mean actual, physical, protection. If she and her boyfriend are desperate and they either learn that you've called CPS or the police, or they just see that you are retracting your support and availability to shuttle them to and fro, they may lash out at you or your property before they leave town (as it sounds like the home they are living in is changing ownership and there's going to be some transition in their living sutuation). Talk to your husband about your schedules and ask him to be home as much as possible (job necessities excluded), so that you are not in the home alone. Practice locking all doors and windows when you are home alone until this situation is resolved and they have moved away. Start parking your car in the garage if you have that option. Install one of thos no down payment easy monthly plan security monitoring services if you can afford it.
I had a childhood friend who became entangled in trying to help a woman escape a situation in which there was alledged domestic violence. I am unsure whether or not that violence actually existed, but what was there for sure was MASSIVE dysfunction and drama.
One night he was called over to help her after her husband had stormed out of the house after a violent outburst. Really, it sounded like she just wanted a sympathizer.
The end result?
Husband came home and shot him.
He died from the gunshot wound.
Location? Antioch. 1994.
This woman was only an aquaintance that he was trying to help.
Take care of yourself.

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I truly understand your hesitancy to make that call. However, after reading both of your posts, I believe it's the best thing for you to do. You need to get out of the middle of this as much as possible and turn it over to the 'professionals'. In answer to your question regarding the school's knowledge of what's going on... yes... someone there should be calling CPS if they are aware. They would be in what's called the "mandated reporter" category. This does not mean they will make the call, however.
You don't have to fear the parents being told that you were the one who called. They may suspect you but that's just something you will need to be ready to deal with. If CPS chooses to remove the children from the home, you will most likely not be made aware of their whereabouts and that may worry you. Just understand that they are most likely better off out of the home environment, and pray for the whole situation to be one that can help the children to get necessary help as well as for the parents to get the help they need in order for this family to be able to get back together eventually as a whole, healthy family.
Another thought for your own peace of mind. If you feel that you must do something to help, perhaps you could find out how to make a donation to your local foster care agency for the holidays. What you give may not go directly to these children, but you'll be helping out some children who are in a similar situation.

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Yet another vote for YES IMMEDIATELY!

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You can call anonymously. Tell them everything that is going on and has happened. They don't just come in and take the kids. They WILL give them the help and direction they need to get that help. It wont just be for kids, but also for the parents. They need help right now!

You will be doing them a favor by doing so. Some times the biggest blessings are the blessings in disguise.

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If the children are seriously in danger as you think they are why would it take you so long to take any action on this. You could call CPS and ask them if you can give an anonymous tip. I find it confusing that if it bothers you so much that you cant eat or sleep, but yet won't take the steps to change that.

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If you're old enough, do you remember the song by Pat Benetar Hell is for Children? Call CPS. Anything is better than what they have now. CPS is not a group of people bent on destroying lives. If anything they will intervene and get her some help, be that parenting classes, temporary foster care, etc.

My mother was an unwed mother in 1962 when I was born. She went to San Francisco to give birth and left after I was born to return to college. To enable herself to get situated I was in foster care for a couple months. Of course, I have no memory of it but I think it had no ill effect on me. I joined her later and she did a great job raising me.

See your call to CPS as giving this woman a wake-up call that her children need to be nurtured and protected and that she needs to grow-up and take responsibility or give them up for adoption so that they have a change for a happy life. Their life can't be very happy right now. Thank YOU for caring - think of the children - would you want your kids in that situation?

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CPS is the best hope these kids have right now.

I don't think you have a choice in this. Write down EVERYTHING you remember her saying and you have experienced in regards to her. You must call CPS. They will want to know everything.

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In reading both of your questions, I feel it would be best to call. I have a 5 yo little girl and cannot fathom this happening to her. I would have left with my kids and gone to a shleter or anywhere but staying around the person who did this horrible thing. I hope you can call and not beat yourself up over this....things need to be cleared. This is not a person/family you want around your family!!
I pray you find healing for yourself in all this mess!

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If you call CPS you DO NOT have to give your name. You feel like they will know - but *JANE* is so disorganized and fractured that she is sharing her personal business all over town becasue she is begging for help. (albieit not in the most prosocial way.) You are right to worry that she will be angry but if you don't give your name to CPS there is NO WAY anyone will know it was you. She can guess and you can deny it, and that settles that. Califonia has an annonomus reporter law. You are not going to rest knowing that these children are at risk, and clearly this family needs someone to provide some oversight. This is exactly what CPS was designed for. Please call them. Now.

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Yes, yes, yes. A child was possibly raped. Just like in all the recent scandals we have heard about, people hesitate when they confront incriminating information out of fear or denial. The right thing to do is to tell the people who are trained how to handle this kind of situation. I think your fear for your own family is greater then the actual risk (understandable). CPS *should* know how to keep things anonymous - they aren't going to give up what they know, they are going to investigate and ask questions. If she is looking for handouts, I have a hard time believing she is keeping a lot of secrets. Anyone could have called for a number of reasons, they smelled the smoke, heard about the knife, etc. Her life is so messed up, she might have other people higher on her suspect list. Regardless, never let fear stop you from doing the right thing. Easier said then done, I know.

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They are what I would call "commom trash"...don't be like birds of a feather and flock with them. And God have mercy on the children of the world.

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I would call cps and ask them if you should call it in. Ask in, "if a friend told me..." sort of sentences. They M. say yes, this is something you really should report, or they M. say no, this is not a big deal. Doing drugs with a child nearby is bad. I would call the school ASAP. And ask to talk to the school nurse. Tell her what you told us and if tell her that you don't want to be known as the one who informed.

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I think you should call CPS. It doesn't mean that they will take her children. If all kids are fed, clothed, going to school, and the house is in a habitable state, they may just offer her some help. CPS can (and will) give her bus passes so she can get where she needs to go, they will help her find counseling for her little girl and they will just generally provide support. CPS isn't all bad and there are services and support they can offer that you and I (fortunately) know nothing about. You can call anonymously so "Jane" won't know it was you, at least not for sure. I think you have to put the kids well-being first and not worry so much about Jane's reaction. Good luck!

I just read your update and am not understanding why you think your son would be in danger if you called CPS. You yourself said in your post that she has a temper, but with property, not people. Do you think her children will beat your son up? I doubt it. I truly think he kids might be happy to have some intervention.

As badly as you feel now, how would you feel is something even more horrible happened that could have been prevented? Please call!