Wish I Could Be a Housewife

Updated on February 07, 2012
S.S. asks from Los Angeles, CA
16 answers

I have zero ambition for a career but I HAVE to work b/c I have amassed a small fortune in student loan debt. :( All I really want to do is spend time at home cooking healthy meals, spending time with my little boy and taking care of the chores that seem to pile up but never get done. I can't imagine a job ever fulfilling me the way that quality time with my family fulfills me. And the few careers that I might be interested in (teacher, veterinarian) require a completely different education than I got...and no way am I taking out more student loans =P Argh. I feel so lost and so stuck. 30 years old and I still have no clue what to do with my future. Sigh. Anyone else feel this way?

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So What Happened?

Thanks all.. for those who asked, my education is BA in English + MBA. I got the MBA b/c I heard it was versatile and would apply to almost any job. Erm. No. =P I just don't like working. I knew from an early age what my priorities were in life but I let societal and familial pressures sway me into pursuing something that I didn't want and now I'm just kicking myself over it. I think my perfect scenario would to be work part-time to get that perfect balance but I can't do that with the amount of student loan debt I have. I just have to change my perspective... now where did I put those rose colored glasses?

Featured Answers

M.B.

answers from Orlando on

I'll trade you places! Personally I HATE being a SAHM, not that I'm not thrilled we can afford to have me home with my kids, but I find it boring... Nothing personal to any of the other moms just not my idea of fun. I can only clean and cook so much in the day...sorry I don't have any real advice for you though...

4 moms found this helpful

M.M.

answers from Tucson on

Yep, I feel that way. I have never been able to pick a major in college, because i still at 32 have no idea what i want to be when i grow up.
I do an awesome job at whatever i do. I go above and beyond learning everything i can.
I've only had 4 jobs my whole life. I worked at a hotdog stand, target, medical assistant, and SAHM.
I enjoyed my medical assistant job, but i do have a problem with authority. I did make my way to the top medical assistant in my office, but left to be a SAHM.
I love being a sahm most of the time. I dont like the lack of adult company, but it has gotten better as i have made more friends.
Good luck you are not alone. : )

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Top Five Reasons Why Being A SAHM Is Over-rated.

5) Mommy burn-out
4) Financial guilt
3) Lack of Appreciation
2) Isolation
1) Yoga pants

:)

-This 20 yr professional housewife

**Wait I forgot Uncertain Professional/Financial Future!

14 moms found this helpful

E.A.

answers from Erie on

I'm 41, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

12 moms found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Columbia on

The grass is always greener....

But I've found it best just to water my own grass. :)

12 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Amen Theresa N!
Sally, I am almost 44 years old and have been a SAHM for almost 20 years and I can tell you the only time I am TRULY appreciated is when I go away!
I will admit I loved the early years at home with my little ones, but trust me, once you leave the workforce it's a bear to return (plus those precious little ones turn into teens who are too busy with their own lives to barely even notice that you are around.)
The grass is always greener, as they say. Hopefully you can find work you enjoy, and spend every other possible minute with your little boy :)

5 moms found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

What's your education in?

The homeschool population is exploding. I know a LOT of people who work part time teaching to homeschool kids (there's rampant misunderstanding about homeschooling... parents rarely teach everything... we often shop out subjects).

You can do it 1:1 tutoring, intro, or college prep...or book a space at a community center and teach a class.

College educated tutors teaching in their degree in LA & NYC make around $50 an hour. Group classes I'm not sure of your local prices... but up here they're $125-$225 for 1 hour a week 10 week sessions (aka 'only 12-22 an hour, but with 5-10 kids, it adds up pretty fast. Esp once word gets out and you're teaching 4 classes a week. That "looks" like only 4 hours a week, but be prepared to spend 15-20 in lesson prep and materials). ANYHOW... I know quite a few people making 6 figures teaching privately this way.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Dallas on

In many states if you have your bachelor's degree you can teach if you get a Teacher's Certificate. That might be something to look into...

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M.

answers from Las Vegas on

Oh thank you for posting this - I feel EXACTLY the same way. :( I have 2 bachelors = $85,000 in student loans. Now I have to work too as we can not afford this debt on 1 income. I'm 35 with a 6 yr old and soon-to-be 4 yr old (on 2/20). I would love to go back to school, but I'm pretty sure my husband would leave me if I accrued more student loans. In reality though, all I really want is to be home with my family. I work opposite my husband and rarely have any time with him. We never have family dinners with all of us. I miss my kids terribly. I rarely have any fun in my life. It's either all work or all kids and NO break, NO unwind, NO me time (other than vegging out on the computer for a few moments here and there.) Just when I think I am going to absolutely lose it - I take an extra day off or go on vacation. Thank goodness I get 3 wks paid vacation, 4 floating holidays, and an extra day off for each holiday I work. Otherwise, seriously, I would lose my sanity. I am lucky enough to have a husband that encourages me to go out and have fun, but I don't. I feel so guilty for being away from my kids that I refuse to take myself away from them any more than necessary. My husband and I probably go out alone twice a year and any other outings include kiddos and lots of coffee.

Ideally, I think I would love to work part-time. It would be the perfect balance of getting out of the house and spending quality time with my family. The problem is finding something that will pay well enough to go down to part-time and pay those nasty loans. Ah - if only I could go back in time.......

Good luck to you and let me know if you find a solution!

3 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

Could you do a day care and stay home? Just a thought. It's a lot of work I know.

2 moms found this helpful
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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I know you said this isn't an option, but hear me out. I was a SAHM for 10 years. They were some of the happiest days of my life. But the older my children became, the more bored with life I became. I was just like you... What to do when I grow up??

Then I went back to school at 45. I recently completed my Master's Degree and have a job that I love waking up to every day. It's an incredibly demanding job, but I love it. I feel like a better parent because I feel satisfaction with this stage of my life. My kids see that I am happy, we live a better life because of my income and nobody (kids, husband, dog, ME) has suffered because of it.

So what's my point? You are never too old to not know what you want to do with your life. :) You are also never to old to find that spark and not be lost any more. Okay, so the job doesn't fulfill you. I totally get that. Find something that does to make up for it. Look for the positives in your life. You love to cook. Get through the day at work knowing that you can go home and make a fabulous meal for your family and find satisfaction in that. Plan a really great weekend touring places in LA with your son (you are in a great city for exploring). Make up for the time at work that isn't satisfying you.

Before you know it, you may find the clues to what you want to do in life! Good luck, Sally. I think it's out there for you... you'll see!

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

I feel that way too! I love my job, I am very fulfilled by it... but I hate working! I would much rather be a housewife too. I would get so much done! Do so many interesting things with the kids! Be able to be a part of their school activities! Start big projects around the house! Give more time to church and the community! So many dreams....

I don't know, why can't you just spend 1 year (and yes, a little more $$$) and get your teaching credential? If you feel drawn to it, why not? It's not like it's YEARS more of EXPENSIVE schooling? And you would start out higher on the payscale than a typical 1st year teacher because of your Masters. If you HAVE to work, you may as well do something you like. That's how I feel.

And for a working mom who wishes to be a SAHM, I think working as a teacher is a pretty good compromise. I'm a school counselor, on roughly the same schedule as a teacher, and boy is it nice to have every single possible holiday off, and those 8 weeks in summer. And it's all the same holidays (usually) that my own kids have from school. Once they are older (right now my oldest is only in pre-school) our hours will be pretty much the same. If I were you, I would put more thought and soul-searching into this teaching thing. I don't think your MBA would be a waste, I think it could be a real assett to you depending on what you want to teach. I know many teachers with other degrees or other careers they decided they didn't enjoy as much (even former lawyers, etc).

I find that the scheduled breaks in education careers (winter, spring, summer) where I get to live the good life as a SAHM are just enough to keep me going the rest of the year. I love my summer, I wish it could be my way of life, but if I have to work, I'll take those 8 weeks. It's a lot more than most get!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Green Bay on

I feel exactly the same way also! But in my situation, I don't have any school loans left, just a VERY spendy husband! I almost think that's worse because there will be no end to that, lol. I have 2 kids now (2.5 and 6 months). The only thing that got me through going back full time after #2 (after #1 when I went back I cried every single day for nearly a year! I hated it!) was knowing there would be an end. I am finally going to part-time in March and I could not be happier. It's been a long road, but I also realize that it made sense to stay full-time and sock away some money/pay some things off until we had at least 2 kids. (Our sitter is great & only charges $2.50/hr, so financially it was hard to justify staying home).

Anyway, to the point. Not knowing your full situation & financials, are you living as simply as you can, cutting out all unnecessary expenses, etc. Are you planning on having more kids? If so, can you & your husband put together a plan to pay down your debt significantly so that in the next few years it would be possible for you to either stay at home or just have a part-time job? For myself, I would rather be rid of all our material possessions to stay home raising my kids. Unfortunately my husband wasn't raised the same way, so we're always butting heads trying to compromise. It's basically to the point if he wants all these toys, he can get a 2nd job. It's just not worth it! I do/did remind myself these past few years that it is much harder on me than the kids. They truly won't remember their first few years of life, not the details anyway. So maybe you could have a goal to get to in a few years and that is what your son/future kids would remember.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't think being a SAHM is overrated. I think its the desire of most women to take care of their home and family. But our generation was given the message that its not good enough to be "just a mom". Frankly I found career life overrated, and I was doing something most people consider fabulous and glamorous. I never for one moment found myself board or unfulfilled with my first child. But then with number two, I found I couldn't even pursue my hobbies because I had no spare time. It has been a little more boring with two than one, because I don't get that nap time for myself. I always have kids to tend to! But, if i were in your boat I would also be feeling jipped. I have not missed my career in the least! Nothing is perfect. Hope you can find some peace in your situation. I know you aren't alone. My sisters and best friend have to work and all they want to do is stay home. It so easy to find ourselves unsatisfied either way.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

My thoughts are that if you are single then going back to school might still be an option. Living on campus and using every penny of free FA may be the way to go. When I lived on campus and had low income housing, food stamps, free child care, a monthly check, etc...I simply had no worries. My rent was paid up for a year in advance, it was only $42 if it came due anyway. My campus apartment was all bills paid, including phone, cable, and all utilities.

I had no worries, I had food stamps for food, a monthly check for car insurance and gasoline, nothing was needed that I could not provide. It was the most stress free time of my life. I was able to focus on my studies, make nearly straight "A"'s and get scholarships the next semester.

If you have all the basic's in one college they may not require you to take different basic's for a different degree in the same college. For instance, if you're past education is in the College of Arts and Sciences and you studied Psychology, all your basics for your degree have been met and you are now working on the core classes. Then you decide you don't like Psychology and want to study Sociology, they usually don't make you change the basics around if the previous classes are similar. Like taking a stat class, if it was through the math department but the sociology one is taught by the department head, they aren't going to make you take stat again.

If you even have a BA they will only require you to take the core classes that would apply to only the degree. If there are some that are there because they enhance the degree but you already took a class equal to it then you don't have to retake a class that covers the same topics.

For Psychology I took a class called Communication in Psychology. It was my communication requirement for my BA in Psychology. When I changed to Sociology I did not have to take a different communication class, I already had one that had passed the requirement for a different degree. They had one that one of the Sociology professors taught that went over styles of communication and how to understand what is really being said, etc .... I did not have to redo that class. The same will happen to you. There will be classes you will have already taken and not have to redo.

It's worth seeing. My friend got her teaching degree in 2 semesters after changing her major. She was in the C, E, A, T and that is way different that an education degree.

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A.B.

answers from Sarasota on

I hear you. I actually enjoy my career but if we could truly afford for me to be at home (meaning live somewhat comfortably, not paycheck to paycheck) I would quit in a heartbeat.

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