Will I Ever like My MIL?

My MIL is the sweetest and kindest women. She never has an opinion unless she is asked, never had an unkind word to say about anyone and she minds her own business. But....the moment the baby came things changed.LOL I remember that I had to hide somewhere in the house if I wanted to keep my baby in my arms because someone was constantly grabbing for him.
Now that my kids are not babies anymore things have returned to normal. I think that it's the birth of a baby that can sometimes make people crazy. Mother and MIL. Both are pulling and wanting things their way. If the mom is a new 1st time mom she wants to be alone with the baby. Grandma wants to spend time with the baby.
I think things will be fine after sometime and the newness of it all wears off.
Good Luck!

As I posted to someone else last week, my philosophy is that each person deal with their own family. Your husband isn't supporting you if he can't speak to his mom and keep the boundaries. If he's worried about it because he's never done that before, brainstorm with him on what he could say that might work with her and feel okay to him. course, he might just have to man up to it, but there is no time like now. Perhaps he could say something like:

Mom, we need to talk. I love that you love our child. She is certainly my pride and joy. My wife, of course, is also my big love and sometimes I feel that you say things that are kind of out of line for a mother in law to say. You need to think about that a bit more because you don't want us to stay away more so that you don't cause upsets with your words.

(If she wants examples, think of some he's ready to say, like:) For example, you call ____ your baby. Now, you know she is our baby and your grandbaby. You probably are just in the habit of saying "My baby," but it is one of those things that just doesn't sound right to me.

You also sound like you disapprove of my wife's family by things you say. You may not mean that, but it is important, either way, not to indicate your discomfort of her family spending time or babysitting our child. They are good people that care for the baby. I know you are working and dad needs your help especially now because he might lose his job. I would feel awful if your security were jeopardized by that. Little _____ will be around a long time for you to enjoy.

It is so important to me that you, my wife, and my baby have a good relationship. But it's not going to work out well if you continue to say things or give looks that don't approve. Can you change that for me? It is so important that you do.

After that talk, if she gets to you, you could just give her a paused look (not a face) and then say, "..uh, I think I should go take care of ________ now. We'll see you later. Gotta run." (She will be stunned and speechless but she will get the point.) If you're at your house, you might have to make up an errand that you must go take care of with your child.

The goal is to make her be civil adn thoughtful or at least intimidated by getting out of line sothat you guys can continue a nice family relationship with her having boundaries. Only your husband can do that effectively. She will forgive him most things -- but not you, the daughter-in-law, as easily. And you don't even want your daughter growing up too timid to speak to grandma when she needs her boundaries or not having a grandma to talk to from your husband's side. Give her a good example of how to handle, and not just cut off, family.

.

Kay,
It's so exciting and wonderful, especially with the first child, sometimes we forget how exciting and wonderful it is for grandparents too.

It does sound to me like your MIL is the jealous type, but instead of fighting it maybe it would help to reassure her. You can still do it your way, but let her in. She adores your baby too, and how WONDERFUL that is! You can set boundaries, of course, but consider that you may be a little territorial yourself. It does take two to tango.... That your MIL thinks your daughter is HER BEAUTIFUL BABY is a good thing. Don't worry, no matter how close your daughter is to her grandmother it is very unlikely she will like her more than you.......so relax and allow your baby to have lots of wonderful loving people in her life. And so what if she blabbed about the new tooth. Next time make the call to her a little further down your list so you can get to be the one to tell.

I did a bit of a dance with my MIL in the beginning. Now that I am older I realize I could have been a little kinder and more accepting. We are much closer now. Very close......but it took ME realizing that we weren't in a competition and it took ME accepting her for who she was. My MIL was also the jealous type and quietly critical. Once I let that go and laughed her off and accepted her as the loving grandma she was......it all got better.

Oh, the dreaded mil! Some are great, and those ones make me jealous, lol! No, I love my MIL sometimes, but other times, I could strangle her. She's very quick to let everyone know exactly what she thinks and can hold a grudge for years. With issues that are none of her business, I learned to just say, "It's our decision, Jo." If that doesn't shut her up, I'll say it again. I don't really care if she agrees or not. She's smart enough to know that when I stand my ground, she has none left. It took A LONG time for me to realize that sometimes she just has to be shut up. Since I started doing this, we get along much better b/c she knows her boundaries with me. You don't need to justify anything to her. It's your child, your decisions, end of story. You don't have to love her, but please try to get along with her for your child's sake. Best of luck!

it sounds as if you two have got to a place where everything the other does rankles, even if it's pretty innocent. ('my beautiful baby' isn't really trying to take the baby from you.) but not wanting your family to have time with the baby is pretty intrusive of her.
first of all i'd try to develop a thick skin about the little things. bragging about first teeth and calling the baby 'hers' are just grandma things, and while they may prompt an eye-roll, i wouldn't get upset about it.
as for providing daycare, there i would draw courteous but absolute lines. your daughter is your baby and you and only you (well, and your dh of course) will decide who will watch her and how often. if she wants to work or not work or stand on her head that's her issue, but i would be kind but absolutely inflexible when it comes to that sort of thing.
if things are so tense with her that you cannot talk to her then your husband will have to.
i hope you can find a good middle ground. since i have grown kids (but no grandkids yet) i can also feel a lot of compassion for MILs who are often vilified and can't seem to find the right middle ground between being supportive and involved, and being nosy and controlling. it's probably hard for her to want to be a part of her beloved granddaughter's life, but to have no say whatsoever (and she doesn't.) be a little gentle with her while she finds her place.
khairete
S.

I would have to say that your husband should talk to her. Not you. You're the one she has the problem with, so she's automatically going to blow off anything you say. Your husband needs to set boundaries for her behavior when she's dealing with his wife and daughter. Period.

Maybe he can talk to his dad and they can have a b**ch intervention with her or something! ;)

UGH, I have known my husband since we were 13 and now we have been married almost 30 years.. My MIL is and always has been passive aggressive. She never cared for me.

I do not know why, I do not know how to change it, and it has gotten worse over the years. Once our daughter was born it was magnified.. All I can suggest is to have your husband (if he is willing) to consider going to therapy with his mother. My husband and his mom did. It helped us, It helped us realize she was never going to change. Instead we have gone along and as long as our child was under the age of 18 I really, really tried not to say anything in front of her about her grandmother.. Believe e, your child will figure it out on her own.

It all came to a head for our daughter's High School graduation and since then (2 yrs) I no longer speak with my MIL and my daughter and husband understand and support me. They see her and I am happy for them.

Your husband needs to speak with his mom first. He needs to set up some ground rules about your child. He needs to let her know where the line is and to try to stay behind it..

Do try to speak with her also and explain you respect her because she raised an amazing son. Let her know you worry that she seems concerned or stressed when you mention your own family. Also let her know that you do not consider family as a competition. Let her know since this is your first child you and your husband would love to be able to share her accomplishments first.

You are blessed to have so many people in your childs life that will love and be proud of your child. Sometimes, they forget what it is like to be a new parent. We will always be THEIR babies and children and forget we are now adults.
I am sending you patience and Strength.

OK so she loves your daughter, wants to watch your baby as much as she can and is REALLY into being a grandmother.....I agree with the poster who sad to pick your battles. Who cares that she "bragged" about the tooth first? Really--is it worth getting upset over. Just shake your head and think "that's my MIL!" As for babysitting equality, take advantage of the fact that she is so willing to watch her by having a date night with hubby every week or two.
Careful what you wish for--believe me, my MIL lives 10 mins away and NEVER makes an effort to see my son or get too close to him. He just turned 7.

.

I have issues with my mom AND my MIL unfortunately. If your MIL is so proud that she can't remember her boundaries, then I agree with one of the other posts I read...tell her LAST after you've had a chance to tell the peopel you want. Now she may come back and say, "I told so and so and she already knew!!" and be mad about that so you may have to tell her, "We tried telling you things first but then you would take away our opportunity to tell anybody else by telling them things first. This is OUR daughter and we want to have the chance to be proud first time parents." My husband once told his mother, "You've had your children. That was YOUR time. This is OUR time." It's great she is proud but there ARE boundaries and trust me, you NEED them.

My mom was the same way about our first. It was her first grandchild and when I said my in-laws wanted to go in half with her on the crib, good Lord...you would have thought I disowned her. She was completely irrational about everything and saying things like, "If I can't do this for him, I won't be able to be a grandmother" or something like that. I immediately told her I didn't need her behaving that way and that she was not the only grandparent he was going to have. I couldn't believe she was making that big a deal about splitting the cost, especially when she gave us an antique dresser for him and has done so much other stuff.

She has calmed down but she still says things that bug me sometimes like taking credit for EVERYTHING the kids learn. "Oh, I taught him to count to such and such." The only one she had that much influence with was my oldest because I had to work part time for a while and I do give her credit if she mentions him. Any other time though one of the kids does something and she tries to take credit, I nonchalantly say, "Actually we've been working on that for a couple of months now" or whatever the case may be. I don't go on about it but seriously, you are the GRANDparent, not THE parent. Be proud...I want ours to be but again, respect the boundaries.

I've had to do what others on here have suggested...not let everything get under my skin and let some things go while with others, repeating my boundary or adjusting my behavior so they don't have the opportunity to disrepect the boundary. Unfortunately, my in-laws will never watch my children alone again most likely because they have shown they cannot respect the boundaries we have in place.

I wish you luck and agree, your husband needs to talk to her if he hasn't already. It isn't your place to go to her first if he hasn't talked to his own mom and it will probably take a couple of times.

Your husband needs to talk to her not you. He sees the problem and it's his mother therefore he needs to take care of it. It would probably be good if you are around for support but maybe not in the same room. Does she have a daughter of her own? Maybe she's jealous because she always wanted a daughter. At least you trust her enough to babysit, I don't even trust my own mother to watch my child.

Sounds like maybe your husband needs to say something to her, since she seems to listen to him or at least favors him (wants dada first).

Honestly, I woudn't want my daughter around someone like your MIL very often. Your MIL's negativity and 'brainwashing' will teach your daughter some very negative things. Next thing you know she'll be telling your daughter that 'your mother is stupid' or 'your mom is wrong. Grandma's right.' I know she's too young for that now, but something to think about.

Great you have a supportive husband. Tell him all of your concerns and if you two stick together on this, then you'll be better off. Wish I had more advice. If you talk to her, which I think y'all should -- do it either as a couple or let your husband do it. Better as a pair of you going to talk to her than just him though.

She does sound like she is somewhat on the high maintenance side. It's good that she is really into being a grandmother. As someone who doesn't have my own mother or MIL to be there for my children to see them grow up, if the only thing that she does right here is want to be a good grandmother, then at least you can give her props for that.

There seems to be a little bit of a power struggle going on between you two. It seems as if you MIL is one of those women who is really into the "mommy" (and now "grandmommy") role. There are all types of people in this world and there's some women out there who loved the idea of being a mommy when they were very little and it just becomes very intertwined with their being as they grow into adulthood and beyond. That's not necessarily a good or a bad thing, just different. If you can see your MIL in this context and accept her for who she is, the two of you may feel more accepting and supportive of each other.

There's a very good chance that your MIL doesn't know how to behave in her new role and her enthusiasm for her new granddaughter is causing her to get a bit carried away. If and when she steps over the line you can choose to blow it off (there's no need to get aggitated at every little slight) or speak to her as candidly as possible but with the aim and coming to an understanding and a peaceful resolution with each other. Try to build bridges and not walls whenever possible with your MIL whenever possible because, like it or not, the two of you are family.

You may never like your MIL. Try to understand her as best you can and try to not take everything she says or does so seriously - if you can find the humor in your dealings with her, you will be much better of in the long run - and speak up when necessary. But the two of you may never have that compatibility and understanding between the two of you. And she may always be who she is. You can't change her but you can change your perspective so that you feel more comfortable in your dealings with her.

Wishing you best of luck.

I have MIL issues too and feel like I am reading my own profile! I have finally accepted that my MIL is 75 years old and is not going to change. BUT I can change my reaction to her. When she says means things I just back off for awhile. I made a concious decision to not let her get under my skin anymore because it was affecting me so much and I was upset all of the time. It was also hurting my relationship with my hubby. If there are things you don't want her telling people until you do and spoiling it then tell her last. Some people just can't keep quiet, especially a proud grandma. The bottom line is that you are not going anywhere and the sooner she realizes this the better off she will be too. As crazy as this sounds, you would miss her doting on your daughter if she were gone. A baby can never get enough love. Good luck coming from someone who is in your shoes, it will work out. :-)

I think you need to relax a bit. Sounds as if you need to pick your battles. I think a lot of MIL's have an issue with the other side of the family and jealousy. Bottom line...it's her problem. Don't allow it to be yours. Let her deal with her insecurities, honestly, who cares if she gets upset. As long as you are doing things the way that you want, then why let her responses get to you?? If you are being picky about everything that she says or does (like calling your daughter "her baby") then you are not going to be heard when you have a valid point about her overstepping. I think its great that she loves her granddaughter and wants to show off her milestones. Why would you get upset about that? I was not close to one set of my grandparents and the other side had passed away before I was born. I missed out on that closeness. Your daughter is very lucky. As long as you are calling the shots with how she is raised then just let the overboard comments go! It's not worth it. TRUST Me I have heard some MIL horror stories! It could be much worse!

Your husband needs to do the talking. When he does, he should not reference how just you feel, it should be stated as how 'we' and sometimes just 'I' feel. If he uses you for the reason of talking to her, she won't hear a word.

Hi Kay, I didn't read all your responses but I know where you are coming from! My ex mil was the same way. And she was very jealous that Sundays is family day at my parents house and has been since my sister had her first child in 95 and my oldest will be 11 in August and she still gets upset over this! She is a very jealous person and a back stabber at best. We have really never gotten along and I was always fighting with her, but your mil might not stop at all, but my advice is for your husband to stand up to her and not you! My mil has 3 children and 6 grandchildren and none of her children talk to her nor does she see her grandchildren which is a sad situation. And on top of that, my fil just died the end of April and they where legally separated for a year so really she has no one because of the things she has said and done to her family. I hope you guys can work things out between your husbands family. Good LUck

My mom died when I was a kid, so my MIL was the only grandma my kids had. She was bossy and sometimes overbearing. I just let her talk and did what I thought best. I listened to her advice and if I agreed, I took it.
I am a MIL & a grandma. My daughter has 3, my son has 1. I do call them "my baby". When my daughter said "he's my baby", I would say "he's our baby". We all love him(them), we all anxiously awaited him, and we all want whats best for him.
I understand her telling everyone about the tooth, she was proud and excited. If it's such a big deal to you, then tell everyone else about it first, then her. I think that's being pretty petty, honestly. Pick your battles.
Your husband is the one to talk to his mom. If it was your mom, it would be your job. Your husband might also try to talk to his dad and see if he can lend some support.She will forgive them more and faster than if it were you.
Your MIL will come to terms with things. Becoming a grandmother is a huge milestone in a mom's life. My babies' baby, the next generation.

I see so many complaints about grandma's on here. They are either too intrusive or too stand-offish. The do too much or they don't do enough. It's seems like no matter what they do, if they don't live up to mom's expectations, they should be banned from the house and baby.
Someday your child will be a parent, and their spouse will be judging you.

You said it yourself "Every thing she does annoys you". My mom has always called my youngest her baby. I believe it a loving gesture that all. Sounds like MIL is a little overboard about being jealous of your side of the family. I think if I were you I would pick my battles with her and not get sooooo upset at every little thing she does. Her biggest crime here is she totally loves your child. I think if she is going overboard let your husband talk to his mom. Try to see the good in your MIL. The less stress in the family the better.

Your husband needs to do the talking. It is his mom, and more likely to listen to him. I would discuss with hubby the points you want to make clear and I would sit with him when he speaks to his mom, so she gets it that you and he are on the same page. It'll be uncomfortable and God know what the fall out will be. But you have to do something or it's only going to get worse. My mom was like this, still is but less obvious. She was pretty much indifferent to me when I was pregnant. She didn't hover over me or talk excitidly about the upcoming event. when I told her only two poeple could be in the room with me at birth I told her obviously it was my hubs and my BF who was training to be a doula. My mom lost her ever loving mind. All of a sudden she had to be in the room it was HER grandchild etc. If someone got a hold of my baby before her she'd tell them to give her the baby. When no one was around though, she wasn't possessive of him. She never wanted to baby sit but only wanted to when she heard other members of our family was going to. I think something happens in their head that they have to prove that they are the most important person to the baby. She always says to my son "Who loves you more than grandma?", when I am in the room I say out loud "his parents!!!!". I wish you luck they are a tough nut to crack!

My advice for you is to try to understand that she is the jealous type.
It is very hard for those that are jealous to hold back what's on their
minds.

About your daughter getting a tooth, relax grandma is proud.

I don't think right now is the time to say something to her.
Keep low and don't bring up your family when you talk.

I am sorry but I don't see how she is being selffish or crazy.
I do see her being a grandma.

Try to relax and work with her. Stay nice and don't talk to much to her and
enjoy your daughter.

I am not siding with your mother in law, I am not a grandma myself.
I am a 32 year old mother to 3 and pregnant. I have a wonderful MIL and my own mother is really the grandmother that nobody would ever want for their kids. Trust me I got the CRAZY one in my family and I think it's not that bad for you.
If talking about your family rubs her jealous bone, then don't talk about your family with her.

These are just my thoughts about this.

I do wish you and her the best because you both have a long road together ahead of you.

God bless.

I haven't read all 32 of your responses, so I hope I'm not repeating everything you've already heard. I'd stop telling your MIL about your baby with anyone else. She doesn't need to know how much fun baby had with others, and she doesn't need to know that your family is watching her 2 days a week etc. Keep her on a need to know basis - that may help with some of the jealousy she seems to have with others being in the baby's life.

Also, your hubby needs to battle her - not you. When my husband and I have some conflict with my MIL we discuss what needs to happen and he is the communicator.

Good luck!

Hi Kay,

It is hard when they live close by! Mother in Laws can change. She obviously changed when the baby was born, so hopefully, if you don't burn any bridges, she will change again.

I had trouble with mine too, but it started even before the wedding. Long story short, when the first was born, I asked her opinion and advice often. It was easy not to take it, because she lived far away, but I asked her constatnly about what to do. You could try to find things you don't care about and ask her advice, being so close, you would probably have to follow it! Anyway, by the time my daughter was 6, my MIL was dying of cancer, and I took care of her until she died. I miss her. Some women are "captain of the world" but they can be very loving too. If my MIL could come around, yours can! Just wanted you to know that there is hope.

I agree with the other Moms who said that this is your husbands battle. He really needs to be the one that takes it on. He can't burn a bridge, but you can, so let him do what needs to be done, and let the small stuff go.

M.

Why isn't your husband talking to her? I don't think you will ever like her if this is how she keeps treating you. It may be best if you have a calm short visit where you don't have to talk to her much. Also I wouldn't rush to her with news at least her 1st. Best of luck to you this woman sounds mean!

If she is a loving, attentive granny - be thankful. She raised the good man you love, married and had a child with - be thankful.
She's not working right now and her husband is about to lose his job - her grandbaby is a bright spot in her life and she obviously feels insecure and doesn't want to be left out or not given equal time.
And the first grandbaby, baby is special to everyone.
Honestly, I think you both irritate each other and need to find things you enjoy doing together and things you like about each other.
The other thing is, you mother in law isn't going to change - she's the person she is and you are the person you are.
I think you are handling it well such as - both grannies are going to watch you daughter. Of course she's jealous that the other granny gets two days and she gets one - that's human nature. She'll get over it.
If you relationship is good with hubby and father in law and everyone else - don't hyper focus on negative stuff or make something into a negative with your mother in law. So she told everyone about the baby's tooth. So what. I mean seriously, it's a tooth. You daughter is going to get more teeth and then loose teeth and get some more. I mean is that something to be angry about? If you mother in law spanked your baby or called her ugly or fussy or called you names or ignored you and your baby - that would be something to be mad about. I still think my mother is crazy sometimes when it comes to her first grandbaby - my son - and he's 16 now. But like she says, when I have my first grandbaby I'll understand. I hope one of your husbands siblings has a child soon - to take the pressure off of you. If you mother in law isn't ignorant and hateful to you - don't sweat all this small stuff.

We're kind of in the same boat. I just had my daughter 4 months ago, my MIL's 1st grandchild and my MIL had 3 boys-no girls- and always wanted a daughter, so you can probably imagine how bad it is. She does stuff similar to your mother-in-law. At times she is suffocating and annoying. Whenever someone in my family is holding the baby she stands and hovers right over them--she doesn't give them any room to breathe or play with the baby. She tries to act like she can do a better job than me with the baby--HELLO I am her mother. When she found out my mother and sister were going to be babysitting while I was at work she begged to help watch the baby, even though she works full-time and my mother is retired! She also tries to wake up the baby all the time when she is sleeping (poking her, petting her head, talking loudly). I want her to leave the baby alone when she sleeps, she needs her sleep and is miserable when she doesn't get enough sleep. I told my MIL that but she doesn't seem to care. I complain about her to my husband all the time and he tells me to say something to her but I don't want to cause conflict. I think he should address it with her because she is his mother and she can probably take it better from him. I can also go on and on about her behavior. I figure the baby is not going to be little forever so I'll just deal with it for now but I dread when she comes over to visit the baby. I feel bad that I think this but I can't help how I feel. For now, I am going to pick and choose my battles. I am going to avoid confronting her so that our relationship doesn't get strained. But I am going to have my husband set better boundaries with her--he will have to tell her to cool it when necessary.

Well at least it's only your MIL, I hate all of my IL because the more I know them the more skeletons come out of the closet. In my opinion, it's not your place to tell your MIL anything...It's your husband's. For 8 years my husband has battled for me and when I suddenly spoke and protected myself for the first time out of 9 years, I was the bad guy. My husband and I agreed not to deal with the soap opera drama again. We still invite them to our children's activities but no interest. I just think it's their problem not my husband's or mine...they to are very selfish, bitter people.
If your husband can't get through to her...I would just forget it.

I have had a rocky relationship with my MIL too! I read everything in your post and I have had the same problem.

When I couldn't take anymore my husband spoke with her about our "relationship". What he did made things better. He explained to her that he loves me and loves her. The rifts that were being created were her doing and then...things began to change (slowly). We established boundaries and now everything is much better.

I think when you rely on her or your mother for help they will naturally take over when they can. I am not suggesting that you not do it but, please be careful!!! I keep my children close...it works better that way considering I don't want them to become confused as to who is in charge.

Best of luck!

Hi Kay. I totally understand the frustration that you have with your MIL. That being said, I would suggest the same as other responders, do not talk to your MIL about time spent with the your family, and honestly less is more. It's not her business to know how often your mother will watch your daughter, etc. I would say also to pick your battles. I would not make an issue over the first tooth, just be thankful that she IS so loving and attentive to your child. As a woman who would LOVE for her MIL to even talk to her daughter or come over and play with her, let me tell you how lucky you are to have a MIL who is so loving of your daughter. My MIL never sees my daughter, never comes to her parties, she lives less than 2 minutes away and has no interest in my daughter, she only sees her 3 grandsons who live in North Dakota. So be thankful that she is such a caring grandmother because it breaks my heart that my daughter doesn't have two loving grandmothers. Just hang in there, and if she oversteps her boundaries have your husband discuss it with her. But again, just pick your battles.

I am sorry and I know we all have our frustrations but it sure sounds to me like she is just a proud and happy Grandmother who simply wants to be a part of your daughter's life. You and your husband will always be her parent's no matter what. My Mom constantly says to my kids you're Mimi's babies...i don't take offense. She genuinly loves them and wants to be supportive and a influencial part of their lives without interfering. Yep, you should have healthy boundaries but I don't see any unhealthy ones at the moment. Take one day at a time and be blessed that she wants to be supportive and helpful. However, if there are some issues with her I'd address them one on one over coffee or something so you can feel better about your relationship. Good Luck

that sounds like my mom and my sister, odd she could care less about my baby but my sisters she thinks is hers! oh well good for her. anyways....I did have problems w/ my MIL when I first had my baby, but lucky things have goten better. I think that your hubbie should totally support you and he should talk to her and put his foot down, he is her mom and you should be out of it it should not come from you (that is what we did and it helped) I alwasy "prep" my husband on what to look out for and what to say and how to correct things that she will say/do that will bother me and he does not really enjoy this but it really has helped and now I feel much better about my MIL. OH and you dont ever have to like your MIL but you do have to pretend for your childrens sake, LOL, they need to come to their own conclusions about her. good luck really. it sounds rough, my sister has a very hard time w/ this w/ my mom and I am gald it is not me at times

maybe kindly reminder her that the more you enjoy her company the more you will want to be in her company....

I really do not understand what your problem is...you have a good MIL who wants to love/care for your daughter and all she gets from you - is hate.
You should stop being so selfish and remember the more people love your baby - the better. Would you rather have MIL that ignores your kid? Never offers to babysit? I have one like that, believe me, I would rather have yours.
As a mom of 2 boys it scares me every time I read MIL problem posts. I just think of all the time, effort and love I give to my boys just so one day the woman they will chose to marry will hate me! Think about that. Imagine yourself in her shoes.

Good luck, enjoy your baby and MIL.

Okay - just curious what is was like for her raising her family. In her own life, does she feel love and support from family and friends? Is she a confident strong person? I would look at this from a psychological point of view that she is receiving unconditional love from the baby and she must not be getting that from other people.

About the da-da thing - they will say ma -ma first - the d consonant is too hard to form and pronounce - m is much easier - been that way for generations and I don't think your MIL influence is going to change that!

M. in IL
(I have a sister who has a PhD in Developmental Psychology - she gives me lots of good ideas and can quote the research to back it up!)

There is too much resentment for you to bring this up to your MIL. Let your husband do that. He needs to be the intermediary on this issue. You also need to tone down your open animosity towards her. I totaly understand why you feel this way, but you can't openly show it to her. For instance when she said "You're my baby, my beautiful baby", there was really no need for you to correct her. You know the baby is yours & your husbands, so you don't need to verbalize this, no matter how irritating it may be. It's unproductive & will only make your relationship more strained. Choose your words & comments carefully & have your husband bring up the big issues.

Just to start off simply- see how much your husband (her son) can work on the situation. He has known her his entire life. When my husband and I were engaged my husband overheard a conversation between my MIL and her sister. He made sure to let her know how he felt, how he felt about me. My husband and I stand by each other when we need to regardless of who's side of the family. Nobody has to be in the middle- certainly don't put yourself there. How does your husband want to deal with this?- he married you and said vows. Ask him to step up to the plate. He needs work this out with his mom. I swear, Men are so good at getting out of doing things :)