When to Step In...

Hi A.,
I agree with Jennifer. Just let your friend know that you're there for her for moral support and to listen whenever she needs you. Your friend shouldn't stay in a relationship just because she can't support herself, because that will be emotionally damaging, not only to her, but to her children as well. Advise her to try and collect herself and find a way to support herself and her baby. One way she could start is by downsizing some material things...such as a cheaper car, or get rid of the cell phone (although now a days it seems like you need one to get by so this one is tricky). There's also a Consumer Credit Cousnelling that helps people in her position with finances to get rid of interests and lower monthly payments. It's like a consolidation. EQUITY ONE has help me and my family out a great deal when it comes to being there financially for us. Just remember, MONEY and FRIENDS Do Not MIX...so just some advice since you sound really nice and wanting to help out your friend there, let her find her own financial way. There is a way for her. Just not thru you because you have a family of your own. I know this part wasn't included in your message, but thought I would throw that out there because it's one thing that could possibly come up between you and your friend. First step for your friend regardless is to get rid of the cheating husband. Shame on him for that. Things will get worse before they get better, but just keep reassuring your friend that they WILL get better! Best wishes for your friend and you, G.

A.,
You could always tell your roomate that if she needs to talk you are there for her, whether it be for advice or if she just needs someone to sit and listen (sounding board). Then let her come to you and tell you what she needs. Sometimes people don't want advice but just need someone to sit and listen to everything they say! I have a friend like that. We do that for each other and it really helps! When she or I want advice we ask and are very clear that is what we are needing otherwise we just listen.
Hope this helps!

Hi A., I hope this helps. My exhusband cheated on me all though my pregnancy and left me with two little girls and a new born, when the baby was 2 weeks old. My sister who is my best friend was there for all of it and tried telling me how better off i would be with out him but when you love someone and have their children it's very hard to walk away. me and my sister got into arguements over it, until he left. I had no way of supporting my self so i put my self though school and i lived off student loans and kept hoping he'd come back and when he tried a year later to get me back i realized i didn't need him. And i was happy for the first time in a realy long time. And i also relized my sister was right but i think she did right by backing off and letting me figure out for myself that i didn't need him. I would have liked it much better if my sister would have just been there to let me cry on her shoulder and to let me know if i do leave she is gonna help support me no matter what, emotionaly or financialy. I don't know if this will help but i hope it does.
Best of luck, Samie

Always hard to know what to do in these situations as they are always different circumstances. It may sound pious (sp?) but I always refer to the Lord on this. Draw a line in the sand and hold your ground... if you picka side - stick with it.

Kurt

if you have to live with these people the best thing to do is not take sides and NOT give advice. i can come back and haunt you. the best thing to do is just LISTEN. remember it takes 2 to tangle. whatever is going on between them, it is both their faults. it seems like the husband is the bad guy but you dont know his reasons either. they may just get over all this and then you will be caught in the midddle for taking sides and for giving advice. just be there for support and to listen. that is what most preple in this situation need. and if it looks like things arent getting better and you rely financially on the roomates then it might be a good idea to start looking for alternate living arrangemnts. you dont need to go down with them. i know it sounds slefish but you have to take care f number 1 first. this is not the end of the world and it is not the first time it has happened. things do work out one way or the other.