What Would You Do???? - Holly Springs,NC

That is really sad. I would see if I could take the kids in until their parents get on their feet. It sounds like they have had a bad deal but a man should work three jobs if he must to take care of his kids. I don't care if its McDonalds my husband would never allow us to become homeless. He would proabably be donating his plasma right now and be on his way to clean toliets tonight!!

I was newly married and pregnant, and became homeless, My husband and I applied for Welfare as a couple. I was living in CA at the time so don't know the NC welfare rules, but I would try and see if the family could get assistance, they even helped us get emergency shelter, and Food Stamps (now they have a fancy EBT card in most states).

L.,

There are a few issues I have with the story, and sometimes someone on the outside can see the problems better than someone so emotionally involved.

1. If the family was paying for the car and payments were current, the seller couldn't take the car back due to a change in employment.

2. The new job wouldn't fire someone if they hadn't already started the job and secondly they wouldn't rescend an employment offer just because their previous employer was upset they were leaving.

Where I'm going with this is there is more to the story; they didn't just lose everything because of a change in employment. I would investigate a little further. It could be that you are being told what they think you want to hear in order to get some help. It's easier to lie and get sympathy than it is to face the truth.

I do believe they have a problem and need help, but I'm not sure you are the one to do it. You are in a bad situation yourself, and have your own children to focus on. The best way to help would be to give them place to go and resources, if the shelter you know about is full, I'm sure they can give you some more information. Sometimes paying it forward is giving the family the resource to make it through on their own and face their problems.

I helped someone like this many years ago, and found that the story they told was far from true; it was changed to make them look like the victims, and once they got in to my house they were very comfortable and didn't want to make arrangements to leave.

I would offer them my support and advice, but I wouldn't open my house up at this point. You need to work on your family's situation at this point and get it as strong as you can.

L.,

You have a very good heart and a kind soul. I feel there are missing key points to this story, so I am admitedly a bit torn.

I think you should help, but opening your home isn't the first thing to do. You have checked a local shelter but here are some other things you can do.

- contact local churches for shelter, food, job leads etc.
- contact school for assistance and suggestions (do all you can to get or keep the three oldest in school even if that means picking them up and dropping them off for a while)
- contact local governmental offices to be sure they are getting the available help including food stamps, qualify for rent subsidies (i think they it's called section 8 housing)
- check shelters in nearby communities in addition to the one close by
- offer to do laundry at your house this week
- take them dinner (nothing fancy or expensive, but pasta and sauce or something)
- be sure she is shopping wisely when she's able to go, pricing items out and buying off brands; even going to save-a-lot stores instead of a kroger/meijer can really pay off
- offer to watch the kids so she can have time to run errands without carting them around (any mother would love that!)

There are MANY ways to PAY IT FORWARD that don't put your family at risk. I am sure these are good people, but there are too many horror stories out there to ignore them.

Please be kind, be loving, be a friend, but above all be safe.

God bless

Are there any churches around that can help? Call and see. Here we have something called the "Samaritan's Fund" that the area churches contribute to, that helps with stuff like that. Also you might check with the REACH center, yes it is for abused women but sometimes if they have room and there are children involved they will let people stay temporarily. Maybe you could let a couple of the kids come and stay for a few days - perhaps that would be ok with the inlaws (who sound heartless and I'm assuming are not Christian folks). By the way, if you are in your own house why do the inlaws have so much say??? You can also help in other ways, maybe do some of her laundry for her, drive her to the store or pick up groceries for her...
It actually sounds like this family's problems have been going on for awhile, since you say you met them at a homeless shelter five years ago. It sounds more like the parents need some good job training so they can get better jobs. And maybe they need some good birth control too - I know not everyone agrees with me on that but if you can't take care of your kids, it might be a good idea to stop having them. Yes, that sounds harsh and I am completely pro life, but I think God also gave us a brain and expects us to use it. Anyway, good luck to you and this family. I hope things turn around for you both.

I feel if you agreed to be their GOD parents then you agreed to love and take care of them like your own. Would you let your own children be out on the street? I agree sometime in-laws don't see what we feel. They are on the outside looking in, and many times don't have the same beliefs we do. If you and you husband are in agreement on this then do it. I just caution you because it is not easy having two families under the same roof no matter how close you are. Sometimes it can cause division and you and your husband have to decide ahead of time to take a stand TOGETHER no matter what happens. and remember YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES! I'm talking from experience. If you decided to take them in give the parents a time frame up front to get another place this may avoid any hard fellings later when the time comes for them to move out. GOOD LUCK AND I'LL SAY A PRAY FOR EVERYONE TOO! LET GOD GUIDE YOU IN YOUR DECISION - HE WILL NEVER LEAD YOU WHERE HE'S NOT GONE FIRST.

What does the in-laws opinion have to do with any of this? Regardless of the facts, or lack of, if my God-children didn't have a roof over their heads, I would be taking them in no matter what.

Several years ago when my best friends didn't have the money to fill the gas tank that heated their mobile home, hubby and I opened our arms to them and their 2 kids. That doesn't sound too bad, but we were living in a old, tiny 3 bed room mobile home where the 3rd bedroom was pretty much unuseable because the heat just didn't reach it. It was cramped, it was stressful, but it was worth it because I knew they were safe, and they knew they were too. It was only for a couple of weeks, and we were all reliveived when they got back to their hom. And I would do it again in a heart beat! I also knwo they would do the same for us if we ever needed, even though we now have 2 children and they have 4.

Invite them to your home! Have the mom see if they quailify for WIC, food stamps, TANF, and Section 8 housing. (You can even have her check on the Section 8 before you take them in because people who are in DIRE need- a.k.a. on the streets- get bumped up to the top of the list.

I agree- it sounds like there's a bit more to the story than what's here. If the farm job was an actual "pay check" job (not under the table) the husband can try to seek unemployment because he TRIED to put in a 2weeks notice and was let go. If they have proof that there was an agreement to purchase the car, then that's a legal issuse that can be dealt with in small claims court. As for the other job firing the husband because they found out he was homeless, I belive that's a discrimantion issue. But depending on VA's employment laws, there may be nothing that can be done. (In Kentucky, employers have a right to terminate you within 90 days with no reason)

Whatever decision you make- Just listen to God and listen to your heart and you'll know you made the right decision.

Is there a reason that the family was asked to leave the farm? Is there any addiction issues?

I would, and this is a hard one, I would work from two areas, 1. Get a job, get any job I could. Do my best to be clean, punctual, dependable.

2. I would also pray about healing and understanding what I need to do.

3. I would definitely use birthcontrol and not have more kids.

This answer seems quite lame, and it is making me think and pray.

What would Jesus do? I don't think it is your inlaws business - your opening up your home to them would give them a start if there were ground rules set up first - how long, etc.
It does take a village to raise children - are there any other place you can go for services for them right now? what those kids need is love and stability.
I'll pray for you and them

Hi L.!
Wow, it sounds like you've had a rough time of things lately. God normally does that when he's getting ready to do big things in your life. I can certainly understand your inlaw's concerns, but I'm not sure why they feel so strongly about your willingness to help this struggling family. It would be different if you were still living under their roof, but now that you are on your own, I'm a bit at a loss to understand their point of view. Does this family have drug and/or violence issues?

If you don't have concerns about youf families safety, then I would recommend you open your doors. The good Lord has blessed you with a roof over your head and a place to lay your head each night. The Bible instructs that whatever you do for the least of these you also do unto the Lord. Share your blessings and more will be poured out upon you.

If you choose to open your home, it will certainly not be easy and everyone should expect there to be some turbulent times. You should be up front and explain that this cannot be a longer term solution, but you want for them to stay until a place in the shelter is available. Hopefully your in-laws will be moved by your love and generosity and change their point of view. I would hate to see a family torn in two because you chose to share God's love with his creation. Good luck and God bless!

In God's Love,
T.

I don't understand what your in-laws have to do with whether or not you let others stay at your own home. But even if you do rely on them for some kind of assistance of your own, you should still do what's right and let these people stay with you. Others have offered other great suggestions, and I think you should explore those options, but if the only option is to let this family stay with you, then do it. Your in-laws should not put those conditions on you, but regardless you need to do what you know is right. God wouldn't want you to turn the family away, and he would bless you for helping them out. And that means that if your in-laws did cut you off for this, you would have to trust that God would take care of your needs in the future. He won't let you suffer for helping someone else out. Besides, think about the great lesson you'd be teaching your own kids. People put their LIVES at risk when they hid Jews from Hitler. What that perspective, you can certainly stand up to your in-laws if you need to. My prayers are with you and the family in need. Good luck!

Good Morning L.
God Bless you
L. ypu already know what you Must do
Dont worry about your Inlaws they need to get over themselves
God will deal with your Inlaws
Your first priority is to bed obediant to God and as you say Pay it forward.
its not like is a permanit solution. Once your God childs Dady Gets enough $together he will pay the rent on a decent home for them.
Until them I am Sure that they can get emergency assistance to at least help you out with Grociers for the next few weeks
I think you call it food stamps
It Dosnt matter if your the only one that can keep them from that woman and her five littel ones from sleeping on the street then let them sleep on the couch or the floor or where everyou can find a space for them to sleep and with those kids it sounds like even a sleeping bag on the fllor would be welcomed and to that Mom who is worried sick about how she is going to Provide for her kids.
I know your goign to be tripping over bodies for a few weeks
But you know what your concients will be clear and you will be blessed for taking them In
And Yes thats what i would do and I have taken people in to my home that were as close to being homless as your Friend is.
I know your struggeling in your dission but you know what Dission you have already made in your own heart you just need to act on it and you will be blessed for offereing your home home to that family.
Remember the Littel boy with only the 5 loves and the 5 Fishes?Remember how Jesus took his meager offering blessed it and caused it to feed 5,000 people . Ands they werent just crums those 5,000 ate until they were filled up and theer was still lots left over to feed that Littel boy
Well in the same way I beleive that Jesus will provide for you so that you can and will Provide for this family you wanta help
Be blessed L. be blessed for your heart is big and pure and Kind and its is of the finest of Gold
get back to me and let me know what you have desided I be praying for you and this family you want to help
C.

I am a newly wed at the Age of 45 I have two daughters ages 12 , 15 and a step son who is 7going on 40 and I live in Northern Ontario Canada . I am starting back to Bible College to become a pastor this fall and my new hubby is 100% supportive of me in calling to become a pastor

Oh Wow! My husband and I used to work at a homeless ministry as well, so I can somewhat relate. Definitely a very "sifting" experience. I'd recommend that you take the matter to a local church. Are you involved in a church now? I'd tell them all about the situation and ask for their help - both in prayer support and practical helps. I don't know where you live, but in many communities, the churches try to work together and have some kind of "council" or organization where the pastors meet together and fellowship and support one another. If there is such a thing in your community, I would also take it to them. You are in a serious battle here - don't try to fight it alone! Also, unless the family is here illegally, they should definitely qualify for social services (and unemployment benefits), so you could help them go down that route (go with them to apply, etc.). God bless you!

L.,
That story just breaks your heart! I feel more sorry for the farmer, I don't think God is too happy with him and I would not want to be in his shoes. Same for the new company who gave him a job then took it back because of his situation. What does this say about our society? Didn't we learn anything from Katrina? This country better wake up and pull together, our economy is heading for rougher times. I can't do much, I am not working right now. But I would take the story and let the media know, newspapers, local TV, christian radio, CNN anyone that would listen. Is there a church that could help them? Can they get food stamps? If the salvation army can't help them, can they transport them to a nearby city that can? Keep praying, use your resources, God will make a way, blessings, V.

I would take the mother and God children into my home. If your in-laws truly love you they wouldn't ask you to go against God's will. The reason God blesses us with material possessions is so we my bless others with those same possessions. May God give you the strength and courage to operate in wisdom. A. B. Hillsborough, NC

I don't understand why your in-laws would stop talking to you, but that's their problem. I would try to look at it like this, would you want your kids' GODparents to let them stay on the street in this case? God blesses those that bless him. Your in-laws live by a different set of rules than you and they have to answer for their actions just like in the end you have to answer for yours. I hope your husband will see it too.
I've taken family members into my home at times when I couldn't afford it but it always worked out in the end. I was at least able to live with myself in the end without any guilt.

I've gone for years without communicating with my parents and will probably do it again as they don't always agree with my decisions. It is difficult but in the end I can say that I did the right thing for me and my conscience. Parents don't always agree with our decisions when we are adults but they eventually come around because they end up needing us in the end.
Follow your heart and do what's right for you and not them.

I would definitely let them stay at least for a while. The next step I would take it to call the salvation army and set up an appointment. If you qualify, they will help you out with a payment one or two months. This is definitely the kind of situation they would want to help in. Call, tell them your county, and then set up an appointment. Also tell them your situation and see if they have any other suggestions. Best of luck!

This is a very tough dilemma. I would say it's generally a very bad idea to invite friends to live in your home, even if it's for a short period of time. It always seems that personalities clash and people in hard situations end up overstaying their welcome. It makes me wonder if maybe your in-laws realize this is a bad idea and that's why they're so opposed to it. However, these people have children, and you have to take that into consideration as well. Do the parents not have parents of their own that they can turn to? You have to think about what is best for your family without completely disregarding your friends and their children. Truly, without knowing more details, it's hard to give advice on the subject. Just pray about it, ask for an answer, and hopefully, it'll come to you.

Hello L., have you tried some of the churches in the area? Also, there are some State agencies that may be able to help, especially with kids involved. If there is a Salvation Army or a Human Resource agency in your area. Call around and maybe someone can point you in the right direction to get help for the family.

Hey! What a blessing you are to this homeless family! Since you're back in your own home, why not let the Mother and children move in with y'all? I'd definitely establish some "rules" and definitely get a move-out date. Maybe all they need is 6 or 8 weeks until the Father can get on his feet a little. Let your Church family know what's going on and maybe they could help, too. God bless you and your family and the homeless family!

Try contacting Good News Homes in LaGrange. Sorry I don't know the phone number. They find homes for people who fall through the cracks in our systems. If you go to church your church maybe able to help. Good Luck.

L.,
I can't help as I am too far away and like you I am not that well off although I would love to help. I wish that I had won the lottery last week then I would send them money to live. I am so sorry for all of this and for what you have been through. I do hope it all gets straight and to let you know that I will be praying for you also.

You know everytime something happens to me and I question 'why me', I am told that God is testing me. God tests me alot apparently. If that is true, maybe this is a test for you. Maybe God wants to see what decisions you will make to help others in need. Someone said that God usually does things like this when he has bigger things coming to you.
I, too, don't understand why your inlaws should disown you for helping one of God's children. I don't understand why the farmer repossessed the car and why he has no heart. Maybe God is testing him also and it sounds like he failed. I would hate to be in his shoes.
Sometimes I think life is a trade off. I was married to an abusive man but didn't have to worry about money at all. I prayed to die because I hated my life so badly. God finally sent me a wonderful wonderful man and life is so wonderful, BUT, money situations are tough. Which would I prefer? I would rather be poor and have the love that I feel in my heart now and to have all the love that I can give returned, even if money is tight. This family will pull together and work closer as a family and be closer because of this. What kind of life does the man that kicked them out and took their car have? Whose life would you rather have? I don't know what the answer is for you. I don't know your situation. I have confidence that you will do the right thing because you have enough heart to worry.
I hope that it all works out for you and for that family.
My prayers be with you

Your friend needs to start being more responsible, and do what is best for those children, and that includes not having any more! I can't imagine that a section 8 apartment is worse than six people in one hotel room, and there are some shelters just for women and children. If she does have to take section 8, then she should invite the other women over for coffee, organize a community watch program, and build a village of caregivers. Moms can do wonders. They can make sure that no child walks to the bus stop alone, there must always be an adult chaperone. Two adults is best. They can set up a schedule for who is going to supervise the morning and afternoon bus stops so that it is not a burden on any one or two people. The older children should be taught to look after the younger ones on the bus and in the complex. If everyone keeps to themselves, then bad things can happen, but if they all work together to make their homes safe, then there will be less trouble. "It takes a village to raise a child." They just have to get serious about it, and be willing to do their part to improve their situation. The current situation is not only tragic, but dangerous. Those kids could easily be run over walking along a busy highway. It's especially bad for the school aged children who have to be embarrassed at school, and I can't imagine that their school/homework is getting the attention it needs. The father doesn't need to be working out of town five days per week! That mom will be crazy and exhausted by the end of the week taking care of five children, and this will, even unintentionally, be taken out on the children. There's only so much one person can do. If the father worked on a farm, then he is probably pretty handy. Encourage him to look for work as a maintenance man at an apartment complex. Many give the maintenance man a free apartment in which to reside as a part of their salary/benefit package. If he needs to improve his skills in plumbing or electricity, then he can take some courses at a community college during his off hours, to enhance his employability. The mom can post a note at the complex, and offer babysitting services while her two older children are at school. There may even be third shift workers in the complex, or nearby, who need someone to stay at their apartment overnight. She can do that, and her husband can get the kids up and ready for school until the mom comes back the next morning. She can sleep at the other apartment. She needs to talk to the managers at places where they operate a third shift, and see if they will let her post a notice on the bulletin board. What are her skills? Have her check with the Employment Security Commission for companies that have onsight daycare. Even if she is just working in the mailroom, janitorial services, or cafeteria, as long as she is an employee of the company, they may allow her put her younger children in the day care facility. Also, have her check with her local senior services center. Many seniors, who are still of sound mind and body, and still drive, are looking for a little additional income, and would be willing to babysit the younger children, at a rate cheaper than a day care center. She can work during the day, while the older kids are in school. This family may even be able to barter their services in exchange for room and board. There could be an elderly person who lives in a big house or has a guest house, and needs help with household chores, laundry, lawn mowing, driving, running errands. She's just got to get the word out anywhere she can, and look for alternative opportunities, because opportunity will not find her. Obviously, they will need to be as convenient as possible to a bus line. As far as the churches go, many are willing to help those who are willing to help themselves, and most churches are struggling themselves because of lower attendance. They have bills to pay too. Whether they are married or not, they could still attend church, and a good pastor will help them set the course, to legalizing their family status. A church relies not only on tithing, which they are unable to do at this time, but also by their members presence, talents, and service. Many hold bible studies during the week where they have a supper, and offer nursery services. The parents could give of their time to help prepare the meal, or supervise the nursery, and the family gets fed. Older children may be there to help the younger school age children with homework. Even if no one is currently doing it, tell them to talk to the pastor about starting a homework assitance program. Most are in favor of anything that will bring more members of the congregation to the church Many churches also have paid nursery workers. The mom can work in the nursery on Sunday mornings to earn a little extra money. A church provides unlimited opportunities, but they need to find one that is friendly, welcoming, has a diverse congregation, and most of all, get involved! Once the congregation sees that they are committed to living right, and raising their children properly, then people will be willing to help them. It may be a meal here or there, or a job opportunity. And lastly, they need to stop smoking! Cigarettes are expensive, and harmful not only to their health, but to the health of their children. I realize that nicotine is a powerful addiction, but they have got to dig deep, and find the self discipline to give up the habit for the sake of their children. They could buy enough beans and rice to feed their children for a week for what they spend on cartons of cigarettes. I know the situation seems hopeless, but it isn't. Sympathize, and empathize with your friend, but most importantly, also encourage her, and help her think of and find opportunities for bettering her life. If you can afford to, place a classified ad in her local papers, or Senior Living magazine, or make some calls for her, advertising that they are looking for work as caretakers, groundskeepers, drivers (Driving Miss Daisy), and are willing to barter for a portion of the salary. Of course, all of this is based on the assumption that they are very responsible, trustworthy, and do not have a criminal past. There's no where to go but up!

Wow, it really amazes me how judgemental people and churches can be regarding their situation. Does 'judge not lest thee be judged' not mean anything? No, they have not made the best decisions, but it is THEIR decision to make. I'm sure we all can find fault with choices others have made, but it is not our concern.

I sure hope they are able to find help with good people who don't hold thier choices against them. All those churches that will not help are doing is holding them down even more. So sad.......I'm sure Jesus would be pleased.

Just some thoughts and comments here. The children being caught in this is what breaks my heart, and I will pray for you and for them.
The parents seem to have no concept of responsibility and accountability, in their decisions. The father couldn't afford to get a divorce but decided to make a baby with another woman, then can't support any of the family!!

I would definitely try to find some help for them, but the rest is up to the parents. They NEED to grow up REAL FAST, and I know it's not easy. The area of NC they're in is not known for having decent jobs, and the wages a ridiculously low for the cost of living in the area. (We live in western NC and it's the same around here, especially now that all the good jobs have gone overseas or to other states.)
Once their immediate needs have been met, there has to be some org or ss, church, etc. to assist with educational needs, job training, birth control, parenting, even helping the father get a divorce so that if they choose to stay together, they can go forward.
I agree that there seems to be other things going on, and the bottom line is that if they have been homeless other times, the pattern is frightening, and they still keep procreating without a thought to the consequences for the babies!!
As to you having them in your home, it might be the best to consider taking the children temporarily, through social services if necessary, to give the parents time to obtain jobs, get training that is vital to their being able to support themselves, find adequate housing, etc.
Put the burden on the adults, but try to help the children. This is not unfair judgment when the lifestyle choices seem to be repeating and now that they have more children, is a worse situtation than before. Also do you know if mother gets child support for the older kids?? At least that would be some income.
Another point that jumped out at me is that I know from my own previous situation and that of others that it's actually
EASIER to get assistance in NC if the couple is unmarried. Sad but true, the married ones are sorely penalized! Under state law, the mother and children should be able to get assistance AND emergency housing. I don't understand why it's so difficult, unless there is something else or another reason why DSS won't help.
So many issues here!! What would Jesus do?? Well, He certainly wouldn't support or teach them to keep doing what they are doing, because it isn't working!! He might advise them to start thinking before they make major life decisions and bring more babies into their instability. Yes, he would love them but wouldn't Jesus use a little "tough love" to show them how to do better in their lives??
We are to love and care for others, and do what is NECESSARY but be careful about enabling them to continue in their irresponsible behaviors and life choices. Maybe one other thing is to find a way to help them relocate to an area where there are more job opportunities AFTER the immediate emergency sitation is resolved.

Best of luck, no matter what your decision, my prayers are with you. I know y'all want to do the right thing, and I'm sure you will give much thought to how to handle it. Keep us updated on anything you find for helping these folks. I don't think a temporary fix is called for here, but long term planning.

Diane P.

L.,
Do what your heart tells you to do. Remember that with God all things are possible and He does reward kindness. If He leads you to it, He will take you through it!

Good luck and God bless,

Jess

L.,
I have a few suggestions..
1. Like many people have already suggested, consult with your local churches for assistance.
2. Hold a community fundraiser or yard sale. Maybe you'll raise enough funds to keep the family in the hotel a few more weeks.
3. Contact your local American Red Cross or Salvation Army. They should be able to assist, even if they don't have a shelter.
4. Regarding the car, seek free legal advice. If he has been making on-time payments on the car, I don't know that the seller had the right to take the car for no reason and the buyer might just have a right to a reimbursement. He wasn't renting the car, he was buying it.

dont know if this would help but a thought,check with salvation army,st vincent de paul,volenteers of america,or goodwill see if they have a place they could put them up and they might have a soup kitchen for food its better than nothing and if shes able to they might have work she could do to make a stable envirement for her children.deffanetly keep them in your prayers prayer does change things.you might also ask some churches for assistance but you want to make shure they dont mind you calling for them.if they have family now is the time to depend on their help but that dont always work.god bless you as you attempt to help.as far as taking in the family your in laws sound unfealing but so often people get taken advantage of eather overstay there welcome or dont try to better themselfs and that might be their concern as you said you were struggling.I have taken in family and friends and they always have eather not tryed to better themself becouse they felt they had a free ride until I desided i'd rather fix dinner for them and send them on their way so they can learn to be responcible people for themself and their familys.you cant afford to be taken advantage of you have your own family to think of.God will make a way for this family he promased he would never leave us or forsake us.

well the first thing that jumped out at me is-- if you guys are out on your own, why did your husband's parents need to get involved in this decision? whatever you two decide is not their business. i would be in the same boat with you, wanting them to come stay with me, but that's between you and your husband.

on a more practical note, have you thought about contacting a local church for help? sometimes they can help with raising money or helping with shelter. i honestly don't know what else to tell you... keep praying, it will help :) good luck, and let us know what happens!

If they can get to Redemption World Outreach Center in Greenville, SC, they will find help without the religious judgementalism that so many churches are full of! Their website is www.rwoconline.org and there are many ministries there that could help them and you can find the phone number to the church there. If you click on the "Who do I call if..." and then The Link Ministries. You will see E.R. which stands for Empowered and Restored. Below that is a phone number with an extension number where they can connect to someone for help. Pastor Heindrick would be able to "link" them up to some help. They would never find a better place to get planted and grow in the Lord. Doesn't matter where they are right now, just tell them to come as they are NOW! I can't tell you the details of the stories that have come out of that church because there's not enough room or time. Just trust me and call them ASAP! God Bless.

I can't say whether or not you should allow them to stay with you, but what why did your husband call his parents for "permission"??? This is a decision between you and him, and your lives should not be controlled by their manipulative conditional love ("do as I say or we won't have anything to do with you").

I DO recommend that if you allow them to come to stay, have boundaries and guidelines in place BEFORE them come, i.e., how long they can stay, who pays for what, who does what chores, etc. It avoids a lot of turmoil and potential loss of friendship later.

L.:
I can hear your heart for this family in your question. If you guys are in financial stain right now, it may not be the time to take someone else in. It would make the strain on you and your children much worse. What about the churches in your area? Are they able to help out at all? Also, do you know if there is a crisis assistance ministry in your area? It might take a little digging and research, but I would start with either your church or their's (do they have a church that they attend?). Most churches are aware of what help is out there for families. About your in-laws; if they are helping you guys financially in any way, you will have to abide by their request not to have extra people in your house. There was probably a more gentle way to say no, but it sounds like you can offer them grace.
This is what I would do: dig a little in your area to see what ministries are out there that can provide assistance to this family. If my husband had reservations about someone staying with us, I would honor that, even though it would be hard to say no. We actually have someone with us for two months, so I know what you are going through. Two years ago, we would not have been able to help this person. We have a timeline and strict guidlines for her. The only reason I was able to allow her to come is because my husband said yes and because financially we can feed her and house her. We are also giving her the tools she needs to get back on her feet (budget counseling, etc). All that to say that God will make it clear to you when it is ok to bring someone else into your home (especially 6 people). As a mother with young children, she should get priority wherever she goes for assistance. I am also a mom with three young ones, I hope God provides for her soon. It sounds like He has already provided the beginning of an answer with your heart for her. K. k

If you are back in your own house, why does it matter what his parents say about it. It's your house. You can invite anyone to stay with you. I believe you already know what to do-you just want someone to back you up. They need some help-if you feel called to help them, I believe that's what you should do. Good luck.

L.,

I am a little concerned by the fact that you said the father got fired from his new job once they found out about the farm and the car. What does that have to do with his work? I think there is more underlying story as well. I would NOT let them move into your home. You do what you can afford without jeopardizing your own family. That means, you can help in other ways than giving money. You can make them food, you can give them clothes, you can seek out help for them. There are missions in every town that can help. You can even have your church announce the situation and ask if anyone can give any extra. Even $100 would help them stay an extra week. You can have a garage sale and donate whatever you make. You can let them have their own garage sale at your house and make money that way. The section 8 apt housing idea that someone said is a great idea. I used to be an apt mgr for section 8 and you get an apt for little to no rent. I think the father should get a job doing whatever he can to support his family. There are plenty of jobs out there that he can start immediately. Sometimes people don't put forth enough effort b/c there is always someone there to bail them out. This man is capable of working and that is what he needs to do. As a Godparent you are responsible for the spiritual guidance of these children. You can do that through prayer and through finding ways for them to be self sufficient. You can help the parents find a job. Buy him a mower and he can cut grass all summer. She can clean houses and you can babysit your God children. Do not let them move in, you will always be their crutch and they may never leave and then your family and marriage will suffer. The father can work a construction, landscaping, etc job. He can work at Walmart, grocery store, McDonald's, etc If they are starving, he will find work.

Good luck,

W. M

Hey L., here is a red flag I got from the story. You said you met the mother and the kids at the shelter 5 years ago. I'm assuming if you met all of them (as opposed to just the mother), it is because they were STAYING at the shelter and not working there, like you were. If this is the correct assumption, there might be another underlying problem than this story alone, as this is not the first time they find themselves without a roof over their head. Then, I wouldn't open my house to them. You'll set a precedent and next time they come knocking on your door it will be harder to decline. You know they have been in this situation before, this time may not be the last, and allowing them to come back over and over to you is not a sustainable solution. There are other ways to help them.
Best of luck with whatever you decide!

I would say you should try to talk to some local churches to see if any of them can help. Alot of churches have funds for this kind of help. Also, are you all still getting finacial hep from your inlaws? If not I would probably ake the family in anyway. Just my thoughts though. And how awful. Poor family. I will be praying for them.

As long as your home is your's and not your in-laws then I would let them stay till they could get back on there feet. "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you" is my motto. Good Luck

You are the GOD parents. I have a certain expectation of my God Parents and one of them is to help my children. So I would say that would say that THIS situation falls into that. I know how it is to help a family. (8 kids and dad had to have brain surgery, etc) I would as much as I could to help them. BUT my husband has made a very important point: We always need to make our family's needs first. We could not help other in the best way if we did not take care of our needs first.(and I am not meaning selfish needs) SO as long as it does not hurt financially or the happiness of your family to take them for the week, I would do it.

H.

Hi L.,
I feel the same way you do. My family has always opened up our home to those in need. Sometimes it will come back to bite you in the butt but other times you really get a blessing from the others. Either way, you have to pray and ask God to show YOU what to do in THIS situation. I am not sure why your in-laws have any say so in your allowing someone to stay in your home, but give it to God and follow His leading. There are many other ways you could help this family like offering to babysit so the mother could also look for a job. She could probably find a job while the older 3 are in school and you could watch the younger 2. Good Luck and I will be praying for you AND this family. My heart goes out to them!!

That is a hard one to handle . It seems like your not gonna win either way you go . The only advise I know to give is keep on praying and let God take care of it . Do what ever is in your hart ( with you hubbys ok ofcourse) . Ask your self what is most important for your fammily and then whats best for the rest of your loved ones . I hope everything works out for your God kids and there parents. My prayers are with them . Also , maybe try getting intouch with your local dept of social services. I know the local DSS around here will help as long as you have a job . Also maybe a local church organization that will help a family when they hit a rough patch in there life.Most of all make sure they know they are loved and that you are trying to help them without turning your life upside down. I'm sure hey will appriciateany help they can get right now . Again , my thoughts and prayers are with them , and you .

Hi,
Just wondering why the in-laws have a say so in who you let stay with you?
Are there any churches in your area that could help until the father gets his first paycheck?
Hope it turns out well.

Im not sure i understand why he got a job 3 hours a way if he is broke.... what about mcdonalds or walgreens... something close i mean anything is better than nothing. as for helping them im not sure your family can do that right now. but if i were you or them i would talk to some churches in your area many of them have funds set up for this sort of thing. good luck and god bless

I have no idea what I would do. I am glad that I am not dealing with this kind of stress. I do believe in paying it forward, but understand why you feel you can't because of the in-laws. I will be praying for you and the other family. You are in a really tough spot, my friend.

Good luck,
H.

Hi, have your friend contact the local DHS office; they have a list of subsidized housing programs ususally at the public housing authority and they also offer emergency assistance. They can also go to their local food bank they have emergency assistance there also. I understand that you want to help and you feel that you can't but offer as much support as you can. It sounds like you are struggling yourself so do what you can. Offer to wash a couple of loads of clothes; let them hang out with you at the house for a couple of hours. Maybe let the kids spend a night with your kids; maybe not all the kids can come but this will offer mom some relief for a night. Their are alot of programs that are out there you just have to find them. I would also suggests going directly to the offices and ask for assistance; sometimes people can e discouraging over the phone and not provide you with good info. good luck and I am praying for you and your friend.

Hi L.,
This whole situation breaks my heart. I would contact a local church for help. It doesn't matter whether they are a member or not. I know of a wonderful, loving church in your area. Contact me offline if you would like to talk more.

Do what you feel is right and screw what anybody else thinks. You have to look at yourself every morning not them......Just be smart about it and do waht's in your heart.

But I do have a few questions, why does he have to work 3 hours away? Why can't he get some kind of local job, any kind of local job? Are the kids in school? You may want to try and talk with the school and see what kind of "programs" are out there. But either way Good Luck!!!

You should absolutely let them in your home. If the house is in your name what gives your in laws the right to say no. That is a horrible thing to say because you want to help. Wouldn't you want someone to help your family if you were homeless?

I know this response is late (I'm REALLY behind on email!) but all I can offer you is prayer for your family- immediate, extended, & God-children. I know the Lord will lead you, if you listen carefully and follow with faith.
Prayerfully,
H. :)

I would take the kids in my house temporarily, until I found something suitable for them. I would rather have them in my house then on the street since I would not sleep if they were on the street and my family would suffer from me being worried. It's your home, not your in-laws, correct?

Let them stay...God says do unto others as you would have done unto you and love your neighbor. These people are obviously more than neighbors...why would your in-laws not want u to help someone out who was in need?
PAY IT FORWARD....

Your in-laws putting conditions on you I feel is wrong.Just becasue they helped you doesn't mean they have control in your life. They will not have anything to do with you for doing a good deed just isn't right. Times are getting hard for many people. I think we should all be there to help each other. I think you should do what you and your husband want to do.

Hi L.,

First of all, those inlaws of yours are NOT right. Have you contacted area churches to see if they could pay another week or two at the hotel until maybe room becomes available at the shelter? What about another shelter in another town perhaps the one the father is working in soon? The farmer is wrong and if someone went to a LEGAL AID or a lawyer they can take legal means to rectify what did happen. If he has receipts for the car and there was even a verbal agreement, they cannot take the car. The house, 30 days or a court order to get out. I would have stayed there until the court said I had to get out. I know what I am talking about because I was once homeless with my two children. But I also prayed and also allowed GOD to lead me and today we are doing fine. Is there a family who would take the woman and children in in your town? Call United Way agencies, call everyone possible until there is no stone unturned and get the newspaper to write a story possibly. This family just fell on hard times and they should not have to be going thru this. Not only that WHY would his new job fire him just because of his hard luck? That does not make sense. Please know my family will be praying for your friends as well. And find it in your heart to make room for them in your home in spite of your inlaws WHO should not be ruling your roost anyways. Just my thoughts.

Why is it up to the inlaws what you all do with your house? You or them could contact area churches and see whay they can do to help. Or see if friends would be willing to donate something toward the $100 to get them at least a place to live for one more week. I would just get on the phone and call everyone (church, agency, etc) that I could find sometimes they are the best way to find help.

It would be great if we lived in a world where we could help people. You can't let them move in your home. I have seen to many people allow family to move in and it will finanical ruin you, this being said if you allowed them to move in your home they may never leave. I have heard horror stories where people have lost everything trying to help others and it just isn't worth the risk. You and your family are struggling as it is and two families can't live under the same roof. They have put themselves in their situation by the choices they have made. All you can do is help them get into the shelter. I pray that everything works out for you and them.

L., I believe that Christianity is about Love, not being judgmental because others don't follow the bible exactly...by the way, show me one person, including your fater inlaw, who does! It sounds to me like you want so badly to do the right thing. Imagine if it was you in this position of being homeless and not having anywhere to turn... what would you want for your kids? Help your friends!!!!! Forget your inlaws, it sounds as though they don't truly understand love..unconditional love that is. They'll change their minds when they go a few days without their grandchildren... and if they don't? They are not the true Christian people that they portray themselves to be. I hope, for their sake, they can learn by watching your example of offering to people in their time of need. Follow your instincts, L..

do what your heart tells you; it's selfish of your inlaws to put you in such an emotional tug of war. Do for your friends what you would want them to do for you.

Good luck.

L., I think letting them come to stay with you might be a little more than you can handle (since your family is having money problems). You could try and help her to find assistance. Have she tried Housing Authority? She could tell them she has an emergency situation and they can put her in something quickly, especially when kids are involve. Or contact her local DSS office for assistance. And continue to PRAY, things will work out!