Ok it is now out on the table that i want a divorce. For seven years now i have been in a verbally abusive marriage. I thought that things would change after we had our daughter but they only got worse. He now infront of our three year old calls me curse words and tells me that i'm stupid. I have confronted him about this several times and I have even begged and pleaded for him to go to counseling and he refused and said that he was not the one with the problem. I have even at times expressed that i wanted to go back to school and get my accounting degree and he refuses to let me go. I am done with trying and i have told him that i want a divorce. Now what do i do? We own a house together. We are still living together and the whole divorce thing just came out into the open about a week ago. My plan is to go and stay with my grandmother for a little while just to get back on my feet and he is ok with that but he asked that i stay until we sell the house. At first i was fine with that but he is starting up again with making little comments to me that are very demeaning. Should i stay or go ahead and go and just help him with the bills until the house sells. I dont want to leave him hanging with all of the bills but i also dont want our daughter to be inbetween this also. If there is anyone out there who is willing to give some good supportive advise please do so. Thanks in advance.
I know that it has been a while since i have updated anything but let me tell you a lot has happened since the last time i could get on a computer. My ex and i split up. It took a lot of courage on my part but it happened. My daughter and i moved into my grandmothers for a couple of months and then christams came around before we knew it and i was having severe depression issues with not having a home of my own to share with my daughter. There were also higher stress levels being shown by my grandma because she so was not used to being around a three year old and especially one that was going through seperation issues from not being around her dad all of the time. I had to get out of there and do it fast. About two weeks before christmas my daughter and i moved into an apartment. Yes it made for some total kaos for the holidays but with lots of love her and i celebrated a wonderful holiday together. We enjoyed putting up the tree together and baking cookies and all kinds of fun stuff. Her and i are doing pretty good. Her dad picks her up every day from daycare and i shortly after pick her up from his house. Him and i are getting along pretty well for the most part but the most irritating part is that he still has not managed to get it into his thick skull why i left him even though i told him over and over. He still sometimes lets out his rude coments but for the most part i just ignore it and going on being happy and on my own. The divorce is in process so as soon as that is over i will feel like i can more freely get on with my life. Anyways thank you so much for all of your replies you are all such wonderful women and sometimes even though the being alone part gets to me its nice to know that there is always someone else who is going through the same thing or has gone through the same thing that i have. Thank you. Happy New Year
I agree with everyone else... Get out now. Both you and your daughter need to be in a more productive environment. I wouldn't help him with the bills in the meantime... I would say if you are going to be paying for taking care of your daughter, than he can pay to take care of the house. You need to get back on your feet and start making a home for your little girl. Let him figure out what he's going to do with himself.
Hello J.. I have also been in a verbally abusive relationship. My ex-husband always screamed at me in front of our baby, and even though she wasnt old enough to understand the words, she understood the tone, and got really upset. You and your child should get out of there, for the benefit of you both. If helping your husband pay bills is what you have to do to live somewhere else, and relieve you and your daughter of the stress and drama of your divorce, then thats what you should do. Remember that your child might always remember the fighting that shes right in the middle of, since she is 3 and can understand alot. Dont be afraid to get out while you can, my ex husband only got worse when I thought we could get through it.
Get out get out get out! You have already waited too long and your daughter is getting old enough to remember the awful things her father is doing and saying. Get out now, take her with you, and get a lawyer. There is no reason you need to be in the house to sell it.
Good luck.
Talk to an attorney. Don't stay b/c then you are likely to not get a divorce. I was in a similiar relationship and 8 years after our divorce, he is still the same towards me. I tried the route of being fair but it only ended up biting me in the butt. Look out for yourself and your daughter because he certainly will not. Good Luck!
Get Out ! Make It A Clean As You Can Break! You Know He Can Take Off With Your Daughter and then you will have to fight to get her back.
Good luck! I will keep you in my prayers.
Dear J.,
I am an older mom and it just seems to me that there is some reason you have put up with this guy for all of this time. Everyone else says to leave, but if you really love him and don't want to leave, there are some things you can try. I have mentioned this wonderful weekend retreat up in Ft. Wayne coming up next weekend. It is called "love and respect". You want to be loved and he wants to be respected. That's what men really crave - respect. Anyway, I'll cut and paste the info here for you and I pray that you really seek God over what to do next. Divorce is made pretty easy these days and what your little girl really needs is two parents who love each other putting her needs and well being as a priority for both of them, along with their marriage. Marriage is hard work. It doesn't just happen for most of us. May God bless you with wisdom to know exactly what to do.
Love and Respect Conferences teach us that the conflicts couples experience are not the root problem. Successful couples know that harmony and happiness in marriage are not primarily achieved by solving daily problems. Though these problems are real, they are not the root issue. Find out what the root issue is.
Join us on Friday, September 29 & Saturday, September 30 for Blackhawk's very own Love & Respect conference! Learn along with hundreds of other couples from Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs about what the real secret to making a God-honoring marriage thrive really is.
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I just left my husband and moved in with my grandmother also. It was the best thing I could of done for me and my daughter. I was so scared to leave and wondered if I was doing the right thing, but I am so much happier now. You do not deserve to get treated badly by anyone. And you don't have to stay and help him until the house sells, that is just an excuse he is using to get you to stay. My ex came up with many excuses to try to get me to stay, and I did for awhile, but then I decided I couldn't take any more. Some days its hard but it still is better than being there. But its easier every day and knowing I don't have to ever get treated bad again is the best part. So now I can really enjoy my daughter and be a good mother to her. Good luck with whatever decision you make, just make sure it's your decision.
