What Age Is Inapropriate to Want to Play with Preschoolers?

I certainly hope that one day my son wants to interact with his younger cousins or siblings. I've waitied longer than most to have a second child and in doing so my son will be much older than his sibling when/if that time arrives. I can only hope that people aren't closed minded and judge him for interacting with a younger child especially a family member.

I definately wouldnt leave him alone with the kids, but I wouldnt go out of my way to keep them apart if there was no proof he was doing anything bad. Do the kids like spending time with the 13 year old or are they scared of him? How do the other kids act around him?

Sounds a little suspicious. But he could just be a boy who likes little kids. It IS possible.

In a year or two you can talk to your little ones and educate them some on such things, and tell them to let you know if this boy does anything unusual with them. Until then, just limit the visits and monitor them.

Go with your gut instinct.
That's all I have to say.
No sense risking things just to please a 13 year old... and why is he so so pushy about the 4 year olds coming over to play with him anyway? Most 13 year olds, have their own thing going and their own peers and activities....

NO SLEEPOVER. NO WAY. That is what I say.
You do NOT LET A 13 YEAR OLD DICTATE your parenting or your gut instinct or your rules, for your own family.

Thankfully, your Husband backs you up and sees this too.

Do not let your kids, be unsupervised with this teenager.
If you are present when this 13 year old is being so physical/touchy with your 4 year olds.... then you simply say "don't do that, it is not appropriate..."
There is a BIG difference, between a 4 year old and a 13 year old.... but this does not seem like normal behavior.
I once saw a show on a teenager boy, who with his little 2 year old sister... would be like that too her... wrestle with her/hug/kiss and be real "touchy." But, the parents videoed him once because they were suspicious... but in the video play-back... it could be seen that amongst the "wresting"... this boy was actually putting his hand on her genital areas. Not by accident. It was purposeful. Intended. This boy... even though he was a teenager... was "molesting" his little sister. Which is what the parents suspected. A rude awakening.
The Host of the show and an expert... said that this is often the way predators/molesters behave... being touchy with the child, affectionate... but it just gets the "child-victim" desensitized to being "touched" in certain private places. It is gradual. Then over time... more demonstrative things occurs.
Not saying this is what that 13 year old is doing.... but go with your gut instinct. Mom's have an extra radar...

Also, I would wonder how this 13 year old is with his own siblings???
Next, if he is an uber affectionate teenager... then he would be this way with everyone across the board... not ONLY "specifically" with the 4 year olds.

All the best,
Susan

By no means are you wrong!!!!! It is not normal for a teenage boy to want to hang out with 4 year old children. Go with your gut, mommies instinct is always right.

like everyone said, go with your gut. my friend just had an incident with her 11 yr old stepson and her 5yr old daughter! 13 is way too old to want to "play" with kids that young. (unless of course, he's developmentally delayed or something). i'd only let them play under your supervision and not behind closed doors, and also teach them all the basics like no one can touch their privates, etc. absolutely not to the sleepover though....

I would say that no age is too old to be "innappropriate" to play with children. I like it when teenagers love little kids and want to help take care of them. But when reading through your whole post, the type of behaviour he is displaying with them does sound innaproppriate. I would agree with your husband that you should never leave them unsupervised with the 13 year old. That's a good rule of thumb anyway. You can never be too careful with this type of thing. I feel if you don't feel comfortable with someone, then don't worry about hurting feelings, go with your instinct and say no. If you do spend time all together and you see behaviour that you find troubling, I would say that you should talk with your sister-in-law and tell her what behaviour is unacceptable where your child is concerned. It could be that he just needs a little instruction in appropriate ways to show his affection.

I totally agree with you, no way would I send my kids over to play. Your nephew sounds a little off to me. Honestly, he reminds me of my cousin who has some form of mild Autism Spectrum Disorder, I knon't know what his exact label is. And I am not saying that is what your SIL's son has, not with that little bit of info, but the super affectionate and inappropriate displays of affection are exactly what my cousin does. The good thing is that they are less creepy coming from him knowing that is what is wrong than it would be if I just saw a regular teenager behaving the way he does. Anyways, I would not presume to say this boy has anything, but it just reminded me of my cousin. I think you are right to limit the time he spends with you children, it is definitely inappropriate.

It seems strange to me....you can never be too careful. Even if he is not weird, it's better to play it safe and go with your instincts.

Go with your instinct even though the kid may be perfectly innocent. You'll sleep better and no harm will have been done as long as you can deflect in a kind way. I have a cousin who was like that with my young children and we just did the best we could to intervene and redirect and absolutely declined baby sitting offers from my aunt. In the end, I think my cousin was just a little socially awkward a found it easier to play with kids. He grew out of it by 18 or so but until then it felt weird.

Hi Kelly,
I'm not sure what is the cut off age but from what I read in your post I'd say you do have something to be very worried about. I'd questions the 4 year olds, in a non-threatening, non-accusing manner, and see if something inappropriate has already happened. 13 is way to old to be wanting to spend as much time as he does with the little ones. And the constant hugging and kissing on the mouth is not appropriate either.
I'm telling you this because I was abused as a child by my father. It took me years to overcome the trauma, guilt and hard feelings. Not to mention the cost of all the counseling.
Nip this is the bud now! It's not natural...and even if there isn't anything that has happened yet...it sure appears that there might be soon.
W.

3 years ago our family fell apart. My step cousin came to her parents and told her that grandpa did things to her when she was little. After that 2 more of the step cousins came forward. After that we found out that an uncle KNEW that grandpa molested a cousin when he was a teenager. Grandpa never molested to his own grandchildren, only the 3 step-daughters daughters. I say go with your insticts, also I'd talk to the SIL- it might not just be your childrens future well-being at stake. I'm aslo wondering if someone isn't doing something to him? Maybe its earily enough you could be of help to him. I am hoping he is just wierd but we thought grandpa was and look where that got our family! I'd watch out for what he is talking about, it could clue ya in, crude humour may not be a joke at all. When our family started talking we couldn't believe what gpa had been saying for yrs! I never told anyone he used to ask what color my panties where. I was 5 and just got new ones! Now I think how sick! (But like I said he never touch me.)

Updated

I should have added that the grandpa I mentioned is under police investigation. The stepgranddaughters filed charges. I apologise for not putting that down earlier.

I would strongly advise you to go with your instinct on this one! Having been molested myself, I now know as an adult what signs to watch out for and you are right on target! Protect your little one's from being exposed to any sort of behavior that might steel their innocense! As far as the 13 year old boy is concerened, being so young and acting this way, I'd certainly be concerened about WHO exposed him to something indecent as well! "90% of child molesters are people you know, trust and would never suspect.. family, friends & neighbors, not the man in the bushes!" (Thank's Oprah!)Be VERY concerened about the whole situation.. maybe someone's hurting your sister-in-laws son.. maybe HE needs help! He just might grow up to be a child molester.. maybe it can be prevented! Investigate please.. protect your children as well as someone else's! I have no idea what age is too old to play with preschoolers? I would be more worried about what your subconcious is trying to tell you.. red flag for sure! Hope you find this to be helpful!

Go with your insticts, they are seldom wrong. They can play, just keep it suervised and start teaching your kids about who and whoNOT to let touch them, tell them things, ask them to keep secrets, etc. You can do it wothout freaking them out, just slip it into casual conversations. I would be on the alert, definitely!

I know that you have already gotten this response before, but I'll have to add my two cents:

Trust your instincts.

I also say go with your gut. It may be all innocent but you wouldn't want to take that chance. I do not believe this is normal 13 year old BOY behavior. I see it and understand it from girls, my sister is 13 and I have SILs who are 13,12,11 & 8. They love and adore my children and the 12 year old is great with all kids. She helps in preschool and nursery classes at church, babysits (red cross certified) etc. But she is a girl, spends time with friends her own age and as or right now wants to be a teacher. I have never been around a boy that asks to have little kids come over to play but my cousin has teenage boys who are great with my kids when they are together but they don't ask for them to come over,spend the night or skip hanging out with kids their own age to be with younger kids (there are lots of cousins in our family).
Sounds like you are doing the right thing. You can explain to the 13yo that you don't want him kissing you kids because of germs and illness things like that but hugs are ok. See how he reacts... if it is a huge deal and he is defensive or intentionally disregards what you say (or sneaky about it) then you were probably dead on in your assumption! Continue only to have supervised time spent together etc. Also talk to your kids (Without leading them) and see if they feel weird about the attention,etc. Kids are pretty good at judging if something doesn't feel right even if they don't know it is wrong. I don't know if there is a magic age when it stops but i think 13 is over it!
Hope this helps :)

As Oprah says, you should always listen to your instincts when the hairs rise on the back of your neck. I have had the same issue with a teenage neighbor and my two children. The bottom line is that it is more important to me to protect my children IN CASE the teenager is out of line, than to worry about hurting his feelings if his actions are completely innocent.
I do not allow my children to play inside his house, and when my 7 year old daughter asked why, I told her that he has friends his own age and he needs to play with them. End of story.

Trust your instincts!
You are spot on.

No visits without you there to supervise. I would tell him "Please don't wrestle with the little ones--it makes them think it is okay and then they end up getting hurt or hurting others when they do it later."--this is probably true anyway.

No sleepovers-4 year olds don't need to go on sleepovers anyway.It is not strange for a 13 year old to enjoy playing with 4 year olds, but asking them over for playdates/seepovers in lieu of his own friends is, in my opinion. As far as kissing on the mouth, just say again "please don't kiss ---------- on the mouth, he thinks it is okay to do that with his friends, and it isn't. He is too young to kiss on the mouth, and I worry about him getting sick." I would also break up play whenever hugging gets out of control. Good luck!

Let me start by saying...its never wrong to be extremely cautious on your kids' behalf. That being said, I have a 13 yr old sis-in-law that just loves my kids (1,3,5,8) and is always asking if she can babysit or just come over to spend time with them. I truly believe that she's just a loving aunt that loves kids. Her dream someday is to be an elementary teacher or pediatrician. I do think your case sounds a little odd, but maybe you could take the chance to go over and talk to the cousin and ask "why" he likes playing with the little ones so much. Then just follow your heart on his response. It could be that there's a real issue there or it could just be that he adores kids. Either way its worth finding out since they are cousins.

Hope you get the answer you're looking for. Sorry you're going through such a rough time with this situation. Good luck!!

A. K

Go with your gut is what every parent must know. Even if you are wrong, there is no harm. If you are wrong, you can never fix it.