81 answers

Appropriate Age for Daughter to Sit on Father's/Grandfathers' Laps?

My daughter just turned 3, and my wife and I are trying to figure out at what age it becomes inappropriate for her to sit on my or her grandfathers' laps. Also, does it depend on the situation? Meaning, it is ok if we are reading a book or watching a movie, but becomes inappropriate after dinner at a restaurant?

I'm just curious when you stopped sitting on your father's laps, or when your daughters stopped doing so. Birthdays are a good time to implement new rules as "3 years olds do this, or 3 year olds don't do that", so we are trying to get the list together of things to do this year. Sitting on my lap and the grandfathers laps are one that we just aren't sure about. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
T.

4 moms found this helpful

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HI T.,

I agree with the other ladies. Unless you see a need for it to stop, I think it is perfectly fine indefinitely. My girls, 13 and 18, still cuddle in Dad's lap...especially when they want something, lol. My Dad is 92 and bedridden and I sometimes wish I could crawl up in his lap and tell him what's wrong. As long as there is a healthy relationship, it can be a bonding that will last forever.

M.

10 moms found this helpful

Is there some reason that you think it's inappropriate? Because otherwise, this question just seems ridiculous to me. Are you sexualizing this behavior? Children sitting on adults' laps = innocent affection in my book. Why would you place a time limit of love?

6 moms found this helpful

Hi T.. I still sit on my dad's lap sometimes and I'm 33. My daughter is 7, and still sits on laps all the time. I say let them be little kids as long as you possibly can. Getting affection from them is precious and so short lived. a 3 year old is nowhere near close to any kind of affection being inappropriate. Plus, you guys are FAMILY, let her be a kid. If my 7 year old decided she's too old to sit on me or her dad's lap I would be devastated, and I know she'll get there sometime in the next few years, so I intend to enjoy every minute of her now.

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I sat on my Dad's lap until I left the house! Heck, I still sit in his lap sometimes! He's my Daddy. ;)
I have fond memories of sitting on my Grandfather's lap as well, well into my early teen years. He was my Grandpa, and, I loved his lap. It was a very safe place to be. :)

12 moms found this helpful

It time to stop when either the child or adult feels uncomfortable with it. It may be situational and it may be at different times for different children/adults.
For some it may never be an issue.
We need to stop making stupid rules about things like that and just start to do things that work for us as individuals and our own families.
Every person has their own comfort level, just go by yours and your daughter's and you'll be fine.
Good luck.

11 moms found this helpful

I never stopped. Well technically I was too heavy to sit on my dad's lap at about 12, but I would still sit next to him and put my head in his lap. Everything seemed better just by him patting my head. I also remember crawling in my grandpa's bed while he was in a nursing home and cuddling with him. It was the last time I was close to him, and I am glad no one stopped me (I couldn't sit on his lap, he only had 1 leg and it threw him off balance). I also never stopped kissing them on the lips, which I guess is another big hot topic today with daughters and fathers. I hope my daughter never stops, one day she wont have her grandpa or dad around anymore (and I hope that is a long time from now). Good Luck.

11 moms found this helpful

I think this is a sad question. I don't think kids should have to think about what adults feel is inappropriate. My step mother did this to me when I was 5. She had already taken my father away from my mother and then she was telling me not to sit with my daddy which I had done my whole life. I was too young to understand why SHE thought it was sick.

Let your daughter keep her innocence and not feel rejected by her daddy. It is fine. There will come a day when she doesn't want to sit on your lap any more. I don't know too many teens that do this. So, like the other poster said, let it be her determination, not yours.

11 moms found this helpful

HI T.,

I agree with the other ladies. Unless you see a need for it to stop, I think it is perfectly fine indefinitely. My girls, 13 and 18, still cuddle in Dad's lap...especially when they want something, lol. My Dad is 92 and bedridden and I sometimes wish I could crawl up in his lap and tell him what's wrong. As long as there is a healthy relationship, it can be a bonding that will last forever.

M.

10 moms found this helpful

Forgive me, but I don't understand why you are worried about this. Are you having a dirty mind about it or just worried about what other people think?
To me, it sounds strange to worry about a 3 year old sitting on dad or grandpa's lap unless you know there's something wrong going on.
No offense intended!
First of all, my grandpa was my hero. I grew up in his lap. That's where I snuggled to watch TV, that's where he read to me before bed and in the morning...we read the newspaper together. I was 26 when he died. He was 85. When he was in the hospital, I layed on the bed next to him.
Up until my dad died, he would pat his knee and I would go sit on his chair with him. In my 40's with 2 kids of my own. My daddy still had a sturdy leg for me. Always.
I never once thought anything was wrong with it because there was nothing wrong with it.
Your daughter will be a teenager before you know it and there will be a time when she wants to pretend she doesn't even know you for a while.
Snuggle your daughter as much as you can for now.
For God's sake, 3 is not too old.

10 moms found this helpful

I think you've gotten some good answers here. Here's my 2 cents. My answer would be - until she doesn't want to (which I hope might be never).

When my daughter was an infant, we were at the house of a good friend who had three daughters who were well into their teens at the time. At some point during the party, one of the daughters sat on her father's lap, gave him a hug and told him she loved him. My husband was so moved that he told our friend - "if your teenage daughter feels comfortable sitting on your lap in front of all these people, you're doing something right. I hope when my daughter gets older, she feels the same about me."

Well, my daughter is 10 and although she might not sit on my husband's lap in the middle of a party, she absolutely does at home and when we're around family. (because of a neck/back injuries, neither my husband nor myself has been able to pick my daugher up in many years). I hope my daughter knows our laps will always be open for her.

10 moms found this helpful

T.: hummm. I still sit on my dads lap at times, and I am 31. we are not really close or anything like that we do say I love you and will hug but it is not odd or anything we are just showing that we love one another....he is my dad and I will love him forever. why would this not be okay? maybe it is a cultural thing that you dont think it is okay? sorry if I did not help I just dont understand why you think it might not be okay, maybe you can add more information to your question?

8 moms found this helpful

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