We're in the middle of a big family dilemma right now over whether we should pull up stakes and move for my husband's job. We have talked about it so long and so often that I feel like we're going in circles - so I need outside perspective.
The basics: We have lived in our current town for 7 years (moved here when our son was 1). My husband's company is headquartered in another city a few hours away, which also happens to be my hometown and the city where we met and got married. My parents are still there and we have a number of friends there as well.
Although my husband's company is very flexible about telecommuting, his job requires him to be onsite at the headquarters an average of 1 or 2 days a week, and on the road visiting clients another 1 to 2 days a week. Needless to say, this is h*** o* all of us, but especially on him, as he feels like he misses out on so much with our son.
His boss has discussed with him the possibility of our moving back to the city where HQ is located. They haven't made it mandatory, but it could mean a lot for his career and it also would cut down on his travel.
We are just wrestling with whether to uproot our lives here. Our son goes to a private school that he, and we, love dearly and would miss terribly. We have both agreed that if we can't get him into a similar type of school in the new city, it would be a deal breaker. In addition, we all have a wonderful, close group of friends, mostly other parents/kids from school - even though we have friends in the other city as well, they all come from different phases in our lives and don't hang out with each other. I find it hard to make friends easily, so this isn't a small consideration.
Other factors if we move: slightly higher cost of housing, higher cost of school tuition, more complicated logistics (traffic, commute to school and so on). There is also the problem of selling our house, which we would lose money on. And although we would be near my parents, we would be farther from my husband's parents, who are aging and not in great health. His siblings all live far away, whereas we are just a few hours from them.
But again, the big plus would be having my husband home more.
I would love any advice, thoughts, reality checks...TIA.
So so so simple. MOVE.
YOUR family (the people living under your roof) is the most important thing.
This would not even be a close call for me... I would absolutely move. This arrangement is not at all fair to your husband. It also severely effects your family life having your husband gone, often 4 days a week. Your son will grow up having his father absent more than present. That stinks for everyone.
Mama:
I would rent my home out instead of trying to sell it.
I would talk to the boss about pay - if he moves to Atlanta (I am assuming Atlanta) with the family.
Have you looked at schools and the location? Are the schools more expensive? Would you have to work? What other changes would happen in the family?
If you have done a list of pros and cons - and the cons outweigh the pros - I would find out about renting a room for my husband at his HQ location...yes, he would miss out - but if you aren't independently wealthy - you need his job, right? So he either does as he has been doing for the last few years or you bite the bullet and move.
Personally? I would do my research FIRST - get the answers to my questions regarding pay and schools (check out greatschools.net) and figure out what you can and cannot afford. Do the pros/cons list and then figure it out.
I don't mind moving. We've lived in the same house for 17 years and I'm a military brat and have been ITCHING to move....and scared to death as we have accumulated stuff over the last 17 years!! LOL!!!
that's difficult. i mean, to appease all needs. we, as a family, have moved one too many times. kids ages (during those moves were), 2, 4, and now, 8. ages 2 and 4 were no problem. age 8, was a bit difficult because they had friends. close friends. great school. my husband's commute was about an hour. it killed him. he was on the road at 6, and at home at 8. he would get to say good night to our kids and that's that.
now his commute is 15 min. today he took our kids to their soccer practice. he has never been able to do anything like that.
my suggestion would be make a list of pros for staying and pros for leaving. see which one has more points.
I say move. Having dad home more will benefit your son more than a specific school.
People move for jobs all the time.
Rent out your house till you can sell it.
The slightly higher cost of living will be offset by what your husband won't be spend on traveling so much anymore (and hopefully since his boss is talking about it maybe there might be a small cost of living raise in the works for him).
It is not an easy decision! We decided to move 6m ago. We loved our home, neighborhood, city and were not looking to move. We had been there for 9 yrs and felt settled. My husband was pursued for a more senior position with many perks and potential. We decided it was in our best interest to lose a bit of $ on selling our house and take on a slightly higher cost of living. We felt the timing was perfect since it was the year before our oldest started kinder and the kids weren't socially connected yet. The moving process was horrible. Now that we are settled in our new home and city we are reaping the benefits of our move. The most important things for us are that we now live 5 mins from a phenomenal school vs 30 mins in our old town, and that my husband's boss is very family oriented and doesn't want him to miss any of the "little" things at home vs lots of travel out of town and overseas before. For us, the career potential coupled with more family time clearly trumped everything else. For the future? We aren't sure but the school we are at goes only through 6th grade so we may move again then, or maybe not, but the moves from here on out will most definitely be limited and very seriously contemplated because of the kids.
It is really tough to move! I have done it 5 times (3 with the kids in tow.) When you moved here, you did not have connections/friends either, and now you have such wonderful people in your life. It will be the same wherever you go, but it will take time to re-establish in a new place. I absolutely love my friends, school, church, community here, but I have special people in CA and IL as well that I moved away from but thanks to technology are still so close. Selling a house at a loss sucks...we have done it twice. But, while selling your house at a loss, you are also going to buy someone else's house at a lower price, so it does make it even out. I think the BIGGEST deciding factor for all of you, is your son having his father in his life. If the move will help them spend more quality time together that is huge. Not to mention taking away the stress of traveling on your husband and the stress of single parenting on you. Being further away from your husband's family is also tough, but it sounds like they will still be within driving distance, so that shouldn't hold you back. My vote would be to move as their seems to be more pros than cons.
Stay put. Wait for the economy to fix itself. If you can even sell your house you'll be looking at such a loss of money.
My sister just sold hers home, they'd lived there for about 8 years. They sold if for less than they owe on it, that's all it appraised for. They had to do some repairs from the inspection too. So they lost a bunch on this house. It was a nice upper middle income home too. They got a super nice home that was a steal.
That's the good thing about moving now, you can but an amazing home for pennies on the dollar of what you would have had to pay for it a few years ago.
I think looking for a home, getting an appraisal done on your own home, and finding out the school situation in the other town are all things that have to be done or you will continue to go round and round and round. Be proactive and find out what the numbers are.
What are the possibilities. If there are no homes of your caliber in your price range then it's a no go, if there are no good private schools with openings then it's a no go, same with selling your home. You might not lose as much as you think you will but a Realtor is the only one who can say how much it would go on the market for. They'll say a price too, but they'll be thinking it's going to sell for less. They want you to contract with them so they give you the high end.
Family is more important than any private school. Family is more important than money.
I was in a position similar to you. I would suggest you do what it takes to move to the HQ city. I missed out on so much family time because of the travel time. If you are a few hour away from his parents and you will be few hours away from his parents after the move, then when you move, move on the side of the hq city that his parents live on IF you travel there every month. If not, then move closer to your parents.
The other option with his parents is to move them closer to your parents so visiting your parents and his parents is relatively equal.
Good luck to you and yours.
Taking only the information you've given us, I would choose to move. Your husband's current schedule sounds grueling. Getting more husband/daddy time would trump ALL the other issues, in my opinions.
Move. If you can't sell right away, rent the house out.
Your son is still young enough to make new life long friends. You can also do the same. Break out of your shell and do it. Many times we women are afraid to take that first step to independence and adventure.
Hubby will be home more and you will have a real family.
Do your homework and go for it. You may find out that there is more for you to do.
the other S.
PS I am like Wild Woman ready to move been here 22 years now it's time to move on to the next phase of my life in another location.
I would lean towards having my husband home more.
You do make good points for staying though. Are you still going to lose on your house? It seems like prices are going up, but maybe not equal to the price 7 years ago.
