Child Changing Schools or Long Commute?

Kids are more resilient to moves than one might think. Unitl they are in middle school they adjust better than we do. In elementary school you are still her world. When she gets to middle school that starts to change

Keep the family together. Move closer to dad's work and let him have a shorter commute, then move back home. REnt out the house you are living in right now for the years you will be gone. THen you can move right back into it.

Children learn better when they are happy. She will be happy when you are together and there is less stress.

Think of the cost of gas for that kind of commute 5 days a week. She will be fine changing schools after 1st grade.

H., personally I feel that a young child can adjust more easily to a new school situation. That commute for your husband over such a long period of time would seem to be really wearing and damaging to health, relationships, etc over the long haul. Furthermore, what about winter? I hope all of you reconsider that long commute; two years can be a long time. Good luck.

Your child will be fine. She is still young.
Also your husband being home will also help the transition.

4 hours on the road is too stressful. I think he is pretty awesome, to suggest and be willing to do that for his daughter.

she's young, she'll be fine. live close to where you work if you can.

I think making her move in the middle of high school would be very h*** o* her, but honestly, at this age, I doubt it will be that big of a deal. I would move closer to my husband's work. Spending 4 hours away from his family due to just driving back and forth in the car is TOO much. That is time he could be spending with all of you. Good luck.

move there and then move home. family needs to be with each other.

Long commutes suck. My husband has one. Definitely move there and then move back. Maybe suggest to your husband that you move as close to the end of the first grade as possible, so she can re-connect with her former friends (and make new ones) at the beginning of summer, and hopefully start second grade WITH those friends.

I also think having Daddy miss dinner 5 nights a week (and school plays or activities) would be much harder on her than the alternative.

... he will be there for 2 years.
It is a 2 hour commute back 'home' back and forth both ways.
After awhile... the 2 hour commute,both ways, everyday 5 days a week... will take its toll. And then, possibly, he will not... be coming home every darn day, doing the 2 hour commute, 5 days a week.
And what about when he has to stay at work late or for other job demands?
That throws a kink, into the 2 hour commute and his coming home 'by' 7:00pm.
Even without a 2 hour commute, many Husbands do come home even later than 7:00pm daily, from work. They work, long hours.

The 'cumulative' wear and tear, upon a person, doing a 2 hour commute, both ways, 5 days a week, daily, and having a 10 hour work day... will be, tangible. And stressful.
And affect, you all. Over, time.
It is, daunting.
Know that.

It is nice, your Husband is thinking about the emotional/psychological ramifications of your daughter per school and adjusting, thus wanting her to be at her home school. Instead of having to switch schools and have to make friends all over again.
Yes, that is important to a child. And to you all as a family.

BUT... a 2 hour commute, daily, both ways... is going to be very tiring. Over time. And possibly a real burn out. For him, for the family.
But wow, he is willing to do that, for his daughter.

My husband just said something this week b/c we are in the same boat with moving...he heard that if you have major life changes like moving, divorce, etc, children handle it better if it is done before the age of 7. After 7, if possible, you should try to settle it all down. :) I think almost all families move around when kids are little. Personally, I would not want him on the road driving 4 hours a day, especially with long work hours. (Unless he can take the train?) My husband also mentioned that he heard a study that long commutes increase stress at home and affect relationships. I would also want him home more...your daughter will be going to bed when he gets home and will basically not see him during this week at all. :( I would move local for the two years and return to your hometown when his job ends. I am guessing you have friends and family in your hometown. I would make sure that you foster those relationships over the two years so she will be able to come home and be right where she left off. Another thought is to enroll her in activities in your hometown where she can maintain these friendships...you spend the time commuting one day a week or something in the afternoon so she can see friends. And during the summer, make sure you and she go hang at the pools and parks in your hometown. Good luck. :)

I think the commute will put way to much stress/pressure on your family. A lot more than having your child switch schools.

Have you thought about the winter weather? What happens when that two hour commute turns into 3 or 4?

I think this economy is iffy at best and selling a house after only living in it for 2 years...you'll be going in the hole I bet.

I have a lot of friends who work for a huge oil company. This company must have some sort of wish to own every house in my town because they keep transferring people to a town about 2 hours away. When their houses don't sell after a certain amount of time they have to buy them.

So, when their home in the first town is for sale the wife stays here and takes care of the family home and everything else. They hubby rents a small studio apartment or a room from other friends that have already moved to the new town then he comes home on his days off. Living in the far north you have to know already that your husband will not be coming home on snow or ice days. He will not be safe, too many wrecks can happen in that kind of weather.

So, my choice would be to move to the hometown where there are lots of family members and others that will offer support and be there to get to know her so they can babysit often and you can go to the other place with hubby for some adult time too. It can be very very nice to have family around.

Why don't you temporarily move halfway between the school and your husband's work?

If I had to choose between switching schools a couple years into my DD's school career, and her never seeing her daddy (except for weekends) for 2+ years, it would be a no brainer for me, personally. Whatever keeps the family at home for the most time would win out. Your DH is not thinking of the long term effects of a very LONG commute both ways, on a daily basis, for at least 2 years. He will be tired, cranky, resentful, and unhappy. Your DD will be fine - kids are resilient. I'm sure she'd rather have her daddy around, and I'm sure you'd rather have your DH around.

I think that you should stay close to your husband's job and let your daughter start school in the second grade in your home town. While it is wonderful you would like for your daughter to not have to change schools, it will be h*** o* your family with your husband having to travel so much. You might even include your daughter in the conversation. She would most likely rather see daddy around than worry about what is going to happen in 2 years (which is an eternity in a child's life).

How sure are you that this job is only for two years and that afterward you will want to move back to your current town? Why not rent a home/apartment in the new job town and see how that goes. I agree with all the people who say that this commute is too long and that the family unit needs to stay together. You don't want to wind up with him in an apartment near the job and you home with your daughter 2 hours away. You won't ever see eachother and you will get used to living apart. Lots of people move all the time, heck, my daughter had a friend move away 2 weeks into the new school year. She will be fine if you do move back, and if something happens and you stay where the job is then she's already there.

What a sweet and thoughtful man your husband is. In terms or your daughters ability to adapt to change and school. She is young and making a change after kindergarten and first grade will seem like an adventure to her. It won't be that hard. If she were a teenager that would be different. If you daughter was in the same school until like middle school or something that would be different.
Let you hubby know what a gem he is and that she will adapt and having him home for breakfast and dinner and unstressed and healthy is more important.