Unexpected Pregnancy at 39 - Oswego,IL

Oh B. - I feel ya. I just gave birth 10 days before I turned 40 in January. I was suppose to be sitting on a beach with my husband and a drink in my hand - not on the couch in my sweats nursing a new born! We were totally shocked and I cried for about a week and never felt I bonded with baby #2 like I did baby #1 (which we thought we only were going to have 1 at our almost 40 and 45 years of age) during my pregnancy. To be honest, I was questioning how I was going to love this little baby as much as my first in the labor and delivery room! But no kidding, the moment she popped out onto the delivery room table and I saw her little crying face, I cried I loved her so much instantly. And, to continue the honesty thing, she is almost 5 months old now and as much as I love her and can't imagine life with out her, I still don't feel as bonded to her as her big sister. Other friends of mine who have gone through similar feelings and circumstances say the feelings come and you do get there. YOU ARE NORMAL! Thank God for your new little one eventhough you may not feel it yet and continue to talk to other women, friends and even a therapist - it will help you get over that shock/depression hump. All the best to you and your family.

B.,

I know you have already received your fair-share of responses, but I wanted to take the time to share my own “been there/done that” story with you to let you know that you are not alone, and that all is going to be okay.

I am speaking from personal experience and want to be honest with you and tell you that I too had concerns, worries, fears and apprehensions when I found out---unexpectedly---that I was pregnant at age 38. Here were my concerns…

On the personal side of it: Not only had I JUST gotten rid of the final pieces of baby stuff in a garage sale the summer before, but I had honestly just settled into the fact that I was going to be moving into the next stage of my life and into the next stage of mothering, as my youngest was 5 and getting ready to head into 1st grade and my oldest was 11. So, here I had finally figured out how I wanted to spend my time and had signed on to assist someone in heading up a women’s ministry at our church and for the first time, with a little persuasion, I was even beginning to look forward to having some "me" time for the first time in a long time. So, when the news hit it was like going from one extreme to the other---from figuring out what to do with no children home during the day---to figuring out how to now get out of commitments in order to be home again. I also worried about how I would juggle having a newborn with how busy our schedules already were with the two older kids, along with the fact that we have no family around to help out. And, to be truly honest with you, I was even a little apprehensive about being able to manage three kids and be all that they needed me to be in their varying stages.

On a medical side: I was worried because I had such a hard time after my last pregnancy that they recommended that we not have anymore, so we were being extremely cautious. And, I was also fearful of what might happen because of my age (38 when I got pregnant with her---and turned 39 not even a month before she was born) and the concerns they bring to your attention due to it.

So, yes, I can be honest and say that the news floored me, but, our plans weren’t God’s plans and so I prayed the whole way through the pregnancy and now I look back and ask myself why I worried about so many things, as God was so faithful and he not only got us through, but he provided all that we needed. Our princess is whole and healthy. And, He knew that she was the missing piece to our family…even though we didn’t.

Our little princess is now just over a year old and I can honestly tell you this---she is the light of my life! She completed our family in a way that we just never could have expected. Here I was so worried about so many things and how I was going to manage...but it just happens. I had a few friends tell me that I was going to enjoy this 3rd one a lot more than my other two and although I didn't necessarily understand how that could be---I get it now! I don't know if it's because you've "been there, done that", or because you are a little older and go with the flow a little better, or what it is...but I am enjoying her so very much.

I’ll be honest…Yes...life has changed. Yes...I have had to adapt. Yes...I have had to put a lot of what I had planned or wanted to do back onto the back burner. And, I can even be honest and say that my relationships with friends changed. But, not in a bad way...I guess you could say it was just what had to naturally happen since I am now in a different stage of life than they are. But, I just believe that the new friendships will come in due time and am just concentrating on her for the time being. Am I still adjusting to it all a year into it...yes. But, if you were to ask me if I would change any of it...I’d say---not in a heart-beat. I have learned a lot about myself through the blessing of this third child...I learned that I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. I learned that I adapt and overcome better than I gave myself credit for. And, I've learned to slow down, take it day by day and literally stop to smell the roses. Before our little princess, I was incredibly structured and I was the type of Mom who couldn't allow anyone to see my house if it was a mess...and with her in my life now, I am so thankful to be experiencing this stage again in order to take it at a much slower pace and not worry so much about the small stuff...or the insignificant stuff. Her arrival has made me a much easier going person, because I have to be---I am now the mom of 3!!! And, it took awhile for that to sink in. I never imagined that I could be a good enough Mom to handle all that it entails to care for 3 children and I have surprised myself! I now see why God sent this little angel into our lives and when times do get tough, I just remind myself how quickly this “season” passes and realize how lucky I am to be blessed with such a beautiful family.

God is good, B....he'll get you through, if you ask him to. I am proof of that---through all varying degrees of worries, doubts, concerns, fears and feelings of inadequacy. And, I believe that you will surprise yourself too and one day be able to say the same thing..."I can't imagine life without him/her."

Blessings to you and please feel free to write if you ever just need a “been there/done that” conversation!

Congratulations to you and your family!! ~Kimberly

I think an unexpected pregnancy can be a shock no matter what age. The universe works in mysterious ways. No harm in seeing a therapist, we can all use some help in that department!!! Good luck and best wishes to you and your family.

I completely get it. I thought I was done and then had an unexpected pregnancy when my youngest wasn't even a year old. It was the most overwhelming news of my life and like you I had mixed emotions (to say the least). I didn't want to go through another pregnancy, go through the infant stage, deal with getting my other children adjusted to the idea, etc. Also like you, I felt like a jerk for feeling this way because I too thought of all the women who have a hard time getting pregnant. In the end though, as cliche as it is, we ended up with a beautiful baby boy, the other kids have adjusted more or less, and life has gone on. It hasn't always been easy but you definitely have some advantages on your side: you've done it before so it's not quite as overwhelming, you went through it all the first time with twins so this will likely seem much easier, and your older kids might end up being very excited and helpful. There's no shame in seeing a therapist. Your mental health is a priority and you need to hear that the things you are feeling are normal and don't make you a bad person. I wish you all the best and I'm willing to bet you'll come through this beautifully.

I too had a "late" pregnancy: my third was born when the others were 9 and 7 and I was 42.In my case, it wasn't a surprise it was a bit of a miracle ....but I too was worried about having a normal pregnancy and delivery, caring for a little one again, postponing my own ambitions for the foreseeable future, etc. In the end, it was/is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I felt great most of the pregnancy, everything went well, I was relaxed and calm with a newborn, my husband and I bonded over the baby much more than when the others were little and things were so harried. But the best of all was sharing the bringing of a sibling to older children and watching them love and nurture their little brother. This brought out a completely different side of them and it is such a gift! Just remember: you are giving your twins a irreplaceable gift they will have (hopefully) their whole lives! And just think: after twins, caring for just one newborn will seem easy! Go talk to a therapist - don't let this opportunity go unappreciated. Congratulations and best of luck to your family.

Hi Ellen,

I just wanted to say that its okay that you and hubby don't feel "over the moon" about a surprise pregnancy, no matter what your fertility past has been. Its sounds as though you are keeping the baby, and feeling apprehensive now, or even depressed does not mean you will love the baby any less after the child is born. You guys have nine months to let the idea sink in and prepare, so take that time to get ready. Having a child is a big responsibility, its only natural for you to feel this way. I wouldn't hesitate to mention to your obgyn if you need to seek out therapy. There is nothing shameful about seeing a therapist and getting some help getting over the shock of this and easing your fears. I myself saw a therapist throughout the 9 months of my own unplanned pregnancy. It was great to have someone to bounce my feelings off of that wasn't judgmental of my feelings and also wasn't so close to the situation like my husband. You guys will get through this, everything happens for a reason. Take some time to just let things sink in, but if you feel you need it don't hesitate to ask your ob for some referrals to therapists, they may really be able to help you process everything. I also nannied for someone that had their first child at 43 and she was a beautiful healthy little girl. It turned out to be just the right time. (baby was not planned) Good luck.

Hi B.-

I had a VERY similar thing that happened. I had 3 children at the time, went thru a divorce and met the greatest man who was a career long bachelor (we were best friends in high school). After 2 months I shockingly found out I was pregnant. I had major issues after the birth of my 3rd and they said I would not get pregnant again.

Well, other cards were in our destiny. I am 40 this year and Catherine is one and she has rounded out our family so well. Her older brother is 7. She is the funniest, well natured child and her siblings absolutely adore her as we do. I had the same feelings as you did when I first found out and having her was the best gift. For whatever reason this happened and for now it is a shock to you and if you feel you need to talk to a therapist, do it. I wish you the best. And if you want to talk further let me know.

B., Congratulations! I just wanted to share that I had my youngest at age 44. You are still very young!!Although my husband and I had been trying without success for some time, it was a 'surprise' since we had stopped trying and had accepted that there wouldn't be another child for us (My older two are from previous marriage).

So, we were shocked, then overjoyed, then the fears began to set in and that finally gave way to joy again. I understand what you are going through. I had a healthy and problem-free pregnancy and delivered a beautiful healthy little girl.

Fast forward to now and I am fifty yrs old with a daughter in Kindergarten! ;-D Yes, I traded-in my mid-life sports car for another Mommy-car and made some huge changes in order to be home with this child - but I love the way this changed my life (and so does my husband).

I was very worried about delivering a healthy baby at my age and did opt to have a CVS test - this test can be done much earlier on than the Amnio. I'm telling you about this because I was unaware of the CVS option until someone told me. When the CVS test came back normal it was like a million pounds lifted and I was able to relax - which was much healthier for me and the baby. Had the results come back differently, our choice would have been the same but I just HAD to know asap. You are quite a bit younger than I was so your Doc might not advise it - but do ask if you have any concerns like I did.

I hope you will give yourself a little more time to let things settle-in. I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, but I can tell you that being a parent at this age is truly a blessing - just think of how special this child must be! Soon you will start to feel excited to meet this wonderful little addition to your family. And - you will have two little mother-hens to help you!

hugs,

W.

PS... Traveling to Disney can be romantic too! :-D

I had my last child 3 days before I turned 40 and had two miscarriages before him after my first two children were born. Everyone around me told me I should just plan on having the two. When I found out I was pregnant I was shocked but of course went ahead. I took it as the last time I was ever going to be pregnant and really enjoyed the pregnancy and all the eating it allowed me to do. Boy did I do it!

He is now 5 and my huggiest, kissiest and easiest to please child by far! I can't imagine life without him. For me diapers suck and all of the little baby stuff I was ready not to deal with but I am so happy with him. He completed our family!

I hope it can be the same for you.

It's ok to feel this way. I went through the same thing. I had had irregular periods and was on the pill when I found out I was 10 weeks pregnant. My 3 boys were in the waiting room having a fight about some gameboy game when they told me.

I didn't even tell people for awhile because it took me some time to get used to the idea. I had just gotten rid of all my baby stuff and my body was in great shape and my youngest was in kindergarten.

Be sure to talk to your husband about your feelings. Mine had some as well. Although it's far away, he had to readjust to the fact that his retirement will be even later than he anticipated. Then there's another mouth to feed and college bills.

It does get better! Your girls will love being big sisters!

I had a healthy pregnancy and my biggest gripe was the way the doctor's office treated me. They kept saying "Your are of advanced maternal age". Ok, I got it. One time they were upset about my blood pressure (normally it's really low, 90 over 60). I had just taken the youngest one to the grocery store, so I told them to let me sit and read my book and it will be find. Sure enough it was ok. Then there was the pressure to get the tests. I did NOT get any prenatal screening tests done since I knew I was having the baby no matter what. If there were problems I did not want to sit around for months knowing that. Then again, I did not find out if I was having a boy or girl because I wanted to be surprised.

If you want to talk to a therapist, go for it. I just talked to my hubby a lot. My surprise is now 5 and he brings lots of joy to my family. Try to think about that.

M.

B., I'm proud of you for having the courage to be honest and truthful about how you feel regarding this pregnancy. Many people would just try to lie to themselves in an attempt to appease some people or make it all better. I think you're being 100% realistic in the exploration of your feelings, so that's definitely a step in the right direction.

I think you're right on the mark when you mention seeing a therapist. Seeing a therapist does not mean you are mentally ill - oftentimes it just means that you're seeking a professional who has training in the area of counseling, who also looks at this from an objective viewpoint. They can listen and then help you organize your thoughts and feelings and help you manage/navigate the situation. Unfortunately there is often a stigma attached to going to a therapist, like something is wrong. In your case, I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with you - the fear and apprehension you are experiencing, I believe, is very normal...and talking with someone who is not directly/indirectly involved would likely be exceptionally valuable.

Try not to be so h*** o* yourself. I'm sure you live your life the best you can and you try your hardest to be a good person. Everyone approaches speed bumps and obstacles in his or her life, but we all find a way to successfully overcome them. Sometimes we just need a little help figuring out how to get 'over the hump'!

Good luck to you, congratulations, and remember: everything in life happens for a reason and strong women always find a way to make it work - you are that strong woman!

B.,

Hi, I was 43 when I had my daughter & I must say I went through probably all the feelings you are & then some! I am re-married (3 years now), and I too was hoping for some alone time with my hubby, when WE decided to try for a baby before it was too late for me. I must say, it has been a complete joy to have a baby! She is my life, and I fortunately am able to stay home with her & experience each new thing with her. When your "older" and having a child, its much different then when your in your 20's. I think your more patient & slow down a bit more for them. For me anyways, I actually take the time now to see things for the first time through her eyes. The birds outside chirping have taken on new meaning for me. Rainy days we spend outside in raincoats just letting the raindrops hit our hands & stomping in puddles together. I too had very mixed feelings about giving up my "me" time, but I don't think you have too. Sounds to me like you have a loving family & I think its a matter of organizing your time & finding supportive family members to help out once in awhile so you can travel & have that alone time with your hubby. I agree with the previous posts, if you need to talk to a therapist, by all means do that, so your feeling more at ease with your decision. Good luck to you & if you ever want to talk let me know.
P.S. I also believe everything happens for a reason, even if we don't see it clearly now, there is a reason. :)

Think of it as an unexpected blessing. My littlest will turn 1 on June 15th and I just turned 40 in January and my husband just turned 46. I have an 11 year old from a previous marriage and my husband has twin 13 year olds from his previous marriage - we have all boys! We too were nervous about being older with a new baby. I would say the only negative to being this age with an infant/toddler is that I have a little less energy than I did 11 years ago, but I am truly enjoying this stage all over again. I wouldn't trade it for anything. My older sons are the BEST big brothers and so overprotective of the baby and helpful to me. There is a reason for everything, so try not to feel guilty. Don't feel guilty either if you feel therapy might help. It might be good to talk about it with a neutral party to gain some more perspective and peace of mind. Best wishes to you and your family and God bless!

First, no one shoud tell you how you should feel or how you are going to feel once the baby comes. Hopefully though it helps to hear how other moms have felt. I had three kids back-to-back-to-back between the ages of 34 and 38. None of the pregnancies were fun for me, and all three times it took me awhile to feel bonded to my baby. I was not thrilled about the idea of having a third, and mulled over the pros and cons for a long time. Of course I knew all along that if I DID have the third I would love him/her, I just wasn't sure I wanted to make the sacrifices (physical, mental, career, financial) to get there. For some reason I started thinking about my own siblings (there are 3 of us) and how different my life would be without my little brother! That was my eureka moment - these three siblings will have a special relationship that will most likely continue long after I am dead and gone and it will enrich their lives. Anyway, maybe you won't think the same way but thought I would throw it out there. By the way, the 3rd one was far and away the toughest for us - so colicky and difficult for months!!! But we survived and now he is so sweet and smart and snuggly and fun and of course we can't imagine life without him. Life is hectic and I am stressed out much of the time but when it comes down to it life is pretty good.
Good luck!

I was 39 when we adopted our first and 44 when we adopted our 2nd. There are quite a few older moms out there. You aren't alone. I remember going through the IVF stuff downtown when I ran into someone who got pregnant later in life. She told me that right before you hit memopause you are your most fertile.

All the best.

J.

Hi B., I know exactly how you feel...I was just your age when I got pregannt with my daughter...I was shocked, because my last child was 14, I already had a grandchild by my 20 year old and my husband and I had gone through the teanage years with our 5 children...we could not believe that we were going to have another child...but we did, and she is 21 now...I remember worrying and being scared of the pregnancy and the years ahead...needless to say everything went well with the pregnancy and the delivery...every child is a blessing from God...He is always in charge...He knocks your socks off when you least expect it...my prayrers are with you and your family..may God bless you and your baby. Blessings, J.

Just want to say congratulations to you! Every child is a blessing, and the Lord sure knows how to surprise us all. Be thankful to the Lord, for He has something good for your family...and God bless all the great responses you have received because I did not see one that mentioned an abortion. PRAISE THE LORD!

Sometimes you can't control how you feel. I'm sure you want the outcome to be a positive experience but it's hard to see out of that tunnel right now because you are shocked.... sounds like your husband hasn't grasped the realization yet, either.

I don't know you so, absolutely, if you feel that you need a therapist, find one who can talk you through this. Personally, I would try and sort out my feelings..... even writing them down so that you can read them and explore what you are feeling. You are shocked!!!! Why???? Put it in words for yourself. I'm sure you may be feeling guilty because you have found yourself at a crossroad in life that was becoming easier to manage and your girls are becoming more independent. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend more time with your husband and travel - I'm thrilled that you enjoy each other so much. That will help you over the next months. I'm sure your daughters are excited because the greatest gift you can give them is a sibling and gleaning some of that joy through their eyes, may help comfort you. My son and daughter are still each other's best friend and I'm grateful for that.

I'm sure you want all that is good for this baby - just right now, this baby is rocking your world. I believe, with all my heart, you will have an attitude adjustment at just the right time. Keep talking about your feelings. Don't shut people out of your life. Talk to your husband. United parents help create confident, happy children. Talk to girlfriends - lots of them! They are the best, cheapest therapists you will ever find!!! They will listen and sigh at just the right time for you. They will understand. I had both of my kids later too. My mom was 43 when she had me. We are all healthy. Don't worry about those people right now who "can't get pregnant....etc....". This isn't about them right now.

Just a side note: I love travelling with my kids - they've been travelling since they were less than 5 months old.

You are in my prayers.

Take a deep breath and get ready for baby #3! We've been there and are doing it! Our oldest was 15!!!!, when we found out I was pregnant, we had been told we couldn't have anymore children, then at 38 I came up pregnant and delivered at 39! We are not alone on this, this happens more than you know. It was quite a shock for us, but we have a great boy who is now 10. Your girls will be a big help with the new baby and the shock and disbelief will diminish as your belly grows, then ofcourse when that little somebody is put in your arms for the first time you know you're in it for the full ride. We saw the light at the end of the tunnel and the the door was SLAMMED shut, but we are enjoying our youngest...it's like raising two only children. You don't need a therapist, you need to breathe and get ready for another blessing in your lives, ALL of you. Best to you, YOU CAN do this.
L.

PS: Journal throughout your pregnancy, it will be something you will treasure in the coming years!

First congratulations!! If the doctors told you that you wouldn't be able to get pregnant on your own and now you are, then I would say God had other things in mind. This little one is a blessing and meant to be.

Second, don't worry about the health of your baby. I had my first at 35, second at 37 and my latest at 41. I plan on one more if my hubby still has a job in July. My doctor and I are on the same page. The likelihood that my next will have any issues is really not much higher than when I started. You already carried twins and they were healthy right? This one will be fine.

And as far as traveling and having time to yourselves???? Your daughters are five. How much traveling and time alone did you think you were going to have and when? Were you going to leave them with someone? And when this one is one or two, why couldn't you leave him/her with his/her sisters with someone as well??? Not sure how this one addition to your family is going to put an end to your hopes and dreams....(I'm being a little facisious, since I think your hormones are making you a little dramatic).

I'm thinking that whatever you were going to do with your girls in order to travel with your husband can include just one more in a year or two.

And the infant stage goes by so fast. I was 40 when I had my son and I can't believe how fast it went. He's grown already.

And believe me one baby is so much easier than twins. You can train one much easier than you could two at a time. You are a pro now after caring for twins for the last five years. It will be much easier than you think.

Seriously, your hormones are affecting you. Your sad because when we get pregnant we are often pretty emotional. I cried at the cheerios commercial where the little girl puts cheerios in her dad's coat pocket for his heart.

You have to re-direct your thinking. This is not a burden...this is a beautiful baby that will add joy, laughter, and more PURPOSE to your life. When you decided to become a parent in the first place....you decided that life was about a family...not you and your husband. This little one is going to add more joy, more laughter, more love and more purpose to your family.

Your girls will be able to help you and thus learn compassion for a little helpless baby. They will fight to get you diapers and hold the baby. They will be great helpers in playing with this little one when you need to get dinner on the table. They will help you watch for danger in the house. They will let you know when this little one is getting into the toilet. The older ones are great helpers. My four year old loves to feed her brother and entertain him in his crib when I can't go to him right away.

This little one was meant to be and what an adventure for you and the girls. You can go shopping, design the baby's room together, maybe they can even go to baby classes with you, and then into the delivery room. (My SIL took her 7 year old daughter in the delivery room...but you would have to decide if they are mature enough to handle that.)

I'm excited for you and I don't even know you....please reprogram yourself about this little one. And never mention your hesitation to the girls, in front of them, or to too many people that might mention it to your little angel later in life. How sad to know that mom and dad were disappointed that they were going to have me....that I put a dent in their lifestyle......

He/she should grow up knowing that mom and dad couldn't believe (and were honored) they were chosen to be the evidence of miracles.

All things happen for a reason. God wants you to have this child. A similar situation happened to me. We had 4 kids and decided we were done. They are expensive but wonderful. Well, of course, I found out I was pregnant again! Number 5! She is 8 yrs old now. We all love her and don't know what we would do without her. She is super sweet and everyone's favorite cousin. Her siblings adore her. She is different from all my other children. She is artsy and girly and loves animals, not sporty like the rest of the kids. We love her and you will love your child! We wanted to travel too. I guess we'll just have to wait a little longer.

I have also had to deal with the mixed emotions of a "surprise" pregnancy. You want to be happy but trying to imagine all the changes seems crazy. I have 4 children, ages 11, 8,7, and 1. I wouldn't change a thing, everything just falls into place and in year, you won't believe that you could live without your new addition. Hang in there, each child is truly a gift!!! Good Luck!

While I am not an "older" mommy, I to was very surprised when I found out I was expecting #3. It was the worst timing for us. I had just started a new job, our house wasn't big enough, 2nd one had just turned a year, and our marriage was shaky, at best. I was not thrilled at all about another baby, and spent more than half the pregnancy resentful of the whole situation.
But, the day that sweet little baby was put into my arms, all those feelings disappeared, and all I could feel was love. I spent a couple of days bawling about ever thinking I didn't want him (hormones!) and now, a year later, I couldn't imagine our family without him!
Your 5 year old girls are going to be great big sisters, and very helpful to you. After twins, the infant stage is going to be much less stressful, and getting out will seem to be a piece of cake!
B., you are entitled to any feelings you are having, good or bad. Keep in mind your body is going through major hormonal changes, and your entire life has just gotten a major shock! But that baby will complete your family, and you as a mother, and you will see that as soon after it makes it's debut into your life!
Good luck with everything!

B.,

If therapy is what you need then do it! There is nothing better than having a baby and you know it since you have one. Having triplets and a singleton I know the joys of the singleton very well...you will surprise yourself and love it. The twins are great but a singleton is SIGNIFICANTLY easier to manage. You and your hubby will laugh at how much easier it is with 1!!!

D.
Mom to a 3 y/o son and 5.5 month old triplet girls

Pregnancy at any age is a major life change and we all have mixed emotions. By all means see a therapist to talk about your feelings, it certainly can't hurt anything. My kids are 5 years apart and for my sanity it was perfect. It gave me more quiet time to bond with my daughter while my son started kindergarten and he didn't feel "replaced". I have several friends that had babies at 40+, be prepared to hear the term "advanced maternal age"! With my daughter I felt I was less anxious and just more mature to handle it than I was with my son 5 years before. Life takes us in unexpectated turns, I hope you can come to terms with the situation and take pride in your growing family. Good luck!

I was in my mid-30's with three children when I found out I'd become pregnant. I felt like someone had thrown me into a wall. I was very surprised and not very happy. Everyday it sunk in a little more, and w/ in a few days, I had gone into "mommy mode" again. Planning how to fit another chair around the table, rearranging clothes so that I'd have an extra dresser, etc, and then I miscarried late in the first trimester. That was even more shocking. I came to realize that I did want one more, and that if I was ever going to do it... it needed to be soon. So we tried again, and I got pregnant, and had another late first trimester miscarriage. It was pretty devastating. Happy ending for me though... we decided to try one more time, and I have a happy, healthy baby girl. So sometimes what DON'T want comes to be what we DO want, and vice versa. Talk to a therapist, and I hope you come to be happy with whatever you decide to do. Good luck!

I had an unexpected pregancy too (4th with kids 8,6 and 4 at the time), and felt very similar to you for much of the pregnancy. I won't lie and say it is going to be easy going back to the who infant and toddler stage, but it has definately been worth it, I would not trade what I have now for the world. Also, time goes by extremely quickly and they are 3 before you know it. It never hurts to talk to someone...therapist or good friends.

I read a few of the responses and they all kind of say the same thing, so even though I'll probably get at least one nasty retort, I'm going to voice the other side of this.

There are options. There's the most extreme option, which I won't suggest, but depending on your particular religious and personal beliefs, it may not be completely out of the question. The other option is of course adoption. There are so many families out there that would be happy to take care of your unexpected surprise and love him/her like their own. First I would try the therapy route though, and see if another baby isn't something you might warm up to. But I'm of the mindset that your first priority is the children you already have, but that's the pro-choice attitude coming out I suppose.

Whatever decision you ultimately come to though, it has to be what's best for you and your family. Definitely seek the therapy though and come to terms with the path you take. I wish you the best of luck!

You are blessed

Your children will help you out a lot if you let them. I am a mother of three all 18 months apart and my oldest helps me out a lot she also learns a lot in the process.
My middle child is now wanting to help out. I have two helpers and I know my youngest will help me when he gets oldeer.

Hi B.- I was told the same thing and voila, at 39 I had my son! Having a baby at 40 today is not a big deal (age-wise) and why should it be? 40 today is the new 30, right? Having little ones later in life keeps you young and super active. My mother had my sister when she was 40 (in 1980 when it was not as common) and she is so amazingly young for her age at 70- it's great.

BTW- baby equipment is so much better than 4 1/2 years ago too! Let yourself have fun with this. :)

Seeing someone to talk to sounds like a good idea. Based on your post, I think your husband should join you.

Good luck with your decision!

B.,
I hate to meddle, but one more won't hurt. However, make it your last,whatever you both decide. It's a blessing and it will get better in time, but you have to decide what is best for you and your family.

All the Best,
D.

Relax and enjoy this! You are blessed. This will all work out! My son was a surprise at the other end of the age spectrum, and well, I always told him God's surprises are the best surprises. Since that first guy, we've been blessed with two others and I can honestly say there is never a time when you can afford a baby, but we all manage somehow despite that. My husband always says they print more money all the time. We only have so much time to have and enjoy our kids, don't waste it worrying about what is around the corner...as Elenor Roosevelt said, "Worry is a miss-use of the imagination." Besides, what did worrying ever change?

B.,

Therapy is good for anyone who feels a need to find the answers to questions and thoughts that just don't make sense. Why is this happening? Why can't I get over this? etc. But here is another way to look at this beautiful life that is growing in you. It is a Blessing from God. There is a reason for everything that happens in our lives. So there is a reason why the Lord is Blessing you with this beautiful child at 40. Look at this baby as a miracle, conceived in love. It is a true Blessing.

S.

Sweetie that is a blessing. Sure...it may not seem like it now....but it is....that's the only explanation. I was 34 with 3 kids....2 girls, 1 boy....I just knew that I was done having children and then I got the biggest surprise of my life....I took the pregnancy test...it was positive...I was a little surprised....shocked to say the least....went to the doctor and they told me that I was having TWINS. I almost fell off the table...LOL!! Now they are 10 months old and they are sooooo much fun. I can't imagine life without them. Just take it one day at a time and let God do the rest. Everything will be ok and I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck.

My good friend went through fertility for years with about 8 miscarriages to end up with NO baby.....then 3 years later she was pregnant, what a surpirse at 42.......then woops accidentally got pregnant again & just had her healthy baby boy at 45.........go see a therapist, there is nothing shameful about seeing one.......best wishes

I also had an unexpected pregnancy with pretty bad timing and a husband who wasn't into it on top of that. It is perfectly normal to go through a period of adjustment, to have mixed emotions and to even feel resentful. A therapist however is a great idea and will help you work through your feelings. If you are in Chicago I have a great one to recommend, if you'd like to email me. Best of luck.

Be careful what you ask for, you might get it. So, now your a fertile turtle. Life is beautiful. God has a scence of humor. Embrace it.

As a mom of 1 yr old and a 3 yr old, 8 yr old and a 20 yr old who is turning 40 next month I can tell you sometimes our plan isn't always our plan. (like my surprise pregnancy of my 1 yr old after going through fertility treatments to get my 3 yr old and adopting my 8 yr old as a infant.) YOU WERE BLessed to become pregnant and you know it. Sure things are easier with your girls now and they will be starting school soon so it will be even more easier. THE baby YR is difficult but its just the 1st yr and it gets easier.

Who says you can't be a mom of 3 and not have it all. YOU can travel. Spend time with your hubby and enjoy life. Sit down and take a deep breathe. It will be ok. You just need sometime to get used to the idea you have a beautiful bundle of joy growing inside of you. Who wouldn't be scared and happy at the same time. ((HUGS))

B.,

It seems that this little surprise has turned your world upside down. Yes, there are many anxieties involved having a baby at your age or at any age if you are not planning on it. In saying that, I don't think there are enough negatives to have a chance against all the positives a new baby can bring. My advice would be to try to change your focus and think of this new addition as a positive thing if at all possible. 1.) You didn't know you could get pregnant in this way....what a miracle!! 2.) Things happen for a reason and maybe this little baby will teach you something one day....if not already. 3.) This baby is a gift....try to look at it that way and accept the gift you have been given.

Hopefully this helps...I am the mother of three boys who also had difficulty conceiving. Cherish this time. One day this little baby will be 10 years old and you will wonder where the time has gone. My oldest are twins and are almost 8 years old. My youngest is 4 1/2 and I sooo miss the days when I could just hold him and snuggle with him.

I know you will be just fine. The feelings you have are normal...just work through them and try to see that positive and things will work out great!

Sincerely,
C.