I'm Pregnant Again

HI L.,

Congratulations!!! It is always a blessing! I know how it is with husbands and specially if it was not planned:)
But....I have an 8 years old and a 3 years old, as soon as I stopped diapers I started again.....about 7 years of diapers and not being able to do much except from some working at home businesses or crafting that sells.
You can get it all done in less years, so it is going to be a handfull yes....but done sooner!!!!! And it is so much better to have a sibling.....I am an only child and never liked it!!!
Enjoy and tell your hubby that things happen for a reason and that is is much better all together than several years in the baby making.
Best of luck!
M. Abadie
www.MyKidsFirst.com
www.MaiaCreations.ecrater.com

I know exactly how you are feeling! I am 7 weeks pregnant with another and my baby boy is only 11 months old!!! And this pregnancy was totally unexpected. Yes, it will be tough...maybe we can cope together!

The best advice I have ever gotten, from a friend quoting Elizabeth Elliot, "Do the next thing"! It doesn't matter how menial it feels...but do the next thing. Life will go on and you will figure out what best suits you. As for your husband, guys just tend to "get ok". I have found with my husband that nothing I can say or do "helps", he just gets "ok" over time. We had twin boys in July of '07 after already have 2 *single* girls. My husband was not thrilled at the idea of having twins, but now, they are 7 1/2 months old, and he said just last night, that it was "cool" :) Just give your husband time, he'll make it. My husband also only wanted one if any, and we now have FOUR! Good luck and don't rob yourselves of the joy of pregnancy and parenthood!

L., I can understand how you might feel excited and scared, but please know that you can handle this. God would not have blessed you with another child at this time if you couldn't. The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you. I'm the mother of one almost 17 year-old son. When he was born, I asked my doctor to tie my tubes because I didn't want more kids. He told me that I was too young. Later, I decided that I might want to experience pregnancy and motherhood again without all of the fear and apprehensions that I had the firt time around. Now, I'm wondering if I will ever have another child. I'm single and turned 40 in December and would welcome the opportunity to parent a daughter before I leave this earth. I don't even care if I give birth to her at this point...I can adopt her or she can come with her father through marriage. God's plan is always so much better than our own plans because He sees the whole picture while we only see one small piece of the puzzle. God Bless!

I had my children 21 months apart, not intentionally either. My son is 20 and a sophmore in college and my daughter is 18 and a senior in high school. They are beautiful, bright, fun loving adults. It was hard when they were younger especially when the younger one starts walking, etc. But now I am glad they were that close. Just remember this as a blessing, it will all work out just fine. Enjoy them!!!

Hi L.
I went through the same thing a while ago. My son was 9 1/2 months when I found out I was pregnant again. My husband had said we were only having 1 child and then I accidentally got prego (that's what happened when I ran out of my birth control and didn't have the money to get my rx filled). anyway my husband was not happy and didn't talk to me for a long time, but i sat down one night and gave him 2 options-get over it and be a family or get out. if he chose the 2nd option he knew he would not be allowed to see our son. he got over it and now our daughter has him wrapped around her finger.
just remember to take care of yourself-get your rest, make sure you eat and don't worry about the rest!!! i wouldn't recommend potty-training until after the baby is born, your son might regress with the new baby. i never was in a hurry to potty train. my children are now 4 and 2 1/2 and we are just now starting to potty train.

Let the Lord lead you. Pray and ask God to give you the wisdom, understanding and provisions for this child in this situation, and all who are involved. Every child is a gift from God. Receive the pregnancy as a good thing with God's leading for you and your husband. Have Faith, and Know that He Loves You.

Hi L.
God never gives us more than we can handle...even though we question that at times! Do you have a church family? They should be a great support system for you and your husband. Try not to be overwhelmed...take one day at a time. I'll be praying for you and your husband to get thru this. It will work out, there isn't any sense in being upset about it..it isn't going change the fact that you are still pregnant! Hang in there....

I just had my son three months ago. My daughter and him are two years apart. Your son will only be 4 months away from two..It'll be alright. I won't lie, it's hard. I'm staying at home with both of them and money is really tight around here. But, we love each other and things are alright. Sometimes life happens and what are ya gonna do, right? Not much you can do but, get happy.

I know what you may be going through. I have a 2 yr old a one year old and a new born. We only planned on having one of them the other 2 where suprises. When we found out we were pregnant the last time the way we both coped with it was taking the step to prevent further pregnancies. Since I was having a c secton I had my tubes tied. We don't have family in the area and it is a lot of work. You are going to be OK. It i going to get easier and easier and eventually you are going to be happy that you had tem so close together. (At least that is how I keep my glass half full!)

L.... been there and am STILL there lol... I have a 2-yr-old boy and a 1-yr-old girl, and we didn't plan for the girl so soon, but it happens. Encourage your husband with the positives. I can tell you my little ones LOVE to play together and Matthew is such a little helper. You just have to train your one-yr-old to be sweet and gentle and introduce babies to him NOW so he learns the words "gentle" and "shhh" before the little one comes. The belly wasn't really a problem either... my one year old fit perfectly sitting on top of it.

I also babysit a one-yr-old boy whose mom is pregnant with a girl, so she's in the same situation I was in too.

I can't imagine Matthew not having a little sister now. Aurora follows him everywhere... you are in for a lot of fun. One BIG PLUS for me, is that before Aurora could play with matthew, they were both up my butt all day needing attention while I tried to get my housework done... well after she got a little older, they learned to play together, and it's great. They keep each other busy while I do my housework... I was even able to start online college classes and I get my homework done all the time while they play together. I am so happy I got pregnant again.

As a mother of a 28 month old, 14 month old and 2 month old let me assure you it will all work out. I can not tell you how to get over the shock of it all but for me it happened at the first ultrasound. Be prepared to let go of the potty training if it gets to be a fight, my oldest was almost done but when the youngest was born he just won't so we just let him set his own pace. Get used to the chaos, don't expect to have a spotless house, try something like Social Suppers if you can because then all the food is ready to go and you only have to find time once a month for a few hours. Most of all be prepared for everyone around you to make comments like "What were you thinking?","You must have your hands full" etc. it is annoying but think of the good, all the diapers at once, getting all the sleepless nights over at once, and they will be such good friends. My 2 oldest love to play with each other and they both love the baby. If my oldest gets up before his sister it takes everything I have to keep him from waking her up because he just can't wait for her to play, it really is sweet and you have that in future so keep your chin up because it really isn't as hard as you imagine.
All the Best
E. A

My kids are 20 months apart too, and it was also a surprise. It was hard with having one so young and a baby at once, but they are now 4 and 3 and are very close to each other so great playmates. You could reassure your husband it's almost like having twins and now you are done!

Dear L.,

don't be afraid it all works out, by the time the new baby comes you will have had time to teach the 1year old how to help you with getting things you need. Make him a part of the new babbies life. I did this with my two sons and we had a pretty easy time with both. Your 1 year old will still be taking naps and i suggest if at all possible you nap when and if you can get both down at the same time. Doesn't work everyday but can most if you gear feedings to that time.
I was able to nap which helped with my energy leval to be able to give both time they needed. And when new baby is asleep have the 20 mth boy help you do chores and they love to help. And give him some special play time when you have the chance such as coloring or building blocks with him. It really does work out.
My oldest son and i would share a popcicle everyday when my other son was asleep this made him feel very special.
No jealousy was shown by him as long as i gave him sometime everyday that was just ours.

Daxy

Hi L.!

I know exactly how you are feeling at the moment. I found out I was pregnant with #3 one month after my second turned 1. I was terrified. My husband and I had just had the conversation of being done and being happy with the two little girls God gave us when I found out. I don't think the shock really wore of for me until I heard the babies heart beat for the first time. I am now going on 31 weeks and I LOVE every second of it. My husband started getting excited when he was able to feel the baby. Infact, he went a little overboard with this pregnancy and told me that he thinks he would like to have one more. I on the otherhand think that 3 is plenty. Just give him some time and know that you have created life with the man you love. One of the most wonderful gifts. I am sure he will come around in time. By the way, my girls are 26 months apart and my middle child to the newborn it will only be 21 months. My girls are incredibly close! I love watching them together. Just know that everything will be ok. Keep you son involved with everything. Help him feel like your little helper by asking him to get diapers and little things you need. He won't be able to really understand that there is a baby in mommy's tummy but you can still show him and let him touch your stomach. It's wonderful. Good Luck!

CONGRATULATIONS~!~ Every baby is a blessing, even those unexpected babies~!~ I have 4 unexpected babies. Oh goodness can you imgaine how many I'd have if they'd have been planned?!

My two youngest children are 19 months apart and very close. I do understand the panic one feels when the look at their baby and realize HOLY COW I"M PREGNANT AGAIN! My now ex husband was extrememly shocked when he found out too. It will take time for him to adjust but as long as you stay positive about it he will come around (from my experience). What an exciting time in your lives!

S. J.

I felt just like you. Our 3rd pregnancy was a bit of a surprise (well, actually a huge surprise). I found out I was pregnant the day after my second child's 1st birthday, which was also 2 days before my husbnad left for Iraq. To say it was a surprise was an understatement! I was thrilled, since I had always wanted 3 kids, terrified, since I was going to be going through this entire pregnancy on my own, and nervous, because I was going to have 3 kids under 4.
I don't think it really hit my husband about the reality of the pregnancy until I e-mailed him the ultrasound pictures of our 3rd son. He was content with our 2 boys we already had. He came around though, and melted when he held our 3rd son for the first time. He adores him, just as much as the other two.
It was definately challenging-there were days, I wasn't sure how I was going to handle a newborn, 19 month old and 3 1/2 year old on my own (my husband didn't get home until the baby was 6 months old). But, I did it. We just got through one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. Now,they are 4, 5 1/2 and 7 1/2 and it's great. They really are each other's best friends. They play (and fight:)) all day. I couldn't imagine my life any differently and thank God everyday (well, most days:)) that he blessed me with our surprise baby!

Hi L.,

My two kids are 14 months apart. I have a 17 month old daughter and a three month old son. At first the thought of having two kids so close together scared me. Now that my son is here I wouldn't change a thing. I love having two kids so close in age. Even at this early age I can already see a sibling bond forming between them. My daughter will sit next to him and babble away and he'll just lay there and grin at her. It melts my heart every time.

I also don't have family around. My daughter goes to a Mother's day our program at a local church once a week and we also belong to a Mother's Group and regularly go to play groups.

Congratulations!

My children are 22 months apart, I got pregnant with our daughter when our son was 9 months old, we had them very close, I would not change that now for anything. They have such a great relationship. As far as talking to your husband I am not sure because we had planned on getting pregnant again, prob not as soon but if it happen it happen. Our family was very upset with us but they got over it after they realized we were going to Germany(we are active duty military) and they were not going to be able to see the baby for awhile since it was so costly to fly back to the states. All I can say is try and talk to him explain to him that you also didn't expect this to happen. Might be to personal but were you on birth control? A friend of mine just found out she was pregnant and was on the pill. Explain to him if you were on the pill that you didn't try this that is why you were taking the pill. I know this prob wasn't any help but it is the best I can do. As far as having them both in diapers it worked for us (costly but worked for us) once one was getting potty trained the other one wanted to work at it also. They loved having each other to tag along with. They are now 9 and 11 and we are having to make them do things seperatly because they still want to do things together. They think I am wrong when they look at pictures of when they were little and were taking baths together, not as far as that they yell at each other to get out......LOL!!! But like I said the relationship is awesome.

I also lived in Germany, no family around me but my dh, I was only going to be 22 years old the year she was born and also had my tubes tied when she was a year old (biggest mistake getting my tubes tied that young) If you need to talk to someone about it I can listen and give you the advice on what I have experienced with having my children that close together.

Hi L.,

I can totally relate to your story. I have 4 daughters who are 18 and 19 months apart EACH. The positive thing about having them all close is they are good playmates, they are close, and get along really well. When my husband and I found out I was pregnant the 4th time, we didn't talk about it for the longest time. He had had a vasectomy (but didn't go in for the follow up check). We were shocked, I had to give him time and space to just digest it all. Hopefully when your husband has had a chance to think about it, he'll realize how much of a blessing you've been given and say "we can do this!" Until then, just love him and give him the time and space he needs. As for the potty training, if I were you, I'd hold off until your baby is here and the routine gets established. I was potty training one when my 4th was born, and she really regressed. I didn't have as much time to spend getting her to the potty. But, after the baby was a couple months old, we started up again and it went smoothly. I wish I would have waited. Just stress to your son that he's a big boy / brother and see when he's ready. His world is going to change a lot. With my daughters, I would just line them up on the floor and change one diaper after another! It will be hard at first, there are still days for me that I feel like pulling my hair out. But those moments pass, and I really do enjoy them. I don't have any family around either, but we do belong to a wonderful church, and have good friends who help if we need it. Anytime you have a question or just want to chat, let me know! Take care.

D.

L.: Been where you are at now. My first child was 7 months old when we discovered I was pregnant again. Got to admit that there were times it was very difficult but looking back and talking to the kids (boy and girl 24 and 23) now we know it was really a blessing. They were each others best friends up to high school. I remember walking into the bedroom when they were 18 months and 3 months and the old was in the baby's crib reading a story in a high sing-song voice.
The worst thing was one when got sick the other was right behind.
I actually considered aborting the second child for a brief nano second, then God touched my heart and made me realize this was a joy and blessing.
Also, you have the baby stuff now-doesn't matter if the clothes are gender specific. You do not have to put them away in storage!
Good luck and God bless.
K.

I have been there myself!!! I found out that I was pregnant agian when my daughter was 6 months old so they were 15 months apart. I just got done breast feeding 5 weeks before I found out. We weren't going to try again until she was 15 months old so they would have been 2 years apart. It is crazy and hard but once you get a routine down it will get easier. As for your husband that is why God gives us 9 months before they arrive so we can get used to the idea. He will come around for sure once he sees the little one for the first time. Just enjoy the one on one time you have with your son and knowing that baby is in a place that is secure. Everything will be just fine.

I had 2 right back to back and I cried to when I found out I was pregnat again I didntthink I could share my love but I am so happy to have them both they are best friends its like having twins which I think is easier then one my are 15 months apart and I am amazed as their friendship to each other you will not be disappointed in having them so close. My husband was the same way with only wanted one but when our little girl came along we he wouldnt of had it any other way. if your hubby is thinking of finaces well it all balnces out you will always have enough for your children. I even left my job to be a stay at home mom and my income isnt missed you learn to cope and you can sell on ebay do online classes be a bookkeeper in your home there is so many possibilites. So congrats on the new addition.

When you are not expecting the pregnancy it can be upsetting, I know. First of all I will tell you we have 4 kids all about 2 years apart and I love the spacing. They play well together and enjoy a lot of the same things. It sounds like you were thinking about havinge one child. I can not tell you how everything will turn out but just as this precious one year old has blessed, enriched your life so will #2. I was defenilty wanted more children after we had our first. I thought there was NO WAY I could love or make room in my heart for another baby and I actually was torn up about taking time away from #1. The day he was born I knew I would love him just as much. And know it has happened 4 times over. I understand the worries you are thinking. Dont worry about the potty training. All of my children have been different but none of them have been ready at 20 months. So you have 2 diapers, big deal. Dont spend precious time worrying about the future. It is smart to plan and think about a little but worry takes away your joy from this day. Keep in mind they are little miracles we have been given, you may not know why you had #2 so unexpectantly for years to come but one thing is forsure, they little one will be very special. You might want to look up some time of Mother of Preschoolers group. With out the support of my God,friends and church family I would not be doing this well with 4 kids 6 and under. You will be great, enjoy the time with your precious baby.

hi L.. I have three, 15,13 and 8. I would make sure that you and your husband talk about the baby. Men are very action oriented creatures, so I would recommend creating a plan that will help you cut expenses if necessary. My husband and I do "vision casting" a plan for each year, Ours includes our spiritual goals, parenting goals, financial goals and physical goals. it makes a huge difference in our relationship and how or house runs. I also work from home and its a good way to earn a p/t or f/t income without having to leave home. It can be challenging with little ones but also very rewarding because you don't have to leave them. This is a time when you should both be excited about your new baby. I think mapping things out will help you come to a point where you can get excited!

L., I can RELATE to your anxiety! I was 40, JUST married, told I could never concieve, when I had my first child. Then came the other 2 in rapid succession like you. I was thrilled but devastated at the same time. My husband was in an apprenticeship program and I was (still am) the breadwinner. I was scared to DEATH. I felt so much pressure on me! I also felt behind in the game because I was so old starting a family, when all my friends/family had kids that were graduating. As you well know, having kids at 40 left me so tired all the time. My 4th child I miscarried, after I heard myself utter that I didn't want it. I had so many guilt feelings about that, but a good friend told me: "Don't worry about it. They are just feelings. When you are pregnant a lot of feelings come and go, and they are just feelings. Just keep going." Even tho you are scared right now and feeling overwhelmed, my warmest advice would be to enjoy your motherhood. So, if they come close together, it is more of a challenge. But I will tell you, now that my boys are 8, 7 and 5: Having siblings close in age has been their/our greatest blessing. First, they share baby stuff, toys and clothes, and keep each other occupied, which actually frees you up! If there had been a greater age difference, this would have been a different family, and it would have actually been harder for us. I see all that now. I didn't then. Things like this have a way of working out, and far better than if we had planned things the way WE wanted them. The Good Lord knows what he is doing. Enjoy this great gift. Don't feel guilty about having these feelings. I had them too, it is just a natural reaction of a good mother who is responsible, loving and wants to be the best mom she can be!

J. B

I'm a FTWM and now 49 - things could be worse! At least you aren't as old as I was!! Bless you!

Mine are 19 months apart and I felt a lot of the same things that you do when I found out that I was pregnant with number 2. The whole 9 months I stressed about how I was going to be able to handle two so close together. Let me tell you, it has been the best thing that we could have done for my oldest. She loves her little sister to pieces and it is so much easier on me. They entertain eachother most of the time and the older one does understand enough to be mommies helper most of the time. As far as the potty training goes, we are still working on that one but from what I have heard and experienced so far, they do it when the are ready for it no matter how much you encourage them and boys don't usually potty train until they are a little bit older. My oldest will be 3 in June and I have just decided not to stress about it and let her do it when she is ready while encouraging any effort that she shows along the way. Congrats and good luck! Believe me, it will work out for the best.

As a mother who works and has children who are 22 months apart, I just wanted to let you know that this is not the end of the world. My first advice is not to start potty training until you are able after the second child is born. There is really no use because most kids back track when a life changing event happens. I tried & ended up with a child in pull ups for over a year. About working, if you still wanted to get your foot in the door, get a job now & make an impression before your maternity leave or get a temp job for the next few months. Then you have recent experience to help when/if you decide to go back after the second child. Congratulations and Good Luck.

P.S. I'm also a CPA and did temporary work when we moved closer to St. Louis and I was 4 months pregnant. I ended up getting a PT job at the same company after 3 months of maternity leave. Don't give up.

if you can't move close to family, suggest start creating a network of mothers helpers and babysitters to help out with situation. or a "mom network" of moms willing to swap time with you so you can have time for yourself. it is VERY hard to have them close together and two is not one. however I can speak from experience (ours was just 25 mo when second came) I can't imagine my life w/o my seconde child. as hard as it is, and as long as he took to sleep seven hours most of the time (7.5 mos) he is amazing and I love him dearly.

but I highly suggest getting support, creating support, find a church home you like, something. w/o family around we found two children extremely taxing on our marriage. just trying to be honest.

I know a little of how you feel. We have 2 kids that are 21 months apart and we were pretty stressed out- so we said we were done and I found out I was pregnant with a third- ouch! I was so upset we didn't even tell people until we were almost 12 weeks. All I can tell you is that Ragan(10 months) is the best thing that ever happened to our family- my other children are so sweet to her and she is the best baby we have ever had... She is so wonderful that it makes up for the stress of having 3 kids under 6. God is in control of your life and he is going to bless you both so much. Maybe God is giving you a little girl to pamper or maybe your son needs a little brother... either way, when the baby comes, I promise you will not even remember the tears and worry you have right now. Good Luck!

L.,
My oldest son was 4 months old when I got pregnant with my youngest son. My children are 13 months apart. When I found out I was pregnant AGAIN I literly threw myself on my bed and cried. I just kept thinking "I can barely take care of one baby, what am I going to do with two?!"
My boys are now 2 and 3 years old. I am constantly busy but I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't imagine my life without them.
Like you, I had no support from my family. They all live out of town. My advice would be to take one day at a time. As your due date gets closer and you get more excited your fear will go away. Good luck and congratulations!!!!!

I know you have gotten a LOT of responses about this and I know a little how you feel. My daughter was 10 months old when I found out that #2 was on the way. She will be 18 months when he is born. The best thing I have found to do is focus on the positive. They will end up so much closer when they are older. I am actually looking forward to the challenge now that I have gotten used to the idea!

My children are 22 months apart and I love having them that close!! Sure it is a lot of work, especially for the first couple of years, but then you will find that it gets easier. The children will have similar interests because they will be close in age, and will likily be great playmates. My oldest (now almost 7) loves to help her little sister (5 yrs) learn her numbers and letters and they are the best of friends - yes they do have their moments and fight at times, but watching them play and laugh together is worth it all!! I can't imagine them not having one another - they are lucky kids!! And I read in a parenting book that one of the bests gifts you can give your child is a sibling close to their age - so you have just given your son, perhaps the best gift he will ever get! It's scary and hard work - but then isn't everything is life that is worth it hard?

Hi L., My name is P., and my sons are exactly 20 months apart, and we think that's the perfect spacing between them. It seemed like I just got done sharing my body with the first child, and here comes #2! But it's not so bad, and I think potty training was definately easier for my younger boy because he saw us trying to potty train the oldest. They are in 4th and 6th grade now, and I like that there's 1 grade between them. They do have a lot of the same friends. We also don't have family in this state, which makes it difficult at times. I don't know what else to say except, it won't be as bad as you think. My brother, who has 5 boys, told me to hang in there, God won't give you something you can't handle.

Hey L.,
Congratulations! I know becoming pregnant unexpectedly can be a scary prospect. I will certainly keep you in my prayers. Just remember, God has everything under control, and for some reason He has chosen the timing. There really are a lot of advantages to having children close together. They will entertain each other as they grow and will hopefully be best of friends. Some day you will look back and see what a great blessing they both are (but probably after potty training)! Mamasource is a great resource, as well as Parents as Teachers, and other moms at church can be great when things seem rough. Hang in there and may your pregnancy be blessed!

My boys are 20 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way. Things came more natural than I thought, and potty training wasn't overwhelming. (My oldest was closer to 3 before he mastered the potty.)

Not everything was easy, but it has worked out. They are now 2 1/2 and 4 years old.

I can not stress enough how helpful it is to "wear" your baby. You can try out slings and different things. I found a back carrier most helpful once my youngest was old enough for it. "Wearing" him let me have my hands free to interact with my oldest and to get things done around the house.

It has really been easier than I thought it would be. One thing to consider is the future childcare cost of having two young children in daycare at once. I have stayed-at-home other than working part-time, but I did look into going back to work at one point.

You can make things work. There will be ups and downs, and good days and hard days. Good luck.

Hi L.,

I have 4 children, thier ages are 16 yrs, 7 yrs, 3 1/2 and 15 months. When my 3rd turned 2 I was 4 months along with my 4th and although they are close in age it hasn't been a problem at all.

My husband was in shock when we found out we were pregnant with the 3rd. But that fear went away when he got to hold our daughter for the 1st time. My husband now can't picture his life without any of our 4 kids.

I think the biggest thing that will help you is start now with getting your son on a good routine and schedule everyday. Get up and start your day at the same time have breakfast at the sametime, lunch at the sametime, nap at the sametime and so on. Then when you bring the new baby home he will fall right into the schedule also. I got my 4th child right on the same schedule we are right from the start. By the time she was 7 weeks old I had her sleeping through the night.

You know sometimes the greatest gifts we recieve are the ones we didn't ask for and we didn't even know we always wanted.

I certainly can empathize. I had children fairly close together-21 months apart. I had a lot of support, however, and I remember thinking at the time that it really helped me not to lose my mind. My kids are six and four now and I love that I had two. Yes, they drive each other crazy sometimes, but they are also each other's best friend. They run off and play together affording me time to do my own thing. That probably wouldn't happen with one child.
Recently, I have begun training to be a postpartum doula. I had never heard of such a thing until a friend told me I would enjoy it. I have always wanted to help support moms in the same way I was helped as a new mom. A postpartum doula can help you in practical ways like doing laundry, making dinner, playing with the older child while you and the baby nap. They are also trained with a great amount of knowledge on newborns, breastfeeding and resources in the area. It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. On most of the websites I have looked at, the doula is willing to work on a sliding scale or even barter. It is worth asking. Also, a doula can help work with your friends to get you more help and support. Or they can share information with you on local resources available to you.
I hope some of this information helps. I would be happy to share more specific helpful ideas if you have any questions.

L.,

My children are 20 months apart. I will not lie, it is difficult when the new baby gets here, but now, they play and play together. They fight, but what siblings don't? My kids are just now 3 and 16 months. That is all it took and they are playing very well together. My baby adores his older sister and she thinks he's pretty cool too. Just remember that when they are that close in age, they will be very good friends - and, after they begin to play together, it actually decreases your job b/c they don't need your attention as much! To prepare for the new baby, I'd go get you some books about being a big brother. That helped my daughter understand that a baby was coming. She seemed to understand and only got a little jealous. Good luck! Babies are something to celebrate! If we waited to have them until we were truly ready, we'd never have any at all :)

Though you are feeling overwhelmed right now, God does all things in His time. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter when my son was 9 months old. We did not want to have any more children and I was on the pill. The are now 17 and 15. They are overwhelming at times throughout their entire lives, but they were wonderful playmates! Things will work out the way they are supposed too! By the way, I cried for the first three months I knew I was pregnant! You will be blessed!

You can do it! I have 2 girls who are 18 months apart. They are best friends. I would do it all over again. This is the right way to do it, I think...and the kids will love always having a playmate. They'll be into the same things, even if its a boy and a girl. The first year will be really hard though. I always tell people that I don't remember the first 9 months of my second daughter's life...except through pictures. Once she was crawling it was much easier. She was a hard baby too, much unlike our first who was extreamly easy. My husband was excited from the start though, and is very very helpful with them. He has been putting them to bed since I weaned the first one. I definately encourage you to talk with your husband about all your's and his feelings because you are really going to need each other. I don't have family around either, but I have a great network of friends who are moms too, and a very supportive husband. Often I thought I was insane in that first year, and you need that support group to get you through it.

My advice from my own experience is to get some counseling. I was quite content with 1 and my daughter was an "oops." There is 19 months between my two children. Looking back on it, I can say I was definitely suffering from post-partum depression after my first. But when I discovered I was pregnant with my second I did nothing but cry for nearly the whole 9 months. I wasn't ready to take on another child, was not looking forward to labor, had no support network and a husband that was emmianetly going to deploy, plus we had just moved away from our hometown to support my husband's job.

Beyond her birth, I really wanted nothing to do with my daughter until she was about 7 months old. I looked at her with dispise and loathing and wondered what was wrong with me. I felt like I robbed my eldest of mommy time. I felt robbed of "my time". I felt abandoned and isolated(my mom is deceased, I am an only child, and none of the family stays in contact with me...and my in-laws do very little of nothing). My father referred to me as a "baby factory" so that did very little to my self esteem as well.

Beyond the counseling for all of you and possibly some anti-depressants for you, I would work on spending as much time with your eldest as possible and build lasting memories for him of when he was the only and work on the transition of being an only to being a big brother...let him help with some of the decisions and the decorating, that way it will make it real for all of you and better help with the acceptance of the baby.

The hardest part is the pregnancy. For me, once my daughter was here, it was a piece of cake!! My kids are 19 months apart.
Don't stress about the potty training. It will all happen when it happens. When you do have your kids this close together you have to learn to go with the flow. My son is 28 months and still not potty trained.
Again, Don't stress, get as much sleep as possible through the pregnancy, and enjoy those kidos!!

Your feelings are completely normal! I can't imagine what your going through. However, I have several friends that were in your same situation. Sure, it will be challenging at first, but your children will be so close in age, therefor a GREAT sibling relationship. When they are older, they will be great friends. Everyone that I know who has siblings close together says they wouldn't change anything!

As for your husband, give it time. This is all still so new to both of you! Hang in there...

Hopefully it is a comfort to you to see that many others have been in a similar situation and felt similar feelings. As so many others who have posted, I also found out I was pregnant with #2 when #1 was only 10 months old. I felt horrible that I was not excited about the pregnancy. But by the time I got to my second trimester, things were much better. And now, of course, although I couldn't imagine it happening when I was pregnant, that little surprise baby is my precious little cuddly one, without whom I can't imagine life.
I have found that I experience the most personal growth at the times when my life takes unexpected turns--when suddenly my plans for how things should go are out the window. Those are the times when I must learn to depend on others and especially on God instead of just my own strength. I hope you'll find the same to be true.

Sometimes life throws you a curveball. You get everything planned out in your mind how you expect things to be, and "bam" the unexpected happens. My wife and I have raised our 2 daughters together(6 & 11), and I cannot tell you the number of times I thought I had it all figured out, and all of a sudden it went south.
Life is unpredictable. I have found that a loving, fun, laid-back envoirnment in our household, makes for a comfortable household.
I know your unexpected "surprise" may be unsettling at times. But a positive outlook is the best course to take. I always try to live by this code: "Make the most out of life, not the least out of it"
I don't know if I was any help, but I pray that everything works out for your family. Things just normally do with a positive outlook.

Best of luck!

Let me know what kind of birth control you were using so I make sure NOT to use it. We found out about our first and were SURPRISED!! Taking the pill 3 hours late, apparently, is not a good idea. Tears abounded! 9 months from now, though, you'll probably forget you even wrote this letter; once you see that cute lil face. You will have a lot more on your shoulders. I know when my 2nd came, I went on anti-depressants and it helped a lot with my patience (plus, it runs in the family). Maybe get your son around other babies as much as possible. There are sibling classes at hospitals; not sure if he will be too young tho. Good luck.

First you must pray....then let go & let God work on your husband. It sounds like (maybe) that your husband might have been ready for you to get out into the working force & could look at this like a sat back. It doesn't have to be, IF your looking to to employed & help him out too, then I have the perfect SAHM, part/full-time fun for you. I can't call it a job because we get together & have soooooo much fun! It's Mary Kay! You can work it as little OR as much as you'd like to, work it around your kids, husband & even nap time. It doesn't have to be hard on either one of you. You know your situation better than I do & it's possible that he may not tell you that he has a full plate already & that he is scared too. IF you want more information about Mary Kay send me an e-mail & I'll tell you about it or send you some material & NO, it's not expensive:-). Stay prayerful & remember that it does change things & be BLESSED!

I have two little girls one almost 4 and one just two. They are 18 months and 3 days apart. We did plan them to be this close together, but if I had not gotten pregnant the month I did we were going to stop trying and wait a while. Being pregnant with a toddler was not easy for me. The first three months with the new baby were horrible. She would not sleep. It was not easy, but I can give you hope. If I can do it, I am sure you can. Things get easier everyday. Now they play with each other so I can get a few things done durring the days I am home. My "baby" is 27 months old and is so smart because she watches her sister. They are good friends. Talk to your husband. Encourage him and hopefully he will encourage you too. You can do it!!!! Every year will get easier *untill we have teenagers AKKKKKK!!!!!

I'll be praying for you! Try to find a church family if you are far from real family. It has helped me!!!

Virginia

I have a 6 year old, 3 year old and a one year old and just found out that I am pregnant again also. My youngest will be 19 months old when my newest is born. I know how you are feeling. It is very scary, but we are never given more to deal with then we can handle!! Hang in there!!

I am not sure what to tell you about how to "cope" with this, but I, too, got pregnant, unexpectedly, and my boys are only 20 months apart.

There are some real advantages to having your children so close together. One, If you are changing one diaper, what is the difference if you are changing two? Then, when you get the youngest potty trained, you are done. My boys are very close and were good playmates for each other. They learned to share and really watched out for each other. They are now in their late 20's and very close, although as different as night and day.

Once you get through the first few months after the new baby, you will realize what a blessing it is to have the children so close in age. I thought it was great.

Keep focusing on the good things, and point those out to your husband. He will come around.

hello L. i am 21 and a mother of 3 and another on the way due in just 4 weeks anyway i was 16 when i had my first daughter and then not too long after that my son was born my first two are 1 year and 21 days apart and i had no family to help so i got involved with friends who had kids and that helped out alot. my first 2 fight all the time but they get along too. they cant be without eachother and if one gets a toy they always think of the other. so its good that they are so close they play together and keep themselves occupied most of the time. hey and look on the bright side, when they get old enough to go to school, you will have some time alone and then when they get old enough to move out you dont have to wait a very long time just about 1 year, not that you would be thinking of that now....... my oldest will be going to kindergarden next year and i dont look forward to that, i do look forward to the time alone but that means shes getting to be a big girl. not something i realy want. anway i'm not sure that any of this helps you but just know your now the only one who has kids so close together. and your husband will realize that its great to have 2 babies to share his love with just dont forget about eachother, make time for just the 2 of you too.

Hello L.! To give you a little comfort and to let you know thatyou are not alone..... I am pregranant with my 2nd with a 1 year old girl named Ava. Our 2nd Baby Girl is due June 1st (1 week after Ava's Birthday) so they will almost exactly 2 years apart. I paniced at first!!! I was sooo scared and I just started my Own Business!! But I started to look at all the Pro's on having the 2 so close together! I know the first year is going to be a bit crazy but remember how quickly your 1st has grown.
My girls will be close and great play mates since they are so close in age!!! You won't forget how to change, feed or bath a new baby because we just got finished doing all that so we don't have to re-teach ourselves(: We already have everything we need to have a Baby: Crib, Bottles, Clothes, etc! Like I said... This will be really challenging for us both for a while but I know we will be so happy we did this when we see our kids grow up together so close in age! I have a sister that is so close to me and I don't know what I would do with out her. She is my Best friend!

And best of all, I know that I am now done having Children!
I can now raise my 2 girls and know that we will not be having any more!

Good Luck and please email me if you need anything!!! I know what you are going through and you are go to be tired but it is going to be so worth it!!!!

And tell your huband to just deal with it!!!(: Things could be MUCH worse(:

E. W

My son was born in July of 06, and January of 07, I found out I was pregnant again. My daughter is now 4 months old, and my son, 19 months. It was rough...and still is, but I can't imagine my life without either one of them. We certainly weren't trying to have another baby so soon, but we did, and I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband, too, was shocked. He had just gone back to college and we were both working full time. You and your husband can do this!

I can't pretend to have the answers for all of your concerns (but I'm confident that it will work out for you). One thing - be sure to take care of yourself while this pans out. I had the same thing happen to me (I found out I was pregnant when my daughter was 4mos old) and I was so panicked, worried, and frightened.... that I didn't take care of myself properly. I had a miscarriage 16 weeks later (late for a miscarriage). The very nice Dr assured me it was nothing I did, but the guilt was overwhelming.....

As for everything else, it will likely be hard but you'll adapt. I know a girl that has kids 15 months apart and she makes it look so easy. The really nice thing is that your son will never remember not having a sibling so it should reduce jealousy. :) I'm pregnant again and always watch her for tips. She puts the big kid in the car seat first (since the baby is not mobile), has her big kid carry things for her... etc. Have faith in yourself. You'll make it work.

I'm not sure about your husband, since I don't know him. Men can be such different beasts than us and some really don't like to talk or don't know how to verbalize their concerns. Plus he may be worried about you too? So many factors that are tough. If you have friends with two small kids, maybe you can have them over for dinner one night? Something so that he can visualize having two. I guess you might want to make sure the kids are pretty good so it doesn't overwhelm him. :)

Dont be scared......everything will be fine. I am a single mother of 3 beautiful little girls. My first 2 are 21 mos and 13 days apart. The second and third are 24 mos 2 weeks and 5 days apart. They are the best of friends. They are now 7, 5, and 3. They are close and watch out for eachother. When I first found out I was pregnant with number 2, I was still breastfeeding my first. She was 15 mos old. My best advice is to keep your son very involved with your pregnancy. Make him feel like it is his baby too. When I packed my bags to go to the hospital to have my second child, I packed pull ups for my little girl. Within the 2 weeks between bags being packed and going to the hospital, my oldest was potty trained. It was like she was making room for the new baby. Poor thing had to wear pullups while we were at the hospital. When they handed us the new baby, my little girl was in my lap and was handed the baby. Dont force it on him but show him it is still all about him and that he is still most important and that when the new baby arives that he will be more important because he will be a big brother and the baby need him and let him know its all about them. As for your husband, if you show him your strength for the pregnancy, his will grow. He will know when you are cofident in this and he will learn to cope with it too. You have to communicate about it. If you dont, then it will eat at ur relationship.

My children are 14 months apart, and I totally understand your fears and worries. The amazing part is how much easier it has been then I dreamed. The younger has developed so quickly and the older one is so helpful. Plus, they are too close together to experience any kind of jealousy towards one another (BONUS!) They are potty training together and they are best friends. Not that there aren't days I want to pull my hair out of my head, but really they just do well together. Your husband is probably a little fearful of all the dynamics that he is playing over and over in his mind, that he's probably building up. My husband sure did. And now that the kids are 1 and 1/2 and 2 and 1/2, he's convinced it's easier with them so close in age.
Congratulations to you and your family. You're going to do great.