44 answers

Pregnant with My 3Rd Child and My Husband Was Fixed 7 Yrs Ago SO UPSET...

Ok here it goes! We have 2 wonderful kids 11 and 7 yrs old. Recently found out that im pregnant again. Did I mention my husband was fixed 7 yrs ago!!! Im devastated. Truly devastated. We were done having kids. Im almost 40! I feel so horrible for not having an ounce of joy over this. How can I feel better about this.....

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

OH MY GUYS! Im overwhemled with all the responses. Thanks you all for your kindness and sharing your own stories. To answer a few of your questions the only option for us is to have this baby in our lives. We have told the kids and they are SUPER excited. My daughter is picking out names already(only girls though lol). My husband has an appointment the end of June with the doc. He did go back twice to get tested once at 6wks then the next at 4 months. When he did he was told he had 100% no active sperm. It is a blessing that me cheating didnt even cross his mind. Although I find it strange that a few of my "friends" asked me. I will for sure take all of you guys advice. I know time will tell. Im just so not ready! Thats why i came here for some pep talk! Everyone here is so super nice and I THANK YOU from my heart!

Featured Answers

Oh you are not alone! I know someone else who had a post vasectomy baby, she was so mad too! But he is a joy!

We had an "accident" and I cannot imagine my life without her, but it was hard to get used to the idea an I felt a little guilty for feeling ticked.

We tell her now that she was a child of love, and her sisters were only planned...


1 mom found this helpful

It will get better, I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my last (#8) I was so MAD! And that is putting it nicely, but as time progresses and it got closer and closer I started to feel a little joy about it. It wasn't until I held her though that all of the anger went away...who can not smile and love a newborn?

1 mom found this helpful

I can't imagine what you're going through. My husband had a vasectomy five years ago and I too would initially be devastated, but I think right now you do what you have to do and then the joy will come later - I believe everything happens for a reason so try to see the positive things and just go with it.

Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

For some reason you are suppose to have this child... I'm not sure why, but time might help you to find out why.

I have heard that male fixing - if just snipped can fix it's self. So, he might want to get it check & possibly have it done again, or maybe it's time for you to have it done after the baby arrives.

I'm currently expecting #5, I'm 33 and my oldest will be 16 this fall... I just had to have the I'm not ready to be a grandma speach with here about a year ago & here I am expecting one of my own. All is good though - the baby was created out of love w/ my hubby of almost 16 yrs.

Give the news a little time to sink in... I'm sure it is a huge suprise, which might be part of the reason you are so devastated.

I wish you luck, but most of all congratz on the gift!

5 moms found this helpful

Oh my!! Congratulations! Well, this is happening to you for a reason, and right now you sure don't know what that reason is, but there is definatly a good reason! Just remember: We don't always know what God's plans are, but they are always timed just right, even if we don't think so! Be positive, I know it's got to be hard, but it's all in your attitude now. Is the glass half empty or half full?

To look on the bright side...you have two built in helpers already!! :) And they sure do have lots of really cute baby items in the stores now!! Hey, the more kids you have, the more grandkids you'll have too!! :)

If it makes you feel better, my husband is 56 (waaay past 40!!) and we have a 4 month old, AND we are not done having kids yet. 40 is young nowdays, so you are not even close to being old yet!!

5 moms found this helpful

Can't fight the will of God : ) Hugs to you. My 4 year old said to me:

"Mommy before me and Emmy were born we played by a log by a creek that was far far away. Then we chose you and daddy to take care of us."

There is a bigger picture that we can't see. Hubby being fixed didn't phase the "Big Guy" upstairs in the least. If child is supposed to be here and they pick you as their parents, then not much you can do. It will all fall into place and you won't be able to picture him/her not there.

Many continued blessing to you and your family : )

4 moms found this helpful

You just need to realize that this child is MEANT to BE. It's amazing and wonderful and a miracle. To think that this child was so necessary and so loved that God overcame your surgical efforts not to have another child. There is a plan for this child and you should feel HONORED to be this child's mother. But seriously, none of us can really tell you how to feel. I wish you were happy because I'd give my eye teeth for an "accidental" pregnancy.

4 moms found this helpful

Oh my -what a nightmare! I'm so sorry. I've heard of that happening with vasectomies just a few times -it's very rare! For some reason some men are almost impossible to "fix." It's a REALLY personal decision, and if you decide to terminate the pregnancy, you certainly wouldn't be the first woman around 40 to do so! I used to escort at clinics,and a lot of the women we saw were in your shoes.

If you decide to keep the baby, start surrounding yourself with baby things and looking at babies -look in stores and remember all the wonderful things about having your first two. If there are some things you can think of that you wish you could have or would have done with the first two when they were babies or toddlers (or innovations and inventions you wish you could have had), then psyche yourself up to get that opportunity! Since you're not even 40 yet, you're certainly not going to be an "old" mother. Many of us didn't have any children until after 35.

Good luck with whatever you decide and remember -this is a decision for you and your husband. Do what's BEST FOR YOU!

3 moms found this helpful

Hi D.,

You sound like a super wife, mom and woman. It will be fine. Take good care of yourself and let people pamper you.

"Not an Ounce of Joy?"

I can think of two reasons for JOY:

1. Your husband trusts your fidelity
2. Your family will be blessed with a new baby

And maybe you should ask his doc for a refund?


3 moms found this helpful

Don't feel horrible or guilty about not being happy or excited. This is quite a shock. When I became pregnant, I was angry. It even took me a couple of months after my child was born to fully come around; although I loved my child from the get-go.

Some people like to write lists. Pros and Cons. This might help with perspective.

Talk to a trusted family member or friend about it and feel out all of your emotions. Think about your options and discuss them openly. You know what the repsonsibilities and work are of a child. You already know the pains and joys and I presume you know that each expierience is different.

Talk to your doctor, maybe even two. Having a child near 40 isn't the scary thing it was once thought to be. While there are risks that you may wish to be aware of; you also will want to get an honest view of what they are. Don't let the hype get to you.

Most of all, know that you are not alone. You took precautions, did everyting "right" and yet it still happend. Life is unpredictable that way. You have some choices to make; your attitude the most important...do you want to make this a positive, or do you want to let the negative aspect rule you.

I wish you well on your journey, no matter what you choose to do. Take care.

3 moms found this helpful

I have to say I was in your shoes a few years ago. I got pregnant at the most horrible time of my life, I was literally wanting to die. It couldn't have been worse timing and I didn't understand why God was giving me a child to care for at this point and time in my life.
I consdiered everything from abortion to adoption which is shocking for me, I have always been pro-life but that's how bad things were in my life.

What I want you to know is that even though you don't feel it yet or may not bond with this baby one bit during pregnancy YOU WILL when that baby is born and if you love your two other children, then you WILL love this child too. God has given you this child for a reason and you may not see it now, but the baby is a blessing. Walking into the hospital the day of my delivery for my 3rd, I didn't feel an ounce of excitement, sounds horrible I know but it's true, I was angry and depressed but I instantly bonded with him and I mean instantly and he has been my mamas boy ever since. It's funny because I learned when pregnant with my 3rd, there was so many other women out there who said they're 3rd was they're surprise baby too. I think most women feel complete with 2 and crowded with 3 but you will be fine and don't worry about your age, you're still very young and have plenty of years left to give this child. The time span between your children is not bad either, my sister recently became pregnant with her 2nd and her first child is already 9.

If you and your husband both feel strongly about NOT keeping the baby, please consider adoption over abortion. You may get tons of support on here and still not feel any better, but please do hang in there and even though you don't see it yet, God has blessed you and your husband once more.

Good luck and take care, feel free to message me if you ever need to talk.

3 moms found this helpful

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