To Have or Not to Have

My mom is about 9 years older than one of her sisters and they loved each other as young playmates, lost touch for a while once my mom moved out and got married... but as adults they reconnected more and talk all the time.

I think if you are having the baby itch, then really think not the inconvenience of it (b/c you will always find a reason!), but think if you would love to have an added member to your family with all that goes with it. It sounds like your brother would love a sibling, and he can help out a lot too with the baby.

If you are worried about it being a boredeom thing, then go find a little hobby during the day. Take a craft class at a local store, read a novel, join a gym. If that feeling is still there, then it's not because you are bored.

I had number 3 at age 42. The others were 9 and 7 at the time. It has been great - I've never looked back or regretted anything. Your son won't be 'close' in one way with a new sibling - they won't be fighting over toys - but he'll be 'close' in other ways. My youngest has four people in our house doting on him and loving him to death. Sharing the experience of pregnancy and childbirth with older kids was very special. You also get a helper. Plus the newborn experience was so much easier the last time as an experienced mom. A sibling is a gift you give your child for a lifetime.

I heard a saying one time that said "Think long and you thing wrong". I thought that was so dumb. However having second guessed myself and done that in a wrong way numerous times, I have come to think that this phrase may have merit. It sounds like to me you want another, but are giving reasons not to have one. My best friends are my two sisters, one 10 years younger and one 12 years younger. Remember that everyone will want to share your little guy's happy events, but only a sibling can really feel the depth of emotion that comes with an illness or death of a parent or sibling. God Bless.

You are SO YOUNG, so if you want to have baby #2, you definately can for several more years. So tell your son your eggs are good! Would you want to get a job outside of your home and see if that satisfies you? If it doesn't, maybe you really do want another baby. Since you are considering it, and since your husband wants another, I say go for it. Good luck.

I was 7 when my sister was born! She and I weren't close as kids but now, we are very close. My Mom didn't handle our age difference, her career and my desire to be in activities well at all. It often appeared that she preferred my sister since she was the baby and I had friends to play with. She had a career and I didn't excel at anything but having a smart mouth :)!

So, here is my request, please make sure that you can balance all of it; children, a career and being a wife. Your children/child and husband will thank you for it later.

Best of luck!

While I always assumed I would have 2 kids, after #1, I, too, was not emotionally ready to have a second for a long time. I struggled with parenting, though I wasn't a bad mom--I just didn't know what I was doing (I lost my mom when I was 15, so I had no one to really go to for that "mom" guidance that I needed). I struggled to make routines. I struggled with mom-guilt (I was working full-time at the time). I just couldn't wrap my head around adding another one to the family. When my son was 5, I realized that the thought of another one didn't mortify me anymore. Which was my sign that I was okay with giving it a try. Two weeks before my son's 6th birthday, we had a little girl and I became a SAHM.

Now, they're not going to have the same closeness that my sister and I now have (we're 2 years apart), but he is the most protective, doting big brother ever! A little background: My sister and I hated each other for the better part of our childhood because we were too close to each other (2 years apart, shared a room, etc., we had to share everything--and got very sick of each other very quickly). As adults, we are obnoxiously close, but it took getting to college for that to happen! Given my experiences, I never saw any real pros to the need to have kids super close together.

However, my son adores his baby sister. He's helpful, can watch her while I run to the bathroom, can give her some Cheerios if she runs out and I have my hands full with other things. He's really enjoyed getting to know his old baby toys again and showing her how they work. So, it's a different kind of toy sharing than kids that are closer in age. It's a MUCH nicer toy sharing, in my opinion! And she loves him back. Her face lights up when her big brother gets in the car after school. She giggles whenever he comes near her. And I think that as she gets older, he is going to be the best, protective big brother.

Plus, I don't have to deal with changing 2 sets of diapers, keeping a close eye on both kids at the same time, etc. I know that if my boy is in the house, he's fine. He can get his own breakfast, watch TV quietly, read a book, play a video game--all without my constant supervision. So, I can therefore catch a break once in a while if the baby is sleeping or playing in the playyard.

I've heard that having 2 kids further apart almost makes two only children. Rather, I think it's the best of both worlds. While your son got alone time with you for the first 7-8 years of his life, now while he's in school, a new baby would get the same kind of attention. Then, when the family is together, each gets to learn to share time and attention, which I think is very important in maturing into sympathetic and empathetic kids/adults.

My mom and her brother, cousin and her brother and other cousin and her brother are all 13+ years different in age. They are/were all very close to their siblings in part because there was a more caretaker closeness--more maternal to the babies. I don't think that's a bad thing!

When it comes to you changing your mind on possibly now wanting that second child...it doesn't matter what you've told other people or the identity that you've created. If your heart is wanting another one, that's your decision. Let everyone else be shocked!

There are several things to think about here and I have no idea what the correct answer is for you. If you have two kids, they will be 8 or more years apart. I believe the likelihood of them being close is less because of the wide spread of ages. They may become closer as adults. They are likely to be more like two only children. Don't know if that's good or bad. You didn't mention your and your husband's age. Do the math. Do you want to be staying up late waiting for the teenager to come home at xx age. Teenagers are less physical work, but A LOT of mental work. They can get in so much trouble and they think they are so immortal and that "stupid rule" don't apply to them. You may be feeling less needed because a seven year old takes a lot less physical care than a younger child (the mental worry for you hasn't started yet). If that is the reason - not the best reason for a second child and you will get to the same point in 7 years. I have four kids. The last at 39 years old. I still found myself thinking about another baby when the last was 18 months old. For me a very good decision not to have number five at 40 something. Best of luck!