Are You Close with Your Opposite-gender Sibling?

I'm closest with my youngest brother. I still hero worship my older brother (hung. The. Moon. He's not really my brother, Im the oldest. Long story.). I'm close with my sisters as well. But my baby brother and I are the most alike. My baby brother... I'm old enough if might have been thought I 'mothered' him. NOPE! From 2yo onward... He was my partner in crime. Then we didn't see each other for 5+ years at one point (no argument, we were just elsewhere & this is pre cell & Internet everywhere & we're lousy correspondents... And we fell right back in as soon as we were in the same timezone. We live on opposite sides of the world now, and talk constantly.

It has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with personality.

2 kids who get along - 2 adults who get along
2 kids who get along - 2 adults who despise each other
2 kids who despise each other - 2 faults who get along
2 kids who despise each other - 2 adults who despise each other.

When you add more kids, there are more persinalities to either click with or clash with. And then as adults, there is NO telling based off if chdhood if they'll love/hate/be indifferent to each other.

And numbers don't matter. You can have 5 kids who GEL, and an odd 6th out. Or 3 pairs of besties. Or, or, or, or.

So have as many kids as you like... Be ause there is NO controlling "who" they are, or who they like (as kids or adults).

I am extremely close with my brother. We are 3 years apart and used to fight horribly as children. When I hit 10, the fighting died down a ton. When he was 10 and I was 13, it stopped completely and we became very close. We used to have movie marathons and sleepovers (in each other's rooms). We live about 700 miles apart now and are still very close. I usually talk to him on the phone once a day. For Christmas, my husband's gift to me is to fly my brother and his wife down here to spend Christmas with me and I'm very excited! Right after I graduated college and had my own place, my brother moved in with me and my husband and that year is by far my favorite year in my "adult" life.

I have 4 children, mainly because I love my relationship with my brother so much and I wish I had some more siblings. My ideal situation would have been 2 boys and 2 girls - everyone has at least a brother and a sister. I ended up with 3 boys and a girl. I feel sorry that my daughter doesn't have a sister (she makes comments too). I'm also kind of sad that for the second time I don't get to experience that sister-sister bond (didn't get it in my childhood so, I was hoping to experience it vicariously from a parental standpoint). However, she is still very close with her brothers.

My husband and his brother have 3 years between them and they are not close at all. They never have been. They talk on the phone maybe once every 3-4 months.

So basically - it's all just a shot in the dark.

My brother is 18 months older and while we were thick as thieves growing up (even into high school), we have completely drifted apart as adults. We have zero common ground and conversations are mostly long silent stretches. We live 20 minutes apart and I see him at most three times a year and neither of us calls the other unless there is a reason (sick relative for instance). I think temperament plays a large role in sibling dynamics. Good luck.

You're crazy ROFL But then again ... who isn't? Seriously ... who isn't a little crazy.

Anyway ... I digress. Biologically I'm one of 3 children, girls and a boy. BUT throughout my life my parents both remarried (my mom once, my dad 3 more wives after my mom). All but my current step-mom had children. So I've lived the brady bunch (and it was A LIE. There is no way 6 kids are sharing 1 bathroom and not doing physical harm to each other LOL) I've had 3 step brothers through my life, and 3 step sisters. And of course my biological sister and brother. So 4 of each.

My bio sister and I ... we love each other, but we tend not to like each other a lot of the time. We are DRASTICALLY different personalities and we're less than a year apart in age (I'm living proof it's NOT a good idea to rely on breastfeeding as birth control). All but 2 of my step-siblings are no longer in my life. HOWEVER, except for my youngest step-sister ... I've always gotten along better with my brothers.

Personality not gender is going to determine how well they mesh. So having another baby hoping for a certain gender ... NOT a good idea.

Have another child (or however many) ONLY if you REALLY want more children.

When in doubt ... DON'T.

lol I think you're "crazy." I suggest that providing a same sex sibling for children is not a good reason to have more children. You can't even be sure you'll get a girl, since you're talking about having a sister for your daughter. If you have a boy, then you've set your son up with same sex sib and so you try again and have another boy. Still no girl for your daughter.

And you can't order similar personalities. There is every possibility that they won't get along. There is just as good a possibility that the two you have now will get along.

I have 3 brothers and no I'm not consistently close with any of them. There have been times when we talked frequently but those times are few and far between. My 3 brothers are not close with each other, either.

You mention fearing your kids will miss out on having a same sex sibling. If you have more children then the two you have will miss out on being in a small family and the only boy and girl. There are advantages to being only 2 siblings.

I have a brother who is 7 years older than I am, and we are very close. We are both in our 40's, and tell each other some things we might never tell anyone else. We talk daily, because he lives right next door to me, which I love.

My mom, who was born in the late 1930's, has a brother who is 18 months younger than she is. Her parents favored her brother so much that there is a lot of ill will between my mom and my uncle.

Because of the issues between them, my mom vowed that her children would get along well. And we do, all three of us (I have a sister, whom I'm also close to). But it's really my brother who I am the closest too.

I have my mom to thank for that because she taught us the meaning of family, and provided us s positive enviromment in which to grow. Of course, we have all had our fights and issues over the years, but I consider my brother my best friend.

Thanks Mom.

My bro and I are very close and had a wonderful relationship growing up. I know he has my back always. He knows I have his. We are so lucky to have each other. I am thrilled that I have a boy and girl as well. I hope they continue to have the same kind of relationship and love each other when they are our age. In my eyes, my brother can do no wrong. He's an amazing person and I am blessed to call him my brother. We are thousands of miles from each other now, but the closeness never fades. Most of my friends who had sisters fought like cats and dogs until after college. Now they are best friends. That would be nice in later years, but that's what girlfriends are for!

I have a younger brother that lives 5 minutes away (with my mom) and we don't talk at all. It's not because we don't like each other, we love each other, but he is 25 and living at home and dating sometimes hanging out with his buddies watching sports most times. I'm married with responsibilities and 2 kids. There is nothing in common there. I hope we grow closer together as we get older.

My sister and I were like oil and water when growing up. I never thought we would have any kind of relationship. We are much closer now, maybe you can even call us "friends." She has matured and I have become more accepting.

Now that we are closer though, I often wonder if my brother feels left out, even though he's invited along to stuff (and always declines or doesn't respond), since he is the only boy.

My dad and his sister were very close eventhough she moved out of state they talked on the phone weekly and had "date night" when she would come to visit - just the two of them.

I think it depends. I have a boy and girl and hope they grow to be friends and confidants. But we are done for sure, so I'm always telling them that friends come and go, but your sibling is there forever, so you better learn to get along. In one ear and out the other....

My brother and I are 4 years apart. When we were younger ( 6-14yrs) we fought constantly, but were secretely very protective of one another. Once we were both in our teens, we became closer. My brother actually is very good friends with most of my friends.

We are now the very best of friends. We talk on the phone or text daily. He actually is coming tomorrow for Christmas! We live far apart from one another, so it's so special when we get to spend time together.

I'm the oldest, and my siblings are much younger then me. A few are the same age as my kids so we aren't super close. I am 40, I have 2 sisters one is 32 and the other is 21. I have 2 brothers, one is 19 and the other is 16. So not we aren't close, our ages just make it hard.

My kids are 21, 20, 20, 19, 11, 8, 6 and 3 (boy/girl order all the way down). They are close, but will never really be friends, and it has nothing to do with gender. They each have very different personalities, so while they love on another and would do anything to help the other, that's about it. I do think some of that will change though as the get a little older and a little more mature. That's what happened with me and my other sister.

I have a brother who's 13months older then me and he's my best friend.

I'm much older than my brother and sister, who are 2 years apart. I think having an older sibling and parents divorcing affected their relationship. All of us kids acts like we are "only children". I do know that before my brother started preschool he absolutely adored my sister.
However I had two guy friends in high school that each had a sister 2 years younger. I know they had fights sometimes, but they didn't seem to mind their sisters hanging around. They were also very close with their families. Enjoying camping trips and fishing trips. The girls enjoyed hanging out with the guys. I sometimes wonder if having a smaller family made it easier for them. They had hobbies that kept a good family relationship and they seemed to all have good communication.
I'm sure we all worry about this too. I just know that I have no common interest with my siblings, so we don't talk much. The siblings who do talk, have a common interest.

Totally a shot in the dark, I agree. I have two sets of cousins that are boy/girl siblings who are extremely close. My husband is not close with his brother, a dear friend can't stand her sister, you never know how personalities are going to mix. I have two sisters I am closer to the one closer to my age, but that's partly because the oldest one is so different from me and we operate different in life. But I love her and we talk when we can, on her terms. I have a brother who I would be closer to if the time difference between us wasn't 8 hours -- I have a hard time calling and email is unreliable as he doesn't log on very often. And now I have a 10yo son and 8yo daughter, about 20 months apart, who fight at times but who are also best friends and play together often. I am pretty confident that they will remain close through their lives, partly luck of meshing well, and partly because we stress the importance of family. Respect, protection, security, companionship -- it's important and you have to take care of it, no matter the gender.

I have a boy and a girl. 2 kids. I don't want more.
My kids are REAL close. They are 2 peas in a pod.
I never ever... think that they are unfulfilled just because they don't have a brother or a sister (same gender sibling). Why? Because, my kids are close and adore each other and get along. It doesn't matter if siblings are the same gender or not. Not at all.

I have this one sister sibling. And we did not get along at all... most of our lives thus far. But nowadays, we do. But it was hell, before. Just hell.
You have sisters yourself and are close to them. BUT THAT IS NOT how it is, for all siblings. Whether or not they are same gender or not.
Don't feel that siblings are "missing out" on something in life, just because they don't have same gender siblings. That is a fallacy.
A fallacy.

Gender does NOT determine... the quality of sibling relationships.
My kids are opposite genders... and they are VERY BONDED. And very close. And my kids are 4 years apart.
And quite frankly, I am glad that my daughter does not have a sister.
My Husband has all brothers. He is close to some and not to others. He has a big family.
My Mom has opposite gender siblings. They are ALL not close.
My late Dad, has opposite gender siblings. They are NOT all close. The boys all HATED each other. He was closer to his sister though, out of all of his siblings. And he has a big family too.

Again, gender does NOT determine the "quality" of gender relationships.

Why feel "guilty" for not having another girl for your existing girl child?
She is not "missing out" on anything.
Then, if you try for one more girl, but get a boy, then what? Will you keep trying for a girl?

Opposite gender siblings... DO and can have a very close and bonded and loving relationship. My kids do.
Gender does not determine, that. At all.

Imagining, that you need another girl, to fulfill your daughter, is not a fact.
It is imagining... that that is how 2 girls will be in their relationship.
It is based on your.... imagination. But that is not how it will be played out, nor guaranteed.
You need to differentiate... "your" ideals about it, and what the reality really is. "Hallmark card" imaginings about how same gender siblings will be... is not real.
Not all siblings get along or like each other... whether or not they are same genders or not.
It just is.

The conundrum you have is: that you feel "guilty" that your kids do not have same gender siblings. So you have to figure out why... you feel that way. It is self-imposed....
So... you have to come to terms with that. Or if not, then you keep trying for another baby. And hope that, even if you have a same gender sibling for EACH of them... that they will get along and be all warm and fuzzy and like a Hallmark card, relationship.

In order for you to ideally have a same gender sibling for each of your kids... you'd need to have 4... kids. Total. But that is ONLY IF.... you actually have, another boy and another girl, at the first try.
What if... you try for another baby and that is a boy? Your daughter will still not have a "girl" sibling. So, you'd have to try again to get pregnant... and hope for a girl. But what if you have... another boy???? Then you would have 3, boys. And still no "sister" for your daughter.
Then what? Then you'd need to keep trying.
The same would be if you keep having girls, not another boy.

I have friends... who have 3 boys. I also know a family that has 5, girls. Why? Because they kept trying for the opposite gender baby.
I know lots of people, who have ALL same gender children.

My kids are opposite genders. And I am glad.
I also know families that have ALL same gender kids... and you know what? They DO NOT GET ALONG, at all.

Gender does not determine, the quality of sibling relationships.
That is the bottom line.

I have two sons and I had only sisters growing up so I can't say (sorry for chiming in LOL) . . . I think you are over-thinking it.

God knew them before they were knit in our womb - that's my view but I'm religious about it and some people aren't.

If only we had the power that we think we do. :P Actually maybe it's good that we don't.

Good luck with whatever happens!

ETA: I know what you mean about sisters - I can't imagine life without mine.

You are not crazy, but in my opinion you are WAY over thinking this!

To answer your question, yes I am! I am the only girl and the oldest. One brother is almost 3 years younger and the other almost 11 years younger. I admit we were not close growing up. Well, I was probably closer to the youngest, because by the time I was 16-17 he was fun to take to the movies with me. ;) But we are now all adults and VERY close. I talk to one or both minimum once a week, usually more just to chat and make sure everything is OK with each other.

MY kids are a 22 year old boy and an 18 year old girl. Of course they have their spats, but they too are very close! Our son is out of the house, and my husband finally noticed what I've been saying for years, that our daughter turns into a different kid when he walks through the door! Her face lights up and they start talking friends, movies, music, TV and even sports. *And she can hold her own in a sports conversation. ;)

I don't think we did anything special to foster their relationship, but we DID and still do have family dinners and family time. When our son comes home we have marathon Wii Jeopardy nights. Just the other night the 2 of them ran to the store to get things to bake cookies, together. At 22 and 18!

Relax and enjoy them now and always.

Added: After reading Riley's response, it made my think of my husband and his siblings. They are 4 kids in 5 years, 3 boys and 1 girl. My DH gets along with all of them, because he makes a point to. Even as adults the competitive nature and strong personalities sometimes make relationships difficult. But DH makes sure he stays in contact with his siblings. Now having said that, we live in the same neighborhood has his oldest brother and his family and we can go for months without talking to them or seeing them. We just live entirely different lives and look at most everything in the world from opposite sides. Complete opposite of my brothers and I.

So I agree with Riley, it's not about the number of kids it's their own personalities, and yes, maybe life experiences thrown in there.

Yes, both of them. That doesn't mean we talk on the phone every day!

i've always longed for a sister. i'll bet that's pretty awesome.
instead i have five brothers. i'm not super-close with the youngest, probably just because he's 15 years younger than i so we weren't really raised 'together' the way i was with the rest. but i love him just as much.
i usually bounce back and forth between being 'closest' with my older brother and the next younger one. the NYO is also the one with whom i have the most issues. some childhood stuff never goes away. but right now i'm closest with the next one down the line, because he and i are sharing caretaking duties with a terminal parent. it's a backhanded blessing to have the opportunity both the witness this life event, and to get so close with one of the 'baby brothers.'
but you're right to understand that you can't predict or plan for how siblings will get along. my boys are 4 years apart, and seemed to me to get along all right as they grew up. i'm hearing now about a lot of incidents and tensions i never knew about! but they're sharing a house together now, and my older son is helping my younger son navigate his first year of university at the older's alma mater. that makes me very happy.
if you want more babies, have at 'em. but really, hon, let go of the guilt. it's unfounded and irrational. natural, yes! but like many of our natural emotions, it has no basis in fact.
khairete
S.

I have only same sex siblings. The fact is, no siblings are guaranteed to be close. There are plenty of women who don't get along with their sisters and men who are not close with their brothers, and whose siblings live a distance away that they see each other rarely. Sure, I'm sorry having sisters of my own that my daughter doesn't have one. The fact is, you could have 4 more kids and still not have a sister for your daughter. We don't get to custom order the genders of the kids :)
I have one girl (17) and one boy (13). Their closeness has waxed and waned over the years. When they were young, they were closer than I expected. Then there was a period where they had little in common and he was the annoying younger brother and she was the more mature older sister. Now they are closer once again. She drives, they go out to Starbucks and the movies and shopping together, they plan things together but he is sometimes still annoying to her! They do expect to miss one another next year when she is off at college.
My sisters are 17 months apart in age. I am 9 and almost 11 years younger than them. They were not close once they became school aged. Different friends, different interests, very different personalities. They didn't become close until they started having kids, they were raising similar aged kids at the same time. Other than that, they still have very little in common. I have much more in common with each of them than they have with each other.

i don't get along with my sister that well at all. scratch that. as kids, we didn't get along. now we just have nothing in common, but we do love each other and get along fine. just don't really go out of our way to spend time together.

i used to get along best with my one brother.

now at 35 i am closer to my youngest brother, we seem to be most alike in our mindset and have the most in common. (even though on the surface we have nothing in common. i am 35, married with a child, he is almost 2 hours away, single, college student, and 21)

so there you go. i'm sure things will fluctuate off and on the rest of our lives. none of us are super bff close. i'm closer to my mom than any of them.

I'm very close to my youngest brother because I helped raise him. He's almost 11 years my junior. We talk as often as we remember to call each other.

As children, I wasn't close at all to my other brother. There's a two year difference. However, we started to become friends when he started to seriously date his now-wife. Suddenly we could tolerate each other. Then we were being friendly toward each other. Then we were in each others weddings. Now he's the Godfather to two of my daughters and I'm the Godmother to his baby girl. We talk a few times a week or as often as we remember to text and Facebook each other. I babysit for him as often as possible. He watches my girls. I adore his wife and we're very close. Not so much to my other brother's wife, though. There are issues there.

We actually talk about this sometimes. We hated each other as children, and now we're really good friends. I feel like I gained a sibling when we became adults.

I'm very close to most of my husband's sisters, and he's very close to all of them although he's closer to two of them. I definitely gained a lot of sisters during my adult life.

I am very close to my younger brother and always have been. He's 7 years younger than I am but it's never mattered. Granted now we're both adults and live in different states but we talk at least a few times a month and know that we'll always have each other's backs in life no matter what. My children are very close. My daughter is 9 and my son is 6 but neither will ever have another sibling because I've chosen to only have my two monkeys.

Do whatever is in your heart and know that no matter what life is unpredictable.

I have one blood sibling and 2 much older step siblings. My step siblings are old enough to be my parents. My blood sibling is 2.5 years younger.

I talk to my older sister several times a week - once I became an adult, we became very close and have a lot in common. Even when I was a teenager, we had enough in common to really enjoy each other's company. I hardly talk to my older brother, but my older sis doesn't have a close relationship with him either. I don't talk much to my younger sister - we have never been close and have nothing in common.

Don't have a kid just to "try for another girl", because where does that leave the boy? Will you have to try for another boy so he isn't alone with just girls? It doesn't make sense to just have a girl for the girl and not a boy for the boy. And the close bond either happens or doesn't. The same gender doesn't guarantee anything.

I have a brother and a sister. I'm MUCH closer to my sister. But it actually has more to do with age and proximity than gender. My sis is 2 1/2 years younger than me and lives 15 minutes away. My brother is 8 years younger and lives, quite literally, on the other side of the world. But he's my baby brother and when we DO get together, it's lovely.

My husband has two younger sisters. One is 2 years younger and lives 1 1/2 hours away one is 10 years younger and lives on the other side of the country. He has a very close relationship with the one 2 years younger, and not quite as close a relationship with the one 10 years younger. But again, it's because of age and proximity as opposed to gender.

It's entirely possible, I'd say even probable, to have a close relationship with an opposite gender sibling. Age seems to have more to do with it than anything, in my experience, anyway.

I am extremely close to my brother. We talk on the phone often, go out to lunch, go to each other for advice, share special stories, both happy and sad; he means the world to me. I also have two children, both boys. They are also extremely close, and I imagine they always will be.

I know siblings of the same gender, and of opposite genders who get along great, and others who don't even speak. I honestly believe the closeness of siblings depends more on personality and how children are raised than on whether they are the same sex or not.

Good luck with your decision.

Sadly, no. I have a brother 8 years my junior and miss him a lot. My family is pretty atypical (mom married 5 times, all sibs are 'half' siblings, and mom has borderline personality disorder(bpd)/personality disorder with tendencies toward narcissism). When I had to make some boundaries with my mother, my brother more or less 'took her side'. I now understand this to be fairly indicative of sons with BPD mothers. It's pretty heartbreaking-- I have reached out to him a few times but no response. But I do understand that this is for his own self-preservation, and forgive it.

For what it's worth, I think a lot of closeness between sibs has to do with how the kids grew up and if that sense of family was 'cultivated'. I also share my mother with a half sister who is closer to my age, but we aren't close. Of my two half sisters on my bio-dad's side (met them when I was 14, never lived with them): one is friendly but has her own life, the other I am very close to; our relationship with each other developed over the last 11 years or so. We try to talk each week or so, but we both have families, etc. We are very careful with each other's hearts, and very accepting of each other.The closeness is in knowing that we have each others back, a shoulder to cry on, a willingness and love for each other that we can listen to the hard stuff. She lives 4 hours away and I love her to bits. I'm so glad she's in my life. It really makes up for the other losses.

count your 2 blessings-I also have one of each-their 30 now-they are very close,i wouldn't change it if I could..

I love large families, I have 4 children and they are all close despite the fact that the oldest is 16 yrs older than the youngest.

Me, I have 2 siblings, twins, my sister was stillborn, my brother metally ill, I was never that close to. I wanted to be. I always thought it was so great to have siblings that were close in age who hung out with the same friends, had the same memories ect was great.

One of my brothers WAS the closet person in my family, until his crazy wife decided to get jealous (seriously, of a brother and sister who talk once a week on the phone for an hour?). I miss him a lot, but what can I do? Crazy woman. Crazy.

Maybe a good choice would be to just wait a few years....give yourself time to enjoy these two and the freedom of being "done" with babies...then you'll start to really miss it, and can go ahead and have more kids. :) I waited five years between mine, and plan to wait until my youngest is five before we try for the third. Even with the age distance, my two girls are VERY close...and I hope that if (when? PLEASE!) we have a boy, they'll be just as close with him.