To Have a 3Rd or Not Have a 3Rd....

I have three. I don't regret it at all. There are a lot of things to consider. How does you husband feel about a third? Can you financially support another child? Yes, the baby stage is hard, but it does not last forever, and then it gets easier. 37 is not an old age to have a baby anymore, many women these days are older than that. As for you husband, well you say he is healthy and fit, so you have to assume he will be for a long time. Nothing is guaranteed for any of us, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. I worry about the cost of college as well, but there is so many options out there now for that. Paying for it is not the only way. All three of my girls get along so well. they are 6, 2, and 14 months. I guess the cons would be cost, space(we have a tiny house) we had to get a bigger car. I'm not worried about middle child syndrome, I show all my children equal attention, and appreciate each of them for the individuals that they are.

I regret not having a third, and I don't think I've ever heard anyone say they regret having a child.

I think you have to ask yourself if you aren't just missing the baby stage. I think a lot of women get sad when they don't have a baby anymore and think they are done or might be done having more.

You gave several reasons why having another would be difficult right now and they are all valid. I have 4. Both the 3rd and 4th were surprises, and while I love them more than words can express and am very happy they are here, it was VERY hard. My 3rd was born a month and a half before my 2nd turned 2. I did feel very much outnumbered. It seemed all 3 needed something different from me at the same time. I frequently felt like I wasn't giving each of them enough of me and felt both guilty about that and about being a little crabby from all the sleep deprivation.

Give yourself another 6 months and see if you still want another or if the feeling passes. I had my 4th, BTW, when I was 37- I don't think you're pushing your luck. I think a lot of us worry about the increased risk of Down's Syndrome. Yes, there is an increased risk, but your odds are still very low.

My mother had my youngest brother when she was 45. He's perfectly fine- and he's the smartest of the 3 of us- lol. My mother is one of 15. She was born on an island off the coast of Croatia. Her mother had her youngest at 45 or 46 with no prenatal vitamins, no OB, no hospital, or even electricity or running water for that matter. All of them were fine. My point is simply that I don't think you feel like you need to hurry up and have another before it's too late.

Very best wishes with whatever you decide!! :)

I have four. I gave birth at 35,37,39, and 42 (almost 43). I'll be 60 the year my youngest graduates from high school. Actually, if I had met DH years earlier, I probably would have had more. Yes, I wanted to have all of them. No, they weren't all planned according to 'schedule'. Was it tough at times? No question. Was it WORTH IT? NO QUESTION! Our third was just shy of 21 months from the second. My arms were overwhelmed at times. But now they're full of the best hugs around. =)

My DH and I are both from large families and LOVE our siblings. Since each of us have had a parent pass away, it is even more important to us to have siblings to connect with. They are a great comfort through all of life's trials.

So, three? Yep, I'd personally go for it. But then, I already did.

I am not going to say I know what you should do but since you asked I will give my opinion. I have two by choice and this is what my husband and I decided from the beginning of our relationship. There was a brief time just after the birth of our second that I thought three sounded nice but we closed up shop for good soon after she turned one with the realization that we had all we could manage and owed it to both of them to work hard to provide for the two we have emotionally and financially and not bring someone else to the mix. My husband already had one chronic illness diagnosed and well managed before either one was born and since that time has been diagnosed with two other chronic illness. While all illnesses are well managed and none of them could be the death of him it is a lot to handle some days. I too am one of four children like you are and I feel that I was made to feel real guilty about asking my parents to support me in my endeavors as a teen if it required a lot of their time that was divided amongst the four of us kids. I have already run into challenges with getting both of my kids to things that are of interest to one or the other only. I would say ultimately its your decision and while you may have regrets about not having a third I can only imagine (especially since you are fortunate to have two already) that it is probably more painful to have regrets about doing so after having a third

Hi Mindy...I'm on the other side of the country, but I'm also 36 years old, I have a almost 4 year old daughter and a 17 month old son and have similar feelings. My husband is away for the year for deployment, so I have the 2 kids on my own, and I'm already outnumbered day to day, and it's tough, but I STILL think about a 3rd...ALL THE TIME! We had agreed to 2 kids (actually we started our marriage never planning to have kids, but changed our minds and I fell in love with being a mom!). After my son was born, I just could not imagine NOT having more. I shed many hormonal tears thinking I'd never have more kids. My husband is even happy to have a 3rd, but logically and logistically 2 just makes sense for our family. I have a list of "cons" a mile long, but my heart keeps coming back to "a bigger family"...usually when both of my kids are sleeping! LOL (When they're awake, I think, "HELL NO!") Honestly though, one "pro" that keeps coming up, that was previously a "con" is my age. I too would be at least 37 if we had another. I now think of my age in this way...chances are I will be gone out of their lives before kids with younger moms. If I provide more siblings for them, at least they will have each other even if they don't have me and Dh around. Now..my son (second child) is VERY challenging and even at 17 months rarely sleeps thru the night, is very clingy, had silent reflux, is a very picky eater, etc. I wonder what in the world I'm even thinking when it comes to more kids...I haven't slept in a few years, so I'm pleading insanity by sleep deprivation =0)
When I've asked a similar question in the past, after reading the responses, I realized that what I was really looking for was someone (actually a lot of someones) to give me the green light...to tell me DO IT DO IT DO IT! To convince me it was a great idea when logically...well...I remember reading the "don't do it" comments and my heart would sink. I keep waiting for the "obsession" of another child, that began just after my son was born, to go away for good (it goes fleetingly, but honestly not a day goes by that a thought doesn't pop into my head). I cherish my children. I love them more than anything. They often make me CRAZY, but I love being a mom. I do love the baby stages and I DO look ahead to years down the road and see more kids at the dinner table, more grown children, etc., so I've looked into my heart to make sure I don't just want a "baby".
I've always been a "logical" person, so this decision is so amazingly difficult for me...logic says no, my heart says yes...
Guess we have to wait and see which one wins...
Hope it helped to know there are others on the fence with you! =0)

We have 3 kids. 10,7 & 23 months. I was 30,33 & 38-nearly 39 when I had them, I didn't start early from the get go. My first apt with my third she ran through the typical checklist. She said she didn't see any problem just because of my age, everything else was wonderful (I take care of myself LOL) All 3 are completely healthy and I had no complications. My second 2 were born at a freestanding birth center with a Midwife.
I love and make time for all 3. I home school them even.
While we don't overtly want a 4th we haven't been able to say with any permanence that we don't want another one. I'm about to turn 41 and don't consider my age to be any factor in anything.

I wrestled with the same dilemma. It seems as if people accept you trying for a 3rd child if you have 2 of the same sex, but somehow think you are mad to want another one if you are blessed with both a boy and a girl! In my case the final decision boiled down to finances. I gave myself until I turned 40 to be in a finacial position to be a SAHM without depriving my existing children of the standard of living to which they were accustomed. It didn't happen. I am now 42 years old and still not able to quit full-time employment! Sometimes I wish I could have had my third child, but (given the reality of my situation) it would have definitely have had a negative impact on the lives of my other two. I just keep reminding myself how blessed I am to have 2 healthy children! Good luck with your decision.

Hi Mindy,

If you are even entertaining the idea of a 3rd, you shouldn't wait too long. I, too, come from a big family and have always wanted more than 2 kids. Well, I'm now 40 years old. My daughters are 6 and 4, and we've been trying for a 3rd baby since my youngest turned 2. It's been frustrating and depressing to say the least, knowing that it may be too late now that fertility isn't that great any more. So, don't wait too long. I thought it's be easy to get pregnant a 3rd time. Still trying, but I believe that I've mentally and emotionally given up now. I'll just enjoy my 2 blessings.

Good luck!

I have three, but they are all about 3.5 years apart. I was on the fence for a long time, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Even though I knew it would make things harder and more complicated, I still wanted to do it. My 3rd is now 20 months old. He is by far our most high maintenance child, worst sleeper, most stubborn...but you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything, even on my worst days. My middle child adjusted pretty well to no longer being the baby and he loves his baby brother. I can tell already that they are going to be so close. I see it as giving him the gift of another sibling, a brother to be best buddies with. So, at the end of the day I feel very fulfilled and am so glad that we have three. Best wishes!

you will never regret having another child.

but, think about this, cars are made for 4 people, homes are made for 4, hotel rooms are for 4.....etc...

I think you already know that answer to your own question. Re-read what you wrote and then you will find your answer. I have 4 kids but there is a huge age difference from kid 2 to kid 3. I had my last one at 39 and my first was born when I was 24. Also remember that you are not alone in the decision. Good luck and love your kids with all your heart.

I had my third and final baby in August. I was 39. I will be up front and say that I agreed to have another, but it was mainly my husband's idea. It was rough(!) for the first month and then it did get progressively easier. For some reason it has taken me longer to adapt to having three than it did to having two. Stuff like, because my son is older and the size of a man, we don't all fit in one car anymore. I refuse to go the minivan route. Refuse, lol. On the other hand, watching my now older daughter go from being the baby whom everyone adored to becoming the big sister has been the *most* beautiful experience. If I were only willing to have another child, I would love to watch Fynnie go through that transformation, too.

I have 3, I had my last baby at 32, i didn't want any children after 30, but i did not have my daughter yet i had 2 sons who were and are a blessing, so i did the math and i figured out that the year my daughter turned 18 I would be turing 50, that was a big deal to me. We tried to keep all 3 of ours no more than 2 years apart, our sons are 3 years and 4 months apart, and our middle son and our daughter are 2 years and 3 months apart, raising 3 was no difference than when we just had 2, we raised our child with manners and to be well behaved, so it would out beautifully for us. I think you are just having the baby blues, nost women go through it, I did, it's normal but we get past it and move on. J.

I closed up shop after my second one. Two arms, two kids made logical sense to me.

Don't do it! Kids are way to expensive!