The One That Got Away - Red Oak,TX

If he is willing to drop everything in his life, leave his pregnant wife and children for you, (no offense) he is the biggest jerk ever. He is the type of guy that will move on to something bigger and better when the "new gets old" If you think of it this way--what if you were the wife that was preggers or the son/daughter--how would you feel to know that daddy would just up and leave when something better comes along.....You need to tell him that you guys were young and unfortunately, he chose to get married and have kids--he lost his chance. If he was set on being with you F., he wouldn't have gotten married and settled down. MOVE ON and don't give him a chance. He is NOT worth it!!!

M

I bet if you sat down and tried really hard to remember why you broke up with him the first time you'll discover it was because he was a louse back then too.

if he is willing to do that to the woman he married then he will do it to you to... RUN dont walk, run as fast as you can and stay away! you are more in love with the memory, than who he really is, who he really is, is a man willing to cheat on his pregnant wife. he is a man who has made bad decisions for all the wrong reasons, he can take responsibility for who he is and what he wants, and that my dear is someone I wouldn't want to be around.

ps I speak from experience, been there done that and walked away happily, once I released him, i knew it was the best decision in my life. now I am happy and have no regrets!

What are you doing talking to a married man about this anyway?, whether you know it or not, you've already caused problems in his marriage. I bet his wife is wondering why he is acting strange. Sorry, the wife in me , and the single girl in me NEVER dabbled in the life of a married man, happy or not. he obviously takes his vows very lightly, and i would take his sweet talk even lighter.

run for your life.

There's a saying something like "how you get them is how you lose them". So not cool. Just put yourself in her shoes. Good luck.

Pat yourself on the back for being the one that got away...

Grass is ALWAYS greener...and if it isn't one thing it is another.

Just think - Instead of pining for his lost love, had you stayed together he could be bemoaning to someone else about a relationship with the woman he has known almost all his life (you). Had you stayed together - Instead of running to you...he would most likely be running from you.

Marrying someone to "fill a hole." What a cheesy line...and horribly disrespectful reason to marry. His poor wife. Why would you EVER want to be with someone who has so little respect for a woman carrrying his child...And the children...what hole are they filling? What is his reason for proliferation?

I would run..not walk from this, and smile knowing I dodged a bullet if I were you. Find someone who respects women, and loves you, not the memory of you...

As easy as it is to fall back into the known...it can be even more amazing to delve into the abyss!

Look, he is in the tough years... Anytime you have a small child in the picture, the parents are distracted and distant from their own relationship. And now, he's got a moody, 'not having sex' pregnant wife and a newborn on the horizon-?! The guy (regardless of how great he might be) is looking through rose colored glasses, thinking the grass is greener on your side of the fence.

I would be never want to be the first relationship after someone's divorce. I would never want to be pregnant by a man who left his pregnant wife. If he can do it to her, he can do it to you.

You need to leave this guy in the past. He's not the same guy you knew way back then. He has grown into a different person, has had different experiences and relationships shape him. And youre not the same teenage girl either. Cherish your memories, but don't try to relive them.

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He's married with children and he needs to live up to his responsibilities.
How can you think of depending on a man who'd run out on his family?
He could easily run out on you, too.
Your childhood sweetheart still has a lot of growing up to do.
You have fond memories because this relationship is from the past and we tend to remember only the good things (good old days syndrome).
The only way those memories will continue to be fond ones are if you leave this past in the past.
You need to find a real family man, not some serial-love-em-and-leave-em-relationship-train-wreck.
Think of it this way - he didn't get away - you threw him back.

You already started the home wrecking. Sorry but I say shame on your for finding a quiet place to talk and laying everything out on the table with a married man who has children. If us women looked out for one another these jerks out there would not have the opportunity to do all of the cheating they do.

If he does leave his pregnant wife, you won't wait 6 months to see him. You'll run to his arms and then in 5 years he'll be telling his wife as they exchange kids that he started dating you to fill the void he was feeling in their marriage.

There are saying that fit your story for a reason. An ex is an ex for a reason. History repeats itself. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Once a cheater always a cheater. I could go on and on. Leave the past in the past.

I think that if you hadn't re-entered his life he wouldn't consider leaving. He is still holding a torch for you but it doesn't mean that he can't make it work with his wife. Definitely stay away. If in a year you talk to him again and the ink has dried on his divorce papers then it's a different situation. Don't you question the character of a guy who is contemplating leaving his wife while she's pregnant? Love is what you make it. He thinks the grass is greener on your side but I learned that the fantasy of being together is almost always better than the reality. I say keep looking.

I think the homewrecking has already begun in the form of an emotional affair- it's already gone too far in my opinion. There is nothing wrong with still wanting the one that got away- I think most of us have one that did get away. We as women all have our secrets, and while we love our husbands, there is always those warm feelings for our first loves or someone we shared a deep bond with in the past. I feel like these memories are special, but need to stay where they are- in the past- as that is what makes them special. I say that if you really love him, you'll let him go and cut things off. Understand in your heart that when the time is right, and it's meant to be, then you'll be together someday- whether it's 10 years or 50.. But right now his family needs him.

August of this year, in a post entitled, "Is it Ok to leave?" you wrote, "I am NOT looking to date anyone else ANY TIME SOON, just scared that if I did leave that I might choose someone that could hurt my daughter."

Your words from the past have meaning now. I suggest you listen to them.

(I bet those two kids whose Mom he wants to leave (for another woman and probably not for healthy reasons) would feel really hurt should their Father leave their family unit in a dishonorable fashion.)

I agree with the other women who say that he is a jerk for wanting/trying to leave/cheat on his *pregnant* wife with a high school sweetheart. He sounds like a cruddy and immature mate and I agree that his behavior shows a lack of respect for women. It's also immature, unfair and manipulative to blame the status and emptiness of his current marriage on the "hole" you left. Come on fellow, Man Up.

I can wrap my head around a person leaving relationship/marriage when it is really not "right". But, jeeze. This guy's exit strategy sucks. Big time.

That all aside and back to your August post: I wonder if you would benefit from some time alone. It's not been very long since you were out of a serious relationship. Sure, it can feel lonely and uncomfortable to not be in a relationship, but sometimes we NEED to learn about ourselves as an individual before we are ready or able to be in a healthy relationship.

I don't know if you'd be a home wrecker or not. Hopefully you won't need to find out.

oooohhhh - this is tough.

I personally don't think you'd be considered a home wrecker. But here's my take:

The wife in me says - if he was soooooo unhappy or didn't "love" her - why was he still having sex with her? I wasn't happy with my ex (he couldn't keep his d*** in his pants - even though he'd get the sex he was wanting and needing at home) and stopped having sex with him - but most of that was because when he was cheating - he wouldn't wear a condom.

Now on to your situation.....I would stay away and let him work out this issue. he can't (well, shouldn't) leave BECAUSE of you. Why? Because you can NEVER go back. You both have changed over the years and are not the same people you were when you dated. You broke up for a reason way back when....who knows what you two would be like together NOW.

Just because you both still hold a torch/flame for each other - doesn't mean it would work out.

Think of these things....
how would feel about a man who would leave his pregnant wife?
what if he decides six months, a year or whenever to get back to his ex because it's best for the kids?

The grass is NOT always greener. If he can't resolve the problems with his wife NOW - he WILL carry them with him and YOUR relationship.

If she is pregnant - she probably has NO CLUE he's not happy or doesn't "love" her. He may be putting on a good act for her....what's to say he won't be putting on an act for you?

This is NOT a fairy tale. He won't ride in on a white horse carrying flowers and declaring love. Think of the baggage he brings with him - ex-wife AND kids. You willing to deal with all that? Custody weekends? Blended family? I'm not saying it can't happen - I'm saying you need to THINK about all the possibilities. Don't forget how you may have to carry the relationship financially if he has to pay alimony and child support - please understand, i'm not trying to be negative - I'm trying to show you both sides of the coin.....

you need to think about what you expect to happen. How do you expect to interact with him, his "ex" and their kids? Could you love them? Could you be civil to his ex? Could you look at him and know without a doubt that he won't pull the same thing on you? Make sure you are THINKING with your big head not your little head (that's a man thing - but you know what I mean!!)

Pray about it. If God wants this relationship to happen - it will - withOUT pushing rope, herding cats, etc. it will come naturally if that is the way it's supposed to be - if that's the way God wants it. Trust in God. He will NEVER lead you astray.

He's married, but is trying to form a bond with you ... look in to the future five years, when you're pregnant with his child - think he won't be looking for someone else? Really?
If a person will cheat once (let's be honest, getting involved emotionally counts as cheating) they would do it again, and again, and again. Let him look for love elsewhere.

Do you really want a man who would leave his pregnant wife? My heart breaks for his kids.
In my opinion, you shouldn't have even talked to him about your "relationship" if you knew that he was married.

Amanda G. got it exactly right!

I am not sure you really know him as a man. You aree remembering the love you had for him a long time ago, but you are a different person and so is he. What if he leaves them and you and he start dating, but you realize, he is not that great?

First would he be ok with his decision? Would you be able to be truthful that he is not who you would actually want to spend the REST of your life with? Will you be able to handle that he left his family and then you do not end up together, or will you feel obligated?

What if down the road he falls back in love with the mother of his children?

If he is wanting to leave his pregnant wife and children.. that does not sound like a good man to me.. It would then make me wonder if he would ever leave me at some point?

I guess I would suggest he and his wife go to marriage therapy so he can figure out what is going on in his current marriage. Is it worth saving?

Also you need to find a therapist and figure out what you are going through. You sound lonely, you sound like you do not remember clearly who this person is and you sound like a good person that may be excited by this drama, but living a drama filled life is not always great.. It takes a lot of energy and when the excitement is gone, it can seem boring..

When I was 7 months pregnant, my boyfriends ex decided she had to have him back. Ill tell you what I told her, that she could try all she wanted. My boyfriend changed his number and refused all contact. Any man willing to leave his family for no good reason is no man at all. Move on an find someone who is honest and worth your love.

Stay away from him. The fact that he even has said the things he has said to you while he has kids and a pregnant wife at home is just horribly bad character on his part. How disrespectful of him. My guess is he isnt getting any cuz his wife is pg and he probably thinks you are an easy mark and if he uses a little ol' time romance on you he can have his way with you.
You cant go back. Leave him alone. Have respect for his family and for yourself by walking away. He is already living with guilt that he's seduced you in his mind. Don't make it worse for him by doing it in real life. If you truly care about this man do not talk to him ever again about any type of future. Conversations if you are socially forced to do so, should be about current events and sharing some positive family events. No more about rekindling a lost love.
You are living in a lust cloud, so is he.
Go buy some romance novels and stay home, ... before something bad happens.
You cant go back.

I want to add to the thirty seven other answers above. You could not have said it any better. You truly are an honest wonderful person and have wisdom far beyond many. I am actually choked up reading this. You deserve someone wonderful and caring that is totally yours. He will never be yours totally if he gave up his wife. He married her in weakness like so many do, not realizing how strong a love they had or to wait it out. Bless you for being so strong and also realizing what love is all about.

Even if he left, stayed single and then pursued you, I'd be leary of his motives. He doesn't sound like someone I'd want in my life. If his wife is expecting their second, what is he doing saying things like that to you? What about his wife? Obviously, they had some sort of spark in the last 9 months. There are many strong, stable, awesome and available guys out there. He's not one of them. I wish you the best!

exes are exes for a reason and yes you would be a homewrecker. the grass isnt always greener on the other side.

Move on, do not wreck his marriage. I think if you stay in the picture you will be even if you don't mean to. You aren't forced to do anything, if he will be around don't go.

No, you would not be, if you stayed out of the picture and he decided to leave his wife on his own. But how do you still feel about him? And do you think it's right for him to leave his wife and kids for the chance to be with someone else? If he does, is he the type of person you want to be involved with? What kind of man contemplates leaving his wife and child while she is pregnant with another child? Looking down the road, do you want to potentially be a stepmother to these kids? Do you want their mother to think you are the reason he left, knowing you were high school sweethearts and once engaged? What if he decides getting involved with you and leaving his wife was a mistake?

My husband's ex may have cheated on him while they were still married - she denies it, but we don't know for sure. It would have been with a much older man who happened to have a senior position in the company she was working for at the time. She always maintained that nothing was going on, but this man would take her out to lunch, give her money, etc. Her and her husband (later to become my husband) eventually separated over other issues, and divorced. But it was almost 2 years after they split up that her and this other man were all of a sudden dating and in a relationship. Seemed awfully suspicious, if you ask me.

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If HE makes the decision to leave and you stick to your guns by not having contact for 6 months, I can't see how that will make you a homewrecker. He needs to sort out his business before he considers any other relationship, for the sake of his kids. I just wonder if he was swept away in a bought of nostalgia and it went a little too far in his head. I would keep my distance and if he were serious & leaves his wife and chooses to contact you then give it a try. Good luck.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Always. He had the chance five years ago to leave his wife when he realized he married her for the wrong reasons. Instead, he chose to have two babies with his wife. He will leave his wife IF you take him back. IF you take him back you will be breaking a family, have to support his wife for the next 18 years, and have to deal with two stepchildren.
There is a reason why you guys didn't work out. Do the right thing, and tell him you are not interested, even if you are, and sounds like you are. Imagine if your husband was saying these things to someone else. Granted, you can't imagine it right now, but trust me, if their marriage was not working out they would not be expecting the second child.

Your feelings of regret and nostalgia are perfectly normal and okay. It is understandable that being single and eligible would make you desire someone, especially if they used to be "yours".

But, you are already a homewrecker in that you "talked" with a married man! You are offering your self, your body, your love to an already unfaithful man! He is already unworthy of your time and attention, and he is already permanently bonded to a woman who is not and never will be you.

Do not converse with, smile at, or hang out with this man! Or make it very clear in public with your whole circle that you do not want and will not seduce that man!

He has made a choice to love (notice the action word-Love, not a cozy feeling) her for his entire life. He will not always feel fuzzy towards her, and you are dangling yourself in front of him like another option--There is no other option.

Marriage is not just a fun party all the time--people who want that are immature and trying to live in a fantasy. Marriage is wonderful! With all of it's sex, dates, cuddles, fights, bills, vomit, diapers, soccer practice, and orthodontia!

Regardless of what he may say, he chose already, and he didn't choose you. So, mourn a bit, grow a bit, and look for your man that you will choose and never look back.

Your life will be fulfilling and you will find happiness in that.
Trying to live like you see on TV will leave you and all around you devastated.

Empathetically,
~A.

Ugh, that makes me sick. To be honest. Of course life with you will seem amazing to him if he is tired of the everyday, but how dare you even tell a married man the things you did? Or let him tell you the things and i'm sure respond in a way to make him keep telling you, since he is. You obviously did not tell him to stop. You are a homewrecker already. Would you even be able to trust him if you ever got back with him? If you say yes, you're fooling yourself. It would be on you if those kids grow up without a father. He loves his wife, or they would not be working on baby number 2 and still married. I was cheated on and I'm sorry to be so blunt, but how dare you.

You did pretty good, telling him you wouldn't be a homewrecker, but then you left a little hint -- that you would see him if HE broke it off.

Someone else got there first, and you need to leave well enough alone. He has two little babies, and you have no right to take their father away. He needs to honor his commitment. If you talk to him again, do the right thing and tell him you're not interested, and that he has two little lives depending on him.

There is another guy out there for you, who doesn't already belong to another woman.

So YES, you would be a homewrecker, and as one woman below mentioned, you have probably already caused problems in their marriage by your little chat.

I have a great friend who had an old boyfriend contact her the day before his wedding and tell her that if there was still a chance with her he would call the whole thing off, she was disgusted and blew him off and never looked back. This is the attitude I believe you need to adopt. Your time to try with him is over and dead. He has a family and needs to know the door with you is closed forever and you must cut him off, as harshly as you know how. There is no trying again after someone has committed their entire life and self to another person, regardless of if they have children or not. She is his wife, you aren't. I do realize you guys have history, but that's over and you both have to move on. Telling him that if he leaves bc he is not happy that you will be there is basically putting yourself on a shelf and waiting around for the inevitable. Life is full of unhappy moments but his wife doesn't deserve having you waiting in the wings as she deals with with the daily stuff of being married and raising kids. I also totally agree with the ladies that say if he will do this to his wife, what makes you any different? I know it is easy to say, well we are different because of our past, but any man who is not faithful to his own wife just isn't worth having. Take care, I hope you find someone just wonderful who comes with no strings attached.

Marci hit the nail on the head exactly!!!!

Yes, you're being a home-wrecker.

Please stop what you're doing. You will be devastating children whose relationships with their father may forever be changed because of his and your actions.

If he'll cheat on his wife and family, he'll cheat on you when he gets bored and finds something else that diverts his attention. I mean, what kind of jerk wants to abandon his pregnant wife and child? Seriously...

Instead of focusing on what you can't or shouldn't have, put forth the effort to have an honest relationship with an unattached man.

Leave him alone. If he contacts you tell him he's married and his wife has his 2 children. If he's a man he would stay and make his marriage work. I know you want what you've dreamed of having with him, but it will never happen. Even if he did get a divorce and marry you your life would be filled with ex-wife, child support, visitation, kids screaming at you and hating you for breaking up their mom & dad, jealousy between your kids and her kids and he'd probably leave you because this isn't the ideal fantasy he's been dreaming of.
That fantasy is dead, let it die. You will find the right guy for you, that guy is the past, not the future for you.

You're just lying to yourself saying that it would be all his responsibility. You've encouraged him by even leaving yourself open to the possibility of a relationship. If you really loved him you would be encouraging him to be a Man. To honor the commitment he made to his wife as well as his children. Him leaving will hurt everyone. It's is foolish to think that everything would be just great if he was with you. Life isn't like that. You make daily choices to love or not to love. To be kind or hateful. It is absolutely selfish on both of your parts to even consider destroying a family so you can be happy. You won't be. What happens when y'all realize that neither one lives up to the fantasy you think it will be? It'll be the same story. He'll abandon you too, or you him. Y'all both apparently think it's ok.

Yes home wrecker and how would you feel if he left you for an old flame?
I have dated for many years and men have every excuse why they marry.One said his wife just lost her parent so he felt sorry for her. My ex told me that his wife did not sleep with him and his friends said she left him. Years later found out he left her and just walked on shells to get his retirement.From what his kids said she never left him but was faced years later losing his retirement as after 11 yrs the divorce from us also wording left me with no retirement. He is a cheater. You never know what is going on between a couple but do not be the one he leans on. Walk fast away. I remarried a man after 23 yrs we met at 18 and 19 and 23 yrs after we married with ex;s and kids and he left me for someone he cheated with. God will send you someone but it is not him. He is taken. God Bless G.

This is hard to deal with but there's a reason you guys broke it off in the 1st place. I know exactly how you feel. I still have feelings for my sweetheart & it's been 13years. Throughout that time we've both been single at times and we've went out on a few dates! He felt strongly about getting back together and we even talked about living together. However, I remembered why we ended it in HS & some of those reasons were still there! I still have strong feelings for him but I've got a family now..
You will prob always feel that way about him but keep those feelings at bay. His wife prob feels the same about him as you do, if not stronger! If I were you, I'd go out of my way not to see him. Just seeing you could influence him to find ligit reasons why he should leave his family.

i know how you feel! i was with my ex for about 6 months before a not so nice friend said i was cheating on him so he left me. i moved on and met my husband. he also married too. he texted me out of nowhere and wanted to hook up. i stupidly agreed since my husband and i were just dating. we have remained good friends and playfully flirt with each other. he has told me many times that he regrets leaving me and wished things were different. i told him that i cant help that he believed lies instead of asking me straight up. anywho. i ran into him about a year ago and he confessed that he was still hot on me and he knows im still very infatuated with him also. only issue is this. im married with a 3 year old and he is married with a daughter and baby on the way. he wants to hook up like old times and i just cant do that. neither one of us are extremely happy in our marriages but i wont cheat. if i wasnt married i would only care he was because he has kids. like you i dont want to be a home wrecker. i get texts from him reminding me of old "activities" we would have and such and im like what do you want me to do about it.

wow i rambled on a lot. anyways your in a tight spot. i think you are handling it right. he shouldnt leave his marriage because he still has a thing for you he should leave because the marriage as a whole isnt working out. i think your method for "if" he divorces his wife is a good way to go. it should be taken slow and not make it look as if he had you on the side.

my post may differ a lot from other post. i have been cheated on and i have been the cheater. i can honestly say that i do still love my ex. he gave me what my husband doesnt. we were a lot alike. however i do love my husband. i love him because he is the father of my daughter. he is a good man. the only thing that sets him apart from my ex (yes you can say i compare them) is that he does not and has never sexually thrilled me and trust me i have tried every trick in the book to try to spice things up. also i have many friends that are exs and i hang out with them and my husband has some exs that he still hangs around. we have a good trust in each other and really if he gets caught up in some hot behaivor i dont think i would really be mad since we have little to no sex life. ..

i guess another thing you can do is get a vibrator lol and tickle your fancy by yourself lol... that may be blunt but it may do the trick for you. i have my own collection and my husband hates it but like i told him absence dont make my heart grow fonder it make it wonder... would he rather i get it form another man or spend money on a personal companion.. i bet you can guess his answer. having this collection actually keeps my man cravings down.

Wow, this is a tough one to answer. I think you are doing the right thing by allowing him space, and to come to you only if he wants to leave his wife. I do want to ask, however, do you have friends in common? What was the circumstance that brought you together again as friends? It is dangerous to be friends/acquaintances with a person of the opposite sex who is married. I think it is okay to want what you can't have. It would not be okay to have an affair- which from what I have read, sounds like it hasn't occurred. I actually don't have an answer for you as to whether or not you would be a homewrecker. If he is willing to leave his family, there are probably going to be other reasons than to just leave to be with you.

Are you sure you would be happy with him if he left his family for you? What if he decides down the road that he made a mistake and misses his wife?

Proceed with caution, and good luck.

If you stick to your promise than no I would not consider you a home wrecker but there will always be those who will not believe you did and blame you. That being said please consider what the future will hold for you if you wind up with a man who was willing to walk out on a pregnant wife. Some men get scared by responsibility and right now you are free and have no other people depending on you. Some people just want what they can not have. I had an ex boyfriend who wanted nothing to do with me until he would find out I had gone out with someone else. As soon as I had a date he would call to see if we could go out, this went on for about two years until I stopped taking his calls. Good luck and if you decide to try again with him, take it slowly, you are not the highschool girl he loved and he is no longer the high school boy you fell for.

I think the best thing you did was not contact him. There is obviously a reason you two are not together. I think not contacting him will help you both move on. I think maybe there is still some fantasy there about what might have been. You will be fine and the next man you meet will surpass all his "great qualities" Believe me...this happened to me! I am so glad I did what I did and never spoke to the guy again, I would have never met the love of my life! You can do this girl!

Before I read the whole post I started to get mad. However, after reading your entire post, I think you are doing the right thing. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side and it's really easy to walk away from some hard times in your marriage if there is something exciting, new, and even familiar to walk over too. So, kudos to you for not making any more contact, I would applaud you if you can really have no contact for 6 months after he splits from his wife. I will say this. Regardless of his feelings for you, he made a choice to marry his wife, to have children with her, and he pledged to be with her until death makes them part. It's a BIG deal to divorce. Not something to be taken lightly. Unfortunatly, the hardest time in a marriage is when there are young (preschool) aged kids. They are taxing and needy, which makes it hard for the husband and wife to have their relationship be first. So, most people divorce during this time, however if they stick it out, they will usually realize that was just a hard time. If he were to divorce her and marry you and you had preschool children, it would be h*** o* your relationship as well, it's just a fact. So, I think your feelings are normal, and I think you would only be considered a homewrecker if you had an affair with him, welcomed him with open arms as soon as he left his wife, or made it easy for him to leave. If you have stopped contact and will truly not be with him for at least 6 months after he leaves, then I don't think you can be considered a homewrecker.

What kind of real man would even be considering leaving his pregnant wife!? Even if he was not totally "happy", he would be taking care of his responsibilities. What kind of life are his poor children going to have with a father who is off proclaiming his love to another woman while their mother is carrying his child. You said you ran into him 5 years ago and he told you then that he still loved you. Then, why would he have 2 kids with his wife?

Nostalgia is a powerful thing, but real life is very different. People need to quit worrying if they're "happy" every moment of every day. Happiness is something you have to earn by the decisions you make in your life. You will be happy when you feel good about yourself and you do good for others. This male is a worm and you need to see him for what he is. And, you will be right there with him if you let the good feelings you get from being flattered by his attention cloud your judgement. You should be overjoyed that a jerk like this "GOT AWAY"... or it would be you at home pregnant, while he proclaimed his love to some other woman behind your back.

As long as you let him know that you are waiting in the wings for him to divorce his wife, then YES, you are definitely a Homewrecker. He obviously has no intention of leaving unless he has another woman to run to.... You are setting up that situation by letting him know that you would be with him if he gets a divorce. You are providing his "excuse" to leave.

Please make the right decision and RUN as far away as you can from this loser!

Where was his pregnant wife while you two were having your private chat? How would you feel if you knew your husband was rekindling old feelings while you were home raising parenting? I know that I wouldn't feel good. I would resent the old flame and resent my husband.

I am interested to hear your response to all the comments you got. After reading what others have to say, has your position changed?

The only way you won't be a homewrecker is if you straight out tell him that even if he divorces, you won't be with him b/c you need to be by yourself for whatever reason. Basically, lie to him so that he doesn't think you'll be there if he divorces his wife. And then don't contact him again. That way, if he divorces, he'll divorce because of reasons other than you. Otherwise, you are still being indirectly his reason for divorcing b/c he'll do it thinking you'll be on the other side with your arms open.

No, you would not be considered a homewrecker. I commend you for being mature about this issue, in spite of many emotions that must be swirling around.

However, I would brace myself for all possibilities. Even though I disagree with you being a homewrecker, you may still be perceived this way in spite of it all, since you will be the next woman he will run to after his wife. Even having said that, though, and I hate to be "bubble-burster" -- I say that the likelihood that this man WILL actually ever leave his wife for you is very, very low. I mean, of course I can't predict the future, and of course stuff like this happens every day, but I have always been of the belief that there is really no such thing as the "one that got away." IMHO, this is your emotions talking -- bringing you back to a time in your life when so many things were simpler, more innocent, less worrisome. Probably, in comparison to the harshness of adult life, looking back at your first love as a teen seems idyllic and romantic. But, taking it back to the current day -- the fact of the matter is that this NO longer the teen lover you once had. He is a man with children -- and any man worth his salt will always have a difficult time leaving his children, even though he may no longer be in love with his wife. At the end of the day, there may be a lot of fantasy and tempation, a lot of "what if" thoughts and maybe even sexual flirtation -- but, the familiarity of the home he built with this wife will draw him back to her again and again. That is why so many men do not leave their wives. Be prepared for this -- mentally and emotionally.

In the meantime, I again commend you for taking the mature route and inserting a window of wait time before either of you act on your feelings. This will give him time to think it all over, as well as give you time. Good luck.