I Am Married and Forming Feelings for Another Man.

Ask your kids if they want two daddy's
Ask your husband if kissing another man is cheating

Come on, you have a good life and are willing to risk your marriage, your home, your kids for a home wrecker.

ETA: I am very agitated by your post. There are plenty of woman in this world that would like to have the marriage you described. Did you post this thinking that we would say "leave your husband for this wonderful man that just waltzed into your life that you have no idea if he's a child molester, criminal, can hold a job, good provider, etc". The grass isn't always greener on the other side. Woman up and remember your vows.

15 moms found this helpful

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

If you want to lose everything you have - then see him again.

What you are experiencing is unrequited love. You go with him - meet him. you will damage your children and your marriage not to mention your own self. If you cheat with him - what's to stop him from "finding someone else"??? Will you EVER be able to trust him? The grass is NOT greener.

I can tell you from experience....my ex-husband had several affairs. While we tried to repair the marriage - the trust was gone. And it wasn't over the sex - it was he fell in love with someone else. Yes. the sex was wrong and bad. But the ultimate betrayal was him falling in love with someone else. So from your husband's shoes? I would have a hard time taking you back and trusting you again if you fell in love with another man.

Let this man go. Focus your attention on your husband. Woo your husband as you are "wooing" this man. I can bet your husband IS aware...he's just putting his head in the sand and HOPING it doesn't happen....

STOP TALKING OR COMMUNICATING with this man. in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. LET HIM GO. Unless you are wiling to give up your children, your marriage, your home - ALL OF IT...ask yourself this - is he worth it? Is he worth the loss of your children? Just imagine the look on their faces when they hear their mom's a cheater and wants to be with another man....oh yeah...that look is BAD....

My advice. I can't tell it loud enough or just enough in general -

STOP!!!
DO NOT SEE OR COMMUNICATE WITH THIS MAN AGAIN!!! Unless you are telling him GOOD-BYE!!!
If your husband is all you say he is - then put ALL of your efforts into yoru husband instead of this other man.
Is this man worth losing it all?

14 moms found this helpful

Yes, I've been attracted to other people besides my husband.

But-- I did not 'court' this feeling. If it was felt, I made sure to conduct myself responsibly. That means:
NO private meetings. Only in public and with a group of friends. NO private conversations. Period. No lingering together away from the group.
NO private chit-chat. I didn't want to lead anyone on.
NO emails, private messaging, social media contact, phone calls.

If you have to ask "Is a kiss considered cheating?" turn this whole thing on its head and ask yourself: If this was my husband doing everything I've written in this post, how would I feel?

I'm pretty sure that if he kissed someone else romantically, you would feel horribly betrayed.

There's something fun and wonderful and exciting about the newness of a romance, and all the great chemicals in the brain that come with feeling desired which make us euphoric, but remember that if this guy is willing to cheat on his wife, he's going to be willing to cheat on you.

IF he is willing for you to throw away your marriage and the peace and harmony of your family and children, do you really think he has your best interests in mind? If he's willing to cheat on his family and hurt them solely for selfish reasons, do you think *that's* the guy you want to be with?

Emotionally mature adults do not conduct themselves in this manner. It rips families apart. However, a sensitive spouse with these feelings would go see a counselor on her own and figure out how to find ways to find new meaning and fulfillment in what she has already. There's nothing wrong with feeling bored, feeling tempted, and then going to get some support so you can keep your eyes on the real prize: a great husband who loves and supports you and your children so well. These good fellows can be a rare species, from what I've observed.

If it were me, I'd tell your friend: "Listen, I don't think it is wise for us to meet up any more, or to stay in touch. I need to be focused on my family." There are some things marriages really don't come back from. This guy has no respect for his marriage or yours, and he's likely wanting to have a little fun but may not truly be there to catch you if you fall... And if he's really wanting to escape his own marriage, let someone else take those risks.

13 moms found this helpful

Ask yourself this: How would you feel if your husband was chatting with another woman regularly on the internet? Then he met with this woman alone at a restaurant, and walked around with her alone in a deserted school campus. Then he and she started talking about how they want to kiss each other. How would you feel if he looked at you and said "I haven't done anything yet, but I really like this other woman and I want to kiss her and see what happens."

Now, pull your head out of your butt and realize you've already gone too far. You need to email this person and tell him to leave you alone. You need to delete all of his emails, delete his email address, get rid of his phone number and everything else and start working on your marriage, because obviously you've pulled away and at the very least, had an emotional affair.

12 moms found this helpful

If you're not willing to divorce your husband, don't put him in a position to divorce you.

Similarly, if you found out your husband felt this way about another woman, take what kind of hurt and betrayal you THINK you'd feel and multiply it by 1000. Include vomiting, panic attacks, heartbreak, and THREE to FIVE YEARS before the betrayed spouse felt like they could trust the cheater, again. Assuming they bothered to try, and didn't just file for divorce the moment they stopped throwing up.

Yes. It's nice to feel special / wanted.

It's NOT nice to be so cowardly as to hurt someone who loves you for 'butterflies'. If you want butterflies go climb a mountain, or if it's sex/romance with someone else, be honorable enough to divorce him, first.

12 moms found this helpful

he's not your friend. he may have been in high school, but he is not your friend now. friends don't encourage friends to cheat, especially if they know the other person is happily married with children. please dont turn your families life up side down for someone you don't really know anymore..but you do know one important thing about him..he's the type of guy that doesnt value marriage and fidelity...sure you want to throw away all that your husband is for this? now go do the right thing and tell that "friend" you're not interested.

12 moms found this helpful

you need to end this with your friend NOW. Think of your kids! You have a great husband who loves you. This guy does not love you. He wants to sleep with you and then most likely move on and forget about you. If you make a stupid decision like that, you will ruin your whole life! You will hurt the people who are closest to you and who care and love you. Would you really want to break up your family? Your kids who look up to you and trust you? How would they be able to trust you if you tear apart their family for something that is so selfish? If your husband really loves you and is as great as you say he is, then you will completly crush him!
Think clearly and stop being selfish!

11 moms found this helpful

The fact that he is contacting you and wanting to be "alone" with you, a married woman is a HUGE red flag IMO. What a creep! YOU are in the driver's seat. You need to stop this inevitable train wreck before you do something you will regret.

11 moms found this helpful

I did not read the other answers.
No judgement here. You are trying to figure out what to do, and you know in your heart what the answer is.
Stop contact with this man. I would send him one final email/message/whatever and say "I'm sorry, Tom, but I am not going to be talking to you anymore. Please respect my marriage and my family." and then leave it at that. If you met up with him on facebook, block him. Erace all emails, fb messages, EVERYTHING that will remind you of him if you come across it again. Do not open further emails from him. Move on.
Start spending more time with your husband. You love him, that's huge! Remind yourself why you love him so much. Seek counciling if you need to.
Cut this man out of your life completely.

11 moms found this helpful

You know the answer. If your husband were telling you this you would be incredibly hurt. Stop contact with this man. He is NOT your friend. A friend wouldn't mess with a married friend. To be blunt, he is a massive DICK for playing with your head and trying to make it out to be more.

End it with this jerkwad. It's not real life - which may be part of the feelings because the reality of life isnt part of it. And figure out what piece of your relationship with your husband isnt satisfying and fix it.

You know it's wrong or you wouldn't be asking. Make the smart choice and move on from and away from that man.

ADD: Read your "what happened" - you go, girl! Kick that bastard to the curb and get some help.

11 moms found this helpful

This is nothing to be confused about. I get that you are confused about your feelings and that's ok. Emotions can be irrational and that's fine. You will overcome that.

Here is however what you should not be confused about: your actions and responsibilities. You are married with children. You have made a commitment to your husband and your kids (by having them). You are not a teenager (I assume). Put on your big girl panties, tell your old flame that is proposals are out of line and that it would be better for both of you to stop communicating with each other. Period.
This is not about what you FEEL, feelings are fickle. You may have a crush on him today, maybe on someone else tomorrow, heck, for all care you may even be "in love"... none of this means anything. You have made a commitment and if you break it it will destroy your marriage, your family, and your kids' childhood... just so you could satisfy your desire (physical or emotional...or both).
I don't think that is what you want.
Good luck.

11 moms found this helpful

Do you know the distance between 'I always think about kissing him' and 'I kissed him'? The distance between 'I am drawn to another man, and I can't say a NO to myself' and 'I cheated on my husband'?

Very close to zero.

It's OK to look, dream about some occasional fantasy man once in a while. Maybe it means you are bored, and if you do care, you could bring in some of the fantasy into your existing life. But starting a 'there's this other man' kind of relationship, with both eyes open, knowing that its confusing, is a big red flag. Just remember. One step of stupidity, and you can never return.

Think. You are strong enough to pause and acknowledge that something about this is not right. For your happiness' sake, I hope you are also wise, and stronger enough to put a stop to this nonsense, and to keep up your responsibility to your family.

As for your HS 'friend' you mention, I have certain choice words for him that I'd rather not post here.

11 moms found this helpful

You cannot control what you feel, only what you do. If you don't trust yourself, don't be around him.

11 moms found this helpful

honestly STOP talking to him, all it will do is ruin your marriage. 100% your husband WILL lose trust in you and thats hard to get back, it will lead to something and you wont be able to reverse it. tell your husband, defriend your EX (for a reason) block him on fb. block his number on your cell carrier so he can not text or call you

10 moms found this helpful

You know what to do.

Any further action concerning this man impacts upon everyone in your life. You cheat on your husband and you cheat on your children.

Don't throw your life away for juvenile feelings.

And yes, kissing is cheating.

10 moms found this helpful

I just went to my 20th reunion this past weekend and it brought up a lot of powerful feelings I'm still dealing with/managing. Primarily, my first love who smashed my heart came to the reunion JUST to apologize to me. It was obvious to everyone the connection we had. We spoke for two hours and then we both left. I feel giddy, weak in the knees, the heart is a flutter, but here's the kicker... I know its because this relationship was a turning point for me at 15. I am also vulnerable because I'm single and now looking for a partner. I loved the banter, I loved that he remembered so many things I had forgotten that I had said over 20 years ago, I loved that it was obvious that he found me attractive....

But its not a rekindling. He's happily married with three children and that is the period on the sentence. For me, it reminded me that there is love out there and that giddiness is wonderful and my adult mind can now put the experience in its rightful place... assimilate it with my current life state and edit history with his apology. Please put a period on this story for yourself.

10 moms found this helpful

It's simple.
Fantasy world vs. reality.
Reality is the better place to live.
Good luck.
Oh-my advice is to shut the door on this faux relationship ASAP. And keep it closed. This might be an instance of "talk the talk" and the "walk the walk" will follow.

9 moms found this helpful

Are you kidding me? You are married to an "amazing man" and a "great father" and you are playing with fire????

Almost ANYONE can look attractive compared to the husband you see day after day after day. And new love (lust) is NOT REAL and WON'T LAST.

Yes a kiss is considered cheating, but the worst thing about a kiss is that it will make you want to go further and question your relationship with your husband, as you are doing. It's a FANTASY, nothing more.

You are HARMING YOUR CHILDREN by going down this path. It's an illusion. If you dump your family and end up with this guy, in a few years he will be as outdated and boring as your husband.

Stop seeing that guy now.

9 moms found this helpful

Why are you playing with fire and don't expect to get burned?

I doubt you are as confused as you say you are. You know this is wrong. Why are you entertaining this man with disrespectful intentions towards you, your husband and your children?

Do you truly believe you are the first married woman he has flirted with? Any intimacy with anyone other than your husband is cheating. Intimacy isn't just about the kiss but about that deep connecting.

The male ego is very different from a womans. Men like the thrill of the hunt. Your husband deserves a faithful, committed wife. Your children deserve to live in a happy home. Why would you permit this snake into your life to destroy and ruin you, your marriage and your children's future. Children do what they see not just what they are told. Do you want your children to be enduring what can happen to your marriage? And understand your husband may fight you for custody of the kids and child support as you work through the DIVORCE. Men are particularly slow to forgive. He may even decide he won't divorce your but have an affair of his own to teach you a lesson. What would you do then?

Shut it down, cut it off and nip it in the bud. They pour some time, effort and energy into your marriage and relationship with your husband.

Be a wiser woman and put an end this this foolishness because it will only lead to tears and hurt feelings. This man is not your "friend", but a predator. A friend wouldn't do anything to destroy your "happy" marriage, wouldn't disrespect your husband by leading you down the road to divorce.

Again I say to you, "SHUT THIS DOWN, CUT IF OFF, NIP IT IN THE BUD." This man is no friend of yours. Stop entertaining the devil.

9 moms found this helpful

You want to spend time with a man who will break up a solid marriage without a second thought? He's scum. He's being very disrespectful of you, putting you in this position. How dare he?

Cut off all ties. This will only end in heartbreak all around. And you will regret it for the rest of your life.

9 moms found this helpful

No. Stop. Don't even communicate with this person any more. This person is NOT your friend. A person who cares about you and respects you and your marriage would NEVER verbalize such feelings or intentions, let alone expect you to act on them.

Get a babysitter and go out with your husband this weekend. End of discussion.

9 moms found this helpful

If you want to stay married, end this now. The damage is already starting. You are second guessing your marriage. He is not a good man and he doesn't have your best interests at heart. RUN.

9 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry, but the simple answer is don't do it. Don't meet him alone, don't put yourself in a position to do something you know you will regret. I would stop talking to him for awhile, you know this situation is inappropriate, and so does he.

Is a kiss considered cheating? How would you feel if it was your husband kissing another woman?

You know this is bad. You know you shouldn't do it. So stop. You are a grown up, you can control yourself. For the sake of your marriage, your husband, your children, and most of all, your own self-respect, you need to stop communicating with this man and definitely do not see him alone.

9 moms found this helpful

You, under no circumstances meet this man. You draw a line in the sand. You tell him your FAMILY is your pride and joy, and you will not risk that by communicating him. Stop contact with him NOW. Not another sentence, word, meeting. Of course, a kiss is cheating. REALLY...you're asking? You KNOW. YOU ARE CHEATING. Emotionally, your heart. You're being unfaithful. You have to contact him now and tell him to never speak to you again. You have to do this. He is to not come visit you.

Take a date night or a weekend with your husband. Be with him alone. Do this as soon as you can. Reconnect with him. Do something fun, silly, laugh, eat, have a great time. And do NOT EVER talk with this other man again. You will destroy your life, if you do. Look into counseling for yourself.

Imagine if you found out your husband was doing this. You would be devastated, correct? Imagine the kind of mother and influence you want your children to believe you to be. I'd assume it's not a cheating, lying, woman who chose some passion over her own flesh and blood. Stop being selfish. Do the right thing. STOP THIS. If you were investing this much feeling and energy into your husband, you wouldn't be questioning your relationship. YOU ARE CHEATING. STOP!!!!

9 moms found this helpful

I'm not going to express judgment towards you for how you are feeling, BUT I would stop interacting with him before you take it too far. I think it is normal to have feelings--but we have to control how we respond to them.

I would stop all contact with your friend. I think you are intrigued by him, maybe your history together, maybe wondering what it would be like, etc. It's ALL fantasy. You need to separate yourself from him. It's not real. You have built a life with your husband which has it's ups and downs. The foundation is what takes time to build. Fantasy is just that. It's not real. It's not based in what is true necessarily.

You will feel better. It will take time, but protect what is MOST important. Your family. Your husband. Your kids...

8 moms found this helpful

I think your feelings are akin to infatuation - you already know the consequences if you choose to act upon them and you know it's the wrong thing to do. There's fantasy, and then there is reality. If you truly love your husband, stay away from this man, and don't continue to communicate with him any further.

7 moms found this helpful

I can tell you that any man who wants to be with you in that way when you are married with children, is not a man I would desire. He has no respect for you or your marriage. Anything new and exciting is desireable. However, those fleeting feelings last for minutes when you start to realize that that is just what they are, fleeting.

DO NOT MEET HIM. If anything, ask yourself why. For me, I think it would be that if I spent all my time as a wife and mother( which we all are), and an outside person who knew me just as me found me desirable, I would feel flattered. However, that's as far as it goes. This man is searching. Nothing more. This man has caused you to lie to your husband, and not communicate to him your feelings. You are keeping things from your husband, and its wrong.

7 moms found this helpful

RUN - run for your life! It is so tempting to think that the way it was when you were in high school is how it could be again. Never happen. First of all you were kids, living at your parent's home, no responsibilities. Are you the same person you once were? No - so expect that he will also not be the same person. Waht kind of guy knowingly comes to town to see a woman who is married with kids? Is that the kind of guy you want to be with?
I've seen people (my father, my friends, my cousin) throw away all the things in life that really matter - people they loved, their children, their spouse, because they got into some romantic liason that wasn't a big deal at first, and felt so right and exciting. (of course it does)
Do you want to take the chance that this could turn into a "love affair" where you'd leave your husband? Then you'd have to share your kids with some other woman (your husband would be heart broken but would eventually remarry) his new wife would be sharing in the raising of your kids. Your kids would be shuttled back and forth between homes. And I promise you - your kids will find out eventually how the divorce came about and they will never see you the same way.
So - see the balance of the scales for what it really is - your family on one side and this guy on the other. And don't thik for a minute that this guy will still be enchantig in a few years. A very close family member left her husband for another guy, the new guy also left his wife. It's now many, many years later and they're both retired. I can see that the lady constantly thinks in her heart "what was I thinking?". My cousin, very wisely once said it's not like getting a new car or house - you never trade up with spouses, it's always a "down-sizing" - she was speaking from experience.
Many years ago an old lover approached a friend of mine, got his phone number to me. he was my first romantic, enchanting love - I was 17, he was from Europe, it was magical when I was 17. But now I had a loving husband, and two kids. I recall sitting in my office at work, phone in hand, poised to call him, it seemed so much more exciting than my life with two little kids, housework and a cranky husband was. And I kept that number in my office for months - but I never called. When I finally threw it out I felt like I learned to fly. That was at least 11 years ago - and I don't regret it at all. Stolen kisses and fantasies of this young goregous artist with a fabulous accent really and truly don' compare to being able to raise my own kids and have a great guy by my side through tough times and good times. I promise. My dad died all alone in his middle 60's - he was dead 2 or 3 days before anyone knew he was gone - cuz he really didn't have anyone left after so many years. As much as we loved him, we weren't close to him and he didn't live near us. You don't want to be that person.
Tell him now that you really have to stop becuase it could easily go over the edge and you really love your family too much. Don't play with fire. You have to run away from this guy - fast.

7 moms found this helpful

Stop. Just stop. No more meetings, phone calls, emails, nothing. You are married and you know this isn't appropriate.

This situation isn't hard. You are married to a good man, a good father to your children. You don't throw that away for some fling. How would you feel if it were your husband in this situation? What kind of man is this new guy that he has no respect for your marriage and family?

Seriously, this is not the path you should be heading down. It can be intoxicating to find that someone wants you, but thats all this is and you owe it to your husband to cut this guy out of your life before you do something you will regret.

7 moms found this helpful

Nothing good can come from this but heartache and a broken home.

Put all your energy for this man into your husband and discontine any contact with him. Tell him it was nice to see him but you cannot meet him alone when he comes back to town. In fact I would plan a get away with hubby that weekend so that you are not around him.

Right now you are wondering what could have been and whether the grass was greener on the other side? Are you willing to lose what security you have over this fellow? I hope not. How would you explain to your children why you did what you did to them? How would you husband feel about this other person? What if it were turned around and you found out hubby wanted to be with someone else other than you? Can you live with what you do? Are you ready to lose your couple friends? These are questions that you must answer before you do anything.

So put the past in the past and stay in the present and work toward the future.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

PS You are human and have feelings but make them for your husband only.

7 moms found this helpful

RUN!!! Do not meet him you will regret this meeting. You need to put your children upfront in your mind. This will ruin them. Your children are the ones that will pay with this bad bad thing your thinking of. You said it yourself you have married a wonderful man. Keep it that way!!!!!! We all make mistakes and this one is fixable , just stop it now , delete this other man now!!!

6 moms found this helpful

"Deep down I know that I could never be with my friend, not the way I am with my husband."

Then there is nothing here to pursue. You are pursuing shadows, vapors of air that will lead to some pleasure, but ultimately, intense grief and pain.

Why continue? Nothing good will come of this relationship. Can you see yourself being with a man who was dating a married woman? Doing something forbidden and immoral? What's to stop him from being deceptive with you in the future? And do you really want to be with a guy who is PUSHING you to do the wrong thing? That already says a lot about his character. I wouldn't want him near my children. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole and here you are, fantasizing about him.

Would you trust him around your children? Raising your children? I wouldn't. Let's say you leave your husband and settle down with this guy. What are the chances of that lasting? And could you trust your children with this guy? Will they respect him? Respect you?

"But I have questioned my relationship with my husband because of all of this."

Of course you have. This is exciting. To be desired by someone new and to be flattered and made to feel special. But it's a charade. It's not real life. This is the honeymoon period.

"I am very very confused and I don't know what to do. I think about this other man constantly."

The solution to your problem is very simple. Everyone here has said it. End all contact. Text him and say never contact me again. Or simply never respond to anything he sends you.

Yes, I can see how you are very confused. You have "feelings" for this person and you think it's legitimate. Just because I feel attracted to some dude passing by, doesn't mean anything. The world will always be full of attractive people. That doesn't mean I should act on every single whim I have. It's just a feeling. I could feel like killing someone too (or lashing out another way), if I get angry enough, but we can't let our feelings dictate everything we do.

The world will always be full of attractive and interesting people. But they are not your husband. For me, my Christian faith has strengthened me. Now it's way easier for me to resist this temptation.

You are obsessing. I know because I used to do the same thing (about people). I prayed to God one night and begged Him to stop it. (I was obsessing about someone for almost 8 years. Nothing ever happened between us, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. It was pure torture for me. I was torturing myself.) The next day, I never thought about the dude again or since!

FACING LOVE ADDICTION by Pia Melody
you might want to check out that book. It describes the tendency of obsessing over other people. Love addicts and love avoidants.

Do you want to live in 2 households?
With the kids going from house to house, sharing custody?
Can you live with betraying and hurting your husband this deeply?
(You will if you continue.)
Can you look at your husband in his eyes or your children if you kiss him? Or something beyond that?
(I know I couldn't. Not in a million years.)

"I guess I would just like some input on the situation. Have any other parents out there experienced something like this?"

Attraction? Yes.

"How did you handle it?"

By not going there. By not doing what you have. Seeing your friend was fine. But entertaining his proposition? Absolutely not. Our acquaintance would have ended right there. And the fact that he let on how he's feeling to you, says how weak he is. If he had any inner strength, he would have rejected this desire for a relationship with you and respected your marriage. He's a weakling. He's hardly someone to pine over.

"How did you handle it?"

By forgetting about it. By focusing on what's important: the family you have. By not doing what you have, no matter how tempting it may be. Why? Because it leads to ruin. I couldn't imagine actually doing anything that would hurt my husband or children. IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT.
Not a kiss, not a fling, not sleeping with someone else. 5 minutes or 30 minutes (or a weekend in Paris) of a cheap thrill is just that: a cheap thrill. It's not worth the pain it would cause your family. It is not worth the pain it will cause you. It is not worth the pain it will cause your friend (whose getting bonded to you and is going to be shown the door. He will be hurt too, but that can't be helped now.) Hundreds of thousands of people have already experienced this pain. Don't join that club.

"Is a kiss considered cheating? (I have not kissed my friend but I have thought about it a lot). My husband is not aware of how often I talk to this friend, and certainly not aware of my feelings for him."

I think what you are doing is considered the beginning stages (edited to add that) cheating. Going behind your husband's back and flirting and thinking (obsessing) about him is beginning to cheat. You have crossed a line and now you are willing to cross the river. Don't do it.

I'm not perfect. You aren't perfect. Nobody is perfect. I'm not going to judge you. I'm just hoping you will take some moments out of your day to STOP obsessing about him and start THINKING about what happens next and if you are willing to go there. That should cure your problem.

You've helped create this problem. You can solve it quick. If you need more help, ask God.

6 moms found this helpful

okay...what happens when this fantasy is over? you will be left alone, with a broken home and marriage. is it really worth it?

it sounds like your marriage needs to get spiced up - i would look into doing something with your hubby before you go down this road that you will not be able to fix.

6 moms found this helpful

J.,
End all contact with this person! You have way to much to lose! This guy may not just go away and you may have to explain what happened to your husband.
Good luck and God bless.

6 moms found this helpful

I have one thought for you to think about.....If this does end your marriage are you ready to send your children away for days/weeks at a time so that they can have time with their dad? Also, consider how you would feel if you have no control over your children and their activities while they are at their dad's house. Are you ok with that?

6 moms found this helpful

You need to wake up and realize it is all fantasy! Sorry but internet, phones, all known for these relationships. You fall for the person presented, not the real person. At some point after you spend time in person you realize it was all an illusion but at that point you have already destroyed your life.

Don't do it, I have never heard of it ending well.

6 moms found this helpful

He's a creep. And excuse me for saying this, but it's very foolish of you to be entertaining the idea at all.

Imagine if you were your husband and he was doing this to you. It hurts. Stop what you're doing.

6 moms found this helpful

If you had some chinks in your marriage, were in the middle of a rough spot, etc., then your attraction to the high school classmate would make more sense. With that being said, ask yourself, and answer honestly, what are your getting from your friend that you are not getting from your husband?

Many times the attraction we see in others is something that we are not getting from our significant others - something we don't even realize we are missing. It could be as simple as the reflection that we get of ourselves from the way the other person looks at us.

Realize that affairs have huge repercussions - even if you have one, and your marriage lives through it, the marriage will be irreparably changed. You will be irreparably changed.

Also, what are your friend's motivators? Why contact you after so long? What is his marital status? What is he really after? These things come into play when a man pursues a married woman (and vice versa).

What was your relationship in high school? Did you date? Did you want to date him but did not? Is it possible that you are reacting to a relationship, or the wish of a relationship, in the past, and letting your inner high schooler take over?

Where do you want to be in 1 year? 5 years? Visualize it. See where that takes you - see if it is plausible or frightening.

It is fun to window shop - but once you try it on, you may find it just doesn't fit you.

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It seems to me you need to really listen to yourself. Your talking about kissing an old friend who you share a common history with. A man who has just walked into your life after how many years and someone you no longer really know well.

You say..."
Happily married to say the least. My husband is an amazing man, a great father, and he takes very good care of myself and my children. I do love my husband and that is what is making this situation so hard and confusing."

You are actually considering throwing that away for such trivial feelings? Haven't you ever had a crush on someone? It's OK to think about him but don't act on those thoughts. Don't meet him privately, don't text and email, it will just keep moving along towards something that will damage your marriage, kids and life. Trust me whatever you are feeling is a fantasy, you two share a common history and memories. It's natural to feel drawn to him but you need to be mature enough to realize what you're feeling is very trivial compared to what you've built with your husband.

If you are really tempted to continue down this path remind yourself what you will be losing. It doesn't even matter if it's just a kiss and your husband never finds out. It will still be an indescretion and YOU will know what happened. That's the first step towards the erosion of your marriage. If any part of you thinks it would be worth it then your declaration of being happily married just cannot be true.

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This is why the past should stay in the past. The fact that you've been hiding your communication with this man from your husband tells me that you are putting yourself out there as available & open to possibilities. I mean, what did you think was going to happen when you met with old "buddy"?

You need to stop talking to this man, now. You really don't want to ruin your family because of your own selfish desires, because of a "what if", do you?

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Stop playing with fire or you will get burned. You will lose your family, and in all likelihood, this other man as well. You will destroy everything good and sacred in your marriage and family. You very likely will lose your children as well. RUN away from this situation. Stop entertaining these thoughts. Tell this man that you cannot and WILL NOT meet with him again. It is done, over. Period. And praise God in heaven that you haven't done anything inappropriate physically with him yet. Girl, protect your marriage while it is still an option to you.What you think you are feeling is all a facade. It isn't reality. Laundry, dishes, wiping noses...that is reality. Not quite as romantic as what you think you are getting into, but it is the real stuff.

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I have had a male friend, in the past year, tell me he wishes he could have married me when we were younger - now I no longer communicate with him. It was so incredibly inappropriate for him to tell me that! It also revealed his true character to me and I am no longer comfortable being around him :(

I never had feelings of reciprocation for this guy but I get where you are coming from - I'm sure the attention was nice to have donned upon you. Stay strong, you will not regret it!

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My sister-in-law and one of my dearest girl friends both nearly destroyed their marriages because of this exact same thing...an emotional affair. It sounds like you've come to your senses, so I won't lecture you about that....but I will say this. If you are resolved to stay with the husband that you love, you need to cut off all communication with this man. That means deleting your e-mail account and getting a new one. Changing your cell phone number and even deleting your facebook account (which is where I assume you "found" this guy to begin with). I know all of this seems to be extreme, but this is a sin temptation for you that has the power to devastate your marriage and your children. NOTHING is too extreme when it comes to protecting those precious things.

My sister-in-law did all of these things. She no longer has a facebook account and the only e-mail she has is one that she shares with her husband. Complete transparency. It helped her, in a way, that her husband saw some incriminating texts and found out about the entire thing. Even though it was extremely painful, it helped them both to take it more seriously and take the needed steps to rebuild trust...which included marriage counseling through their church.

My other friend's husband never found out. I encouraged her to come clean about it so they could work through things together, but she refused. She said he wouldn't trust her anymore, and I couldn't believe she actually thought she deserved his trust. She complained that her husband refused to seek counseling, while keeping the one thing from him that would have made him see how serious things were. Her "temptation" was a co-worker and she didn't want to switch schools (she was a teacher) to get away from the situation. She continued to receive texts from him and communicate through facebook. She was resolved to keep it just as a friendship but chose to keep the temptation right under her nose.

The exact same situation handled two different ways. Four years later, my sister-in-law's marriage is stronger and better than it ever was before while my friend's marriage continues to struggle. My friend has since switched jobs and, I believe, no longer has contact with this man....but the damage has already been done. When it came right down to it, she wasn't willing to do everything it took to make things right. She put herself over her husband and children and they have all suffered for it ever since.

Guilt is a sick feeling in your stomach that you get when you do something wrong....and it is easily ignored. Remorse is a heart-wrenching desire to make things right...and it is an unstoppable force.

Which one are you feeling, J.?

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Cut off ALL contact with this man. Do not meet with him, talk to him, write him or facebook him. Focus on your husband and kids!! You're not stupid. You're actually smart to ask us on here. It's better than doing the unthinkable and suffered badly and hurting your family. Your feelings will disappear when you cut ties with this man. He doesn't love you! If he did, he'd leave you alone and honor you by honoring your family. Good luck!!

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One more suggestion...watch the movie "Fireproof" It will change the way you look at the situation and your marriage, and help you to turn things around the way you really want them to be!

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I have had the same experience. I love my husband so much and never would think of cheating. Met an old High School friend... wrote on line, he came in town, and I kissed him. My feelings absolutely overflowed. I felt that I could love them both, and while that may be true, I can only be true to one of them, and that had to be my husband. I told my husband about the meeting and apologized. I cried for many days, having to say goodbye to my old friend (who I was falling in love with again - though I didn't tell my husband that part of it), but it has brought my husband and I closer together, though it took many months for him to trust me again - just for the kiss. And, as you know, if it were your husband doing this, you would feel the same. I even went so far as to block him on facebook, so that I wouldn't be tempted to check up on him. When I would think of the other man, I would flirt with my husband instead - and bring back more romance into our marriage. PLEASE don't follow up on this! It can only bring hurt to you all, eventually! Focus on your good husband!

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I think your second guessing yourself because you let this other man get too close to you emotionally. That space should be for your husband and your husband alone. You need to draw boundaries with this guy. He is trying to break up your marriage and for his own selfish purposes. He doesn't care about you or your family--he wants to get what he wants. I am sorry to put it to you bluntly. But, this needs to stop asap. Next time he contacts you, you tell him that you enjoyed meeting up last time but unfortunately you won't be able to go out again. You are married with kids and you shouldn't be putting your family in harm's way. Let it fizzle out and reconnect with your husband. Don't meet this guy again. EVER. Come clean to your husband. Be honest and open. GL

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I wish I had time to read through all these replies, but the few I have, I agree with. I have been there, too, recently. My husband does not know about it and it would break his heart if he did. I'm assuming your husband would feel the same. So, instead of telling you to do this or do that, I'd say look deep inside yourself. Were you happy before this man came along? Aren't most new relationships exciting and loving and passionate in the beginning? How do you think life would be should you keep it up with this other man and if you left your husband? Imagine it 10 years down the road. You'd be at the same place you are with your husband, I bet. So, is it worth breaking up your family for a couple of years worth of new relationship giddiness? Or should you put that emphasis and passion back into what you have, which sounds like a good thing to me. Best of luck with this. I know it's not easy. Trust me.

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Wow. This is quite a dilemma! I have to admit that I've been in your shoes before. I came very close to throwing away my marriage for a co-worker. Thankfully, I didn't. I was like you, tempted by another man who seemed very appealing and I thought he was crazy about me. What I had forgotten is that I already had a man who was crazy about me, even knowing all my faults and short-comings! Personally, I think you need to remember that this man wasn't your Mr. Right for a good reason. He obviously wasn't Mr. Right when you knew him before, and your husband was and is Mr. Right. It seems like you have a great marriage, and I'd focus on that while cutting off all communication with your old friend. The fact that he knows you are married and is still willing to pursue you throws up some major red flags for me! As my mother has often said, if he's willing to cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. The best thing that I did with my co-worker, and I highly recommend that you do, is cut off all communication with your old friend. I personally had to quit my job, and it was the best thing I did for my marriage. Wish this man well, firmly tell him that you love your husband and you are committed to your marriage 100%, and that you will cut off all contact with him to respect that commitment. This next part is very hard for me, and it will be for you, but I know that it will help you overcome your feelings for that man while strengthening your marriage. You must tell your husband. Admit it all, let him see the emails if necessary. I am very truthful with my husband because of my situation. I tell him every time I start experiencing even the slightest attraction another man. For me, it destroys those feelings. There is something about admitting it out loud to your spouse that alleviates these feelings that you don't want to feel and yet perversely you do want to feel, even though you hate those feelings. It's a necessary step if you want to keep your marriage strong. If you don't , then the temptation will come around again, and it will be stronger the next time. Tell your husband now, and it will help you be stronger in the future against this kind of temptation. Lastly, don't beat yourself up. It will do nothing good for you; it will only hurt you further. Pick yourself up and move on. It's quite common for people to have an old flame reappear in their lives, and it does cause a lot of confusion. What's important is that you learn from this situation, and move on to a stronger marriage with your husband.
I would recommend you pick up a copy of The Fountain by Emily Grayson. The main character, Casey, is considering leaving her husband of many years to rekindle an old flame with her former lover and ex-fiancée. It seems to fit your situation very well. I have read it and it's very good!

Good luck to you, and I hope and pray that your marriage become stronger through this experience!

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