Teen Chores

That doesn't sound like too much work at all! My parents never paid us for chores because they always said that chores were part of being a family. The Love and Logic books support my parents "old school" thinking. :)

I don't think this is a problem at all. My 10 & 12 year olds each do a load of dishes by themselves everyday. My younger ones help put dishes away. Even the three year old can put things away. The older two are also responsible for cleaning counters. They aren't very good at it, but we keep trying. We don't pay the kids to clean the kitchen. They get to eat. Everyone that eats has to help either in the preparation or the clean-up.

When she works with you in the kitchen do you talk together? Does she share her thoughts? Does she listen to yours?

At this age its not always about the work but the time with mom. I would talk with her and see her thoughts. She is almost an adult and will have to manage her schedule then and this is good practice.

Think about it, in only four short years she will be out and off to school somewhere or even married, who knows. This is all the time you have. Doesn't it make you want to hug her tight? Time goes so fast.

Does she mind doing it alone for more money? Does she have that time with you someplace else? Just wondering.
You sound like you have a great plan going. If the other child is coming of age, she may have sister to chat with while working and give you a chance for other things.

I would talk with her. Lucky you to have so many good helpers! :)

R.,

Good for you for having your kids do chores! As you can see from the other responses, there is divided thought on whether to pay kids for chores or just give them an allowance. That really differs according to the individual family. Dave Ramsey has an interesting explanation of that kind of thing in Financial Peace University.

I'm responding to the doing the dishes alone part. I'm of the mind that the kitchen is easier to deal with as part of a team. I kinda hate getting stuck in the kitchen doing the clean up alone and so I try not to leave my kids with doing it alone.

In my "perfect" world, someone is putting the food away in a thoughtful manner: fixing lunches for Mom and Dad with leftovers, putting the rest of the leftovers in containers LABELED WITH FREEZER TAPE because otherwise I WON'T REMEMBER what's in the container and IT WILL GO BAD! I prefer to get leftovers in the freezer as soon as possible. (When the kids were in school, they mostly made sandwiches in the morning)

If there are several people available, another would be clearing the table and wiping it off; someone would be drying the pots and pans and putting them away. The floor would get swept, the counters wiped off, the stove top cleaned... etc. My kids started kitchen chores younger than 9! My daughter remembers standing on a stool to reach the sink!

Just a side note: at about 12 or 13, my son asked if he could do his own laundry so he wouldn't have to sort laundry. (I thought this was a fun together project - he didn't) So, we switched to doing laundry loads by person instead of type.
It involves a few more clothes per person, because their light load would be all theirs,etc., but it sure SIMPLIFIED doing the laundry! (Takes a bit more closet/dresser space this way) When my son started doing his own laundry, my daughter (3 years younger) started doing hers. This is when I taught them how to sort by color and treat stains, etc. They both loved not having to sort laundry.
Partway through high school, my son switched to mostly dark clothes, and started washing all his clothes at one time and his underwear and socks turned slightly blue. All memory of stain removing went down the tube and he is now a happy scruffy looking college student, with long-ish hair and a scraggly beard. :) with blue-ish socks. blue-ish underwear. and a healthy appetite that he obligingly pulls out when he visits home, just to please his Mama (the visits and the appetite!)

Try asking your daughter and the other kids what their ideas are. Maybe they will come up with some good ideas. I had never thought of doing separate loads before my son suggested it!

A.

At our house we believe that since everyone lives in our home, then everyone takes care of our home. My girls clean the kitchen on a daily basis (unless they have friends over or are gone). My 10 year old puts the dishes away in the dishwasher and washes pots/pans and cleans the counter. My just turned 8 year old puts all the dishes up from the dishwasher and cleans off the table and sweeps.

She doesnt do a great job, so I do have to still sweep sometimes, but it is the point of teaching them responsibility.

My oldest also washes her own clothes from start to finish and the other brings hers to me and then takes them out and folds them and puts them away. And of course they have to clean their own rooms.

I do not pay them any money for this, it is something they do because this is their house too. Sometimes on the weekend if we have a big cleaning day and we divide the whole house up and everyone cleans things like bathrooms, steam mop floors, dust, lawn work, etc, we do pay them on a day like that.

I just started teaching my 10 year old to do her laundry totally solo and had them start dishes everyday this past Fall. Before it was sparatic, but I have to say they do not complain about it like I thought they would and that small amount of time each day helps me to get other things done.

GL with whatever you decide!

I'm a Love and Logic Parent.
To find out more about LOVE AND LOGIC go to
www.loveandlogic.com

I can't say enough good things about this program. It's fantastic!!
Here are some tidbits that may help your situation but please visit the website and consider taking one of the classes. They are free but you do need to pay for the workbook. Very Reasonable.

Children should do their 'family contributions' (chores)
They shouldn't get paid to do their chores/family contributions. One of your responders said, your daughter shouldn't get paid to wash dishes because you provided the meal for her. She got to eat... she washes dishes. That's her contribution.
BRAVO!!!

When you pay children to do family contributions, it doesn't mean as much to them.
When they contribute, they feel better about themselves. Teaches responsibility, etc...

They can still earn an allowance... and some money can be deducted when you have to do the children's contributions/chores for them.

If there are jobs you .. the adult .. are responsible for (ie: cleaning your bathroom) and you want to give the children an opportunity to earn extra money, you can post them on the refrigerator for the children to bid on.. yes, they bid on how much they'd like to get paid to do a certain job. If 2 children want to do the same job, you can choose who's bid you'd like to accept.
Or you can reject both bids if they're not reasonable and possibly provide a counter-offer.
This teaches them about the real world too.

Hope this helped you some.
Good Luck!

It is definately time for her to start doing more around the house. Remember she will be an adult in 4 years and she will need to know how to do her laundry, cook her meals, clean the bathrooms, and basically run a house. Now is a good time for her to really start doing these things because she has you there to help and give her a few pointers along the way. My daughter just turned 11 and her resposiblities include, cleaning her room and the guest bathroom (her bathroom), helping with cleaning the kitchen, washing her laundry, using the vacuum and helping out when ever she is asked. I do not give her an allowance. Our philosophy is that she is a member of this family and we all work together to make our house run. If she wants to buy something I will give her extra jobs to earn the money - cleaning the mirrors, picking up the yard, etc. I hope that this helps. A.

You're the mom, she should do what you expect her to do and not need to get paid to do it. My two year old already has tasked she is expected to do by herself and things se does on her own. A fourteen year old should be able to do anything you tell her w/o help and pay.

I don't think you're asking too much. I'm also a fan of Love and Logic. In our house our 11 year old always puts away the dishes after running the dishwasher. Our 5 year old helps our 11 year old feed all the animals (we live on a small farm). Both boys are responsible for putting up their own clothes and toys. Allowances aren't given for normal expectations, but they are given opportunities to earn money for going above and beyond if they choose to (like raking the pig poop in the pigs' yard or something like that).
Good luck - I don't think you expect too much at all.

I don't think you are being h*** o* her...but I wonder, with four children, why any of you are ever cleaning the kitchen up on your own? Your three year old can set the table and carry dishes to the sink. Your six year old can wipe the table and chairs clean. Your 8 year old can load the dishwasher or sweep the floor and your older girl can wash the heavy pots and pans while you put away foodstuffs. You can all sing and chat and make it fun in a way that makes it last 10 minutes. I'm not advocating that you don't have her do it on her own...I think her doing it on her own is fine. I just don't see they *why* of it. Your younger ones are at the age where they are terribly excited to help and be included. Why wait until they are 9?

VickiS

I think it depends on how much allowance you're giving her. I don't think two nights a week is too much to ask a 14-year old to do. Personally, I don't connect allowance with chores, but it sounds like you do so I would say, compensate her fairly. This will be a good precursor for getting a job. Also if you increase the money you give her, I think you should increase the money you take away if she doesn't do her job.

I think increasing her chores is fine. Just remember you are preparing her to be a furture wife one day. She'll have to do it all anyway.

L. B.
www.GetOrganized.ws

I have a 14 year old daughter who will be 15 in May. She does the dishes every night, by hand as we don't have a dishwasher. She doesn't like it, but she does it. We don't give allowance, they ask for so many things anyway, and I don't think they should be paid for helping out, after all, we are all part of this family, and we all need to help out. I don't let her cook, she doesn't like to and she isn't very good at it, unless it's something easy like mac n cheese. My 12 year old son is a great cook, and loves to do it, so on occasion, we let him cook the main portion of a meal. I don't think that making your kids have chores is outrageous at all, they need to learn responsibility and what it means to be a part of the family. It's good for them.

The best advice i have gotten on this subject is this: One way or the other you are going to end up giving them the money. You might as well pay them for what you want them to do and make the payment significant. That way they get some skin in the game too.

All the children should be doing chores. Age appropriate of course. But there are things that 3, 6 and 8 year olds can do. Make sure you rotate the older ones chores so they don't get bored, and they can learn how to take care of other tasks as well. Check out Love and Logics approach to chores and allowances. They are really great!

That is in no way too much! My daughter is now 17 and she has had daily chores since she was about 11. Currently she does the dishes, sweeps and feeds, gives water and changes/scoops the litter for her cats every day and once a week she cleans the main bathroom. She also does additional chores as needed. I have never really given her an allowance because I feel that a child is obligated to help around the house. Maybe that's because it's the way I was brought up. I think giving your daughter daily chores will help her become more responsible and task oriented. My daughter now has an amazing work ethic and she is a very responsible girl who I am very proud of. Good luck!

Chores are to teach responsibility. When my now grown daughters were 6 and 7 they started chores. They were also given the choice of allowance or I pay. If I give allowance they pay for extras at school or the store, like if they saw a cd they wanted or year book and as they got older things in band other then basic spending money when they went on school trips. They opted for mom pay instead. I have been raising my now 12 yo stepson for 3 years and he has chores. He feeds the dogs every morning , takes out the trash after school and poop scoops the yard everyother day. He also was given the choice of allowance or mom pay and at first his thought was show me the money. The his sisters birthday (by his mom sister) and he had spent his money so he had no gift when he went for her birthday and I had to make his mom understand he gets $15 a week and not to go buy for him he needs to learn to budget money. He was quite upset but 2 months later was his moms birthday and again no money. He also just recently had a field day at school and they could get t-shirts and buy packages that included food and game tickets. He was $5 short so no t-sirt. He has asked me now if he could switch to mom pay this summer. He also gathers his own dirty clothes and loads washer for me to turn on and he puts them to dryer and when done he folds and hangs his own. Now I also raise my just turned 4 grandson and he asks what his chores are. He is responsible for letting dogs out of their kennel, helping gather his dirth clothes and he cleans up the bathroom ie.. pick up towels and toys from bath and he washes out the sinks and counter. On saturday he cleans out the inside of the car. If anyone tries to help of does it before him he gets mad, when we go to the store he will ask if he can use his chore money to get something. At 14 my daughters were in charge of the kitchen everynight and on weekends I gave them saturday chores that if they got after them would take about an hour then the day was theirs. When they turned 16 if they got part time jobs then the chores were adjusted for that. When I was growing up my 2 sisters and I were responsible for keeping the house clean and my brothers the yard and trash. I think it taught me over the years that when there is something that needs to be done just do it and don't worry about who should or put it off. I did start giving my daughters the option of either help me cook and that means stay in the kitchen from start to finish or clean after. If they help cook I help clean.

I don't have set chores for my daughter. Her schedule is jam-packed.

She does love to cook and I allow her to explore in the kitchen as much as she wants as long as she cleans up after herself.

We do give allowance weekly. This is her spending money. She pretty much buys all of her clothes, uses her money when she goes out every weekend to movies with friends, etc.

She is very busy with her school work staying on top of the game in honors classes, cheer (now already in full schedule at high school) and higher level orchestra.

Her "chores" are to maintain her grades, be at cheer on time 3 times a week plus private lessons for tumbling, know her music for violin. She has a full schedule. She'll be cheering all summer and on the month off that they have from cheer, she will be in summer school to fit in the extra needed classes so she can graduate on time because she has her schedule filled with cheer, orchestra and extra Spanish.

Her mindset is chosing the best college right now.

I second Christina.....this is a great time to be communicating with your daughter. She, as all teens do, NEED to be talking with mom and dad.

two days a week cleaning kitchen... yep, let her do that... what about cleaning the bathrooms? doing her own laundry? you might have her prepare a family meal one day a week too. it's not "slavery" but teaching her to be responsible. good luck.

My son is five, so he is a little young to be doing dishes, but I remember doing dishes from 8 on. My brother and I were only 2 years apart in age and we alternated weeks. I don't see any issue with your daughter doing more nights and your other daughter starting to do dishes as well. My son already is starting to help with the bathroom cleaning and he puts his laundry and his sister's laundry away (she is 1).

-L.

Just ask her. Ask her if she wants to earn more money then she can do more chores it doesn't have to be the kitchen. If she doesn't want to then its no big deal as you have been in this routine for a few years, if she does then great she made her own decision.

OUTRAGEOUS??? I DON'T THINK SO!!! When I was growing up, I did the dishes every night. I was an only child so there were no siblings to share in the chores. I did NOT get an 'allowance' either. It was just being part of a family & sharing in the responsibilities of our home.

Now I have 4 teenagers (3 boys & 1 girl) & they alternate. For one week out of every four they will have one chore that whole week, then they switch. Kitchen duty is one week, bathroom duty is one week, all floors are another week, all trash & other misc chores that need to be done is the 4th week. Plus each of them keeps their own rooms cleaned & their own laundry washed. We also have 4 acres of property that has to be mowed & maintained & we all participate in that together. I do not give my kids an allowance, again because they are part of a family & part of a home & that brings with it~ responsibilities! We do give our children a small amount of money for their grades. They all do very well. My husband considers that their 'job'. They get $1 for A's, .50 for B's, no money for C's & if they get failing grades then they owe us money back (which for the record has never happened). If they get all A's on a report card, we give them a $5 bonus. They can earn a total of $12 each six weeks & most of the time they do. Now they do have opportunities to earn other money's for other things that come up on a as needed basis that is purely optional.

Bottom line, I don't think you are being outrageous at all!!!

I have a 14,soon to be 15 :), year old daughter as well. On the weekends, we cook and clean together. During the week nights, she cleans the kitchen at least twice and cooks dinner at least once. WE try to let her have a choice of what she cooks by letting her go to the grocery store with me and pick up the items she cooks. My daughter is very responsible and I think we are giving her an advantage by having her do these chores in the kitchen. So many of her friends don't even know where to start cooking. My daughter has become a very good cook. At first we started out by letting her cook one item, maybe even a dessert - know she can cook a full meal, from the planning all the way to the clean up!

My oldest daughter (now 21)was doing dishes 5 nights a week (Mon-Fri)by herself. That however was the only chore that she had other than keeping her room clean and her and her brother took turns one day a weekend to clean their own bathroom (wipe counters, wipe outside of toilet, sweep floor, take out trash) I did the rest (Shower, toilet bowl, etc.). These things alone did not earn an allowance. However, they were given opportunities to earn money in other ways or they could earn a night at the movies etc. I am a firm believer that kids need to do things to help around the house that are expected just because they live here too. This is why we gave other oppertunities for earning money and why we drew a line between the two. I was raised the same way.... My Mom believed that my brother and needed to learn how to survive and take care of ourselves. She did not want us to go out into the world and not know how to cook, clean and do our laundry, etc. I had daily chores and every Saturday we all pitched in to clean house dust, vacuum, sweep yard work, etc. I do not think that you are asking too much at all. Right now at home i have an 18 year old son who has a part time job so all we expect from him is his schoolwork and his laundry. My now 15 year old daughter (with dissabilities) helps with the dishes, cleans the table (3 x a week), and cleans the counters and picks up the floor in her bathroom (2 x a week)it is never perfent but we work on getting better all the time. We also have a 7 month old who is still too young right but will also be expected to help out when it is time. Hope that helps. I know from experience that it's not easy to decide how much is too much and how much is not enough.

It's great to be able to teach our children responsibility through chores. I personally started using a website called choresbuster.net there i set up chores for all of us including my husband and we mark them off as we do them. I have a 9 and 6 year old and although their chores are not big they help alot. They usually have to make their bed, take dirty clothes to laundy room, put away their clean clothes, feed and water the dogs etc. My 9 year old does have a bit more responsibility, but they love to be able to mark things off the paper. I don't give them money, i treat them to something special like Basking Robbings, or a movie, but the chores must be completed. Although Dad already has a full time job, he wants to be part of it also so he has a couple of chores there, nothing big, but the kids get to see that we all work together to keep our home clean. Anyway, as they get older, they should receive more responsibility, is my believe that it will help them to know that you trust them, which when she gets older that trust is going to come in handy.
You are doing a great job!! be proud of your children and let them know that you are!!

R.,

Wow! Your hands are busy as well. I also have a 14, 8 and 6 year old. My 14 year old doesn't have many chores, but her chores are to clean the kitchen every night, clean her room and her bathroom twice a week. My 8 year old helps her unload the dishwasher and my six year old helps to wipe the table. I think that this teaches them responsibility.