February 20, 2007,
C.E. asks from Virginia Beach, VA on February 17, 2007
Seeking Other Mom's with Rebellious 12 Year Olds...
Would like to find other mother's and get advice on my 12 year old's beginning stages of rebellion. You sometimes wonder what the right response to this behavior is and I am having a hard time coming up with any answers. Finding other mom's in same situation would be a big help. I dont know how to keep up lines of communication with my son while he is going through this stage.
B.J. answers from Jacksonville on February 19, 2007
Hi C.. I have a 12 year old daughter. She'll be 13 in May. She's not all that rebellious, just very headstrong. She won't take advice from me on anything. She acts very depressed most of the time and shows it with her posture and the way she dresses. The other day I tried putting her hair into a pony tail, because she always has her hair hanging in her face, she ripped it out as soon as she got to the party she was going to. I call her "the Queen of Darkness". Of course, she hates being called that, but I just get so frustrated. Has your ex-husband been involved in the discipline of your son? Is he addressing this problem? How does your son get along with your soon-to-be?
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Y.W. answers from Richmond on February 19, 2007
I'm Y., I have and still going thru those stages, my oldest son is now 16, my daughter is 13. What kind of issues are you having? Unfortunetly, it seems to be a trying stage, of mostly what they can and can't get away with, kinda like the terrible 2's, just more advanced.
Sometimes we have to sit back and let him make his own decisions on things that he wants to do. Now, there has to be a limit to a point as to whats safe, but he needs to learn that he suffers from his own consequences, when he makes those choices. Best thing you can do at this point is to be understanding, yet be firm in your decision. Be honest with him, most of the time the truth hurts, and the only way he can grow is to make his own mistakes and to learn from them.
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J.H. answers from Greenville on February 20, 2007
i know its hard i have 5 grown children, not all of them rebelled but a man in their life helps...if dad is aware he could help since your relationship is so good also new dad can help set some boundaries. my husband was gone alot (military) but my kids knew dad was still the boss and they had minor disagreements with me. the bottom line was dad was still the boss even when he was gone and they respected that even when they didnt respect my authority. good luck:)
V.M. answers from York on February 20, 2007
I so understand what you are going through my daughter is talking back and ignoring me. For instance my parents were visiting this weekend and she told me off in front of them?! i'd asked her what her problem was and she replied "your my problem" of course after i reacted and my parents got oppioniated the whole house didn't talk for 3 hours!
She does not care to fix her hair so I cut it shorter and she still doesn't care....she is so lazy it's recidulous! Her room is a mess and will take her all day to even get it close to my version of clean.
She is getting bad grades in school and her responce was," I don't have to pass those subjects to pass the 4th grade" She already asked the teacher what classes will keep her from failing the 4th grade?
I had to actually take a box to her room and for the "bad" grades packed up 2 items per grade and put them in storage. When they come up then she gets some back well those grades came oup and the better one went way down so the things are still in storage.
She is in the "ohhhh well" "I dont care" cocky atttude. Yes it has been challengaging and there are days that I am lost. It's even harder when you single and there is not help. There dad doen't do anything he is the "playtime" daddy visits. My fiancee though is really strict too and disiplines like me if not firmer and we are getting married in July. I've warned her that the attitude had better get a grip because no matter where she is there will always be a adult figure setting her straight weather it's myself, her own father if she lived with him, my fiancee as the head of the house or even if say i died and she lived with Grandma and Grandpa she will always have rules and disipiline. Reason I say this is because with me being single all she see is mom griping.
I'm stresses too and would love to find a family in the same situation to support and have someone to talk too as friends that understand. My friends with younger kids do not understand this at all!! HHAHAHA
Just be firm in what you say and never back down!!! You have to set the ground rules and again be firm.
B.M. answers from Charlotte on February 19, 2007
I have an 11 year old (just starting with an occassional rebellious attitude) and a 14 yr. old that seems to be coming out of it, and a 19 yr. old that seems to have missed it all together and i have to tell you, through my experience, keeping a good attitude about it (try to imagine he was someone else's and react how you would if it was)BUT draw the line and put your foot down when necessary. I do not know if my strategy is correct but it seems to have worked. OH! and btw by putting your foot down, i mean taking things away,or grounding him ok?
A.D. answers from Charlotte on February 19, 2007
Our oldest (of 5) will be 12 in May and we are having this trouble also. Not wanting to talk, he just sits there not saying anything, doesn't want to do his chores, lazy about his homework.... We have even talked with our Pastor. My husband and I just keep trying and hopefully it will sink in one day! I am anxious to see the responses you get too! In parenting everything has come down to consistency, and we hope that and prayers will continue to work for our family. I just wanted to wish you luck and let you know other boys are going through this rough time as well as yours! Good Luck!