Seeking Advise with Mouthy 5 Year Old Girl

First let me start by saying that this is a phase that all of our kids about this age are going through. I think it is partly kindergarten, and them being around many other kids, struggeling to get their way and feel like they are getting attention, even if it is negative. All I can say is it is time for YOU to TAKE CONTROL NOW. You will be the bad guy for awhile, but who cares if it is turning you child back from a brat to a child again. So first, praise good behavior. EVERYTIME she back talks you, you make sure you snap and tell her you will NOT tolerate disrespect and that you are the parent, and she is the child. I am going through the tail end of that with my 5 year old daughter, and I have come to the conclusion that I had spoiled her and let her get away with toom uch in the past. She tested me, and I have always "chose my battles"- so to speak...but in the process of trying to do what I thought was right, she got a little bit too confident. So now, I, like you, am turning the tables and discussing mutual respect in relation to each of our roles, mother and daughter. We talk about appropriate verus inappropriate behavior. Ways to voice how she feels, without continuing on her nasty new habbit, that will no longer get her anywhere, but in trouble. Situations and attitude. My daughter is an only child and I am a single mother. We are together, just she and I, all of the time when she is not in all-day kindergarten. I never meant to spoil her, and I look back and it is obvious. It is so much fun to let the kids have their way, if it doesn't mean too much to me- right? So, again, when my daughter starts that behavior- I stop her in her tracks...and firmly...let me repeat FIRMLY and SWIFTLY let her know, it will not be tolerated AT ALL. How you punish when necessary is up to you..however severe. But be very serious, make sure your husband verbally supports you when with the child, and always always always follow through....even if it means changing the privillaged weekend fun plans. With the others that may be around and your husband may not be, make sure there is NEVER any laughing because it, as you know, IS NOT CUTE. It would only create your monster to grow! So have others give a look of disapproval and ignore the child until the child is looking for positive attention and deserving it. Be sure to talk about what others think of a well behaved child versus a backtalking little brat. All in all, I think your child will want to change their attitude. No one likes to be thought badly of. And no child likes to know that others don't want them around when they act that way. Keep repeating those things and keep up the praise. REMEMBER- ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS...SO ALWAYS REACT AND ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH.

Good luck D. and to your daughter as well.

2 moms found this helpful

I think your daughter is acting out for attention. There are 2 little ones in the house taking I'm sure a lot of your time--understandably so, but bad, negative attention is still attention. See if you can schedule a day with just the 2 of you, and when you do and she acts like an angel after some one on one attention...explain to her why she can't have that everyday BUT that from here on out, when she misbehaves there will be consequences. Each child has their "soft" spot. Perhaps modify a chore list...positive is always better...She gets stars or something when she does the expected good behavior, but checks or stars removed when she does bad. Set a goal together of a "prize" when she goes a week with a preset number of stars/goals reached. A new movie, ice cream whatever. This reward for intended behavior, but obvious consequences for bad behavior usually works well. Hope this helps!

HI- I am M. and I have a 7 yr old girl.. I am interested in seeing what people say about your situation cause I seem to have the exact same thing going on in my house. It has been this way for years and I thought that it would get better but it hasnt. She is now getting in trouble in school too for talking and I am getting very upset with everything. Nothing seems to work for me...

D.,
I feel your pain. My boyfriend and I have a 19 month old son and my boyfriend has a son who is 4 1/2. He is exactly as you describe your daughter with his dad but not me during parenting visits. It is very frustrating, but we have found that being consistant with time outs and taking away his favorite toys has helped. I also tell him that he isn't being very nice to Daddy when he speaks to him in that way and that seems to hurt his feelings and then he apologizes. Probably just another "stage" :) Good luck!!!

As irritating as this may sound. I think I would refuse to respond unless I got the respect I was seeking. I would also talk with her teacher. She may be going through something at school you are not aware of. A lot of kids go through terrible separation anxiety the first year of school and can not express it. The fact that you are the one who "makes" her go to school may mean you get the junk.
Since the two other kids get to stay home, she may be angry. Ever considered homeschooling? It may sound crazy, but our kids need us for a lot longer then 5 short years.

My son is 6 and he went through a phase like that. He also enjoyed blaming me for everything that went wrong or made him feel bad during that time as well. It was during the Kindergarten year as well.

I finally sat him down and told him I was not going to accept the blame for everything and that his talking back was not just disrespectful but down right mean, and I knew he wasn't a mean boy. Also I had not only my husband talk to him about Mommy deserving respect but also I had my Mom talk to him as well. My son's very close to his Grammie.

After a few weeks of reminding him close to everytime he talked back or blamed me it finally took. :) Now we are on to different and new stuff to deal with :). The never ending job of being a Mom.

I know what you are feeling.. and it's pretty helpless. It sounds like you have trained your daughter to buck against you. If you have set boundaries and let your daughter continually break them or if you haven't set any standards for behavior at all, then she will lose respect for you and will look for any opportunity to get her way. Your goal as a parent is to WIN. Be consistent in teaching and disciplining and your daughter will see that you are in control and she will know her place. I don't mean this to sound unfeeling. I promise this is the most loving thing you can do for your children and they will love you for it. I hope your husband will join you in this. There is an organization that has encouraged me in child training. It is called No Greater Joy. Just type in No Greater Joy in your web browser and you will find it. Have fun with your kids and stick to your guns.. you will indeed be blessed!

Im sorry to say i have no idea how to deal with this but I really know how you feel. I have a 3 year old who is the same way, she yells at me throws things ect. and daddy just gives her a look and she stops whatever shes doing i have to practaclly sit on her to get her to sit in time out (not litterally but you know what i mean) its hard but i just wanted to let you know you are not alone good luck! has she been tested for any learning disabilities?

HI D.,
My kids typically seem to act out more with me, than others, and I know what you say when you feel like a bad mom, b/c you think you have no control over her. I have an almost 7 year old, and have felt that way many times.
Somebody I work with, their 5 year old was starting the sassing stuff, and being very rude, ONLY to her.
well, she grabbed a handful of dishsoap and put it in his mouth. He has stopped saying "blah blah blah" to her when she tells him something. I am thinking about using this tactic.
We have to provide boundaries and control for our children, as hard as it is, b/c think of how she may be at 15 if not.
I wish you luck,and patience!
B.

Could you try to ignore it? She may see you are disturbed by it so she continues. Also, don't send her to bed as a punishment, they should never feel bedtime is a punishment... but you could send her to her room. I know you could only ignore for so long and you don't want her to feel she can get away with it or "win", but you could always see what her reaction is when you don't respond to her.

Thanks for your service to country and your dh too! I am an Air Force Vet. Mouthiness is hard. Make sure you don't get caught up in arguing with her- it is so easy. I had mouthy son- some times still. Send her to her room close the door- tell her when you are respectful you can come out. Pull priviledges. When she sees she is losing the battle it will get better. You have got to consentrate on it down because when she is 13 oh my. ---------yes, it makes us feel we are bad mothers but we aren't. I think most children listen to the dads and others more than mothers, we are so familiar- we are always there.

i think all kids are like that. they are good as gold for everybody else, but when it somes to the primary caregiver...they're demon seed. they like to push your buttons to see how much you will take and how much they can get away with. just continue with yur disipline, and when she questions you...just tell her it's becuase your the grown up and she's the child and that's it. make sure that your hubby backs you up during confrontations. she will get the picture...it'll just take some time and patience.