Saying "No" to Sensitive In-laws

Earplugs might work! My husband snores and I'm a light sleeper. They're a lifesaver.

Otherwise, I'd tell them that the baby will keep them awake, and you'd like a separate room to spare them having to listen to the crying, feeding, changing and soothing that will happen (several times) in the middle of the night.

You could graciously decline the offer saying that with the baby it would be to h*** o* all of you to stay in the same room. Tell you really wish you could and that you really appreciate the offer. If they want you to go they may offer to get another room!
Good luck,
S.

Just say that the baby has a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night and you know you wouldn't be able to rest easy knowing that the baby could keep them up at night.

Or you can say that the baby startles easy at loud noises. lol

It's rude to ask them to pay for a separate room. You need to be gentle, but direct. Tell your husband, that he needs to handle it - since it's their son, it should come across easier for them.

Something like, "Mom, we'd love to go with you and Dad, but the baby needs sleep and we can use ear plugs, but the baby can't. Like, I said, we'd really love to go with you, we can't afford our own room, so it might be better if you go alone and then we can do some fun things when you get back from the cruise."

This gives them all of the info, without hurting their feeling and if they get hurt, it's not your problem. You are not trying to be mean, just honest...and no one can fault you for that. If they want to offer you your own room, then great and if not, then you aren't going. I'm not sure you if you can even afford 1/2 of the cost of a room. if not, then you are best to bow out.

If you aren't honest now, it will only get harder as the baby gets bigger AND that will hurt more - petty excuses.

Hi M., I would just tell them, thanks for the offer, but it would be more romantic if we had our own room, not to mention, it would be easier with the baby. You may want to offer to pay half for your own room in good faith but that would be up to you. J.

Honey, you dont. You dont ask to stay in another room...

Here's my feeling...an experienced reason...
I am a single mom of a teenage girl, and a "baby" girl age 3. My husband left me long ago when my oldest was a baby, and the other father wouldnt marry me and left me at five mos preggo after a 7 yr relationship.
I have lost my dear mother, my sister, my brother, and my father is very ill.
When I think back on times like yours, I cherish every second, and things like snoring later become humorous! Though I know it's not humorous to you, but I want you to look at the fortune you have...your baby, the daddy, the grandparents. I remember piling in with my special "Grandmommy", whom I've lost also(she died in my arms as my mom did).
Life has a way of coming full circle about some things as time goes by, and you could make this noisy stay in the room all together quite fun. Cards? Board games? Movies with popcorn all of you piled on the bed?
Get close, love, laugh, pass the beautiful baby around that you are all very closely related to, right down the line.
Rejoice!
I understand your feeling crowded and not being able to sleep well, but the gain you could have compared to the negative things is, well, no comparison!

Enjoy baby, enjoy eachother, for whom all of you are so lucky to share this opportunity.

Sincerely,

Wendy

this is a delicate situation. I am a grandma and understand your dilemna. If I were you I would perhaps blame my need for our own room on the baby..............grandparents cannot say no to their grandchild no matter how sensitive they are. "the baby cannot sleep with any disturbance at all, etc". I think this will solve your problem

I used to have this same problem with my in-laws. Now, I make sure my husband books our own room. When we were in one room, I would end up hating the vacation because I was cranky from being together too much. I needed my privacy at the end of the day, especially when you have babies! Now, when we have our own room, we have a great vacation! Good luck.

That is very generous of your in-laws, but cruise cabins are VERY SMALL. We've been on several cruises, and with a family of 5, we are constantly bumping into each other. It's only 2 adults and 3 kids for us, not 4 adults and 1 baby. I think you and your husband will be miserable being cooped up in the same room with you in-laws for 4 days.

Maybe you could thank them for their generosity and tell them that with the baby being so small - less than 1 yr old, it's probably better for you guys to just stay home. Nov. is close to winter, maybe a lot of cold virus going around during that time.

From experience, 5 people in 1 cruise cabin is NO VACATION, esp. 4 adults and 1 baby.

Although I'm sure your in-laws feel they are being loving and generous by taking you on a cruise, the suggestion that you all stay in the same room is just inappropriate. I realize they may be sensitive, but their request is VERY insensitive. You have a choice. Either suggest politely to them that you really need your own room during the cruise, or, if they say that is not possible, then respectfully let them know that as much as you would love to go on the cruise, you will be unable to attend. You really don't have to explain to them why, but if they ask, explain that you have "privacy" issues which will lead them to believe the decision is because of something you need, versus a problem with snoring on their part. Staying in the same room is just out of the question as far as I'm concerned.

Sounds like maybe you should just pass if you can't afford to pay the extra for your own room. That is what I would do at least. If you don't want to offend just say the little one is just to small to go on a cruise for now. You can't really ask them to pay more money, I don't feel that would be appropriate.

MAKE YOUR HUSBAND let them know you would love to join them but will need your own room due to the baby. Offer to pay half of the room's cost. If that is unaffordable at the time, then you might prefer to stay home. Your privacy as a family is important.(PS = this is easier said than done, good luck)

I know this is hard -- I haven't been able to say anything to my husband, who really snores, so I know how hard it is.

But here's the thing: I don't think you can ask him to spend more money on you. He and his wife are trying to treat you. To tell him their gift isn't good enough really isn't cool.

I think you have three choices (1) go, as is, and deal with the snoring, (2) pay for your own room, or (3) say "thanks very much but we aren't able to go."

You can give whatever excuse for any of these three actions; whether you talk to him about his snoring is up to you. But as I see it, these are the only polite courses of action available to you.

I'm gearing up to talk to my husband about his snoring, because a colleague said her spouse snored because of sleep apnea, which could be fatal in his case. I want my spouse to be checked for that. You might say something like that to your FIL. Good luck.

Good one... You have to make a decision here; whether you choose the vacation as offered knowing you will not get enough rest and taking naps during the day as best you can, or kindly saying no thanks. I don't think you can tactfully ask for another room, because they are not taking you seriously about the snoring, Dad is not bothered by it and Mom has probably learned to sleep through; but you can tactfully and lovingly as sweetly as possible explain that a small baby needs to be able to rest, and so does his mom, and this is why you have to refuse. It's not a luxury, its absolutely necessary in order to maintain health. You do not want the baby to get sick as such a young age. If the baby is breast-fed, he is more likely to be able to endure this. If not, I would not consider it at all. In some countries, they don't even take the baby out of the house for six months.

Protect a well-meaning old man's feelings and get those earplugs. You will all survive for 4 days. It seems like a big deal now, when your own routine is so sensitive with a newborn, but in the long run I think you'll be glad you didn't ask for another room (which is....quite rude, actually...I would suggest not going at all before doing that...)

M. sometimes you just have to sit down with them and say this, we love you both and appreciate your generous offer, but grandpa snores to loud and we are not used to it and it keeps us awake, we are not asking you to buy another room for us and we cannot afford it, so not much choice left but to decline going. Besides a maried couple with baby should have there own room, no matter if your related or not. The might be old, but your not to be up front and honest, its like a waste of there money if you don't have a good time. (Right ! )My dad is going to be 78 yrs old this Sunday, he expects us to be up front and honest with him it might hurt his feelings at first but he gets over it, he would rather spend time with us then to miss the fun and be mad.

Be brave just be honest !!!

Has he tried "Breath Right" nasal strips. My dad uses these and my mom says they are a miracle. Shes had to sleep on the couch for a while until they found those and she says they absolutly work. They sell them at most drug or grocery stores. They come in different sizes. Even football players use them on the field so they can breath better while playing. Hope this helps.

Hi M.,

Actually, earplugs work very well (my husband snores) so I guess the issue is whether your baby can sleep with the noise or not. If not, you may just have to say no to the trip.

V.

I would say... "Dad. That is so wonderful of you to offer... but little (your sons name) will be 8 months old and his sleep schedule might keep everyone awake and it wouldn't be fair to him or any of us if he cant stretch out and cry if he wants to. It might be more comfy if he has room to roam and be himself. (This leaves it open for him to suggest the second room or if he doesn't I'd say) "that's why maybe its better if we stay home." I know you'd like to go.. but for me... I'll stay home and lack sleep before I go and let someone put me out in a strange place. I have four children and know the little sleep you get.. is all too precious ;)G/L

Can you ask for adjoining rooms? Explain that you would love to room with them but with a new baby, he needs his sleep as much as you need yours or it would be a difficult week for all of you. Also explain that being up throughout the night with a little one would make you uncomfortable with other people trying to sleep in the room. (yes, not all 8 month olds sleep through the night)
I wouldnt go into detail as to why but explain that the change in routine is tough enough but with other people in the room it would be very difficult.

Good luck!

No offense intended, but grow up and talk to them like adults. Kindly explain that it will be uncomfortable for all, and that since this is currently not financially feasible for you, that you're going to take a pass. Perhaps you can plan a very nice outing when they come, theatre etc.

5 people in a cruise cabin is not going to be a vacation, it will be an annyoying waste of money.

Have you been on a cruise before? I have been on approximately 15 and I will tell you to go on line and
look at the cabins. The four day cruises tend to use
older ships with extremely small cabins. Four adults in
one of them is unbearable. Not to mention there is only
one tiny bathroom. I have always gotten great deals on my cabins so don't think that I am not on a budget.
I actually would tell you that if it were me, I would
prefer to stay home than crowd 4 people in a small cabin.
The worse part, is that your baby is going to need space and there won't be any with 4 adults in a cabin. Where is the baby going to sleep because if you bring in a cric there will be NO room on the floor at all!

On the 4 day cruises, I had 1 other adult and one child.
One of my adult sons brough 2 other adults with him.


The solution. First try to find out how much they are going to pay for the cruise and see if you can find a better deal. I usually first go to www.cruisesonly.com and look at the prices and get the idea. Then I contact www.smoothsailing.com and they usually get me a better price then cruisesonly.com.
The difference in price between 2 and 4 in a room is
probably only a few hundred dollars and will be worth your
sanity.
Tell your inlaws that the cabins are way too small--
and that people have told you that it is impossible to take
a shower in the tiny little bathroom and get dress.
You will be stressed over the getting dress, going to bathroom and then trying to go to sleep. Getting the
baby to sleep with all those people will be a major problem. The tv will be right near where you will put the baby. Go on line and look at the cabins dimensions.
Hope this helps. I love cruises and am sure you will have a nice time-- however, the cabin can make or break a cruise. So try to get your own space.

Could you afford part of the difference in price? Even with it being a baby, they would have to book a 5 person room. See if you can check out the price differnce between a 2 person and 3 person cabin before you approuch them. Then explain that "The baby really isn't sleeping well through the night, and you've heard that it could take the full first year for them to learn to sleep through the night," (this is especially true for breat fed babies) "so you were hoping that perhaps we could pay $$$ and we could book 2 seperate rooms so that the baby doesn't keep them up." (also, from my quick search, it looks like fire safety will require you to be in seperate cabins. :o) )

I will not name the snoring situation or privacy but i think you have the right to say yes or not with out offenses. may be next time when it is more reasonable. Discuss with your husband for him all the situation is natural and perfect right remember it is only what he knows and never he will disagree but we are looking for your peace and enjoyable time + with a baby and small cruise room. The good thing going, it is you can sleep all day and go out with your husband at night cruise line entertaint you 24 hours with food and shows..
but more important you willingness to do it either one.
Sometimes set boundaries validate your opinion and the respect of others.

While earplugs might do the trick for the 2 of you, what do you plan on doing for the baby? Traveling wreaks havoc on childrens sleep. I know, I do it often. My kids have always woken up more than normal when we travel. We mostly go to my sisters, which they are familiar with, yet still the change in routine/environment etc. does a number on their sleep habits. I cant imagine adding a loud constant noise into the equation!
If you feel your inlaws can handle it, honesty is the best policy. "We are worried about your snoring and all 3 of our sleep habits while on the cruise". Or you can just say that your baby is a very light sleeper and you are afraid of what the snoring will do to his sleep--which will make for a less than desirable time for you. Suggest a room with a partition or some sort of suite type room where you can possibly be sheltered from it. Maybe their budget will change after hearing your concerns. If you cant talk to them about it, or they wont budge, I would suggest tactfully bowing out of the trip. Sometimes you have to stand up for your family, even if it means standing up to the people closest to you. I have been there too. Good luck, but once you do this, it will make it that much easier to approach them with other touchy subjects.

Dear M.-

How badly do you want to go on the cruise? I agree with several others that the snoring and crowding in such a small space may make it stressful and not much of a vacation. And even if you can get the earplugs, what about the baby?

One way to approach them is to say how uncomfortable you will be having the baby in the same room- even though they are welcoming and generous, it will make you anxious and unable to relax. I've told friends this when they've invited us to stay with them- that I just would feel to anxious about my baby not bothering them, being able to soothe my baby, etc. without your own private space, and that it would be too stressful to enjoy yourselves. If this is true for you you might be able to explain it this way without offending them. In any case, you'll have to decide if it's worth it to walk away from the cruise if you can't get the 2nd room- honestly, you'd be doing everyone a favor asking for the 2nd room- don't they want to enjoy themselves too?

Good luck!

One cabin for 4 adults and a crib sounds way too small. Unless you can pay for your own room, I'd decline, saying that you're just not up for taking an 8 month old on a cruise. Traveling with a baby can be hard. It's not the traveling part, per se, but the disruption in routine, strange place, different time zones, etc. that is difficult on a little one. Our son has always been a champion sleeper and almost never wakes up in the night, but when we go anywhere new, he often wakes up crying a time or two on the first night. Not a great way to start a vacation.

I agree with the poster who said that the baby will probably be fine with the snoring itself. Please do yourself a favor now, since he is only 3 months old...DON'T get in the habit of making the house very, very quiet so the baby can sleep. You will end up with a light sleeper. I don't advocate making it obnoxiously loud, but DO make normal house noises. Walk around, open and shut other doors, TALK IN A NORMAL VOICE, have the T.V. on low. This way, your baby will learn to ignore these normal sounds of living and learn to sleep through them.

I loved Tammy A's response! And she is right...the more you focus on the snoring and worry about how you will sleep, you are pretty much guaranteeing that you won't sleep. I had this issue with crows outside our window every morning at 5 a.m. As long as I was laying there plotting their demise, I couldn't go back to sleep. Once I accepted that they were not going to go away and started ignoring them, I started sleeping. Now I am not even sure if they are still there, because they don't wake me up anymore. I think once you accept that you can't do anything about your Father-in-law's snoring, your brain will be able to push it into the background as something you don't have to pay attention to and you will sleep better in the future.

That said, I do have another suggestion for you. If your in-laws are game (i.e. they are aware that the snoring is an issue for you and would not be too offended by your doing something about it), try using white noise. It may be enough to mask Grandpa's snoring. And I wouldn't worry about not hearing the baby through the white noise or earplugs if you opt for those. They just deaden the sound and you WILL hear the baby if he cries. On trips, we would take our baby monitor and put it on the wrong channel (or turn it on, but don't have the baby's broadcaster part on). Sometimes we have put the radio on between stations.

Anyway, I also agree with the poster who said that, ABOVE ALL, your husband needs to take the lead on this issue. HE needs to be the one to approach his parents and present the decision as his decision (or as a joint decision with you). He must NOT present it as, "M. is uncomfortable with..." or "M. thinks it would be..." as if he is delivering a message from you. Even if they love you to pieces, you will still be the bad guy.

Good luck with your decision and congratulations on your baby!

Can your Father-in-Law's wife speak to him? Sometimes, when no other person can get through to a person, a wife can.

Of course, with an infant... being all in one room will NOT be easy. Remember, your baby is the "baby" here.... I hope stepping-on-eggshells around your FIL does not supplant the needs of an infant.

It's certainly nice of them to take you all on a cruise... but well, it's only for 4 days. You can use ear-plugs...but then you won't be able to "hear" your own baby either during the middle of the night...you will be needing to wake up and nurse him (if breastfeeding) or feeding him... and changing diapers etc., and even for normal crying or wakings during the night.
It will also be an adjustment for your baby... he may not sleep well at night or might. You will not know how your baby will behave once on this trip. And, there will be naps for baby too to "schedule." And where are you all going to sleep? How many beds will there be in this room? Does the cruise ship have "cribs" for babies to use? Keep in mind, if you all sleep in the same bed with baby... well, this can be dangerous for an infant. Also, it can alter or affect your baby's sleep habits too.... when it is time for your baby to sleep at night... and you are ALL in the room making noise or watching tv or have the lights on... HOW IN THE WORLD is your baby going to get sleep??? Once baby goes to bed....I would think that it should be "lights out" for everyone... or you will need to go back to the room, get baby to bed and stay there with him, while the others can be out of the room...but they will need to be quiet when they return to the room.... otherwise risk waking baby up. ALL these details.... which is important for a baby and the duties of a Mom/Parent at home or on a trip. Many babies are hard to put to bed to begin with...and they wake at night... or cry and cry if being put to bed... this will be a doozy to contend with with EVERYONE in the same room... your baby may not fall asleep so well with everyone there. At least that is how it was for my kids....

It seems like the focus here is "pleasing" your FIL... and although generous and kind as he may be.... your baby will need to come first... your Hubby needs to realize that too. A baby cannot wear ear plugs. And because you are Parents to a baby... I would not, myself, take sleeping pills/supplements since you will need to be "alert" should your baby wake up or cry or need you for any discomforts or feeding. Nor would I give a baby this young any kind of "sleeping aide" either, just to circumvent your FIL's loud snoring.

the thing is, this is a trip for all of you and it's really great.. but I hope FIL remembers, that baby will have to come first....and the "mothering" that he needs.

One thing that helps snoring, is those "band-aid" like strips that you place over the bridge of the nose... maybe your FIL can get those, or you get it for him? (it's called "Breathe Right Nasal Strips." It does work, my Dad used to use them, even athletes use them too. You can get them at any drug store or on Amazon.com) Also, no matter how "sensitive" an older Grandparent may be... I would think that anyone would understand that "compromise" for the best interest of a baby, their grandchild, would be more important....

I know it's not easy... and your FIL sounds like a dear man... but really, you need to address the needs of your baby and your family.. .together with your Hubby. It will be a tight room with all of you in there. It may not be a very "relaxing" trip this way... nor pleasant and induce more stress instead.

And sure, does the cruise ship "know" how many people WILL be in there, in ONE cabin all together? Unless you are all in a "suite" with larger accommodations. There are capacity limits...

good luck,
~Susan

Hi M.,
What a quandry!
I suggest: 1) Use the baby as an excuse-and bow out. Especially before they lose their money. Is the cruiseline
able to accomodate 5 in one stateroom?
2) Get snor spray!! The "Snor Extinguisher" works real well,
but it is sort of expensive. There is another called,"Snor
Relief"
I don't think ear plugs are a bad idea either. I use them every night of my life.(I sleep very lightly)My husband snores real well sometimes.
But I don't think you'd want to try them for the baby!
Therein lies the quandry!
Good Luck!
C. S.

Yep, it's absolutely inappropriate to ask for them to pay for a separate room for you. If you can pay the difference, great. If not, I'd suggest the earplugs.

Really? 4 adults and a baby in one room? Have you ever been on a cruise ship? We just did. The rooms are tiny. As another mom said, maybe you'll get a suite or adjoining rooms. Ask about that. Seriously, between the baby crying, the FIL snoring and the rocking, you'll probably wish you just stayed home. Which cruise line? Will there be a place to take the baby? Some have nuseries where you can drop off the baby for a while, otherwise you're toting him around everywhere. Don't get me wrong, they take really great care of the kids on cruises. Do some more research. Talk to a travel agent to get some insight. It could be lots of fun. Or not. Just saying.
Good luck.
M.

You have a few options: 1) Don't go on the cruise. 2) Appeal to your mother in law, as a mom. Let her know that you would appreciate your own room as you would like to keep to the baby's schedule and not disrupt the sleeping schedule of her and her husband. 3) Buy a box of the Breathe Right snore strips and give them to your father in law. Let him and his wife know that you are concerned about his health and suggest that they look into a sleep study to test him for sleep apnea. 4) Buy earplugs if the other suggestions don't work. Hope this helps. Good luck to you in your situation.

I didn't read through every reply so I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this or not: has it occurred to your in-laws that THEY may not get enough sleep with an 8-month old in their cabin? (This could make a good argument for you that directs the attention away from you not wanting to share a room.) If it were me, I might consider not going at all. Some people may think it's worth it, but to me sleep and privacy are too valuable to give up just for the sake of a "free" vacation (nothing is free). But then again, I'm imagining being cramped up like this with my own MIL and it just gives me shivers. (Nice lady, but I lived with her for 6 months and that was quite enough for one lifetime, thank you very much.)

How unfortunate that you have to be in this situation. I completely empathize with you on this issue. My husband has obstructive sleep apnea and until he was diagnosed and given a CPAP (constant positive air pressure) machine to sleep with, his snoring would wake the whole neighborhood. I insisted on this once our first child was born. Now we all sleep like babies. In fact, I feel like you should broach the situation with your in-laws by letting them know that your infant will not sleep with this much distraction and cannot wear earplugs. In addition, it wouldn't be wise for you to wear ear plugs either, as you need to be able to hear the baby when he wakes at night. Therefore, unless they want the baby to cry all night long (which will keep the father-in-law from sleeping) then a second room should be purchased. By the way, sleep apnea can be life threatening. Maybe your father-in-law should be tested. Good luck to you

Are they getting a suite or something? How can you all fit in one room?! If it is a suite, perhaps there is a door that can be closed. Cruise lines do offer adjoining cabins which may be the way to go.

If you want a separate room, pay the price difference. Tell them you are worried about the baby's crying disturbing them and that the baby will need extra space (he'll most likely be crawling then).

They are being very genorous and you must be gracious about it. If you are insistant on the extra room and they won't budge, either tough it out or say no thank you to the trip. Don't cause any hard feelings.

Earplugs sound like a great idea. (Sorry, no pun intended.)

I don't think it's fair to ask your in-laws to pay even more for their generous gift.

Have you gone on this cruise before? When we booked our cruise we paid per person, not per room so I'm a little confused. If you don't want to spend 4 days in a small, and I mean tiny room with your in-laws and your baby why can't you just say "No thank you"? You definitely shouldn't make them feel obligated to upgrade.

I am not sure which cruise your family is going to take but they can be expensive. I think that if you want your own room and are going to insist on it then it is your responsibility to pay for it. I don't think it is fair to ask them to pay for an additional room. I think they have been pretty clear where they draw the line by offering but only getting one room. I know that it sounds great going on a cruise but at what cost? Sometimes you have to make sacrafices- finacial or budget saving. I am sorry this is probably something you don't want to hear but I am trying to be practical. Good Luck!

I would reconsider the earplug idea because you need to be able to hear your baby's cries, unless you take turns wearing them. You could wear them the first night, then your husband, then you and then him. That way, you are only half as cranky.

You could also state that the baby wakes up very easily and that he needs to be in a completely quiet room(no snoring) and that a fussy, tired baby on a cruise is no fun at all.

He's sensitive?
tough!

I have the same problem and miss many fun things as I cant sleep with noises. Trying to function without sleep is completely impossible and after 2 nights takes me over a week to try to recover.
Earplugs are little help!
and it is not a joke.

Man, they must sleep like rocks to be willing to share with a couple and a young baby! Many people don't get bothered by noise spome even like 'White Noise' and can ignore it, not me!

I think you need to point out you are both light sleepers and just thank them but explain you couldn't take them up on this.

If you can go halves on a second room that's what i would offer to do... or suggest that anyway?
and see if they can take you seriously (or want to get you a whole room)
Good Luck!

Well you know the snoring will cause your 8-month old to wake up and SCREAM like no-ones-business! So why not tell them that you hope they will be able to get some sleep (on the cruise) despite your 8-months olds nightly screaming fits and also add, if they decide to get a second room you and your husband will not be offended.

Is there any chance that your father in law might have sleep apnea? That kind of snoring tends to be one of the bigger symptoms. If he did a sleep study and it got confirmed, he might be able to start on an APAP machine (there is also an older model called a CPAP) which gets rid of the snoring. Then his sleep would improve and his general health and everyone could be on the cruise in one room without having to wear ear plugs.

Just a thought...

By the way, sleep studies are very easy to set up. It all starts off with getting a referral from a family practice doctor. Then you go to a specialist who give you a blood oxygen monitor that you wear overnight on your finger while oxygen is breathed in through your nostrils from a nose thing...sorry, sudden lack of vocabulary there. If the overnight home test is positive he is then taken for an overnight sleep study at a lab.

Hi ! I'd suggest - you can either welcome the experience as yet another divine humility training ...
or you can try to explain - that you DO need one extra room - because the baby is still SO little and needs sleeping and nursing periods during the day & the night - and that it'll be so good to have ONE extra room ... how about two adjoining rooms ? Either which way- ENJOY the BREEZE and the Love of your family !!

Hi M.,

You have gone on two cruises before staying in the same room as your in-laws? Did I understand that correctly?? I just ask because I've been on only one cruise before but my goodness, those rooms are tiny!! And for four people in one room?!

Anyway, I think that even with one of the suites on a cruise, four adults plus an active baby are going to be too much in one room. You'll have quite a bit of luggage for all of you plus a pack and play or something for your son to be sleeping in. Nobody will have any personal space at all. And then sharing that small bathroom together??

Can you just simply tell your in-laws that you feel one room for all of you will simply be too small and that you would like your own room? Explain how appreciative and excited you are about going on the cruise but with the baby, you'll need some extra space and privacy. Remind him of the size of those rooms and how much baggage you'll be carrying on, plus a bed for the baby, needing space for that bed, etc. I know you're at his budget's mercy, but could yall offer to pay a portion of your own room? I wouldn't even bring up the snoring thing as an issue.

If the space really isn't an issue for yall (like it would be for me), I would just suck up the snoring and go and enjoy yourselves the best you can.

-Char

I think unless you offer to pay for an extra room yourself, you should probably opt for the earplugs or, if the problem is that bad, respectfully decline the offer altogether for the sake of sleep. I believe it would be overstepping the bounds of etiquette not to accept the gift as-is and to request more from such generous, well-intentioned parents.

Tell your husband to buck up and speak to his father about this. Four adults and one baby in a cruise cabin is unacceptable!

Hi M.:
I can see you've recieved several responses, My first thought,when reading your request,was Why are they taking a baby on a cruise? I realize,shes young and you don't like the thought of leaving her. Maybe your breast-feeding,and it would be to difficult.A cruise,or a romantic trip to Hawaii,is intended for the two of you to relax and enjoy each other.At eight months old,your baby certainly won't have any fond memories of the trip.She is 3 months now,but I would bet in another 5 months you and your hubby will be ready for a little getaway.You have five months in which you could find someone reliable to care for your baby for 4 days,while you take some quality time together,or to save a little out of each check,to pay for the extra cabin.Its not that expensive for an additional cabin.I do know they are small and close quarters. Even ear-plugs won't block out a snorer thats nearly up against your face! While I believe your inlaws mean well,I feel they defeat the whole purpose of the trip,by attempting to cram everyone in one room. The idea is to relax and enjoy yourselves.I'd Either decline the offer,or come up with a plan to save for that extra cabin.I wish you the best.

Oh, my gosh. Rooms are so teeny tiny on a cruise it would almost be too small for you, your husband and baby, let alone two more adults!!! This is your opportunity to make a point. However, I think you shouldn't ask for another room. Not cool. Find out how much another room is. If you can pay, great. If you can't, tell them you tried but cannot afford another room and decline the entire invitation. Then, if they want, they have the option of buying another room. Just be really willing not to go.

Hi, I see you've received numerous replies. If you feel like reading another one, here are my thoughts. I think it is quite understandable that you want a separate room. I can't think of a cruise cabin that would be big enough for 5 people anyway. I would just honestly state that you need another room. Then I would say, since we can't afford it right now, although we'd like to go with you, I don't think we'll be able to. That way your in laws aren't
"expected" to pay for your way.

We use earplugs when sleeping in the same room with other people. I have also taken nighttime medicine at 7-8 pm so it kicks in early enough and am not groggy in the morning.

I've been on many cruises and I've stayed in many different sized cabins. The last cruise I went on we stayed in the Owner's Suite. It was lovely and large, but even then it was absolutely not big enough for 4 adults and one child. There was only one other suite on the ship (and only 1 of them) that was bigger and had 2 bedrooms. The cruise I took was on a brand new ship, with lots of amenities. Still no way I'd share a cabin with another couple.

If you are in a cabin other than a suite then I'd say it's virtually impossible. And, I'm not sure how much money FIL would ultimately save since they charge per person. I wouldn't imagine he'd be saving a heck of a lot in any case. Perhaps you could make up the difference? If not, then I'd pass on this trip and tell them you might consider next time.

I bet some of us are thinking how easy it would be to just tell him like it is, but we all have different personalities and different ways to handle conflict. If it was your own dad I'm sure it would be a lot easier, right? But I would still encourage you to be forthright with him and tell him you can't be in the same room or you will have to decline their "generous" offer of going on the cruise. But that's just me. The earplugs can work for you and your husband but not your children. Have you thought about asking your husband to handle it? It is his parents afterall...

Hope it works out!
A.

i feel its ur husbands duty to tell pops. man, can't u two save for 1 room? there is so much to do that all 5 of you will knock out for the night. hit up on the mom in law. talk to her about the snoring. what can they do? cancell ur share of the costs on a trip you're dreading to go anyways??

Personally, I would be so resentful of the lack of sleep that I wouldn't be able to stand it and be civil. And even if you remedy the noise with earplugs, your baby won't be wearing them.
I would find a diplomatic way to decline or come up with the money for your own cabin.
It's too bad that they aren't more sensitive to your needs, but that's just how it is.
Good luck

Staying in the same room with your in-laws and a baby who needs to have nap times during the day would be near impossible. Your baby's sleep schedule will probably be all messed up due to traveling and schedule changes, maybe even time changes. Maybe your in-laws don't realize that you would have to monopolize the room twice a day for nap time, and they would basically be out of a room during that time. Snoring seems to me to be the least of your worries. Maybe if you explain that having a baby requires privacy, and a quiet room with no interruptions. I know you said that you can't afford your own room, but could you afford to just pay the difference in price having two rooms would cost? Some cruise ships have suites, too. But they are very pricey. Good luck. Remember, be honest with your in-laws, I imagine if they really understood your predicament, they would pay the extra money for the room just to be able to have you guys come with them.

well I have been on cruises before and I didn't think more than 4 people per room. anyway I would just sit him down and say that now that you have the baby you would like to have your own privacy. and that space is limited bc you will need a crib or playpen for the baby and his needs should come first.

Play up the space issue I have been on cruises and those rooms are tiny and I have a 3 year old and the room felt so small with two adults and a kid. I don't see how you guys wil;l have any walking room. once you throw in the crib or wherever the baby will sleep and suitcases thats a lot of stuff.

I hope you figure it out.

It sounds like your in laws mean well and want to spend time with your family. It also sounds like although you would love to spend time with them as well, the sleeping arrangements don't make that time enjoyable. Since you both have the mutual goal of wanting to spend ENJOYABLE time together and you all want to go on the cruise, it sounds like there needs to be a conversation about what your family needs in order to allow that to happen for you. If you don't bring up the snoring, but instead state that with a young child that is easily woken up and parents (you) who need additional space and sleep that you will need your own cabin for the cruise. It also means that if they don't feel like they can afford to accommodate your family's need (which is understandable) that your family will need to choose which is more important to you; going on the trip and maybe not having the experience you would like or staying home and going on another trip another time where everyone's needs an be met with ease.

It is sometimes hard for us to tell those we love what we need because often we are afraid that they will be hurt or they will not hear us. Being clear about our own needs and what we are willing to compromise and what we are not, makes these kinds of conversations come smoother, especially when we are compassionate about the other person's needs and feelings too.

Good Luck and Many Blessings.

Hi, M.
I'm sure you're going to get a lot of the same advice I'm going to give you, but here goes. My wonderful, sweet sensitive husband snores like a bear nearly every night. About a year and a half into his snoring, I gave up and got earplugs. I suggest you and hubby do the same. Now, not all earplugs are created equal. The ones I found that work the best are the ones sold for gun shooting. They are still the same size and you mush them, put them in and they conform to the shape of your ear and drown out the noise wonderfully. The ones you get for snoring or swimming do not work nearly as well. It cuts the snoring down to just a quiet dull sound which you can work into your subconscious as you drift off to sleep. Now, your little one may have a bit more difficulty with no earplugs, but he will be going down for naps anyway, so you can take advantage of that for him (and you) to catch up on any sleep lost. You'll be able to hear your baby cry (take it from me I know), and even if not, there are two other adults who will waken you & let you know that baby is crying. (call it payback, baby! heheh j/k)

Also, you can try a "white noise" CD next to where you and yours will sleep. That'll help, and you can say it's to help your little one sleep!

Good luck, and just don't forget to Have Fun!

L.

Wow. Someone is offering to pay for a four day cruise and you are complaining about his snoring? Man o man, focus on having fun! This won't come around again. Babies sleep through noise and your baby will too. Get the ear plugs and for goodness sake, have some fun! It is a very generous thing for them to do for you guy's. Isn't it worth the sacrifice?

We have been on a number of family cruises. We take the whole family and pay for the little ones in their own rooms, but we have the cash. Suggestion, let your in laws take care of the baby and go party in the crows nest until dawn.
Don't miss a fun experience over a little sleep. Life is too short.
I am not being funny. This is what I would do if I could.

I have traveled all over the world with little babies and never and still don't want to miss anything.

Good luck and have a good time.

Get the earplugs or don't go on the cruise. Insisting (or asking nicely) to pay for another room for you three would seem terribly ungrateful. Maybe you could suggest some Breathe Right strips to your mother-in-law?

I had a problem when my stepfather moved in with us. He had the loudest snoring (you could hear it OUTSIDE and on the other end of the house!) and I had the room right next to him. Later, when I left home, I couldn't sleep because I didn't hear the snoring.

The more you focus on it, the more of a problem it will become. Believing you won't get any sleep will only guarantee that you won't. Bring some pure lavender drops, take a bath or make yourselves sufficiently tired so you're just too tired to notice the noise. *nudge nudge wink wink*

Good luck!

What about buying your inlaws those little nose strips to relieve snoring? That and ear plugs should work...or maybe you could use a head set and listen to music from your MP3 player? Other than that, it looks like you will be staying home in a silent but happy home.

why can't you be direct with your in laws? this is really childish problem. either take the offer or don't go. or... don't be too cheap and pay for your own room.

Hi M. -

You could use the old "the baby will keep YOU up, mom & dad" -- and likely at 8 months there will be teething issues and the baby will be keeping people up, so it won't be an un-truth. But I can't really see a way out of having to pay for your own room, unless your in-laws offer on their own.

Or, you could just get those earplugs, or ask for extra pillows for over your heads, and just know in advance that you'll lose some sleep. The baby might be just fine; mine could sleep through jackhammers. Teething would keep her up; but noise, never.

Good luck and have a wonderful time. I'm sure you'll all work it out.

All the best to you & your family,
Colleen

If they are the ones who are footing the bill, I don't think it's appropriate to ask them to spend more so that you can have your own room. If you can't afford to pay for a separate room, maybe it's best to save up so that you can afford your own room for the next trip and everyone will be happy with the arrangements.

I guess there's no such thing as a free trip. You have to take the good (FREE trip for you) with the bad (snoring from the GENEROUS in-laws who are paying your way!)

(And just curious as to why you call your in-laws "ultra-sensitive"? It seems as though the "generous" tag should outweigh their perceived insensitivity, and to have someone complain about the arrangements when they aren't paying the bill would probably make me sensitive, too.)

Hi M.,
I absolutely agree that this is a very delicate situation. You have a choice, though, of whether to go or not. I agree with the others who said that it would be very rude to ask for them to get you your own room, since that is not what they offered. They offered to take you, but to share a room. Period. I, too, have been on a cruise and even though we had a balcony suite it was extremely tiny and I think you would not enjoy sharing the space, even if no one snored! So, it seems like you would do best bowing out and telling them, like someone else suggested, thank you for their generosity, but that the baby is too young and you aren't ready for a cruise right now. You don't need to make it about the snoring (maybe he's embarrassed and that's why he brushes it off), just about you and your family. What would be fun for the next time might be to start saving now and plan a trip with them in the future where you can afford to have your own room, and who knows, maybe they'll offer to pay for half, or even the whole thing. The point is, you will be demonstrating to them that you need your own space, but don't expect them to pay for it! And then you won't mind who's snoring! Also, it just occurred to me that maybe they would not be happy sharing a room with you guys, in the end, since babies often cry at night and can be disruptive to older people who are not used to waking up like that! But if your mother-in-law can stand the snoring it's not likely she'll mind a little crying, huh?! :) Anyway, good luck to you! It's a sticky situation, but I am sure you will resolve it in a kind and thoughtful way, for both yourself and your in-laws.
J.

Yea, I second the earplugs. In this case the only thing to do otherwise would be to pay for your own room. The thing is, I'm sure they would have gotten you your own room if they had the money. But even if they CAN afford it, there is no acceptable way for you to ask for something like that when they're already being nice enough to treat you to a cruise. I say buy some of those noise canceling headphones, or (a cheaper alternative), buy some "atmosphere" music, like waves crashing or rain, whatever you find soothing, and listen to that on headphones as you sleep to drown out the snoring. I highly doubt your baby will have problems. Most babies (esp at that age) can sleep through anything- at the most he might have a one night period of adjustment.

They are your husband's parents. He needs to have a heart to heart with them, not wimp out and buy earplugs.

Hi,

I sympathize with you. It's hard to understand the severity of this problem until you've experienced it first-hand. My father-in-law and my husband are probably the loudest snorers on the planet. I hope that my sons do not inherit this condition--it may limit their options in roommates and partners. (I can hear my husband and father-in-law across the house--with the door to the bedroom where they are sleeping closed.) My father-in-law makes jokes about it, too. To me, after months of virtually no sleep and sleeping on the couch, it's no joke. Even though loud snoring interferes with my sleep, I do not like to use earplugs for the following reasons: if the earplugs are good enough to block out the sound of my husband's and my FIL's snoring, then I cannot hear fire alarms, my alarm to wake me up for work, phone calls made early in the morning, which is common in my case as I am often on-call, baby's crying, etc. In short, the use of earplugs creates a safety hazard. Lack of sleep creates a hazard, too. I would try to be direct and polite in dealing with the FIL. So he's and sensitive and getting old. You are not mistreating him by tactfully stating your needs. If your in-laws don't or can't put you in another room, then they don't have to take you on the cruise. It is up to them. If they can't afford to put you up in a room and you can't afford to pay your own way, would you be willing to host them at your home before or after their cruise? Are your in-laws willing to host you before or after their cruise?

Good luck,
Lynne E

HI M.,
I know this is a really tough position to be in. On one hand it's so great to be treated to a 4 day cruise but on the other it's really difficult to suffer through a four day cruise with a non-sleeping baby and snoring parents. Sometimes even though things are free the experience isn't worth it. You can try to explain that at this age traveling with a baby is really hard and although you would LOVE to spend time as a family this just isn't the right time. And who knows, maybe they will offer to pay for a second cabin. It is always OK to do what is right for your immediate family. Good Luck and let us know how it went.