Sassy 4Yr Old - What to Do??

It's so hard with this age! I have a sassy little lady that I watch and 3 other 4 year olds. The best thing to do with her is to praise her when she's doing good and time-outs for when she's being bad. Just need to be consistent!

I think it's obvious, first, that these are your children and that you are saying your 4 year old acts like she is a mother to your 2 year old (bossy, etc.) I don't think your question is confusing.

You need to discipline her. Whatever works for you, because not everything works for everyone. Timeouts, grounding, taking away toys or privileges...

...and a lot of it might be jealousy, so make sure you acknowledge good behavior. I know it can work wonders with some children to make a huge sticker chart (on posterboard) and make columns like "nice to my sister all day", "sharing my toys", etc, and buy a bunch of fun stickers and put them in a box (she can help you decorate it.) When she has an entire day of good behavior, etc, she gets to pick a sticker and place it on. If she gets a whole week, for example, there could be some reward like a trip to the library or park, a trip to the donut shop, etc...and no, I don't think it's wrong to occasionally reward children with sweets.

Just my opinion, but biting, slapping and pinching a 2 year old sibling is beyond sassy.
Is your 2 year old the one with the sleep apnea issue or is that a third child?
Either way, you need to let your daughter know that her behavior is completely unacceptable.
Make sure she gets positive reinforcement and swift, consistant discipline when she's naughty.

Whether or not she has friends is secondary. Treating her younger sibling that way in your own home is just off limits and she needs to know that.

I strongly recommend the Love and Logic program. It focuses on giving kids choices and enforcable consequences.

You said she talks back...that in itself is a behavior that needs to be nip at the butt right away. If she thinks she's THE BOSS at this age, she's going to think she's the boss when she's a pre-teen and later. You're in for a BIG problem in your hands if you don't do something NOW. like other responses, consistent discipline is needed. Reward for positive behaviors, punishment for bad behaviors. You need BOTH, do not just focus on either reward or punishment.

Get the book 123 magic . it works!

Most 4 year olds start being a bit sassy because they are growing up. I always tell my son and daughter in law that God makes 4/5 year olds sassy to get you ready for them to go to school and teenagers so rebellous so it will be easier for them to go to college. The thing about mouthy children, they do what they know or hope to get away with. I watched my daughter in law sit on a chair and tell her daughter over and over not to do something and then wonders why she doesn't listen. If they get away with something once in a while then it is a gamble for them to get away with it next time. Just as we sit at slot machines and put in quarter after quarter, each time losing our money but the hope that "this one" is the winner, they are doing so with behavior. If she talks back and argues, put a end to it with "I am NOT asking, I am telling you this is what you need to do" With talking back, let her know each time that we don't talk to mom like that and ignore her until she can talk nice. With my 4 year old granddaughters I have acted liked I could turn off my ears and said "I can't hear sassy talk, I can only hear nice talk" They will try to talk with me not being nice and I will ignore them or say "what? I don't hear you, it must not be nice talk" They learned really fast not to sass me because they didn't like my not listening to them. With physical attacks like the slapping and biting, make her help comfort her sister and cleaning or icying the wound even if it doesn't really need cleaned or iced. This teaches compassion. Also put her in time out to show that we don't hurt people. She won't act like this with friends, she will be afraid of how they will react. She already knows what happens at home with her sister and knows she can handle that but to do it to others who may hit or bite back, she will avoid.

Above all else remember that this too shall pass... may be when she is 25 and a mother herself, but she won't always be like that...

I don't know if I have the answer, but I can say for sure that I have a similar four year old, who is very head strong. What has worked for me is using time outs when my four year old wont listen, removing privileges, such as TV or other favorite activities. I do try to keep the discipline as positive as I can, and reward her good behaviors. Best wishes,

S.

confused. You have a 4 year old who acts like your 2 year old's mother....?

Does that mean she is yours or are you their teacher/daycare provider?