Rude Neighbor - When to Stand up for Yourself and When to Let It Go

Unfortunately, with people like him - the bigger the reaction that you give him, the more satisfaction he takes from it. If I were you, I would just laugh it off whatever it is he says, and just don't let him get to you.

I would also change the locks on my doors.....NO ONE has a key to my house!!

Husband needs to step up and tell him he has crossed the line and
husband does not see the fun in it. I would not let neighbor know how
you "feel" about his comments because it opens up for more of that
when he feels compelled to annoy you. Instead of responding to him
by name calling (jerk), I would only respond to him with one word:
"RUDE!!!"
Forget about the key. Change the locks.

The problem here is not about how you look... BUT that this neighbor has KEYS to your home... and treats your home, like it is his.

So- TAKE AWAY HIS KEYS TO YOUR HOME.
And don't be shy about it.
It is YOUR property and home.

And if he harasses you/Hubby, call the Cops.

Document everything.

They are not friends.
That neighbor... is NOT the kind of guy, to give your house keys to.

AND, your Husband has to back you up. AND tell the guy.

This neighbor, will not, stop.
He has your keys, too.
So, cut off access to your home.

Frankly, I would have TOLD HIM OFF RIGHT THERE... in no uncertain words, and taken the key back too.
AND if he had the nerve, to make copies of your house key too... without you knowing..... then call the Cops when he trespasses.

Step up to him.
So what if it pisses him off.
He's a jerk.
Don't let jerks take command of your home and of your self.

CHANGE THE LOCKS on your home.

I would have TOLD that guy off, royally.
And had no problem doing so.

WHY are you letting this guy, control you?
He KNOWS, he can control you.

CHANGE YOUR LOCKS, today. AND take back his key, TODAY.

NO you're not being overly dramatic.

A man is making hurtful comments to you, sexual comments to you, and your husband says nothing. Just lets the man verbally grope you. And he KNOWS these comments hurt you, and aren't just in good fun, because he says "Why do you always have to piss her off?". Ditto neighbor knows these things hurt you/ make you angry and aren't just in good fun, because he just LAUGHS about it. This man is making a joke of you... and your husband isn't stepping up and saying "That's my WIFE."

This same man has full access to your home, and comes and goes at his leisure.

I'd say it's time to take the spare key back. At a BARE minimum.

I'd go further myself.

Ugh, he is a complete bore.
He has no social graces and obviously thinks he is hi-larious..
I agree, I think you turn him on a L...

What does his wife do when he speaks to you in this manner?

Your husband needs to understand you are starting to not only be upset by these comments but also a L. creeped out..

He needs to step up and no more joking about it, but say, "Hey man, you know what? I want you to stop, it really is just not funny to any of us."

Also No one should smile or laugh when he makes these comments, so the "bore" can hear the silence except for the crickets.. Remember these warning signs are there for a reason..

My stepfather is kind of like this. In the beginning he never looked at my face, he always spoke to my chest. I would bend my knees to get his attention and then stand straight as he also looked up, so I could let him now I was disgusted..

I finally mentioned it to my mom. She said I was imagining it, but I told her the next time I was there to watch.. Sure enough she saw it.. He has never done that again.

Maybe you could mention this to his wife also.. Kind of ask her, "what is up with him?".. He is being passive aggressive and I HATE that he goes into your home using the key! Get those locks changes ASAP...

First you are not being dramatic.

Second get the key back.

Thirdly, your husband should have defended you. That's why this guy keeps on doing it, because your husband lets him disrespect you.

Your neighbor is a bully. I wouldn't talk to him or allow him on my property until he gets an attitude adjustment & apologizes.

This guy is a tool, he doesn't need to borrow any. This idiot disrespected you in front of your husband & another neighbor, he needs to be put in his place, by your Husband.

Don't waste time or breathe asking for the key back, change the locks. Go buy all the stuff & tell your husband 'guess what you will be doing this holiday weekend'.

Sorry!

The only reason my MOM has keys to MY house is that she is our babysitter. It's insane he has keys! And not normal or common. Call a locksmith, or buy a new lock at Home Depot, and tell your husband to get on board fast. This is YOUR HOME. No one should bully or intimidate you.

He's probably hot for you.

But I wouldn't give him my keys.

Why is your husband not standing up for you? That would piss me off more than the rude neighbor, honestly. If someone treated me like that & talked to me that way, DH would be telling him to shut his mouth, leave our property, and ask for our house key back.

It sounds like maybe your DH failed to create boundaries with this guy before you moved in. He has your house key & has gotten a bit too comfy. Whatever the reason is, your DH needs to man up, in a big way.

First, I'm sorry you have a neighbor like that. Second, ya'll need to take the key away from him. If he doesn't know his boundaries then he doesn't deserve to have them. Especially if either of you (you or your husband) isn't comfortable with him. Third, your husband should have stood up for you himself more. That neighbor was being disrespectful. Maybe he thought he was being funny but if you don't find it funny too then he needs to stop. He needs to be called out on it. It can be done in a nice way. I would definitely talk to your husband about how he makes you feel and that you feel uncomfortable with him having a key to ya'lls house. Try not to let his comments to you affect your self worth. He isn't worth it. You are beautiful the way you are. If your husband is happy with you, don't let what others say affect you. I know easier said than done but do try. Good luck!

He's an idiot.
Never care what an idiot thinks.
Change the locks and install door chains.
Your husband should be sticking up for you.
If this neighbor can't be civil to you, I can't see why your husband lends him tools or even talks with him.
This neighbor's behavior is infantile.
Do you think he does it because he's secretly attracted to you and will accept any attention even if it's negative?
Never underestimate a guys ability to act like he belongs in elementary school because some of them never really mature past that point.

Changing your locks is a great idea... and telling your husband he needs to stand up for you, since it is HIS original neighbor doing this. Besides, this man is not the type to listen to a woman anyways - I can tell this about him by how your describe his personality. Tell your husband to step up, be a man and stand up for his wife... and to change the locks and NOT give them to your nasty neighbor.

Nope you aren't being dramatic. He's an immature bully. Next time stick up for yourself. If he walks into your house without knocking tell him to leave. Now. When he makes a rude comment turn around and look him square in the eye and tell him 'that was a rude comment.' Don't put your husband in the middle of it. Your comment to your hubby that you were over this guy made it easy for the neighbor to continue to act like a jerk. You should have addressed him directly. Stick up for yourself every time and be direct with this borish neighbor. He's just looking for a reaction and you are giving it to him every time.

first of all I would change my locks. This is not the type of person I would ever trust with the safety of my family. I would also be discreet about changing the locks. Dont mention it to him..I am sure eventually he will bring it up to him. I would just tell him a L. white lie.( Like the locks were broken)
He sounds like a jerk. I have a diffucult time sticking up for myself but I started sticking up for myself the last 1 1/2 yr.Good luck.

Oh, lordy! don't put up with unannounced entry to your home period!

Please get your husband "on the same page". It seems as though your husband doesn't know!

This <bleep> man should not have access to that key! He has a VERY poor opinion of women, IMO. A neighbor with a key is one who is supposed to do stuff for you like feed the cat while you're on vacation.

Get that key out of his reach, period. Maybe have his wife hold it but I don't know if she can refuse him if he asks for it (that is, threatens her).

You need to explain to your husband that, though he doesn't have a problem, your problem with this man (neighbor) is now his (hubby) problem too! Tell your hubby it is _not_ acceptable to have ANYONE enter the house unannounced. Huh! Even the police have to announce themselves! A polite person would knock then knock louder before even entering someone else's house and even then shout out "anyone home?"

Stand up for yourself with assertiveness! I believe you are strong enough to do that! Good luck!

Your husband should punch that f**ker in the mouth.

Wow! This guy sounds like a complete jackA$$. You really need to come back with some witty comments to get him to shut up.

He is feeding on your silence.

Seriously think about it. Men with really small..ummmm...parts...tend to act all BIG and macho...

I wish I could give you some comebacks but I don't think that kind of language would be accepted on this site! LOL!!

You could say "You know, you've either got REALLY big balls or you are just a complete jacka$$" look down at his package and then say "Definitely the latter" and then give him an evil smile and wave your pinky at him.

I ditto what S H said below.

I'd limit contact, take the key back, tell him to stay out of my house and plainly tell him I think he's a jerk and then start ignoring him. I wouldn't get all dramatic. Just look at him like he's 5 years old bc that's how he's acting. But in terms of this one comment, I can see your husband not saying too much bc he didn't actually comment on your body. To me it sounds like he was more making fun of spandex. Likely that's how your husband took it too - a comment on your clothing, not figure...

My daughter is dealing with the same thing, only she is 5 and the boy has a crush on her... personally I see it as sexual in nature. You mention he seeks you out and talks to you and comments on your clothing and the way you look. Did he always come over like this before you 2 got married? If not then I definitely think he has a crush on you. the other option is that he sees you as someone he needs to scare away from your husband because he is jealous of you being with hubby, but that doesn't make sense... he would be all huggy with hubby, looking to give him man hugs or something like that if that were the case... must have a crush. I would bring it up with your husband about getting the key back and perhaps changing the locks.

Forget about getting the key back. Get your locks changed and then get one of those key locks for the garage for the spare key. When he tries the next time, it's going to anger him but he'll get over it. Also stop lending him tools.

I agree that the problem is with your husband but you are taking it out on a loser. People that don't mean that much to you shouldn't get a rise out of you. You needed your husband to stand up for you. Without being confrontational, just tell your husband with a sweet voice that the next time the neighbor "crosses the line," that you need him to tell him to leave and if he chooses to disrespect you one more time, you will ask for the key back and not loan him any more tools. The neighbor is a jerk, but your husband is a bit weak. You just need to remind him that he is your knight in shining armor.

What kind of "emergency" would justify your neighbor having a key to your house? I'm 44 and no one except my mom has ever had our house key. So I would change the locks and not give him a key. And I would talk to hubby, tell him you are going to limit your time around him...hopefully to ZERO and that you need his support. Ask hubby to not invite him over and if he shows up to hang out or chat or something, ask hubby to move it to his house, not yours. You simply do not need this extra stress. And don't worry about your body...you just got married so hubby clearly doesn't have a problem with it! I'm 44, 5'10 and weigh 270 and I'm a newlywed and hubby loves every inch of me and I never have to question it. Good luck, I hope you find a solution. :o)

Get your locks changed, now.
What kind of emergency could he possibly be having a key for???
You say you've come to terms with your figure but it sounds like you're pretty self critical, insecure and still trying to convince yourself that you are ok the way you are. That's probably why it stings so much :(
I hope you can GET STRONG (get angry!) so that the next time he makes some insulting, disrespectful remark you can say, "excuse me, but you may NOT speak to me that way, and if you ever do it again my husband's going to have something to say about it."

Stay away from him. He is not somebody that can be trusted. I would
also get the key back! No one walks into my house without permission.
If you do not want to ask for the key just change the locks. Good luck.

your DH needs to man up and stick up for you. Tell him this tonight. Tell him he is a huge pussy if he doesn't...what kind of man lets his woman be treated like this time and again??
I would also figure out what it is that this guy is most sensitive about-everyone has something. Is he balding? too skinny? unemployed? go as low as you need to to shut him up. Next time he says something out of line like this you will be ready.

well I think he sounds like a jerk but my main question is - HE HAS A KEY TO YOUR HOUSE????!!!! Why don't you invest in one of those keypad things that go for your garage door and take that key away from him !! Then try your best to not go outside when he is around. Don't let this man knock your self esteem, I'd bet you are just as beautiful as you think you are!! Good luck to you.

I see two issues here...first of all I would get the key back and only give it to them when you are going to be out of town...or if you really feel like they need to have a key...put a chain on the door and keep it locked when you are in the house so even if he unlocks the door he still can't gain entry.
As far as the spandex remark...I understand exactly how you feel...and I know exactly what I would have said to him BUT I wouldnt have thought of it at the time....I would have thought of it 20 minutes later and then been really ticked that it was too late.
The next time he makes a comment like that I would just smile sweetly and say "Luckily my hubby LOVES me in spandex!"...or whatever he is making a comment about. He is probably trying to be "funny" and just doesn't get that he isn't very amusing. Your best move is to ignore him as much as possible because he is your neighbor and neither of you are going anywhere.

Talk to your husband. Ask him why HE hasn't told this neighbor to stop. If someone talked to me like that, my husband would be very pissed and let the person know. He should tell this guy "this is my wife and you will NOT talk like that to her EVER again". Next, get the key back ASAP. I am not one to give keys out to my neighbors. If you husband doesn't stand up for you the next time this creep says anything, I would look at the creep and tell him exactly what you think and then I would tell my husband what a jerk he was and walk away.

You're in denial about your husband. You said this guy is always rude to you and takes liberties with the emergency key.Things should not have even gotten as far as the spandex comment. Your man should have set the boundaries and put this guy in his place long before that.
Then your husband tells you to go take up for yourself? Tsk, tsk, tsk. That guys doesn't respect you so he's not going to listen to you. He doesn't respect your husband either, but having a man say something to that jerk will shake him up and make him take this seriously. Otherwise, you're going to avoid this guy by doing what? Not going out into your own yard if he's out there? That's not at all how things should work.

It's not worth the argument with people like that. They aren't going to change regardless of who talks to them about it. At least your husband didn't get into a fighting match with the guy( my husband would have not handled it well). He seemed to handle the situation appropriately. He's a neighbor. Your going to have to have him around, but not in your home or your life. As for you feeling bad about the comment he made-don't let some idiot get to you. Embrace your height and your curves girl.

He's your neighbor - take what he says as a compliment (even though he may not mean it that way) and he'll either stop making rude comments or you'll just be getting lots of COMPLIMENTS!!! I have family who do this. They don't know how to just talk normal to people and are so insecure about themselves that they have to try and knock others down. I'm not like that and it used to bug me (so much so I moved 1500 miles away from them). But I've gotten used to it as I've grown older and more secure in myself. Now I just make comments back at them!! What are his "flaws"? Don't get nasty, just have some come backs ready. And say to him in front of others that if he enters your home unannounced again, you'll have to take the key away from him and give it to someone else who can understand and respect your wishes (you could say it a tone that you would for a two year old). Does he have a beer belly? Balding? there are always quips that aren't nasty, but hit home - just like calling you spandex. HE'S LOOKING - says he likes what he sees!!! Like I said, take it as a compliment. Don't let him get under your skin.

It sounds like this guy is a buddy of your husband's and is jealous of you. You need to get your husband (not you) to get that key back and set some boundaries. Your husband sounds like a nice easy going guy who lets people take a bit of advantage of him. He needs to stand up to this guy for you since it was a relationship he set up. Find someone else to give that emergency key to, or just give it to someone temporarily when you're out of town. Don't let this guy see that he gets under your skin. Jerks are just jerks sometimes.
Good luck.

i would tell him IN FRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND ," that it is best that you not speak to me, i don't like the comments that you make to me and i really don't have anything else to say to you", and tell him to hand over that key! better yet just change your locks. and also tell him that he is to ask before he comes and borrows something and that he is not to walk in your home without being invited in by an adult. you are not related to this man, you owe him nothing and no explanations for how you feel about the crazy things that he does. good luck.

You tell that jerk to SU and if he doesn't have anything nice to say----STHU! Don't worry about his comments....he is jealous that his wife doesn't look like you--hes giving you a hard time because he can. Stop him so he won't continue. If you can't do this, ask your hubby to come with you and approach him--tell him his comments are inappropriate and you need it to stop. Best wishes and tell your hubby to support you on this! Take the key back and tell him he has lost his borrowing priviliges. He is the last person that needs to have the upper hand and a key to your house! Take your key and your power back! You can do it!!!!!

Molly

Hey, don't trash yourself. There is nothing wrong with having curves! It's a beautiful thing. I think it's time to change the locks and tell that a-hole neighbor to stay away from you and the house. Also talk to you're husband more about it. I don't think you are pmsing or being dramatic. That is just plain disrespectful and you (nor anyone else.) should have to put up with that kind of treatment!

Okay, yes you should be totally angry, I would be...he is rude, crude and crossed the line...However...to me that comment sounds like he was admiring your body, not slamming you for it. Clearly this guy has issues and to me it sounded a bit like oogling, which is rude, especially in front of your husband. I could be off, but I don't know.

As far as what to do, I'd let it go but when he makes another comment you don't like, address it. Say very plainly that his comment offends you/irritates you/angers you/whatever and ask him to leave or tell him you're leaving. Be honest about it and don't feel bad about telling him that you will not allow someone to speak to you in that fashion. If he doesn't have boundaries, you must. Don't feel bad about yourself, you sound FAB! It sucks that these types are all around, but don't let it stress you.

Get your key back from them for starters and YOU guys have to learn to set the boundaries.

I know I'm late, I think you are doing the right thing, and I was going to suggest changing the locks. I can't believe the nerve if this guy walking in your house whenever he wants. That is definitely unacceptable!! Glad that your hubby sticks up for you, I agree you should not have to put up with that type of behavior. It sucks having horrible neighbors, so sorry you are in that situation! Hang in there!! Maybe sticking up to him and giving him a taste of his own medicine will shut him up. After all bullies are mostly all talk anyway!

It sounds to me as if your neighbor feels like you took the man cave away by marrying his buddy. Now he wants to keep you "in place" by playing juvenile power games and showing you he's still top dog. This sounds like a good old-fashioned jealousy tantrum. Not much you can do but hope he grows up and gets over the sour grapes. Avoiding him is understandable as long as you don't sacrifice your lifestyle. If the opportunity presents itself to assert yourself and gracefully put him in his place, do it. This man is a bully and won't stop until you make it clear to him you aren't an easy target. It wouldn't hurt if your husband " took his balls and went home" when this guy was out of line so that he gets a clear picture of the consequences of his actions. But it sounds like that won't be a problem for your husband and will help you feel love and adoration from the only man who really counts!

First of all, I would get my key back from this family. I don't think I would want the husband having that much access to my house. After that, I would just ignore his comments. People that pick-on or make comments similar to others have insecurities. You have done nothing wrong and it is not worth the energy to trade insults with this person.

Wow, what a jerk. Neither of you should have ANYTHING more to do with the guy. It's unfortunate, but more than likely your friendship with the wife will fizzle. Your husband should have done more but at least he did say something. Some people feel uncomfortable making waves, but you need to be sure that he knows how that made you feel. He should be in your corner bar all and let him know you expect as much from this point forward.

And I have curves too. Now you go and love who you are.

Updated

Wow, what a jerk. Neither of you should have ANYTHING more to do with the guy. It's unfortunate, but more than likely your friendship with the wife will fizzle. Your husband should have done more but at least he did say something. Some people feel uncomfortable making waves, but you need to be sure that he knows how that made you feel. He should be in your corner bar all and let him know you expect as much from this point forward.

And I have curves too. Now you go and love who you are.