Question for Catholics

Short answer? No.

You're either Catholic or you're not.
You can't be a "liberal" or "cherry picking" Catholic.

Wondering why on earth you don't just find a religion that allows you to blossom instead of remodeling O. that doesn't! Lol

(I was raised Catholic. IMO, too law oriented, not grace oriented.)

Julie hit it spot on!

Get educated about the Catholicism. Go to the Priest and ask questions.

Please understand the difference between reconciliation and confirmation.

http://www.loyolapress.com/reconciliation-catholic-facts.htm

http://www.beginningcatholic.com/sacrament-of-reconciliat...

http://www.thelightisonforyou.org/confession/faq/

no advice, just want to say how much i love people who actually THINK about their religions' rituals and requirements, and don't just go through the motions either through mindless obedience or (worse) because they don't care.
khairete
S.

I am wondering if your husband fibbed a bit about what sacraments your son received. You cannot make your first communion until you have had the sacrament of reconciliation. The thoughts behind it are not guilt shame but asking forgiveness before you receive the body of Christ. Every mass contains a request for forgiveness. The Catholic faith is very structured and this is not something a parish can say we are changing the order on. Baptized, confession, communion and confirmation. Always in that order. You need to focus on the reasons for each. Confirmation is when the faith truly considers you capable of sinning. You are an adult in the eyes of god. So confession is less about guilt and more saying I want to be the best person I can be. I personally see nothing wrong with that.

Perhaps if this concerns you so much you should take a more active role in what he is being taught.

Oh, if your husband and son did neglect to mention he already received his first reconciliation please do not shame them for that. I can't imagine how embarrassing it would have been to say I can't do this because mommy says I don't sin. Especially since most of them think leaving their crayons out is a perfectly good subject for their first confession. I was a wild child and the best I could come up with is I forget to turn in my homework. It is a wonder the priest can keep from laughing.

I would suggest taking the first half of an RCIA class. It is the educational part of the class that includes discussions on many of the misconception about what it means to be Catholic (Reconciliation is right up there at the top of the list).

Believe me, though, when I say an 8 yr old knows when they have done something wrong. Reconciliation is not about a laundry list of all the bad stuff you've done in your life. It is about recognizing our actions that interfere with our relationship with God, and reconciling them so that we can have a healthy relationship with him.

Or to put it another way, has you child ever done something they know was wrong or that would disappoint you? It tears them up inside. They try to hide it, or become teary, or throw a tantrum, they are hurting. To you, it is usually not a big deal (a broken cup, or spilled milk) but to them it is huge. You hug them, tell them you still love them, that it will be okay, maybe even to try to be more careful next time. They nod and smile and wipe away the tears because they have repaired their relationship with you. You didn't keep score, you didn't stop loving him because of the indiscretion. But until he acknowledged it, he couldn't heal.

That is what reconciliation is about.

EDIT: Look I know you don't want a debate, but you are perpetuating a very offensive misconception about Catholicism. Instead of ranting and trolling you, we are just very gently asking you to understand what it is you are talking about before passing judgment. Every time I hear someone trashing reconciliation or "don't you worship Mary?" I cringe and try to explain it, but people don't listen. It is easier for them just to hold on to the discriminatory views then learn the truth about our beliefs.

I know you didn't ask to debate your viewpoint, and I recognize that some people do not believe children can sin and have a different definition of sin. But, clarify for me here...you think your 8 year old has nothing to ask forgiveness for either? Wow. Nothing? Ever? Not breaking something? Not pushing another kid? Not failing to share? Not talking out of turn at school? Not disobeying when you said go clean your room? Nothing?
ETA:
Not even kicking your niece and putting her on crutches for a week?

You need to ask the church. Some are more strict than others.
Though I must say if you "agreed" to raise your son as a Catholic you can't very well pick and choose which parts you will or will not follow, that's going to be very confusing to your son.

The short answer is, yes. You can pull him from RE and enroll him again when it's time for Confirmation. Most likely the priest or DRE will talk to you about what needs to happen in order to get him caught up. I think it would be very irresponsible of you to do that. There is so much he can learn about Catholicism and about his faith in those years, but that's up to you and your husband. The priest might not even ask you about the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It's not a sacrament that usually goes in the record book.
But ...

According to Church Law, he was supposed to receive the Sacrament or Reconciliation before going to communion for the first time. I realize some priests don't do that, though they usually do a "simple" reconciliation just so they can say they did, and then explain the sacrament in more detail when the kids are a little older. Maybe that's what your church does.

Have you ever considered going to RCIA? While the RCIA is the program/process for adults to become Catholic, it is more accurately a process for adults to decide whether or not they want to become Catholic. There is no commitment. It is simply a way for you to learn more about Catholicism.

The Sacrament or Reconciliation is a sacrament of HEALING. It is about turning to God during those times in our lives when we've really screwed up and need some help getting things back on track. It is a time to stop and think about our relationships and how we can heal them. It is a time to look out our behaviors and habits and think about patterns and little changes we can make in our lives to make our relationships better. It is a time to reconcile with God and with the people in our lives.

Love the way Sarah and Robert E explained it. Fabulous!!!

It makes me so sad to hear you say, "I think the whole idea is actually destructive and is the basis for the stereotypical "Catholic guilt/shame"." Your comment is based on ignorance. You say, "I don't want to debate my viewpoint on this forum. (I can do that at home with my husband!)," but that's not really fair to your husband. It sounds like you're not interested is asking him questions about Catholicism in the hopes of understanding it better, whether you agree or not. It sounds like you just want to prove to him that his religion is wrong.

If you truly support your husband's choice to be Catholic and truly want to raise your son Catholic, then learn more about Catholicism.

He will have to receive the sacrament of Reconciliation before being confirmed, but you can opt out of it now and arrange for him to do it later.

That said...I suggest that you get your hands on the curriculum or take some RCIA classes yourself so that you can argue from a place of current knowledge and not outdated stereotypes. If you're going to raise your son in a religion and not defer to the parent who is of the religion, you need to know more about it and there are classes and resources that can do that. I don't intend to be antagonistic but I'm Catholic and my husband in Jewish and I would expect that if he were going to argue my religion with me, that he would be doing so from a place of knowledge. Just like if I had agreed to raise the children Jewish and was worried about something that was part of their religious education, I'd make sure that I was totally informed before expressing my concerns.

First, good for you for asking. And now you have lots more information, indeed.

As each parish celebrates and teaches about sacraments a bit differently, I encourage you and your husband to fully understand what your parish teaches and practices.

As a happy and practicing Catholic, I do hope you are open to understanding that the sacrament of Reconciliation is an opportunity to talk one on one with a priest, to share whatever bothers you about what you have done and what you could have done better, to ask God for his always present forgiveness, and to develop a plan to do better. I think it is more than fair that some folks have a dim view of this sacrament if their knowledge of it is based on decades old practices. I am so filled with joy that the Church has been reinforcing for the past few decades the beauty of this opportunity to nurture our precious children and adults. All my best.

Julie hit is spot on. Not debating your viewpoint. But if you choose the catholic church then you have to follow the steps. Not sure what church is doing it out of order. but it is baptism, first reconciliation, first communion, confirmation.

confession is not a list of big awful things that "you" think need confessing. at 8 they are things like I lied about finishing my homework, I kicked my brother, I hid a shirt I didn't want mom to see so dirty etc. And yes those are things that bother a kid.

Not sure about skipping it and doing it later but not sure why you are so adamant about it. I would do like was suggested and go to the rcia class or 2.

Since you were not raised Catholic, but have decided to raise your child(ren) Catholic, you really need to get informed/educated about it. How can you expect your child to practice the religion and know what's going on if you don't?

I don't know if there are adult catechism classes, I would ask the priest of the church I attend for that information.

If your husband is a liberal Catholic? He may play loosey-goosey with the rules and traditions.

It is definitely possible to receive the sacrament of reconciliation when your son is older. And it is possible for a child to receive first communion prior to first reconciliation. It is not the preferred order at this time, but many parishes do it this way. As I child I received 1st communion in 2nd grade and 1st reconciliation in 4th.

You might want to talk to the priest and find out how the sacrament is taught. In my daughter's class the concept of sin was discussed, but more in the framework of making good decisions and strengthening your relationship with God. I didn't find it to be negative at all. I was raised Catholic and learned a lot about the sacrament along with my daughter.

The best thing to do is to call your parish priest, as regardless of what we tell you here, you still need to convince HIM that your son should have Confirmation before Reconciliation. But Confirmation doesn't happen until about 13/14 years old, so that is a LONG time to wait before First Reconciliation. Believe me, I was sinning a LONG time before that age.

Reconciliation is a beautiful Sacrament and brings with it Sanctifying Grace, which helps us to live our Christian mission.

Yes, I am confused because before I had first communion I had to have my first confession. You are not supposed to have communion until you go to confession.

I have talked to moms who have been very happy with the way it is handled. Funny, a few moms who are not Catholic, yet the husbands are. Plenty of 7 years old are able to understand when they have done something wrong. One mom said she realized is was an good thing to be able to get something 'off your chest' and letting go instead of holding onto the guilt. She used to think confession was the 'crazy' Catholic guilt thing. Read up and choose how you want it explained to your son. I really like how Sarah and Robert E. explained it.

Most societies recognize that this age is a good time to raise exception. Not talking religion, it is believed around age 7 kids develop perspective, which is a difficult concept when they are younger. Catholics and other religions are pretty good about understanding expectations at certain ages. I thought it was really cool how it matched up.

Your son had First Communion, but not First Reconciliation? At our church, and every church I know of, you do reconciliation first, because you can't receive communion without having done it. My daughter just did both, they were the same class.

My first thought answer is no. However, he has likely already gone to confession before he made his First Holy Communion.

You should be able to call your church and explain exactly what you explained in writing, you were not raised Catholic and you would like to wait to allow him to make this decission when he is older.

You are not the first couple who have two different beliefs and not the first household who would like to do things different.

Ask them.

Well, if you read up on the concept of original sin - then we're all sinners from birth (possibly from conception).
I never really agreed with 'Adam and Eve sinned and therefore all people must bear the burden of their sin' - but it does all buy in to that guilt/shame thing you mention.
I don't think I (or anyone else) is guilty just for existing.
You agreed to raise the kids Catholic.
You might want to learn more about it beyond what your husband tells you about it.
I haven't practiced for a long time and there are many ex Catholics who left because they didn't agree with one thing or another.
Raising a child in one religion is no guarantee they'll keep it for life.
Some do, but others go find something else.

I was raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday, Sunday school, etc. Had first communion at regular time. Even got confirmed in high school. I never went to confession. It can happen. I don't think my mom was very keen on the confessional.

Hmmmm. Catholicism where it's acceptable to do something wrong or immoral as long as you go through the motions and get God's always present forgiveness? I would have let him decide if this is what he wants when he's older and teach him morals, kindness, volunteerism and love as a parent.

I saw a quote on fb the other day (so who knows, but it stuck with me) from a priest or pastor, saying that in all the 25 some-odd years he has been in the ministry, he's never yet met two people with the exact same faith. I thought that was refreshingly honest. Keep that in mind and go to your priest without guilt or fear. No two people have the exact same ideas about God, even though The Church (and not just Catholic) would like to pretend they are the end-all, be-all definitive answer. Be honest. You don't feel your daughter is ready/it is appropriate for her at this time. You don't feel comfortable with it. I see no problem with that.

I didn't read other responses, but your son has already received the sacrament of Reconciliation. There are 7 sacraments in the Catholic Church. First Reconciliation is received prior to First Communion. In our Church, they received First Reconciliation in January of 2nd grade and First Holy Communion in April of 2nd grade. Aside from First Reconciliation, my kids have never been forced by anyone to go to confession.

My husband was brought up Catholic and I was not. We got married around the time when the priest molestation scandal was still a hot topic. I also looked at the roles of women in the Catholic church. Needless to say, I was not on board with that. I did not get married in a Catholic ceremony and I did not agree to raise my children in the Catholic church.

I completely understand why you might have issues with some of the things in the Catholic religion. However, why would you agree to raise your children Catholic if you had those reservations? Did you fully understand what you were agreeing to?

IMO, it is perfectly reasonable to step back and learn more and re-think the decision of whether your children should be raised Catholic. I have always thought it was silly to cherry-pick. If you really don't agree with some of the requirements, then perhaps this is something that you should not be doing...

Confirmation now occurs when a kid is in high school and the planning/preparation phase is about 2 years. Parents are required to participate. It is a serious commitment. After the preparation, the child can and sometimes does decide to not go through with it. (When I was growing up it happened in junior high and required much less commitment.)
As other have said, confession happens before first communion.

Both my children have had first communion. Our family has since left the church because my oldest son is gay and he has not been treated very kindly by the very folks that are most involved in youth development. Then the bishop of San Francisco would open his mouth and start spouting really offensive stuff about gay people (and women and the homeless) and well...let's just say we are much happier as a family spending our Sunday mornings with each other in nature reflecting on the infinite mysteries of the natural world.

Find a good priest to talk to. If you are struggling now with an 8 year old's version of Catholicism, it will not get easier for you, of this I am sure. I have just lived that.

You may want to see how it is done at your local church. When my kids went to school for communion they incorporated reconciliation in the program. You couldn't do one without the other. Talk to your church first.