To Baptize or Not

I would talk to your husband about it, and not, as someone else said, just do it whether he likes it or not. That can only cause problems. Try to talk to him about keeping your FIL out of his decisionmaking. If your FIL gets his way this time, just think about what else he is going to stick his nose in over the next 18 years, you know? And tell him how much it means to you. I mean, if she gets baptized and he doesn't believe in it, then it isn't really hurting anything, you know? It's "just water", right? But for you, believing that this is an important sacrament and being denied this for your child, it is a BIG deal. Ask him to do it because it is important to you if for no other reason.

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Baptism is what Jesus told his disciples to do. It allows the holy spirit to come to her. This is not about your father-in-law. He is working like the devil. This is about you and your children and doing the right thing. What does your heart tell you? If they don't believe in what you believe then live and let live. Parents make decisions for children and you need to do the things Jesus would want you to do.

I agree with you in explaining why Dad doesn't attend church if she asks. My husband didn't attend when I was part of the ELCA Lutheran. He didn't believe and no matter how much I expressed the importance of going as a family unit he would not come with me. I changed churches to Missouri Lutheran and he comes with us. I compromised and it was the best thing. Would he attend another church if it was outside Catholic?

If he agreed to raising her Catholic then part of that is doing the things around that, like baptism. Your husband and his family make me mad. I'm sorry. I feel for you.

I'd pray about it like the previous poster and I'd also consider talking to your priest and see if you can do it even if you don't have the support of family. It's important for your childs salvation.

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I don't believe in baptizing babies at all. I think all babies are innocent and pure and hold no sins.

I believe in letting it be the child's choice when they are that age of knowing right from wrong etc. usually around 7-10 years of age.

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Dear T.,

Being a devout Catholic myself, I always feel sad when I hear of parents in "mixed marriages" struggling to find a way to raise their children in Christ without offending their non-practicing relatives.

If you are truly being called to raise your children Christian, then you should have your children baptised. If you consider yourself a devout Catholic, then you are morally obligated by the tenents of the faith to Baptise your child without delay. The Church does not require that either you or your husband be actively practicing the faith to have your child baptised, but it does require you baptise the child in the Church, and to provide for their catholic education and formation as they grow up. This should alleviate some of the concerns of your husband and father-in-law. They will not need to be involved if they don't wish.

The CAtholic faith is rich with so much tradition. If this is you and your family's heritage, it would be sad to lose this. Before resorting to conversion to another faith or practicing no faith at all to appease others, please pray and discern, and most certainly consult with a priest for guidance in this matter.

It is complicated, but with prayer, patience and the guidance of a good priest, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to pursue a Catholic baptism, with the complete blessing of your husband and his family. I think they just need a better understanding of Catholicism.

***One last note. Many people have referred to baptism as being the child's "official" acceptance of his/her faith.
Baptism is the community's welcoming of that child into the faith, and the parent's promise to raise that child in the Faith. In the Catholic faith, Confirmation at the age of 12 (when the Church deems a child mature enough to make a decision on their own) is the sacrament administered when one is to freely choose on their own to practice the faith.

I have attached a pastoral letter from the Bishop of Sante Fe diocese on this very topic. Perhaps in the interim of talking with a priest, this will help your husband better understand the faith, and why baptism is important. I hope this helps and will keep you in prayer. For further support and information, contact Sonya Goins or Kathy Laird at the Office of Marriage and Family Life at the Archdiocese of ST. Paul and Minneapolis at ###-###-####.

Pastoral Letter on Infant Baptism
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I greet you in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior, who brings us good news for our lives here on earth and calls us to eternal joy in the life to come! I write this pastoral letter to you, dear people, at the request of the pastors of the Archdiocese who are concerned about some pastoral issues related to Baptism.

In Baptism we become sons and daughters of God and members of His holy Church. Through Baptism all our sins are taken away, both original sin and personal sin. The words of Jesus are clear "Amen, Amen, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God". (John 3:5) Consequently, since Baptism is necessary for salvation, the Church baptizes not only adults but infants as well.

Infant Baptism
Not many years ago, even the most lax Catholics saw to the prompt Baptism of their children. Now, however, a number of pastors have told me that some Catholic parents see no urgency in having their children baptized. Some of these parents simply have failed to make it a priority. Others have said they want to have the child decide on his or her own whether or not to be baptized and to determine when he or she wants to receive it. In doing this they are neglecting a serious duty they have as parents. Any Catholic parent who delays Baptism for more than a few months may be in danger of serious sin. If the infant is in danger of death, it is to be baptized without any delay, if need be, even by a lay person. (Canon 867)

What good parents would give their children the option of going to school or not going to school? What parents would hesitate to teach their children their own spiritual and ethical values at the earliest age?

Just as citizenship at birth does not take away political freedom at a later age, infant baptism does not take away religious freedom when the child matures. Upon reaching maturity, every person is free to accept or reject Christ but if a person does not first know Him, how can one be free to accept or reject Him?

The baptism of children has been a constant practice of the Church from earliest times. In the Acts of the Apostles (16:15) St. Paul baptizes a devout woman named Lydia near Philippi and her household with her. Later, St. Paul baptizes the jailer with his whole family (Acts 16:33). We believe that Paul baptized the children as well as the adults. Many other scripture passages indicate the same practice.

Parents
The Baptism of infants would be meaningless if there was not a well founded hope of the Christian upbringing of the children. The parents supply the act of faith for their infants until such time as they can profess a mature Christian faith on their own. Therefore the Church insists on the parents making a solemn promise to raise their children Catholic. It is the ministry of the godparents to assist the parents in this duty. At a minimum, this means that the parents will have their children educated in the Catholic faith and receive the Sacraments of Baptism, Penance, Holy Communion, and Confirmation at the proper time.

Pastoral Concerns
I am grateful to our pastors for the ministry they exercise in preparing parents for the baptism of their children. They are responsible for implementing the pastoral norms we follow in the Archdiocese on Baptism and the other Sacraments.

While we must provide the parents with Baptismal classes, the instruction must not be unduly burdensome, should be offered frequently and provision should be made for those who honestly cannot attend the required classes without undue hardship.

All the Catholic faithful who live within the boundaries of our parishes have a right to present their children for Baptism, whether they are registered or not. (However, isn’t this an excellent opportunity to register them?)

The Church requires that the parents make a serious promise to raise the child Catholic. It does not require that the parents themselves be practicing, as ideal as that would be. Baptism and the subsequent formation of the child’s faith often helps those parents return to the practice of their faith. We should presume good will on the part of the parents that seek to have their children baptized and remember the basic principal that when in doubt, we should administer the sacrament.

We should also insist on qualified godparents who are practicing Catholics in accord with Church law and our own Archdiocesan norms.

Conclusion
It is with joy that I see thousands of children in our Archdiocese reborn each year in Baptism and see our Catholic faith, brought to this land over 400 years ago, passed on to the next generation of believers. May God bless the parents who bring their children to Christ! May God reward our hard working pastors who are spiritually shepherding our young people! May we all seek to live out our Baptism as joyful and faithful followers of Jesus!

Most Rev. Michael J. Sheehan

**************

Archbishop of Santa Fe
March 2000

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I know issues like these can be very emotionally charged, and you have already gotten a lot of advice so this will be pretty brief. The more important issue than baptism is whether or not your daughter will be raised to love and follow Jesus. Having her baptized will not make any difference in whether or not she goes to heaven, so don't make any decisions because you think you are harming her for eternity by not baptizing her.

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In our church we dedicate children to God. This is an open confussion as a parent & congregation that as a church will watch over and help parents if they want help to insure that child will get to instruction they need. There is no contract to raise them in any particuliar faith. I did this with my 3 children & it worked out just fine.
We believe baptisism should be at an age they can choose to do. I know not all faiths believe this, however my best advise is to pray on it and see what the Lord would direct you to do. Your in my prayers.

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I believe the rule of thumb for when parents absolutely cannot agree on a parenting issue is that the parent who feels most strongly about that issue "wins." It would seem in this case that you have the stronger feelings - he's just avoiding the issue. If he doesn't want to upset his dad, just don't tell him!

I don't understand why some people object so strongly to infant baptism, other than that they don't understand that it is not the same thing as, for instance, baptism in a Baptist church. (Been there, done that, both. No regrets.) A catholic baptism is for welcoming a child into the community and promising to watch over and help her. What could be the harm in that?

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Contrary to what some may believe, you do not NEED to be baptized to live eternally with God when you die. You only need to invite him into your heart and your life and live for him. That is why his son was crucified - for us.

The purpose of baptism is to publicly cleanse away your sins and transgressions. It is a more noticable symbol than saying a simple prayer to God in private is.

An innocent (as opposed to those that do things like plot to take down and stab their teachers) child is considered pure and free of those sins and transgressions - as are the mentally and severly physically handicapped.

Baptism should also be a decision that one makes, not at all lightly, and not one that is forced upon them when they have no knowledge or understanding of what they are doing.

I personally feel that no person, not even a parent, has the right to make that choice for someone.

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