Hi ladies, I am sorry to burden you with this question but I have no where else to turn and don't know what else to do. I have been undergoing cancer treatments, I am done but in the process due to missing work etc I got behind on my bills and things started slipping away from me and fast. I have tried so hard and because of being behind my credit is messed up so it's a vicious cycle as you can well imagine you can't get credit But the issue is I am strong and I am determined to beat this thing and to get things caught up. I hate being behind and not being able to even get my medications every month but I try so hard and doing it alone. My brother lived in Amarillo and called me in January saying their jobs had played out in construction and he was out of work. Could he move to Dallas and stay with me till he got on his feet. I told him that might work for all of us, I told him he would have to work here and contribute to the household fund and thought it might be a good way to help each other so he came down. He hasn't found a job, he sits in front of the computer all day and late in the night playing solitaire. He watches TV non stop and everytime I go to the grocery store he eats everything I have bought. Iam wondering if any of you have had any experience with alcoholics. He was in rehab for quite awhile and since he has been out and sober now he can't remember things, he lies when the truth would do better and he has such a horrible attitude like everything is owed to him. He's in his early 50'a so he's not a kid. Can alcohol mess a persons mind up so much that it changes them and their thought processes. Can alcohol after a period of time keep them from making rational decisions and think straight? I am at my wits end instead of helping me he has put me in the hole even more, I know that God doesn't let us pick who we have in our family, we get who he chooses for us and boy did he choose a doozie for me but I just want to be able to figure out what to do, what resources to help him or is ti beyond help. Your the only ones I know that will listen and give honest advice, good bad or indifferent. thanks
Yes. Alcohol can do that. There is nothing you can do to change him, nothing. After going to counseling for a few years about this same situation, but with my mom, I have learned to let go and have no expectations. That is the only way you can have a relationship with an alcoholic, sober or not...no expectations. Sorry its not more positive!
Could you go to Alanon? They can show/tell you there answers to ALL of your questions.
Yes--alcohol can impair the brain. It doesn't always.
He may still be drinking. He may not be.
Either way what he needs is a recovery program, a sponsor and he needs to have his problems be made to be his problems. Not yours.
Alanon will help you to understand. Good luck!
Yes, alcohol can impact a person's personality and ability to think straight. Yes, alcoholism can "look like" depression. Yes, he's probably drinking again. He's selfish and has probably been enabled his entire life... you're battling cancer and he calls you to ask if he can move in.
He needs to find his own place. No ultimatums, no promises, no negotiating... pick a "move out date" and let him know. It isn't going to be easy, but he's not contributing anything to your household and you really don't need another person to care for right now... you need to care for you and be cared for until you are 100%
Good luck.
Sounds to me like he isn't really sober. I have a lot of experience with an alcoholic and to me it sounds like he's using.
Either way, he needs to get out of your house. It's not your job to support him, he's not trying and you need little stress in your fragile state. I wouldn't be above hiding food in your room or putting a lock on the fridge until he coughs up some money either! If he's adult, he needs to start taking some responsibility!
Good luck and I'm glad your health is better!
is there a counseling service to go with your cancer txs? If so, please utilize this! I know that with my husband's heart surgery, we had multiple resources available for the whole family.
I would also contact a credit counseling service & see what can be done for your current finances. & how about state aid? Would you qualify?
As for your brother: let him read this forum, let him see how he's affecting the quality of your life. Issue an end-date for his living with you & be very clear that his behavior is harming you....both financially & emotionally. This is not harsh.....this is life & it's high time he lived his own!
My heart goes out to you.....I wish I could offer you more than just words.....Peace.
Yes, Janine is right. I had an uncle who was 54 years old by the time he managed to drink himself to death. His memory was shot to the point where he did not recognize his own son, physically he was a mess, his liver, well, I'm sure you can imagine the state that was in among many, many other things.
I would never dream of telling a person NOT to help anyone & everyone they possibly can, just make sure you are being realistic regarding the possible outcomes. If it is doing more harm than good to you & your immediate family both physically, mentally, emotionally, monetarily, then you'll need to back off as you've got your own battle right this minute that you need your strength for, right?
I'll be thinking about you, Mama, & I wish you the best.
Why should he get out and do anything for himself when he has you? You say he has the attitude that everything is owed to him, and you are proving him right. You are enabling his behavior. As long as you are willing to support him, he will let you.
You can't pick your relatives but you can choose who you will allow to live in your home. You gave him a chance and he abused it. Tell him you can no longer support him, you have your own issues and health to take care of. If he has no one else it's probably because he's already abused their generousity.
I feel you on this one. I am not suffering from cancer (Thank God) but I do have an alcoholic brother living with me. He was fired awhile back (due to drinking) but even when he was working, he didn't contribute anything to our household. I'm sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know that you are not only. Hopefully things get better.
I think you should give him a timeline for moving out. If it's a fact that you can't afford to support him, then it's a fact. There are plenty of jobs that don't require a lot of memory or critical thinking skills.
Yes, kick him out. You come first.
